Chapter 10 – Alex
Chapter Ten
ALEX
Three months later
“Dance for me,” I command.
The blonde beauty sways her hips in a seductive manner, the rosy hue of her nipples visible through the shimmery translucent cloth draped around her.
I try to lose myself to the hypnotic swish of fabric and soft jingling of jewelry as she runs her hands down her lithe form.
She comes closer, and I close my eyes. It’s not her. It will never be her.
“Look at me,” she croons, the strong fragrance of her perfume overwhelming, an unfamiliar musky scent beneath it.
Her breasts are right in front of my face when I dare to reopen my eyes. She bends over, rolling her body in a serpentine fashion, her hands gripping the armrests of my chair.
“Touch me,” she says, desire dripping from her voice.
Keeping my eyes off her face, I trace a hand along her waist and she hums in pleasure, climbing on my lap and straddling me as she continues to gyrate. She grabs my hand, slides it up to cup her breast, and lets out a moan as my thumb brushes over the dusky nipple.
This feels wrong. Everything about this is wrong, but I’m drunk and miserable, and I miss her.
I need to get her out of my mind. I need to strip her from my memories.
Why did I choose a blonde girl? Kian would give me so much shit for this.
They might have a similar build and coloring, but it’s still not her.
The dancer continues to writhe on my lap, but it’s like I’m not even here. My mind is a million miles away, and this body in front of me means nothing.
The girl stops. “Do I not please you, my lord?” Her hand goes down to my lack of erection.
She squeezes, and I wince. This does nothing for me. What’s wrong with me? If I can’t get it up for anyone else again, I’m in for a sad, lonely life.
Her lips find my throat, and she licks up the column of it. “What do you need, my lord? Just tell me, and I’ll give it to you.”
I groan, and she takes it as consent to continue licking and kissing my throat, her hand attempting to slip into my pants.
I grab it before she can go further, gently pushing her away. “It’s not you, darlin’. I’ve had too much to drink,” I lie.
She pouts, her amber eyes almost glowing in the dim lamplight. “I thought I pleased you,” she says.
Capturing her wrist, I press a kiss to the underside. “You are lovely. Please don’t doubt that. I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for company tonight.” Or any night.
She frowns again. “Fine.” She finally gets off my lap and picks up her thick winter cloak.
I suppose she still needs it with the lack of clothing, but winter is finally on its way out.
“I’ll be on my way then. You know where to find me if you change your mind.
” She throws a wink over her shoulder and saunters out of my chambers without a care in the world.
Serves me right for bringing her home from the tavern. No one could ever compare to her. Even trying to erase her from my mind is proof of my idiocy.
These past months have brought new meaning to the definition of loneliness.
The king sent Rae and Kian away for gods know how long, and I’ve been left to my own devices.
The meetings my father has made me sit through confirm I am not cut out for the life he’s planned, but I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve found myself sinking into a pit so deep, I can barely see the light.
What I wouldn’t give for a little pleasure, a little joy.
Losing myself in drink just leads to idiotic decisions like the one tonight: trying to replace Sera with a poor imitation.
My eyes scan the room, going to the pouch the dancer left behind, and I jump up to grab it. Maybe I can still catch her if I’m quick enough.
I pull my door wide open and peek out into the hall. “Hey—” I start to call out, but she’s nowhere to be seen.
Feeling nosy, I open the pouch. There’s a slender wooden pipe and a smaller pouch within.
Giving it a sniff, the faint earthy fragrance of vespira root greets me.
Oh. Interesting. It smells like the musky scent I picked up on the dancer, and I immediately close the pouch. This is none of my business.
The scent lingers in the air, and I’m reminded of the vespira den Kian and I passed one dark night on Shadow business.
He turned up his nose, muttering about how insanely addictive the shit was.
He’d been begging his father to have it banned.
The high was apparently so intense, people would lose themselves to it, spending all their coin and wasting their lives chasing it as it slowly ate away at their bodies and minds until the vespira destroyed them.
I return to my room, throw the pouch onto the chair, and back away, but the idea has hooked its claws into me.
Could it really be that bad? Surely one time wouldn’t be enough to ruin me.
Would it help me forget? Find relief that wine nor women can give?
Kian would kick my ass if he knew I was even considering it.
A fresh wave of loneliness washes over me, and I’m crushed by the weight of all the expectations, the utter hopelessness and despair of a future alone, serving a king I despise. Sera’s eyes flash before mine, and gods, it hurts. I want to forget. I need to forget.
Reaching into my pocket, I run the folded piece of paper between my fingers. Ever since Kian gave me her note, it’s become a habit. No other letters have come nor has she returned. I can’t help but go over every word between us and wonder what I could have said or done to make a difference.
Fuck it. A little recklessness won’t kill me.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab the bag and pull out the smooth wooden pipe, opening the pouch filled with the powdered resin of the vespira root.
After pouring some into the pipe, I hold it over the flickering flame of a candle until it begins to smolder and I have the recipe to forget.
The sweet smoky scent envelops me, and I breathe in. Yes. This is what I need.
I settle back into my chair, take a long drag from the pipe, and allow the smoke to fill my lungs. Immediately, my brain is fuzzier. I’m lighter. Why did I wait so damned long to try this? It’s like a gift from Celestia.
Ignoring the tiny voice that tells me I’m making a huge mistake, I take a few more pulls until my skin is buzzing and warm. This is perfect.
My door creaks open and I almost don’t even notice.
“My, Lord Grey, you naughty boy,” a female voice chides. “If you wanted my vespira, all you needed to do was ask.”
My eyes slit open, and the blonde beauty comes into view. I blink. She really does look so much like Sera . . .
No. Stop thinking about her. The woman seats herself on my lap again, draping an arm around the back of my neck.
“My turn,” she says, grabbing the pipe from my fingers and taking a long drag before blowing the smoke out of her pretty pink lips.
I lean my head back, closing my eyes once again, allowing the drug to work its magic.
Before I know what’s happening, the woman presses her lips to mine. I gasp in surprise, and she exhales a mouthful of the smoke into mine.
I nearly choke at the unexpected intrusion, but she only lets out a laugh. “Doesn’t this feel amazing?”
I nod hazily. It really is quite nice.
For a moment, I forget. For a moment, the entire realm’s problems slip away and I’m at peace. For a moment . . .
A loud clatter and a filthy curse breaks through the heavy fog of my drugged slumber, and I blink, rubbing at my eyes, trying to figure out where I am. When I am.
Light streams into my bedroom window, and I push up to one elbow to see what disturbed my deep sleep.
Blazing violet eyes greet mine. Oh shit. Wait. I must be dreaming.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” she grits out.
I can’t stop the yawn as I push myself up further in bed. “Sera.” I yawn again. “You’re back?” I blink, uncertain if I’m only imagining her.
My eyes drift to the floor, and I spy the culprit of the loud noise: a breakfast tray splattered on the floor in a ginormous mess beneath Sera vibrating with fury. Why in the realms would she be mad? She left us. She left me.
A slight moan comes from my left and—wait . . . no.
I wince as a delicate arm stretches from beneath the blankets and a soft voice whines, “Lie back down, Alex. It’s too early to be awake.”
Sera backs away from the mess, refusing to meet my gaze, and I swear. “Sera, wait.”
She shakes her head and spins on her feet, dashing toward the door.
What in the hells happened last night? I don’t even remember going to bed.
Did the dancer and I . . .? Did something happen?
My shirt is off, but I sigh in relief when I realize my pants are still on.
Surely I was too drunk and high to have screwed her.
I couldn’t even get it up for her if I recall properly.
“Lie back down, Alex.” She pats the bed next to her, head still buried underneath the bedding.
“Go back to sleep,” I say, swinging my legs out from under the blanket, my bare feet hitting the cold stone floor.
I avoid the mess on the ground and dash out to my sitting room, grabbing a tunic from the back of a chair and throwing it on, trying to ignore the agony of my pounding head and the ache in my chest.
She’s not going to get away this time. I won’t allow it. She’s only just returned. I quicken my steps and make it out to the hall. Sera is bolting away from my chambers as if being chased by a wild boar.
“Sera! Wait!” I call out, jogging after her.
She ignores me, and I pick up my pace.
“Sera,” I command. “Stop.” To my surprise her steps falter, and she halts in her tracks.
“What do you need, Lord Grey?” she asks, head bowed in submission as she slowly turns back in my direction.
“Sera, please, will you talk to me?” I beg, closing the distance between us. “When did you get back?”
She keeps her eyes trained on the ground. “If there’s nothing you need, my lord, I’m required in the kitchens. They’re low on staff today.”