Chapter 23
After spending all night reminding myself who I really am, I feel rejuvenated this morning.
It’s like the fog in my mind has finally lifted, and I can see things clearly again.
The heartless version of me is still very much alive and well, and there’s nothing Thane or Kole can do now to change that.
And as for the mark, my lust for Thane is nothing more than innate desire.
My body can betray me as long as my mind doesn’t.
“Breakfast is ready!” Kole announces from the other side of the bedroom door. When I swing it open, I find that he’s back to his smiley self. Well, that act may have worked for him yesterday, but not anymore.
I brush past him and head for the kitchen, not dumb enough to pass up one of his meals. There’s already a fat breakfast burrito sitting out for me, and I waste no time stuffing it into my mouth.
“Sooo,” Kole starts, watching me with pinched brows. “How’d you sleep?”
“Fine,” I mumble, before taking another bite.
“Well, that’s good, I guess.” He leans back against the counter, and I can see that he’s trying to work out my new attitude.
Good.
Awkward silence settles around us as he continues to watch me eat. Every time I think he’s going to say something, he just shifts uncomfortably instead.
“So, I have orders to drive you back to Headquarters today,” he finally spits out when I get up to put my plate in the sink.
“Cool.”
“Cool?” he repeats, appearing in front of me.
“Yeah?” I shrug, giving him absolutely nothing.
He takes a step back, crossing his arms.
“What’s up with you today?”
“What do you mean?” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
“You’re being short with me.”
“What do you want me to say?” I ask, taking a step around him.
“I don’t know. Anything?” He cuts me off again, his frustration with me apparent. “Something is obviously bothering you, so what is it?”
“You mean aside from being held against my will?”
“I thought you were coming to terms with that,” he argues, swiping a hand down his face like he’s just realized all the hard work he’d put in has been undone.
“After the events of last night, I think it’s safe to say I have no intentions of coming to terms with it.
The life you tried to convince me I could have here is nothing more than an illusion meant to keep me in line.
It was a mistake for me to believe that if I just played along, I could have some semblance of a life.
Thane will always seek vengeance, and I’ll always be the one left in the wake of his cruelty.
” I step around Kole again, but he catches my hand, whirling me back around.
“You almost had me,” I add, yanking my hand from his grip.
“For a moment, I thought you might actually be a decent person. But I was wrong, and I see that now.”
“You don’t mean that,” he says, feigning a look of hurt.
“Actually, I do. I see through this act of yours,” I say, waving my hand in front of his face.
“You play the nice guy well, but you can’t hide who you really are.
” I shake my head, letting out a huff of laughter.
“I can’t believe I actually fell for it too.
That I somehow let myself think a vampire could possibly care for a pitiful human girl.
But your heart is as cold as ice, and I’m done falling for the games the two of you seem to love playing. ”
“I’m not my brother!” he growls, dropping that mask he wears so well.
“You’re right,” I agree. “You’re worse, because at least Thane doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not.” I run my eyes down the man I thought could perhaps one day be my friend. “He may be the Grim Reaper, but you’re the devil in disguise.”
I turn my back on him and sprint the rest of the way to my room, slamming the door behind me. I keep my back pressed against it like that will somehow stop him from breaking in. Eventually, I realize he’s not going to, and I slump to the floor as the feeling of triumph evaporates.
This wasn’t a win for me. I don’t get to win. I only get to lose.
The tension between us grows more suffocating the longer we’re in the car.
Neither of us has said a word since he knocked on my door to tell me it was time to go.
And now that we’ve had to sit in a car together for the past two hours, the silence has become almost unbearable.
Mostly because I can practically hear the wheels turning in Kole’s head every time his eyes dart to me.
Even when I keep my attention out the window, I can feel him looking at me like he’s waiting for me to say something.
“Fuck! I can’t do this anymore!” Kole bursts, stopping the car a lot less abrasively than Thane would’ve.
I look at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but he just turns the car off and gets out.
As he paces back and forth, carving his fingers through his loose curls, the memory of Thane doing the same thing, replays in my mind.
The two of them may look different, but there’s no denying they’re brothers.
Kole finally stops pacing, and speeds over to my side of the car, nearly ripping the passenger side door off its hinges.
“Get out.”
“No!”
Kole rolls his eyes and yanks me out of the car.
Instead of just accepting defeat, I quickly attempt to dip back into the car, but I don’t get very far before Kole wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back out.
I squirm and claw at him, but his grip only tightens around me like a damn boa constrictor.
“Let go of me,” I grunt, as he drags me toward the front of the car. I’m still trying to break free when he sets me on top of the hood, pinning my arms above my head.
“Relax, and I’ll let you sit up,” he breathes into my ear.
After a few more tries to wrangle free, I finally fall still.
His hair brushes against my cheek as he pulls his head back to look at me.
When I don’t move, he releases my wrists and leans back just enough so that I can sit up.
I only manage to prop myself up onto my elbows while his muscular arms continue to box me in.
“I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen. Understand?”
I turn my head to look away from him, but he catches my chin, drawing me back.
“Fine,” I agree, tasting the bitterness of it on my tongue.
He drops his hand to the side of me, still caging me to the hood. If it was possible to burn a hole through someone just by looking at them, he’d be doing it right now.
“Look, I don’t know what happened last night to convince you that I’m some villain trying to manipulate you, but I’m not.
I meant what I said about you building a life for yourself, but there is so much more going on here than you can even begin to understand.
If I could undo the mark that bonds you to my brother, I would in an instant.
And if I could grant you your freedom, I would do that too.
But I can’t. All I can do is be there for you and help when I can, but you have to understand that the closer I get to you, the harder it is for me to sit back and watch my brother seek his retribution. ”
“Then don’t!”
“I have to!” Kole punches a fist-sized dent into the hood next to me, and my whole body goes still as he exhales a deep breath, wiping the blood from his knuckles onto his black jeans.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he admits, taking a couple steps back.
His eyes fall to the road as he laces his hands behind his head.
I should slip off of the hood while I have the chance, but I can’t seem to get my body to move.
Instead, I just stare at Kole, waiting. “He’s a hybrid, Grey. ”
His voice is so quiet that it almost sounds like it’s cracking. The anger that was there a moment ago, seems to have been replaced by something less volatile, but I still don’t move as he makes his way back over to me.
“As strong as I am, I could never take him on… and to be honest, I don’t want to.
We’re all each other has, and after everything we’ve been through, we need each other.
I don’t expect you to understand that, but I need you to know that I take no joy in watching him torment you.
The mask I wear isn’t to manipulate you.
It’s to manipulate me. I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t care about you.
That you’re just another one of Thane’s victims. But you’re not, and the truth of that is killing me. ”
I shake my head. “I don’t believe you.”
“Why? Why is it so hard to believe that?”
“Because!” I turn away from him as the emotions come barreling into me like a tornado, dragging everything from my past back up.
“Because if I allow myself to truly believe that some part of you actually cares about me, then every time you put that mask back up or look at me like I’m nothing, I’ll be wondering if you’ve changed your mind.
” Tears sting the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away.
“Because they always change their mind. And you will too. So will Sienna. You’ll both wake up one day and realize that you made a mistake.
That I’m not worth caring for. And when that day comes, I’ll only have myself to blame.
Because no matter what world I live in, the people in it only want to hurt me, and Thane is proof of that. ”
The dam breaks, and the tears I had been holding back stream down my face. I go to wipe them away, but Kole’s thumbs are already there, dragging them across my cheeks.