Chapter 42 #2
“Here.” Hundreds of butterflies flutter to life in my stomach the moment his hand covers mine. “The trick is to relax.”
He guides my fingers over the keys, playing each note effortlessly. As his music fills the air around us, I find myself needing to ask him the question that has been lingering in the back of my mind since we left the club.
“What did you mean earlier when you said you wouldn’t want me thinking Sienna is the one who holds your affection?”
His hand falls away from mine as he turns and tucks one of the rogue pieces of hair hanging around my face.
“You already know that I care for you.” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine while my heart hammers against my ribcage.
“I knew you were going to be trouble from the moment I met you, but I didn’t realize how deeply you would become ingrained in my heart.
” I look away, but Kole moves to straddle the piano bench, forcing me to look at him.
“You once called this thing between us a friendship, but when I look at you every bone in my body, every beat of my heart, every crevice of my soul knows that it’s so much more than that. And I think you know it too.”
I shoot up from the bench, shaking my head.
“It doesn’t matter. Not as long as I’m marked.” A knot forms in my stomach, replacing the butterflies. “Thane would kill you if he knew.”
Kole stands and walks over to me, cupping my face between his palms. “I know.”
It wouldn’t matter that Kole is his brother and that they made a vow to each other.
Between the possessiveness of the mark, Thane’s temper, and the complexity of their relationship, there’s no doubt in my mind that if he knew how we felt about one another, his blinding rage would take over before either of us could talk any sense into him.
The fact that Kole knows it’s true only reaffirms that we can never act on these feelings.
I wrap my hands around his wrists, feeling his pulse beneath my fingertips. “Do you believe in fate? That our lives are already predestined?”
He exhales a deep breath, running his thumb across my cheek. “If I did, then I’d have to accept that you were destined to be his, not mine. And I’m not ready to do that.”
A tear falls from the corner of my eye, and I don’t even realize it until Kole wipes it away.
He pulls me in, and I melt against him, consumed by the overwhelming comfort his touch brings.
Any stubborn part of me that was trying to deny my feelings for him dissolves.
I no longer care that he’s a vampire and I’m a human.
That we haven’t known each other for very long.
Or that giving in to these feelings undoes all of the work I’ve done to protect myself from heartache.
None of what I feel makes sense, and I don’t need it to.
I don’t need to understand how it is I got here.
How this man has somehow found a way to thaw my icy heart.
It doesn’t matter how it happened, just that it did, and there’s no going back.
This feeling inside of me seems infinite.
Like no matter how much time passes, it will only continue to burn hotter until it devours me whole.
I pull my head back to look up at him. “Why couldn’t it have been you who marked me?”
He traces Thane’s mark with his thumb as his eyes follow the movement. “Because I would never want to own you. I only wish to admire you.”
His eyes meet mine, and a bolt of electricity blazes through my chest. I finally drop my arms, stepping away from him, and my body immediately aches from the separation.
“You’ve seen the version of me who has been rejected and abandoned. Hardened by the traumas of my past life.” I make my way to the wall of windows overlooking the city. “But I’m also to blame.”
“What has happened to you is not your fault,” he assures, as I watch his silhouette approach me in the reflection.
When he steps beside me, I turn to him, instantly struck with shame as he looks at me through eyes that have yet to see the part I’ve played in my misery.
“Sometimes it was my fault,” I tell him, tasting the bitter truth of those words on my tongue.
“When life felt too good to be true, I acted out. I did things and hurt people, pushing them to their breaking point.” I drop my head as the guilt over my actions cuts straight through me.
“It felt like nothing good could ever last, so I would ruin it before it would have a chance to fall apart. It was the only thing in my life I had any control over.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
I reach up, pressing my palm to the side of his face. “Because, when I inevitably ruin this thing between us, I need you to understand why.”
“Then don’t,” he practically pleads, as fear creeps into those electrifying eyes of his. I drop my hand, but he catches it, placing it over his heart. “Don’t give up on this.”
“I don’t want to, but the universe has already chosen my path.
” I tug my hand away, brushing my fingertips over the curve of my neck where the mark lives as a permanent reminder that my future is not my own.
“If anything happened to you because of me, I’d never forgive myself.
” Kole reaches for me, but I step back. “Don’t.
My will is only so strong, and if you pull me into your arms again, I might never find the strength to leave them. ”
“And that’s a bad thing?” he challenges, the desperation on his face making my soul ache.
I start retreating toward my room, but he follows closely as if the world might crumble if there’s more than two feet of space between us.
“You should go.” The words are barely audible when I choke on the lump in my throat.
“Is that what you want?” Kole asks, stopping just outside of my room.
“What I want doesn’t matter.” I grab the door, digging my nails into the wood as I fight against every muscle in my body telling me not to close it. “It never has, and it never will.”
I shut the door, leaning my forehead against it as my legs shake beneath me.
Just like before, I can feel him lingering on the other side, and some deep part of my wounded soul knows he’s not going to leave this time.
Even if I begged, I know he wouldn’t listen, because this man is determined to heal all of my broken parts until I’m whole again, and as I cling to the door separating us, I find myself silently praying that he does just that.