Chapter 6
Julia
It takes me three days of rehearsing what to say before I work up the nerve to approach Richard, so it’s Sunday night when I finally talk to him.
He’s packing his suitcase for another trip to his east-coast office, neat stacks of clothing laid out on our bed.
Everything about Richard is tidy. That’s part of why I’m so nervous about telling him about this messy, messy situation.
“Did you pick up the dry cleaning?” he asks when I come in the room. If he’d turn around, he’d see it hanging in his closet.
I nod and sit on the edge of the bed. One of his piles leans toward the dent I’ve made in the mattress, and he frowns at me. “Can you not? You’re ruining my system.”
I stand up instantly, like he’s got puppet strings attached to the top of my head. “Sorry.”
He grunts his forgiveness and continues packing in silence. There’s no point waiting for him to start a conversation with me. He won’t.
When the girls left for college this spring—Korean universities begin their school years in March—I’d thought it was our opportunity to reconnect. I even asked him if I could go with him on one of his trips, thinking it would be a good way to mark the new chapter in our lives as empty-nesters.
He’d laughed a little too hard. “Why would you want to do that? What would you do all day while I’m in the office?”
“I don’t know. Explore the city? Read a book? It wouldn’t be so different than what I do now, except I’d be able to have dinner with you. Or we could catch a show.”
“I have business obligations most evenings, too,” he said shortly. “Dinners, cocktail parties.”
“I could go with—”
His sharp laugh cut me off. “Truly? You think you would have anything to contribute in a conversation with a Fortune-500 exec? I’m not trying to be cruel, but you have nothing in common with these people, Julia.”
That hurt, even though I knew he was wrong. There are human experiences that are universal, like food and weather and family. There are current events and funny travel stories. I could have found common ground with these powerful, accomplished people. The truth was that he didn’t want me there.
I crossed my arms to protect my heart. “So I’m just supposed to stay home alone?”
He made an irritated noise then, like something was stuck in his throat. “I don’t know. Get a hobby. Get a job!”
That’s how I ended up working at Dog-Eared Pages. Funny how that job is the way I met Ian. Maybe it was meant to be, after all.
Well, there’s no easy way to segue into “a wolfman thinks I’m his fated mate,” so I just go for it.
“Someone came into the bookstore on Wednesday,” I begin, and I rattle off the whole encounter, starting with the story time and meeting Ian.
I can tell Richard’s not paying attention at first, all his focus on folding his clothes into outfits, so I stop in the middle. “Can you listen to me, please?”
“I’ll listen when you say something interesting,” he says coolly. “So far I can’t fathom why you’re telling me about every single person who walks into your workplace. Imagine if I did the same.”
“Ian’s not every single person,” I snap back, feeling hot and prickly all over. “He’s my fated mate.”
That gets his attention. Richard stares at me, his face cycling through disbelief, confusion, and amusement before settling back into mild annoyance.
“So this whole conversation is to tell me about some oddball furry’s pickup line? Is this because I mentioned you could make better use of your gym membership last week? Droll strategy, Julia. You know I’m not the jealous type.”
I sigh. “I’m not trying to make you jealous.
I feel bad for the guy. He’s waited his whole life for his fated mate, and she turned out to be over the hill and already married.
Did you know they can’t have children with anyone except their fated mates?
It’s so sad to think he won’t be able to have a family.
A big part of me wants to do whatever I can to help him. ”
Richard laughs like I told a joke.
I shake my head. “I don’t understand what’s funny.”
“The whole thing. You’re obviously unavailable, and even if you were single, you’re way too old to get pregnant. If you have any eggs left, they’re probably rancid.” The casual cruelty of the comment stings. He notices my expression and acts shocked. “What? You’re the one who said ‘over the hill.’”
He’s right. I should have learned by now not to self-deprecate around him, because he always uses it later to jab me.
It’s just his sense of humor. I brush off his comment.
“You know how Heidi and Nicole used a surrogate to have Matthew? I’m considering acting as a surrogate for him, so he can have a family even if I can’t be his partner.
What do you think? I know it’s asking a lot, but you wouldn’t have to do anything.
You have the big Pittsburgh project, so you won’t be home that often, anyway.
Ian will cover all the medical expenses.
I’ll handle the pregnancy, and he will take custody of the pups immediately after birth and do all the parenting.
We’ll draw up a legal contract to sever my parental rights so it doesn’t get messy. ”
Richard hums, cutting me off. “Seems like a waste of everyone’s time to even entertain the idea if you’re too old to conceive.”
I haven’t been rehearsing for three days for nothing. I’m prepared for this one. “I have an appointment for screening this week. If I’m a candidate for surrogacy, I want to do it.”
There, I said it, without dancing around, without apologizing. I meet his gaze, and we stare at each other for a few long seconds. I can tell he’s sizing up my resolve, the same way he would during a business contract negotiation.
Then he shrugs with infuriating indifference.
“Knock yourself out. Or maybe I should say knock yourself up? Of course, I’d want my lawyer to look over any contract to makes sure I won’t have legal or financial responsibility for your mutts, but otherwise, maybe this is the hobby you need to keep yourself busy. ”
“Thank you,” I choke out past the gratitude welling inside me. I truly am grateful that he’s not making this difficult. That it doesn’t have to cause a fight or unnecessary coldness between us. It means a lot to me. As much as I want to help Ian, I don’t want to ruin my family to give him his.
Richard zips up his carry-on and extends the handle, tipping the suitcase so he can roll it. “I’m going to bed,” he announces, even though it’s only seven-thirty. “Early flight. I’ll take the guest room. Send me the legal paperwork when you have it drawn up.”
I nod. “Have a safe trip.” I push up on tiptoes, hoping he’ll kiss me when he passes by on the way out of the bedroom. Even a peck on the cheek would be welcome. But he doesn’t.
He leaves me standing alone in our shared room, feeling a mix of relief and devastation at how little he cares about what I do with my body. I’m glad he’s respecting my choice, I tell myself. He’s a feminist. He’s putting his personal feelings aside so that I can pursue this path.
Later, after my shower and skincare routine, when I’m sure Richard is asleep in the guest room next door, I text Ian with an update.
Julia: I talked to Richard. He gave the OK, pending medical and legal stuff. What time is the appointment on Tuesday?
My phone immediately lights up with an incoming call from him. I answer with a whispered, “Hey you.”
“He really said yes?” Ian’s voice is barely restrained. I can practically hear his tail wagging through the phone. The joy rippling off him is palpable.
I can’t help smiling. “Yep. We’re good to go.”
“Julia,” he breathes. “This is happening. You’re so amazing. I can’t believe you convinced him. If I was there, I’d pick you up and spin you around.”
“Let’s see what the doctor says on Tuesday before we get too excited.
” But I’m excited too. My face is warm and my toes are tingly.
Part of it is the thought of getting to carry another life.
Getting to nurture it and watch it grow, at least until the baby’s born.
An the other part of it is how excited and happy Ian is to be a father already.
He’s going to be such a warm, wonderful dad, and I’m giving that to him.
I know I still have a lot of hurdles to cross.
Medical clearance, legal contracts, the challenges of a pregnancy at my age…
and a possible multiples pregnancy, if I can get pregnant at all.
Telling my girls that they’re going to have half-siblings, but they won’t get to meet them.
That’s not going to be a fun conversation.
Enduring the well-intended reminders from Richard to stay in shape so I can bounce back after the birth.
But right now, I just bask in these good vibes and the happiness it’s bringing us both. It’s the best feeling I’ve had in years.