Chapter 16
Riley
When Lara died, I never could have imagined my life would turn out the way it has. Or that I’d be as happy as I am. Especially knowing Dane’s gone. I’d cried when Zalik told me, and then I’d chewed him out for waiting so long to tell me. Then I’d cried again. Right before my period started.
Six nights of kissing and above-the-waist touching has been the only thing we’ve done. Even that had taken Zalik some convincing after I swore to him I wasn’t dying and that bleeding monthly was completely normal for human women. It sucked more than anything, but it was normal.
Sage had to vouch for me.
I finally convinced Zalik he could go out hunting today, since it was surprisingly warm. The last heat wave before the cold truly hit I’m guessing. I fill the next jar with the powder the Tavikhi trade with the Bohnari.
Between the sweet fragrance of the wood burning in the fire pit and the array of remedies and medicines, this place has a surprisingly comforting odor.
It’s a far cry from the stench of garbage, soot, ash, and general despair that the bottom tier smelled of.
It even smells better than the sterile, recycled air of the upper tier.At least until I get a whiff of a dirty diaper.
“Mine or yours?” Sage asks with a laugh.
I check Stella. “Not it.”
She groans good-naturedly and sets down the mortar and pestle she’s been using to grind the kanet leaves to attend her daughter.
“I have no idea how such a big smell can come out of such a tiny package.” Sage exaggerates a shudder and gagging sound.
I press my lips together to avoid cackling. “So, what made you decide to become a doctor?”
I’ve been trying to get to know a little bit about all the women in the village.
Everyone has such a fascinating background.
Several long seconds pass and Sage still hasn’t answered.
I glance up, worried something’s wrong. She stares down at her baby and continues her task.
Suddenly I realize maybe I’m not supposed to ask people that question despite everyone being forthcoming so far.
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” Now I feel like an asshole.
Sage rattles her head. “No, it’s fine. I just haven’t thought about it in a really long time. Sometimes I forget why I originally asked Kyler if I could apprentice with him.”
“Really, you don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to pry.”
She smiles, but behind it is sadness. “Back on Earth, I worked for the CEO of a bioengineering company. One night, when it was really late, I’d stayed after hours to finish up some work. My boss came back to the office. He said he forgot something, but that wasn’t the real reason.”
Sage pauses and I regret more than ever asking.
“Instead, he tried to take something I had no interest in giving. One thing led to another, and although I didn’t mean to, I stopped him.” Her gaze meets mine. “Permanently.”
Oh shit.
She laughs bitterly. “Pretty much.”
I realize I spoke out loud. “God, I’m so sorry.”
“It was a long time ago. But the guilt wouldn’t go away, and I felt like I needed to atone somehow, despite what he tried to do. What better way to attempt to make up for taking a life than saving some?”
I have a vague recollection of hearing about some executive being bludgeoned to death by his assistant maybe four or five years ago.
It had sent shockwaves through the upper tier.
Violent crimes were bottom tier. The rich elite committed white collar crimes; embezzlement, insider trading, corruption.
No one would dirty their hands with murder.
“Thank you for trusting me with your story. I swear I won’t share it with anyone else.”
Sage smiles softly. “I know you won’t, and I appreciate your discretion.”
The door flap swings open and Jodah strides in.
Straight on his heels is Zalik. His long hair has been pulled back away from his face and showcases his sharp jawline and cut cheekbones.
His eyes lock directly on mine like he knew exactly where I was standing before he walked in.
Without hesitation, he crosses the length of the tent and pulls me into his arms for a blistering hot kiss.
When he finally lets me come up for air, I’m weak-kneed and ready to jump his bones.
“I have missed you this turn, keeshla,” he says.
“You just saw me this morning.”
“It does not matter. Every moment you are away from me, I miss you.”
My heart goes pitter patter at Zalik’s sweet words. “I missed you, too.”
He leans in close. “Are you still bleeding?”
“I should be finished by tomorrow.”
“I must be patient a while longer then.” The poor man sounds so pitiful.
My patience has been nearly non-existent as well.
Sex before had always been something expected with the guys I’d been with.
Zalik is the first guy I’ve ever been desperate for.
Maybe because I’m finally free. Or because he’s the kindest, sexiest man alive.
Or because I know that he truly loves me. I’m not some means to an end.
With every kiss—every caress—Zalik shows me how much he wants me and how tightly he hangs on to his control.
What woman wouldn’t find that sexy as hell?
I know my man will make sure I’m more than satisfied before the night is over.
Which is why I’m also cursing my body for betraying me right when everything had come together.
“I promise your patience will be rewarded.” I waggle my eyebrows.
Zalik groans. “My mate enjoys torturing me.”
I giggle. “Maybe just a little.”
“Perhaps when we return to our tent, I should find ways to torture you. It is only fair, do you not think?”
My mock gasp is loud. “You would do that to your poor innocent mate?”
Zalik buries his face in the crook of my neck and growls.
The deep bass reverberates through my entire system and lands right in my center.
I moan and lean into him. A sound nearby reminds me where I am.
I dart a glance around, only to find the tent empty of everyone but Zalik, Stella, and me.
I send out a mental apology to Sage and Jodah for chasing them off, but I also appreciate the privacy.
Zalik lifts his head. “As much as I would rather taste you, we should probably get washed up and make our way to the evening meal.”
Since discovering his fastidious need for cleanliness—which I find adorable—I’m actually surprised he came straight here from his day of hunting instead of down to the river. It’s obvious from the dust and dried blood staining his pants.
“Yes, let’s go. I’m sure you’re antsy for soap and water.” I gather up Stella and the toys she sometimes entertains herself with and the three of us head for our tent.
I always look forward to our evenings together.
We have a nice dinner, and then we’ve either been going to sit and visit with the elders so they can get some time with the baby, or we go back to our own tent—just the three of us.
We sing songs, or at least I sing. Zalik hums off tune.
We count and say the alphabet. We play with a carved set of animals and blocks that Rojtar made for Stella. It’s our time as a family.
“Did you have a pleasant time with Sage?”
“I did. She’s lovely and gave me some great remedies for when Stella starts teething that will help soothe some of her pain.” It’s hard to believe she may already be getting teeth within the next month or two. It’s too early or maybe I’m just not ready for her to keep growing so fast.
“Ah, yes, I remember while I cared for Dasha and Graham, the pain they suffered. I do not wish for our kit to hurt.”
I lean in close and our arms brush. “I don’t think we’ll be able to shield her from every hurt in her life, sadly.”
Zalik looks down at me. “I can try.”
His protectiveness is so damn sexy. “I know you will, baby.”
He grins broadly. “Did you just give me a name of affection? I have heard of these from Talek who heard of these from Sorin.”
I match his expression. “Yes, I suppose I did.”
“Now I must think of a name of affection for you as well.”
Zalik is adorable.
“You don’t have to. I mean, it’s not as if it’s a rule t.”
He scoffs. “Then it should be.”
“You’re such a goof.”
We reach our tent and the fire in the small pit has already been stoked. It’s been an adjustment knowing a tribe person is assigned to make sure everyone’s fires are lit for the evening. Although I’m also getting used to the fact I can step inside my home and its already warm and cozy.
While Zalik washes up—and I admire him while he’s doing it—I putter around the tent, picking up the baby clothes and toys that I hadn’t put away earlier.
For a second, I stare at the basket tucked away in the corner that holds our dirty clothes.
It’s weird but nice to see mine and Zalik’s tangled up together.
It’s intimate without any sex involved. Just one more sign that we’re a couple.
Now if only this damn period would be over so we can become one in truth.
I shift my gaze back to my husband. Affection blooms in my chest. What is love exactly? I’m not sure I know in the truly romantic sense. I loved Lara and I love Stella, but what I feel for them is a familial love. My sister and my daughter. But Zalik is different.
I certainly desire him. That’s not a secret.
He says he loves me, but that’s because of his mating marks and soul light.
Before they were triggered, he didn’t love me.
How does love turn on with a single switch?
Is that how it’s supposed to work? One second you’re not in love, and the next you are, just because you say so?
“You have a very intent look on your face, keeshla. Is all well?” Zalik appears right in front of me as my vision comes back into focus.
“I was just thinking about things.”
He cocks his head. “Anything you would like to unburden yourself of?”
Honesty and communication are important to him, as they should be in every marriage.
“I was thinking about love and what it is, really.”
Zalik threads his fingers through my hair and clutches the back of my head. “Have you come up with an answer?”
“Not entirely.”
“What is it you are uncertain of?” he asks.
I pause while I try to form my thoughts into the right words.
“How do you know you truly love me? If someone had asked you if you loved me before we’d touched and your mating marks appeared, you’d have said no, right?
How can you, or anybody, go from not loving someone one second to loving them the next? ”