Chapter 17
Zalik
Perhaps other males would be concerned if their mates asked these same questions of them, but I am not. From what I have learned of Riley’s life—caught between two worlds and unsure of her place in either—it is understandable that she remains uncertain.
“Before we touched, I only saw you with my eyes. I saw a female who, for the first time in my existence, made me pause. There was some part of me that recognized you, even if that knowledge hadn’t been given to me yet.
It was only a feeling—a sensation—at first. Was it love?
No, but it was something.” I stare deep into Riley’s eyes.
“When we touched, it was no longer my eyes I saw you with, but my soul light. It shone onto a part of you that reacted. A warmth unlike anything I had felt before filled my whole body.”
“Maybe that was just sexual arousal,” Riley says.
“I felt that as well, but that was in my cock.” I chuckle, as does my mate.
“No, this was much bigger than that. It was powerful and all-consuming. It was a knowing that we are connected in a way that I will never be connected to anyone else. My heart swelled with feeling. With the knowledge that I would kill for you. Bleed for you. Die for you. There is nothing in this world I would not do to ensure you are safe and happy. The only word that can describe all of that and yet still not be enough is love.”
Riley swallows and my gaze is drawn to the way her throat bobs. “What about me and my emotions? I don’t have a soul light or mating marks. I can only see you with my eyes.”
Gently, I place my hand over her chest where the faint thump beats beneath it. “You can see me with this. You can listen to what your heart tells you. It will not lead you astray.”
Tears form, but do not fall down her face. “My head and my heart are conflicted. One says it’s too soon to love you. That love can’t happen that fast.”
“And your heart? What does it say?”
Riley huffs. “My heart tells me to hold on tightly to you and don’t ever let go.”
“Hearts are extremely wise.”
She releases a stuttering laugh. “Yeah, I suppose they are.”
“I do not know what brought this on, but there is no deadline for when love needs to come. It is not a race to a finish line. Like a fiku tree, it may take sun cycles to grow. But those trees are also rooted so deeply into the ground that they do not fall. The continue to grow stronger with every turn. It does not make that love any less for taking longer. In fact, it is just as strong, if not stronger.”
Riley wraps her arms around me and we hold each other. She sniffs and I can feel the wet tears run down my skin. She has said her bleeding time often comes with strong emotions. I will hold her through all of them.
Someone slaps against the tent. I wipe away her tears and go to the door. On the other side is Alesha.
“Gitesh has gone to the ancestors,” she says solemnly. “Jodah said you wished to be told.”
“Aye. Thank you for letting me know. I will be there shortly.”
Alesha bobs her head and leaves. I turn back inside.
“What’s wrong?” Riley asks.
“Jodah’s baba is with Deeka and soon Nellora will be joining him. I promised I would sit and wait with him until she, too, was gone.”
She appears confused, “Why would his mom die too?”
“That is the way of fated mates. When one soul light extinguishes, its mated one does as well. They cannot stay lit without the other. Once the two mates reach the lands of our ancestors, their soul lights will be reunited for eternity.”
“How soon will Jodah’s mom die?” Riley sounds horrified.
“No mate has survived more than two turns. At least not to my knowledge.”
It is clear she still doesn’t completely understand, but she does not ask any more questions.
Instead, she comes to me and strokes my chest. “Go. Be with your friend during his time of need. Stella and I will bring you something to eat for the evening meal. Stay with Jodah for however long he needs you. We’ll be okay. This is important to you.”
“Thank you, love.”
She kisses me, and then I am heading out of our tent and hurrying toward Nellora and Gitesh’s.
Several elders have gathered outside of it and formed a prayer circle, including Alesha who has rejoined Wakiel.
I step up to the door and move the flap aside so I may enter.
Jodah is kneeling beside his baba, washing him.
Nellora is on the opposite side, holding her mate’s hand.
Already I can see how dim her soul light has become. It will not be long for her.
Sage sits at the foot of Gitesh’s furs. Tears flow down her cheeks.
Makahla is absent so she must be with one of our other tribe brothers and sisters.
I move to sit next to Jodah and gently fold up the fur covering Gitesh’s lower body.
Once I have bared his leg and what remains of the other one, I reach for the cloth that lies beside the basin of water.
With it, I begin to wash Gitesh’s lower half.
In silence, Jodah and I prepare his baba’s body just as he helped me to prepare mine.
We will do the same for his nene when it is her time as well.
After Gitesh has been washed, we dress him in a clean pair of leg coverings and carefully wrap him in furs.
I locate the special herb bundles and set each one in their respective vessel to burn.
The four of us hold hands and pray for Gitesh’s safe journey.
Outside, the elders’ prayers can be heard as well.
After our prayers have all been said, the only thing left to do is sit.
Jodah tells stories of his baba and the many things they did together.
Nellora also shares stories, including the turn they touched and their soul lights seared together.
She spoke of how joyous they felt when Jodah was born.
Even Sage said a few words. I spoke of all the times I joined Gitesh and Jodah on our many hunts and of the time I accidentally caused him to tumble into the river.
At some point, Riley brings food, as do a few of the elders.
Each one pays their respects and departs.
My keeshla leaves, although I would have loved her to remain at my side.
The sun disappears behind the hills. Both moons are high in the sky when Nellora finally lies beside Gitesh and closes her eyes.
Before the second moon has disappeared completely and the sun has just crested the horizon, she too is gone.
The three of us prepare her as reverently as we did Gitesh.
She is wrapped in furs, the herbs are burned, and prayers are spoken.
We leave them in peace and will return after the evening meal when we will place them on the pyres the tribe will spend the turn building.
The night will end with their celebration of life.
Exhausted and grieving, I make my way from their tent to mine.
I slip inside as quietly as I am able. Riley is already awake and feeding Stella.
She moves to rise, but I gesture for her to remain seated.
I close the distance between us and kiss first Stella’s forehead, then my mate’s. I pause to just breathe in her scent.
“I am sorry to have left you alone all night.”
She grips my palm and brings it up to her check, leaning into my touch “You have nothing to be sorry for. Being there for your friend was far more important. They’re both gone?”
I nod.
“I’m so sorry.”
“My tribe brothers will spend this turn crafting pyres and tonight we will have a celebration of life for them. The elders will bring out their special brew and the whole village will gather around the central fire to drink and send them off.”
Riley smiles sadly. “That sounds like a beautiful way to celebrate.”
“Would you be upset if I rested for a while?”
“Of course not.” She squeezes my hand. “While you rest, I’ll go and see what I can do to help get ready for tonight. I want to do my part.”
I kiss her once more. “My keeshla is the most wonderful of females.”
Riley nuzzles the palm of my hand and without removing my leg coverings, I crawl beneath my furs. Vaguely I am aware of her moving around, but soon I drift off.
The scent of spiced meat rouses me. Slowly I become aware of my surroundings and realize I am lying in my furs.
Memories of last night and this morning return.
I open my eyes and blink away the sleep.
Riley is seated at the table eating from a bowl.
I shift and the noise causes her to turn her head.
“I was going to wake you up when I finished eating if you weren’t already awake. Did you get enough rest?”
Untangling myself from my furs, I stride across the tent and kiss her softly. “I did, thank you.”
She pushes a second bowl toward me. “It should still be hot.”
“You have my thanks.” I pick it up and begin to eat. “Is this left over from the midday meal, or did I sleep all the way until the evening meal?”
“It’s about midway between the two. They’ve just about finished the funeral pyres,” she says. “A couple people stopped by to check on you while you were sleeping. One was Daveel and the other Zydon.”
“I will speak with them later.”
Riley stands and pats the chair. “Sit and eat. I’m finished.”
“No, I do not want to take your seat.”
She points sharply at the chair. “Sit.”
I lower myself and she comes around behind me. Her hands rest on my shoulders for only a beat and then she begins to knead my muscles.
“My massage skills are a little rusty, but I used to do this for my mom when we’d get home from her long days of cleaning. She’d be all stiff and achey so I’d give her a massage to help get some of the kinks out that came with her line of work.”
I moan in relief and from the pleasure of my keeshla’s touch. “If you were any more skilled I do not think we would leave our tent for many turns.”
Behind me, Riley snorts. “Just like a guy to have to make this dirty.”
“My apologies.” Although, unless I am mistaken, her scolding is as serious as my apology, which is not at all. I am confident I recognized amusement in her tone.
“You’re not even a little bit sorry.” When she chuckles, I know I am right.
“You have caught me.”
Riley wraps her arms around me from behind, careful not to knock the bowl out of my hands, and lays her check alongside mine. “I’m sorry again for the loss of your friend’s parents. Whatever you need from me, I’m here for you, okay?”
I lay my hand on her crossed arms at my neck. “Thank you, keeshla. It reminded me of my own nene and baba’s passing and although it has been several sun cycles, the loss still feels fresh.”
“That’s how I feel about my mom too and she’s been gone for twelve years.”
I set my bowl on the table and draw her around to the front of me and guide her onto my thighs. “We will share stories of our nenes and my baba with Stella and any other kits we may have so their memories are never forgotten.”
We sit quietly, remembering those we have lost.