Chapter 13
ROWAN
It’s not long before the moon muscles its way into the center of the starry night sky, glowing like it’s also here for the show, and I’m standing dead center in a field beyond the manor. If this were a private meltdown, maybe I could deal, but no. Apparently, my shift is a spectator sport.
I’ve got an audience of people waiting to see whether I’ll gracefully embrace my wolf, or explode like a pinata filled with regret.
Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about so many eyes on me while I’m about to be torn apart and stitched back together by magic biology.
Especially since, let’s be real, the odds of me failing spectacularly are sitting somewhere between “inevitable” and “watch this disaster unfold.”
“You’ve got this, Rowan,” Liz calls out, and not for the first time.
I shoot her a look that hopefully conveys, If you say that again, I will find a shovel.
My grimace deepens as my gaze drags over our charming little audience: Liz, of course; Iris looking like she’d love to hex me into a toad if she could; Archie perched proudly on a boulder next to them; and some guy named Elias.
I don’t know him, but apparently, he’s here to “keep an eye on things.” Which I took to mean, if I lose control over my wolf, turning into some supernatural version of a rabid dog, he’ll help put me down.
And because life clearly enjoys mocking me, Cade will be the one commanding the shift out of me. Yep. The broody, infuriating, unfairly hot alpha is about to boss me around while I combust into a wolf.
That should piss me right off. Really, it should. But the second his gravelly voice rasped over my skin, low and authoritative, and those darkening golden eyes locked on mine like I was already his, I basically melted into a puddle on the grass.
Yes, please command me, Sir.
This is how far I’ve fallen. I’m into life-threatening transformations and men who make my brain short-circuit.
This whole shifting business better smooth out my rollercoaster emotions, because if I keep swinging between rage-filled bloodlust and heart eyes like this, I’m going to file for early retirement from life.
I give my shoulders a shake. It’s time to get my shit together and lock in on my surroundings. At least according to that book, I’m supposed to be one with mother nature or something woo-woo like that.
So, with what’s supposed to be a calming breath, that’s what I do.
The grass whispers beneath my bare feet as the cool night air brushes against my overheated skin.
My heart hammers like it’s trying to break free from my chest and sprint into the forest without me.
The sound of an owl echoes from the trees, and I pick up on the skittering of a smaller creature, likely running for his life.
Don’t worry, little dude. I would be too if I had a choice.
A warmth from deep within begins at my core, relaxing my muscles and has me closing my eyes. A silver light forms behind my eyes, brighter than the moon above.
Wolf?
I’m supposed to be able to talk privately to the creature, but I’ve only sensed her presence so far. With as close as she feels now, I expect a reply, but there’s only silence.
Disappointment tries to flood in, but the woodsy scent I now relate to Cade invades my senses, distracting me. I should be freaked out that I can identify people by scent already. Yet, this feels like the most natural thing I’ve ever done.
When I look up at him, his presence eclipses everything else—our audience, the sky above, and even the prophecy still echoing in my veins. His voice, low and steady, coils around me like a tether. “Breathe, Rowan. You’re safe. I have you.”
Safe? With him? Ha. My erratic emotions might make me feel that way right now, but his past actions have my thoughts reminding me that’s likely the furthest thing from the truth, no matter how much my body wants me to believe otherwise.
My insides are a roiling kettle of nerves and adrenaline, and just when I think things can’t get worse, his hand brushes my elbow, gripping tightly for only a split second.
Still, it’s long enough to have some traitorous part of me begin to actually believe him.
Can I really trust the man who I saw snap Iris’s neck so easily to protect me? Just because it’s his “fated” duty doesn’t mean he’ll succeed.
I force myself to remain reserved on the matter as I huff out a laugh, sharp yet brittle. “You say that like I’m not about to explode into fur and fangs in front of a live studio audience.”
His lips twitch, almost like he’s fighting a smile, but his tone remains firm and focused. “Eyes on me, Rowan. No one else matters.”
Oh, fantastic. I’m melting again. Great job, Ro. Just stand here, swooning over your wolf-whisperer companion while your entire body prepares to play pinata with your bones.
I try to focus, to remember the steps from the book, but when I reach for the wolf spirit inside, it’s like she slips further away from me. Her light grows dimmer, and my chest seizes.
Again, I tell myself. This time, my skin burns, and then… Nope. Still just human. A very sweaty, very aggravated human.
My jaw tightens and my lip curls. “This isn’t working. She probably hates me.”
Archie snickers from his rock. “Real inspiring pep talk there.”
“You’ve got something better?” My voice cracks on the edge of frustration.
Not that I’m eager for the pain that’s to come, but I was hoping if I have to feel like I’m being ripped into a million pieces before being slammed back together that at least it would happen quickly, like ripping a bandage off.
My furry bestie starts to reply, but Cade steps in front of me, so I can see only him again. He’s close enough that the heat of his body blankets mine. His gaze pins me in place, fierce and unrelenting, replacing every thought I might have had with mushy need.
There is something seriously wrong with me.
His hands come up and he places them on my shoulders. I don’t even bother to hide the shudder his touch sends through my body. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment as he says, “You will do this. Now, try again.”
A desire to please this man nearly drowns me. Please do. But I manage to stay on two feet as I close my eyes to break the connection with him.
The night quiets as if even the forest creatures are waiting to see what I’ll become: the big, bad deadly prophecy wolf, or a sack of useless bones.
With the pressure on, I try once more. Fail. Again. Fail harder. My vision blurs with unshed tears from fury or fear, or maybe both, who knows? I grit my teeth, ready to scream until my lungs give out.
“Well,” Iris pipes up cheerfully, clasping her hands like we’re at a bake sale instead of my emotional breakdown. “Maybe she’s not a wolf after all. Wouldn’t that be a relief? Less fur on the furniture and no doomsday.”
I blink several times, wondering if I should be hoping she could be right, but then also knowing, she’s not.
There’s something inside me, and it better damn well be of the wolf variety. I’d rather not be some other kind of monster.
Cade snarls at her, but when his attention comes back to me, there’s a tenderness I don’t know how to process in his eyes. Before I can even try, he cups my jaw, rendering me basically useless.
There’s a commanding energy that pulses off him. One that makes me believe that I need to please him. Is this what my life is going to be? Am I destined to be some love-sick puppy who does whatever the man tells her to?
Destroying an entire existence almost sounds preferable now.
“Stop thinking,” Cade demands, but there’s a softness within his words that I don’t expect. He’s telling me this not because it’s what he wants, but because it’s what I need.
He’s here for me.
I suddenly know this just as much as I know I want to do everything I can to follow his command right now. It’s an innate knowledge that hits me like a ton of bricks, and has never felt more right.
I allow myself to look up at him again, to accept the weight of his stare and the power behind it. He shreds me open with one look. I can’t breathe, can’t blink, can barely think. The instinct to trust him, to leave my life in his hands, sends me over the edge and this time I go willingly.
But before my thoughts can completely fizzle out, Iris pipes again.
“Leave her be for tonight,” she says, pretending as though she cares about my wellbeing and not her ulterior motives. “We can try again tomorrow.”
Without looking away from me, Cade’s voice sharpens, colder now, but he’s not speaking to me. “Leave.”
Iris sputters. “Excuse me? Absolutely not. She needs—”
“Now.” His tone is a snarl that shakes the air.
Liz and Elias don’t hesitate. I peek over at them as they grab Iris by the arms and drag her away, ignoring her hissing protests until her voice finally fades into the manor’s walls. Archie follows after them, his tiny legs managing to keep up just fine.
Within seconds, it’s just us. Cade, me, the moon, and the pressure building under my skin like a storm.
He lowers his forehead to mine, his voice dropping into something rough and intimate. “One more time, Rowan. With me. You can do this. I sense your wolf. She’s right there, and you’re not alone.”
I close my eyes, breathing him in. His strength, his patience, his unyielding certainty that I can, in fact, do this.
This time, when I draw on her presence, my wolf doesn’t grow smaller. She surges forward with a roar that feels like it tears the world in two, light and shadow colliding within me as bone and sinew twist into something new, something vast.
The ground quakes beneath me, like even the earth is bracing for what’s about to happen.
Then it hits—white-hot fire racing through my veins, setting every nerve ablaze.
My bones groan under the pressure of something ancient and primal, until the first crack splinters through my chest. I gasp, the sound strangled and ripped out of me, as my ribs stretch and warp, reshaping into a cage for something not quite human anymore.
Fur bursts across my skin in a tidal wave of alabaster, shot through with pieces of dark silver, glinting as if the moon herself is painting me with her light.
Each strand feels like fire threading its way out of my flesh, prickling and burning, until my body is no longer my own.
My muscles tear, reform, and then knot themselves so tight that instead of being stitched together, I feel like I’m being ripped apart in the next breath.
I drop to my knees, palms digging into the earth as claws split through my fingers, nails curling into wicked points. The soil bites back, crumbling under my grip. My jaw shatters next, teeth elongating, reshaping into fangs that ache with a hunger unlike I’ve never known.
My senses fracture, then sharpen, agonizingly so.
Every star above is a blade of light that cuts, every rustle in the trees a thunderclap against my ears.
The world tilts, alive in ways I never imagined, drowning me in scents—wet earth, pine sap, Cade’s smoke and storm wrapping around me, steadying me when I should be lost.
The pain crests again, violent and merciless. I scream—or maybe I howl—my voice breaking as my spine arches, lengthens, every vertebra snapping into place with brutal precision. My skin can’t contain me anymore. I’m raw power, tearing myself apart just to become whole.
Heat devours me from the inside out, a wildfire ripping through my veins with no mercy, no pause.
It’s not the kind of warmth that comforts.
It’s the kind that incinerates, blistering my skin and boiling my blood until I swear my bones themselves are smoldering and I’m seconds from becoming nothing more than ash.
My lungs seize and I’m certain death is about to claim me, but then I suck in air.
Each ragged breath is a balm, fierce and precious, stitching me back together in ways I didn’t know I could be.
I latch onto the hope that this is almost over with a ferocity I didn’t know I contained until only silence remains.
A breathtaking stillness that envelopes me in a peace so pure I wonder if I’ve died and gone to heaven.
I lift my head, and as I focus on the forest ahead, a cathedral of sound and scent assaults me. Every leaf, inch of bark, and even the glowing fireflies become etched into me. A memory I won’t soon forget.
My paws press into the dirt, steady and sure, like they’ve always belonged there. The fire that once threatened to burn me alive cools into something wild, something fierce, something mine. In those seconds, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’m no longer just Rowan.
I am a wolf.
Finally, a voice—feminine, strong, and threaded through with pride—echoes inside me, and the relief is so vast I nearly collapse.
She’s here. I’m not broken.
When I lift my head, Cade steps into view. His presence is as commanding as ever, but there’s more now. Something reverent in the way he looks at me. And the beast inside me reacts instantly. She salivates at the sight of him, but I can’t tell if the hunger clawing through me is mine or hers.
Ours, she answers clearly.
He drops to one knee, eyes burning with a rawness that pulls at me like a tether straight from my chest to his. It isn’t just attraction. This is deeper, older, unknown yet familiar.
Oh, no.
My wolf starts to pant and, as she takes her first step forward, all I can think is—please, for the love of our dignity, don’t hump him.