Chapter Twenty-Eight #2
What was he about to say? Before, he’d acted like it was nothing, but now he was saying it might hurt me. I wondered if he was lying to me about the office. If he wasn’t in love with someone else, why all the secrecy? My mind spun.
Cam was back sooner than I expected, but he didn’t sit down. He looked pale and sick, almost shaky.
“We have to leave,” he said quietly. “I need to get back to the city.”
“What happened?” I pushed.
He just tossed down some bills and headed for the door, forcing me to scramble after him.
I chased him down the sidewalk, trying to match his long strides.
“Cam, slow down. Seriously, what’s going on? Is it work?”
He didn’t answer. His face was so colorless, so drawn, I thought he might faint. He moved like a ghost, almost walking straight into traffic, and I caught his arm in time to pull him back.
We reached the B eyes rimmed with red, shoulders slumped. It reminded me, uncomfortably, of the night we lost the last pregnancy.
I lurched to my feet, nearly kicking over the empty bottle at my side.
“Cam,” I blurted. “What happened? Are you okay?”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Everything’s fine. I’m just tired. I want to sleep.”
“No.” My voice sharpened before I could stop it. “No, you are not doing this again. I’ve been here, worrying about you, and now you’re just going to shut down on me? I need to know what’s going on.” My hands were shaking, fists balled at my sides.
He collapsed onto the sofa, head in his hands. I stared at his back, refusing to budge.
“I messed up,” he said finally, voice muffled. “I need you to listen and try not to overreact. I know I messed up, but this could still turn out to be good for us.”
Something twisted deep inside me.
“What did you do?” I asked, barely breathing. I dropped into the nearby chair, heart pounding.
“I was at the hospital tonight. One of the women I slept with… She’s pregnant. There was some bleeding today and a scare, but…” He looked up at me then, eyes wet.
“Pregnant?” I choked out, icy dread crawling up my spine. “You mean, by you?”
He nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m so sorry, Livi. I didn’t plan this.”
“You were sleeping with her without protection?” My voice came out loud, wild. I couldn’t control it. Tears pressed at the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill.
“No! I always used protection. One time, the condom broke—I didn’t realize until after. I swear.”
“Oh my God, Cam.” I bent over, pressing my head between my knees, desperate to keep from sobbing. He was going to be a father. With someone else. A living, breathing reminder of every way I’d failed.
Then I remembered the hospital and looked up. “So… did she lose it?”
He shook his head. “No, thank God. The baby’s fine. Strong heartbeat.”
His baby. With someone else. My stomach dropped out from under me.
Cam kept talking, almost excited. “This could be the answer for us. I’ve been thinking about it since I found out.
I want her to sign over her parental rights.
We could take the baby from the hospital.
You’d adopt as soon as we can. We’d be parents, right away.
No clinics, no strangers, no mess.” He even laughed a little, giddy.
I stared at him, stunned.
“You thought I’d want this?” My voice was flat. “That I’d want to raise the baby of one of your affairs? What does she say about it?”
He shrugged, almost dismissive. “She thinks I’ll leave you and marry her. She doesn’t even want kids; she’s just trying to get a reaction. In the end, she’ll realize this isn’t her path. She’ll hand over the baby and walk away. I know she will.”
He moved to kneel in front of me, searching my face.
“I know it’s a lot, but we can finally have the family we always dreamed of.”
“You should,” I said quietly.
He blinked, confused. “What?”
“You should leave me and marry her. You could have everything you want.”
“Don’t say that, baby. Think about it from my side.”
But I couldn’t. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to turn back time and plug my ears and never hear it. But here we were.
I pushed past him and raced to the bathroom, hitting my knees just in time to retch into the toilet. The wine came up in bitter waves, tinged red, and the tears followed, fast and hot.
Everything inside me felt shattered. Cam’s dream was happening, but it wasn’t mine.
How could I raise the child of someone who’d taken what I most wanted?
Surrogacy would have been one thing; that was cold, straightforward, medical.
This was raw and messy and personal—a wound that would never close.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to let go, for everyone—for Cam, for that innocent baby, and for myself, because if I kept holding on, I was going to lose what was left of me.