Chapter 21
Addison
Dean:
Hey, you’re probably already asleep, but I just wanted to say that I missed you tonight.
I had stared at that text late last night when it came through, and I was staring at it again this morning.
For reasons I was still unsure of, I decided not to answer last night, and I still didn’t know if I wanted to answer now.
Something still didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Noah and Dean had blindsided me. The other shoe had finally dropped.
“Must run in the family,” I mumbled to myself.
I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to proceed with caution, no matter how innocent Dean painted the picture of why he’d withheld this information from me.
I still couldn’t get Noah’s words out of my head that he’d spewed in my office when he was leaving. There are clearly things that you should know. And then he’d looked directly at Dean. Probably against my better judgment, I decided to text Noah.
Hi. You said that you were staying in town for a bit. Do you want to meet me at Primrose Slice tonight around 6?
Noah:
It’s a date, see you then.
I rolled my eyes. As infuriating as he was, I wanted to find out what he meant yesterday when he said there were things I should know, and as much as I hated to admit it, we were together for eight years, and the least I could do was give him a conversation, as he said.
We might have ended badly thanks to his poor decision-making, but not all eight years were bad.
We had a lot of good times, and he and his family were exactly what I’d needed when I was so far away from mine.
I pulled up to my farm, and as I was about to get out of my car, my phone vibrated in my hand again. I looked down, fully thinking it was another text from Noah.
Dean:
Good morning, I want to make you dinner at my place tonight so we can talk. There are some things I need to tell you.
I could tell he was being tentative and unsure in his texts, as evidenced by the lack of nicknames that he usually called me—no baby, no sweetheart, no James. He was clearly treading lightly, and the first thought to pop into my head was Why? Brushing that thought aside for now, I replied.
Hey, can we rain check on dinner until tomorrow night? I have plans tonight.
I was sure he just had more apologies planned, and I would give him that chance, but tonight I wanted to talk to Noah first. I saw three dots scroll across the screen but then disappear. They appeared again for a moment and then disappeared again. After a moment, he finally replied.
Dean:
Yeah, that works. I’ll see you tomorrow at my place at 6? Hope you have a good day today. Text me later if you can.
Sounds good. See you then, and you too!
Two days ago, he planned the most thoughtful and romantic date.
Two days ago, we were wrapped around each other, addicted, and now this was where we were.
Distant, cold, generic text messages. No affection, no love, nothing.
It was amazing how one thing, one event, one lie, or one piece of truth withheld could throw your life off course and change everything completely.
But I should know that better than anyone, right?
With a deep sigh, I got out of my car and headed into the barn.
I had a day full of client lessons and some training rides ahead of me, and I needed to push all the chaos of my personal life aside for the time being.
I would hopefully get some answers tonight, but today I needed to focus on the horses.
Putting my hand on the door handle, I blew out a calming breath before making my way into Primrose Slice. I wasn’t sure what I was about to walk into, but I had this nagging feeling deep inside that I wasn’t going to like whatever Noah had to say concerning Dean.
Patty was standing at the front and welcomed me with a warm smile, but she had a questioning look on her face as she looked at me then back toward Noah, who was already seated in a booth at the back.
In all the years we were together, Noah only came to Primrose Hill for Thanksgiving.
We never ventured into town, just hung out around my parents’ place.
No one in town had met him before, so I understood the question in Patty’s eyes.
She hiked her thumb over her shoulder toward Noah.
“That guy back there says he’s meeting up with you? ”
I nodded. “Yeah, that would be my ex-fiancé.”
Patty clicked her tongue. “I’d say you upgraded, doll.” She walked me back to where Noah was seated. “I’ll grab you some waters and be back to take your order.”
Noah smiled up at me as I slid into the booth across from him. “Hey, glad you wanted to meet up.”
“Well, you kind of threw me for a loop when you randomly showed up at my farm, Noah. What is it that you wanted to talk about?” I looked up as Patty walked over and set our waters down in front of us.
She gave Noah a disapproving once-over before turning to me. “What would you like to order?” she asked, directing the question at me only. I had to stifle the laugh that threatened to escape. One thing I loved about a small town, we protected our own.
“Can we just get a medium pepperoni pizza and a Greek salad, please?”
Patty nodded and smiled before turning on her heel and heading back to the kitchen.
Noah shook his head. “Well, she’s friendly,” he said, the sarcasm clear in his tone.
Ignoring his comment, I asked again, “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Noah fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt, a nervous habit he always had, before looking back up at me.
“I just wanted to tell you to your face how sorry I am for everything that I did. I miss you, and I wish things were different.” He sighed and looked back down at the table.
“And I get it, you’ve moved on, and I deserve that, but I was hoping maybe we could salvage a friendship.
We were together for so long, Addi. It’s weird not talking to you or having you in my life. ”
He seemed so sincere, but part of me still had my guard up and fully intact.
This man hurt me, broke my heart, and lied to me for a long time.
It was hard to forget that pain and betrayal.
“I don’t know, Noah. It’s hard to forget what you did.
I think maybe at some point we could get there, but right now I still need time. ”
Noah sat up straighter, and I saw the annoyed, irritated look that quickly flashed across his features before he settled back into an easy smile.
“All right. I get it. I’ll give you time.
” He cleared his throat. “But like I mentioned, there are some things that you don’t know about your new boyfriend. ”
Patty walked over with our food and set it on the table, flashing me a smile before leaving us to eat.
Noah’s comment hung in the air between us, killing my appetite.
This was the whole reason I was here. I honestly didn’t give a shit about what Noah had to say concerning us because that didn’t exist anymore.
All I cared about was what he had to say about Dean.
Noah grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite.
I just watched him, waiting for him to continue.
He grabbed a napkin and dabbed at the corner of his mouth. “Remember when I was on the phone with Trent discussing our guys’ trip to the Cape?”
I nodded, recalling the conversation.
“Well, Trent doesn’t exist.” I narrowed my eyes at Noah, waiting for him to continue. “I mean, I figured you knew that because I changed Jessica’s contact information to say Trent.”
I interrupted. “No, I thought Trent still existed because I spoke to him. I figured you just changed Jessica’s contact information to Trent to hide your conversations and phone calls, since I knew him.”
Noah shook his head. “No. Trent doesn’t exist. The person that you were talking to on the phone was Dean.”
My stomach dropped. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. That can’t be true. I would have recognized his voice, right? Why wouldn’t Dean just tell me that? Why would he hide that too? I felt sick.
Noah continued, “As mentioned, Dean’s mom and mine are sisters. I asked Dean if he could do me a favor. He agreed, and, well, you know the rest.” He grabbed another slice of pizza, seemingly enjoying his dinner as if he didn’t just drop another atomic bomb on me.
I was still sitting in stunned silence when Noah looked back up at me. “I assume that you didn’t know that either.”
I just nodded, still silent. My brain was a jumbled mess. My heart hurt, and I rubbed absentmindedly at the ache.
“Well, there actually is something else about my cousin that you should know.” He leaned over and dug into his pocket for his phone. After a moment, he found what he was looking for and turned the screen toward me. “Here,” he said, and I took the phone from him, unsure if I could handle much more.
I looked down at the screen and read the text thread.
My already aching heart shattered into a million pieces.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, but I clenched my jaw and refused to let them fall.
Not in front of Noah. I would not cry in front of Noah.
I glanced back down at the screen and read it again.
Heard that you were playing animal doctor in a small town in Texas? You planning on staying there?
Dean:
Nah, man, I just need a year of running this practice to set me up for the lead doctor position over at the polo fields in Cali.
Nice. That seems more your style. How are things with Margot? Are you guys back together or what’s the deal?
Dean:
Yeah, I can’t take much more of this small-town life. Six more months and I’m gone. We’ve been talking again, and I’ve realized a lot since being away. I’m still in love with her, and when I get back, I’m planning on telling her.
Congrats, man. Happy for you.
I put his phone down and slid it across the table to him.
Noah took it and put it back in his pocket.
“I’m sorry, Addi. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but Dean has no interest in staying here.
His life is back in California, and he’s still in love with Margot.
This was just a detour to get what he wanted, and you were just collateral damage.
If it makes you any feel better, he lied to me too.
He never mentioned you two were…involved. ”
He wasn’t fucking sorry. I saw the smug look on his face as my heart shattered and my world was turned upside down yet again.
But this time it hurt more, this time it felt different.
I needed to get out of this fucking booth, away from Noah.
I needed to be home, in my bed, where I could fall apart.
Alone. How could this be happening again?
Was I really that blind? Was I really that stupid?
Could I even really trust that what Noah was saying was true? But he has text messages to prove it.
I got up out of the booth and walked to the door without saying a word to him. I could hear Noah calling after me, but I ignored him and made my way straight out of the restaurant to my car.
I couldn’t even make it home. The minute I shut my car door, a loud sob escaped my throat. I laid my arms across the steering wheel, leaning my forehead against them, and just allowed the tears to fall.
When I woke up the next morning, my eyes stung, my throat felt like sandpaper, and my muscles ached from crying myself to sleep the night before.
How could I let this happen again? I should have stuck to my plan and just focused on my business.
I should never have gotten involved with another guy so soon after Noah.
I clearly didn’t know how to pick them, but something just felt so different with Dean, or so I thought.
With a heavy sigh, I forced myself out of bed. As much as I wanted to hide away from the world, I needed to be with the one thing that brought me clarity and solace—horses. I threw on my riding pants, boots, and jacket before grabbing my keys to make the drive to my farm.
Once I got to Mountain Laurel Farm, I stopped into my office to make a quick coffee. As I was waiting for the cup to fill, Levi walked in. “Hey, boss.”
I turned around to face him, and once he saw me, his brows pinched in concern.
“You look like shit. Everything okay?”
I chuckled sadly. “Thanks, Levi. And no, not really, but I don’t have the energy to talk about it either.”
Levi nodded. “Understood. If you find that you do, you know where to find me. Horses are great listeners too.” He winked at me before heading back into the barn. Levi was right. I needed my main man, Cash.
The barn was quiet, as it was still early and there were no clients here yet.
Once I got Cash out of his stall, I took my time grooming him, making his dark coat shine.
Sometimes just grooming a horse, just being with them, was as cathartic as riding.
And this horse, he knew me so well, he could sense my emotions.
Cash kept turning to touch his nose to me anytime I was near.
It was always his way of telling me that he was there.
I held his head in my arms and just rested my forehead against his, breathing him in.
We stayed like that for a moment, and I could feel my entire body finally relax, the tension melting away.
After moving the horses onto the property, I discovered a river that ran through the hills, situated to the right of the barn.
It was behind the land that one day I wished to build a house on.
It was a quiet spot filled with so much beauty, nestled between the hills, the gentle sound of the river flowing, and the wildflowers that I imagined would eventually bloom in the spring.
I rode Cash over to the river and breathed in the fresh winter air when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Dean:
We still on for tonight at 6?
Shit. I totally forgot that I told Dean I would be at his house tonight.
He told me that he had something to tell me.
Could it be what Noah told me? Was I seriously going to go to Dean’s and relive this heartbreak all over again in front of him?
I blew out a heavy breath. Fuck these men and the power I gave them to hurt me.
Not this time. I would go to his house and face this head-on.
Give him a piece of my mind with no regrets.
Yes, see you then.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket and spent the next hour just hanging out with Cash by the river, thinking through everything that I was going to say to Dean tonight.