Chapter 10 #2
"Fuck! I didn't even say goodnight to the kids. Jesus. I was so?—"
"Claire."
Claire huffed.
"Stop," Eleana said.
"Dylan's freaking out a little."
"Understandable."
"I hate this, El. All of it. I'm so tired of it. I mean—what are we doing?"
"The best we can."
"Yeah, well, our best sucks."
Eleana leaned in and kissed Claire softly.
"What was that for?"
"You have to stop trying to save the world, Claire."
"I'm not?—"
"You are. You think you owe the world that. You don't. Start with Jane. Focus on that."
"There are?—"
"All the other questions will wait," Eleana said. "We've been asking questions for years. They'll hold."
"I don't know about that," Claire said. "I don't like any of this.
Carly St. James off meeting with God knows who in Poland.
Popov determined to consolidate the European energy industry.
Barbu promoting that idea. Faked assassination attempts.
Hawk working for fucking Lawson Klein. It's a mess.
And I can't help but wonder if we're playing right into their hands. "
Eleana was quiet for a moment.
Claire looked at her. "What?"
"You already said that."
"What?"
"That we might be playing into their hands."
Claire sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Because we might be."
"Claire, I can see the spark in your eyes. I know you're frustrated—even scared. You have an idea."
"I do. I'm not sure Alex will want to hear it."
"Alex tells you lots of things you'd rather not hear."
Claire laughed. Genuinely laughed. "True."
"As strange as it still is for both of you at times, she's your partner, Claire. And in many ways, your best friend."
Claire sighed.
"I know you look up to her. You forget sometimes how much Alex admires you."
Claire snorted.
"She does," Eleana said.
"You sound like Dylan."
"What?"
"He just said something about me being like Batman earlier."
Eleana smiled. Dylan and Alex had always loved Batman—Batman movies, toys, comics. And everyone knew that for Dylan, Alex represented the closest thing to a real-life Batman. For him to liken Claire to his childhood hero was a message—about how much he trusted, respected, and loved her.
"Dylan loves you, Claire. And he trusts you. Completely."
Claire sighed.
"Stop letting yourself fall into the past," Eleana advised. "And stop doubting yourself."
"El, no one has ever accused me of self-doubt."
"Oh, you can be cocky as hell."
Claire snickered.
"But anyone who really knows you knows that underneath, you are always trying to prove you're good enough. Not a good enough spy. Not a good enough agent or officer. A good person."
Claire groaned.
"Hold your ground with Alex," Eleana said.
She leaned close and kissed Claire again, then stood.
"El?"
"Yes?"
"I love you, you know?"
"I love you, too, Claire. You'll figure it out. You'll find Jane."
"How can you be so sure?"
Eleana smiled. "Because I'm sure of you."
Claire watched her head back toward the hallway, likely to check on the kids and get ready for bed. She pulled her laptop close again and looked at her phone.
"Guess it's time to call the caped crusader," she muttered.
Then she chuckled.
"But I definitely wear the leather better."
Claire stared at her phone for another full minute before she made the call.
It rang twice.
"Toles."
"Do you always answer like you're expecting the apocalypse?"
"Lately?" Alex replied. "Yes."
Claire leaned back in her chair and looked toward the hallway where Eleana had disappeared. "Fair."
"You okay?"
"No."
Alex was quiet for a beat. "Eleana?"
"Everyone here is fine."
"Dylan?"
"At mom's. Freaked out, but functional," Claire replied.
"That seems to be the family motto."
Claire smiled despite herself. "Put it on a crest."
"I'm not sure what the image would be."
"A bat."
Alex snorted. "Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Long story."
"Claire."
"Sorry. I'm stalling."
"I noticed."
Claire exhaled slowly. "Did you talk to Stephanie and Alexandra again?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"They're scared. Trying not to show it, which is making it worse."
"Yeah."
"I told them Jane probably needed some space."
"Did they believe you?"
"No."
"Smart girls."
Alex sighed. "Too smart."
"Did you talk to Joshua again?"
"Yes. Nothing new. He's trying to reach her. He keeps insisting she asked for space."
"You believe him?"
"I believe he believes that," Alex said.
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only one I have."
Claire nodded, though Alex could not see her. "My father doesn't think this feels right."
"No kidding."
"He says if Jane is off the grid, there's a reason. Either she's protecting something?—"
"Or someone is using her to pull us out into the open," Alex finished.
Claire closed her eyes. "Yeah."
A heavy silence moved between them.
For a moment, Claire heard only the faint hum of her laptop and the far-off sound of Eleana's footsteps above.
Alex, wherever she was, was probably pacing.
Claire could picture it clearly—the way her hand pinched the bridge of her nose, and how she stretched her neck from side to side until it popped.
"What aren't you saying?" Alex asked.
Claire opened her eyes. "I have an idea you're going to hate."
"That narrows it down less than you think."
Claire chuckled. "I mean it."
"So do I."
Claire rubbed her forehead. "We can't look for Jane through official channels."
"I know."
"We can't use anyone connected to the Agency, the military, Carecom, the Collaborative, or any of the usual shadows."
"I know that, too."
"And we can't swarm her ourselves."
Alex was quiet.
"If Jane is working something, she'll see us coming," Claire said. "If she's being watched, whoever is watching her will see us coming. If she's been taken or compromised, then every call we make inside the system becomes a flare."
"I said I know."
"Then we need someone outside the system."
"No."
Claire almost smiled.
There it was.
Fast. Certain. Predictable.
"Alex—"
"No."
"You haven't heard my idea."
"I don't need to."
"Yes, you do."
"No, Claire. I really don't. We are not dragging some civilian into this."
"We're not dragging anyone anywhere."
"That's exactly what we'd be doing."
"We need a civilian investigator."
Alex laughed once, hard and humorless. "That's absurd."
"It is."
"Good. Glad we agree."
"It's also the only thing I can think of that might actually work."
"No."
"Alex."
"No."
Claire stood and walked to the window. Outside, the dark reflected her own face back at her, tired and sharper than she felt. "You need to listen to me."
"I am listening."
"No. You aren't."
Alex said nothing.
Claire took a breath. "We're on borrowed time, Alex."
"I'm aware."
"Missing persons isn't our gig."
Alex chuckled. "Who are you thinking?"
Claire swallowed. "Pete Ferro."
Nothing.
"Alex?"
"I haven't talked to Pete in years."
"Well, maybe it's time to change that."
"Claire. Asking Ferro after what happened?—"
"I know he was friends with Fallon."
"How do you?—"
"Please don't ask me that," Claire said. "This isn't about the past."
"It is if you're asking me to involve Pete Ferro."
"You trust him, don't you?"
"Trust isn't the point. Ferro is retired," Alex said.
"He works as a PI in Westchester."
"I know what he does."
"Then you know he's exactly what we need."
"This is not a typical missing person's case."
"From what I know about Detective Ferro's history, he dealt with plenty of unorthodox cases."
Alex huffed.
That was true. Ferro was no stranger to spooks. Or the mafia. Or drug lords. Or murders who'd conned the world into thinking they were Boy Scouts.
"Claire... We're talking about Jane Merrow."
"I know who we're talking about, Alex."
"You don't know what you're asking."
Claire's stomach twisted. She did know.
"Fallon's death wasn't your fault, Alex."
"No. Just my responsibility."
"You need to stop selling Brian Fallon short."
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Yeah, Alex. It is."
Alex pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You need to let this go," Claire said. "Fallon was no pushover. He might have been a little quirky."
Alex chuckled lightly.
"He was a solid agent. And he asked to get involved."
"Which is why I don't want to involve anyone else."
"That isn't your decision."
"Yes. It is," Alex said.
"Alex, if we do this ourselves, we contaminate everything. If we use government resources, we create a record. If we use Company assets, we send up a signal. If we use Jim, we pull Jane's father into it."
"I know all that."
"Ferro can ask ordinary questions," Claire continued. "He can look for ordinary evidence. Hotels. Flights. Car services. Cameras. Staff. Neighbors. Credit cards. Things people like us forget exist because we're always looking for a dead drop or a ghost in a server."
"Claire... This is?—"
"It's not our only option, Alex. It is the best one. For everyone."
"And for Ferro?"
"He has the right to decline."
"He won't. But you already know that," Alex said. "Otherwise, you wouldn't have made the suggestion."
"I don't know what he'll say. I know enough to know that no one who has spent their life searching for the 'bad guys' gives it up easily. You can't do this work if it's easy to walk away. Fallon knew that. He was that investigator."
"I'll make the call."
"Alex, I know how much Jane means to you."
"She's part of this family."
"I know."
"Claire—"
"I know, Alex. Look, the only way we know how to look at this is as spies. It isn't the only way it needs to be looked at."
"You don't think this is related to the Company," Alex surmised.
"I don't know. I know you. I know me. I know the people around us. That assumption will taint our efforts to find her—even if we know it can't. We both know that Jane is as adept an agent as we are."
"Yeah. We've seen people like us wind up in the ocean, Claire."
"We have. And it makes us forget that we can break without being broken by someone else."
Alex threw her head back. "What do I tell the girls?"
"Well, you can't tell them who their mother is."
"No."
"But you can tell them you have professionals looking for her."
"If we don't find her quickly?—"
"It will go public. I know," Claire said.
"And that?—"
"We'll handle it, Alex."
"How?"