Fear of Flying

14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Zach

Zach yanked his hand away from Drew’s inner thigh, his heart racing as if he’d been caught doing something inappropriate. And truth be told, being just about to touch his lover’s dick when his lover’s mom was calling felt like something very inappropriate. Drew’s panicked exclamation and his whole body tensing up had only reinforced the feeling for Zach.

Drew was scrambling frantically, sending the sheets and comforter flying in different directions. “Where’s my underwear? I can’t talk to my mom naked!”

Feeling panicked along with Drew, Zach stood to help search, scanning the bed and then the floor. He saw a pair near the nightstand and picked them up just as Drew held up a pair he’d found in the bed. “Shit, which ones are which?” Zach said, even as he was checking the tag. “Hanes. That must be you!” He tossed them to Drew in a hurry and caught the pair Drew threw his way.

His heart still racing, he put his boxer briefs on as Drew dropped his phone on the bed then stood to do the same. The phone’s buzzing had quieted in the last thirty seconds, but then it started again. Drew looked a bit wild-eyed, glancing at Zach first, then down at himself in only his boxers, and then at the phone .

Drew snatched it from the bed and slid his thumb across the screen to answer before holding it up to his ear. “Hey, Mom,” he said, managing not to sound too breathless. His eyes locked onto Zach’s for a moment that seemed almost suspended in time before Drew gave him an uneasy smile and turned his body slightly. “Ah no, no. I’m fine. Sorry I didn’t get to the phone right away. I was—yeah, yeah, I meant to call you sooner and, uh, lost track of time.”

Zach felt out of breath still, and there was a knot beginning to tie itself in his stomach. This had to be one of the most awkward moments possible, but it had to be more awkward for Drew, right? He glanced over at Drew, who was still standing there on the opposite side of the bed, talking to his mom in his underwear. Zach shook himself mentally. He should... leave the room. Yeah, he should. Give Drew some privacy to talk to his mom.

Drew looked over when Zach started walking out, and he gave Zach a tight nod before turning away again. “Yeah, haven’t done much of anything since the flights were all grounded... Yeah, I got a room...”

Zach closed the door behind him, his heart in his throat. Whatever Drew was saying to his mom didn’t necessarily mean anything. Other than Drew just feeling super caught off guard by a phone call from his mom during an intimate moment. After an emotional, vulnerable conversation.

And yep, it made perfect sense for Drew not to have said anything about Zach. Had Zach really expected him to say “Hey, Mom, I’m here with my new lover I just met and you kinda interrupted something”? Hell, if Zach’s mom had called right now, there was no way he’d have—

Shit. He’d forgotten to call his mom.

He loved that she was the “text me when you get home safely” type, especially given his fear of flying, but she could be a bit much sometimes when he’d forget. Technically, he was still kinda within that window of when he would have arrived home safely, so he’d just send her a quick text. No big deal.

Zach reached for his phone automatically, his brain sending signals before he could even remember that he had no pockets, nor was his phone in the same room. Still no big deal. He would just text her when Drew was off the phone and then pray it didn’t result in a long, drawn-out phone call. The kind where she’d ask all the questions he didn’t yet have the answers to—like, when is the airport reopening? when will you be able to get a flight? will you be home in time for brunch on Sunday? did you know blizzards can last that long? why do you always say I’m overbearing?

God, he loved her, but she was a lot sometimes.

Zach inhaled sharply at the image flashing in his mind of bringing Drew home for monthly brunch. At first, it made his heart clench with hope and robbed him of breath—the thought of finally, finally bringing someone home to meet his parents. But before he could let that thought take root, he realized what his mom was likely to do. Oh god, she’d scare Drew off before they ever figured out how long-distance relationships worked. Ask them for wedding dates and adoption plans for her future grandbabies as soon as Zach set foot in the door with a man on his arm. He didn’t even know if Drew wanted kids.

He sank into one of the armchairs and blew out a deep breath. He was getting way, waaaaay ahead of himself here.

It wasn’t like it was actually love at first sight.

Right?

God, he had no idea, and he was starting to feel really dumb. A familiar panic began to rise in his chest, the kind that warned him that there was massive potential for him to make a fool of himself. As much as this thing with Drew felt real, how the hell was he supposed to know for sure ?

Just one thought of Drew’s touch or the look in his eyes or the sound of his laugh was enough to set Zach’s heart racing. The feeling was so good, so perfect, and all he wanted was more of it, the swell of warmth and comfort and calm that was just so magical. So magical that it was all too easy to let his mind play things out in a logical progression of events. Love and marriage and kids and happily ever after.

Not that he knew what it really meant to be in a relationship.

All he knew was that the idea of ever being with anyone but Drew made his heart ache and his stomach churn. And that they seemed to work so well together—effortlessly—like they might be able to skip right past all the awkward first dates and fall in love so hard they’d barely be able to figure out which way was up.

But Zach knew nothing about love. For all he knew, all of these feelings might just be hormones and pheromones and stuff. Maybe this was just what attraction and sex did to people. Maybe he just thought he was in love.

Zach buried his head in his hands as he sat there in his underwear. He hated that his anxiety would always force feed him every possible thing that could go wrong, making his chest tighten and his heart race—and not in a good way. His mind always did this. Usually, usually it was fine. When he had his routine—going to work, hangouts with friends, sometimes the gym, monthly brunch—there was a certain rhythm to his life, and it was easier to push away all the anxious, negative thoughts.

But when he had business trips or when Jen dragged him out to the clubs—god, just being off his routine or out of his regular environment—it was easier for the anxiety to take hold. And this—today—this was a lot. More than a lot.

Somehow, though, somehow Drew had been his seatmate on the plane. This man who seemed to just intuitively know what Zach had needed. He’d held his hand. Talked him down from more than one panic attack. Made him feel comfortable on a level he’d never been before. Comfortable but also on edge—in the most amazing way.

And touching him. Kissing him. Holding him. Making love to him...

All of it felt so right and so magical and... God, the look in Drew’s eyes when he got lost in Zach’s was just...

It all had to be real.

Zach just had no idea what it meant. Or what he was supposed to do. Or what they were supposed to do.

“Hey...” Drew’s soft voice behind him startled Zach, and he nearly jumped.

“H-hey,” Zach replied, standing quickly and then turning to face Drew. There was some flicker of something in Drew’s eyes—uncertainty or guilt or—

“Are you okay?” Drew asked, whatever had been on his face before, now replaced by a soft, concerned expression.

Zach found he couldn’t answer, not right away, and as Drew closed the distance between them, Zach could feel the skittering of nerves, shifting ever so slightly as anticipation replaced some of his anxiety.

Drew’s warm hands came to rest on Zach’s shoulders. “Are you okay?” he repeated. “Are you cold?”

Zach shivered under his touch, as though his body had been eager for it, had needed it. “A little,” he answered quietly, because he wasn’t sure what the truth was. He closed his eyes as Drew’s hands slid smoothly over his upper arms. He wanted to ask how the phone call had gone, if there was anything wrong, but something kept him from even trying to find the right words.

“C’mere,” Drew murmured, pulling Zach into his arms fully and holding their bodies close together .

Zach’s arms moved automatically, circling Drew’s waist, and he sighed with relief and melted into Drew as his warm, sure hands rubbed gently over Zach’s bare back.

“This is a really, really good hug,” Zach whispered.

Drew’s arms tightened, holding Zach even closer still, and then Drew dipped down to press a kiss along the slope of Zach’s neck, slow and deliberate, filled with more tenderness than need. Zach felt Drew continue a path upward, feathering light kisses on his skin before he brushed his lips against Zach’s, almost as though he was aiming to soothe Zach’s nerves. Not that he could have known any of what had been going through Zach’s head the last few minutes.

Now there was a slow rocking to their hug, like they were dancing on air. Zach closed his eyes, buried his face in the crook of Drew’s neck, and inhaled deeply, memorizing his warm, masculine scent, before he settled his cheek against Drew’s chest. The sound of Drew’s heartbeat was strong and steady, and Zach let it soothe him further, its rhythm and pace working better than any mindfulness exercise he might have tried.

Zach felt like the rest of his anxiety had melted away, and he must have sighed contentedly or something because Drew gave him a gentle squeeze and raised his head.

Drew brushed a kiss against Zach’s hair. “What is it?” he asked gently.

“This swaying,” Zach started, his voice soft, “it’s so nice, I wish we had some music right now.”

Drew pulled his head away slightly, and his eyes seemed to have this edge of hope or delight, maybe. “You wanna dance?”

“Yeah.” Zach nodded. “I’ve never, uh, had the opportunity to slow dance with anyone. Not even Jen, and I...” Zach could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, embarrassed a bit at the admission .

A grin tugged at the corners of Drew’s mouth and then spread slowly across his face, and the sight of it made Zach’s heart flutter wildly. “I would love to dance with you.”

One of Drew’s hands came up to cup his cheek as they continued swaying, and Zach closed his eyes briefly, leaning into Drew’s touch to feel the warmth and that magic sort of tingling that came with it. When Zach opened his eyes again, Drew was watching him with what seemed like awe mixed with desire, and he leaned down slightly to capture Zach’s lips.

Drew’s kiss was slow and wonderful, its tenderness almost stealing Zach’s breath and its passion simmering just underneath the surface, keeping them warm. Zach whimpered as Drew pulled away, wanting to chase after that perfect feeling of Drew’s lips on his and Drew’s tongue sweeping through his mouth.

“Should we get dressed?” Drew asked, his voice a bit husky. His hand slid down from Zach’s cheek to his neck, and then his thumb moved slowly over Zach’s stubbled jawline.

“Hmm?”

Drew laughed lightly. “For dancing? You were cold?”

“Mmm, not anymore,” Zach murmured, and his arms, still looped around Drew’s waist, tightened a bit. He didn’t want to lose Drew’s touch or his warmth for even a second.

“Do you want me to go get my phone... for some music?”

“Uh-uh. I don’t want you to leave.” Zach pulled him just that last little bit closer, so their bodies were more flush with one another, and he rested his head on Drew’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Drew rasped, as though he was just as affected as Zach was in this moment. One hand was still at the small of Zach’s back, and his fingers pressed into Zach’s flesh just enough, like he was telling Zach he didn’t want to be apart either.

With a tantalizing slowness, Drew’s other hand moved from Zach’s neck to his shoulder, his fingers splayed against Zach’s skin as he went, and they traced down his bicep and forearm until stopping at Zach’s hand. His breaths quickened from the touch, and he found his fingers automatically intertwining with Drew’s.

Drew brought their hands up in the air, their elbows at right angles, and Zach felt another kiss brush against his hair as Drew started swaying them again and turning them in more of an organized fashion.

Zach couldn’t hold back a small gasp, and he raised his head, his eyes meeting Drew’s. “You actually know how to dance? Like real ballroom dancing? Not that—not that I know what that’s like, but this looks like, um, seems like—oh, you should shut me up right now—”

Zach smiled as Drew’s lips crushed lightly into his, their dance only stuttering for a brief moment as Drew kissed him a bit more thoroughly than needed to silence him. When he pulled back, Drew grinned and said, “Yeah, I actually know how to dance. A couple years ago, I learned for my brother’s wedding—the whole wedding party took lessons.”

“How lucky for me,” Zach said, taking a moment to study Drew’s features, especially those endless gray-blue eyes.

There was this look on Drew’s face, some indescribable thing that made Zach’s heart surge with warmth, and then Drew dipped down for another kiss, this one brief but not lacking in emotion. Drew pulled back only slightly before leaning his head against Zach’s, cheek to cheek again.

And as they swayed there, Zach comfortably wrapped in Drew’s arms, with Drew’s hand at the small of his back and their bodies pressed so close together, Zach felt like maybe there had never been anything more perfect and right than this moment. It had to be real—this happiness, this warmth, this... love.

His heart was nearly bursting with joy, and the feeling only intensified when Drew started singing, the opening lines of “Can’t Help Falling In Love” murmured with a warm breath against Zach’s ear.

Zach felt his heart overflow, and he tightened his arm around Drew’s waist. Everything—from the feel of Drew’s body against his own to the intensity of their kisses and the way it felt when they made love—everything was so amazingly, amazingly perfect. It had to be real.