47. Ivy
Ivy
September
The weeks had passed by in a flurry. Suddenly, there seemed to be less time in the day—less time to worry about what the future held and less time to mourn the past.
My days were filled with homework and the mountains of laundry that came with an infant. There was always something to do. Feeding someone or cleaning, sometimes even catching a few hours of sleep. No one warned you how exhausting motherhood was.
Niko was back in school again. True to our conversation, he decided to change course with his degree. Teaching would suit him. He had a gentle heart full of love to share, and he was excited to help others.
Trey still called me new girl, even as he held the tiny infant close, energy drink still in hand. He still kept odd hours, staying up with Phoenix when my eyes were too heavy to stay open. Dominic was paying him for a new project, and he seemed happy working, mumbling to a rubber duck named Luckie the Second at all hours of the night.
And then there was Caleb. He had liquidated all of his grandfather’s assets, but kept his shares of certain stocks. None of us would technically ever have to work again if we didn’t want to. Caleb had surprised me, though. Every day, he got up and headed to Hunter’s gallery. He cleaned, greeted guests, and helped with whatever paperwork needed to be done. He’d planned several upcoming shows and charity events around the city, the proceeds going to various philanthropic causes.
I still needed to figure out what I wanted to do after Phoenix got older. The possibilities now seemed infinite. I still saw Ash every week. The older man always had a fresh cup of coffee waiting for me. Initially, I wasn’t sure why Rayne recommended that I see him, but I understood as the months passed. He had reassured me that one day, I’d know what exactly I wanted to do with the rest of my life and that I still had time.
The doctor had cleared me last week, but none of the guys had made a move yet. I wasn’t sure why. I’d had thoughts that maybe I was less sexually attractive to them after my pregnancy. After all, my body had changed. My breasts were no longer the same shape, and my skin now had stretch marks on top of scars. I’d gained weight with Phoenix and hadn’t lost it yet.
Then I remembered that we were all tired. We were busy between Phoenix, Maya, Katya, Sergei, schoolwork, programming, therapy, and whatever else life had thrown at us. Life with a newborn was pure chaos. Even after reminding myself of that, the voice in the back of my mind still cropped up, telling me they were tired of me. They were bored. Why would three handsome, smart, and kind men want me? They could have anyone, and I had always been damaged goods.
I ignored that voice as I rocked back and forth with Phoenix. He was asleep, dreaming peacefully about something. His tiny fist was pressed to his cheek as his eyelids fluttered . What did babies dream about? Hopefully, something happy.
Belle lay at my feet, occasionally lifting her head to watch me. Phoenix and Belle were already inseparable. I had a feeling that as the baby grew older, they would become best friends and get into trouble together.
Rayne and Hunter walked into the living room. I hadn’t heard them knock on the front door, but that meant nothing. Belle hadn’t barked, but then again, she was the worst guard dog ever. Either I had been so lost in my thoughts that I’d ignored it, or they had let themselves in. Either was fine with me.
I owed the man I’d discovered was my brother so much. The same went for his girlfriend and best friends. Without them, there was no doubt that I’d be locked away in Clearhaven, a cruel old man’s wife. Or I’d be dead, my body buried in an unmarked grave.
They had saved me in their own way. Additionally, Rayne helped me find myself. All it had taken was a single match.
Rayne held her hands out, gesturing for me to pass the baby to her. I pressed a tiny kiss to Phoenix’s forehead before obliging. As much as Rayne was opposed to the idea of marriage and swore that she’d never have children, she loved to spoil Phoenix any way she could. In short, she was the best aunt a child could ever ask for.
“Go get ready. Pack a bag for tonight.” I lifted an eyebrow at Rayne’s words. “Don’t argue. Your guys have a surprise for you, and I’m babysitting my nephew and the dog.” She gave me a look that brokered no arguments, but I still opened my mouth.
I couldn’t leave Phoenix overnight, not yet. He was still so small. What if something happened? What if he needed me?
Hunter patted my back, trying to comfort me. “Your freezer is stocked with milk, there are boxes of diapers in the nursery, and Dominic will be here any moment. Do you really think he’ll let anything happen?”
My brother made a great point. Dominic came across as cold and aloof, but I saw how he held the baby as if it were something fragile and precious. He wouldn’t let anything happen to Phoenix. None of them would.
It still put me on edge to leave my son, even for a single moment. It was something that I would need to get over. Children initially clung to you and needed you to help fulfill their basic needs. As they grew older, they became fiercely independent. Phoenix would eventually go to kindergarten, graduate high school, and head into the great unknown.
And time would pass by faster than any of us could imagine.
I headed upstairs to pack a bag, wondering what the guys’ plans were for the evening. As nervous as I was to leave my child behind, I was also excited. Time with the guys sounded really good.
During the entire car ride, the guys refused to answer my questions about where we were headed or what they had planned. Strathmore gave way to suburbs, then farmland, and my heart beat faster. Farmland turned into woods before opening up to the sandy soil I had grown to both love and hate.
Clearhaven wasn’t my home—it never had been—but a portion of me still would forever be grateful for it.
Without Clearhaven, I never would have experienced the type of heartache or joy that I had. I wouldn’t have met the men I loved or had a tiny blue-eyed child who reminded me so much of his father.
After sunset, the car stopped in the parking lot of Frankie’s shop. The lights were already out, indicating that the older woman had gone home for the evening. Niko seemed to read my thoughts as he opened my door, holding out his hand. “We’ll have breakfast with her and Ros in the morning. Tonight is about us.”
We walked across the street to the beach, Trey and Caleb trailing behind us. September in Clearhaven was warm, and I sat on the blanket. Niko lay down, staring at the water and sky. The sound of the ocean breaking against the sand put one at ease. The smell reminded me of Cam.
I’d given up any hope of him coming home one day, a smile glued to his face as he wrapped me in his arms. He would have appeared when Phoenix was born if he were still somewhere out there. It was something I felt deep in my soul.
Trey opened a cooler and pulled out sandwiches and wine coolers. We ate in silence, watching the ocean. Everyone’s expressions clearly showed that we were lost in our thoughts.
After everything that had happened, who could blame us? It was hard to believe that it had only been a year.
One year that changed my life forever.
One year full of trauma and heartache.
One year full of love and family.
After we’d eaten, Trey turned to me, twining his fingers with mine. “Remember the party at the beach?”
How could I ever forget it? It was how I became entangled with the loves of my life. Despite what had happened between us, I couldn’t take it back—any of it.
I nodded at him, curious to hear what he would say next. His lips feathered over my ear, and he whispered a single word: “Run.”