48. Rosalyn
Rosalyn
I straightened the black dress I was wearing and brushed my hands over the skirt, taking in my appearance in the mirror. It was time for the monthly meeting of the Order. I’d never expected my life to take the twists it had. For as long as I could remember, I planned to play along with my family long enough to get my degree, act like the dutiful granddaughter and fiancée, and then vanish into thin air as soon as possible. Maybe I would change my name, move to Alaska or even Brazil, and start over.
That was something that Ivy and I had in common. We both wanted to start over and leave the past behind. She was finally getting the chance to, but I… Now, I never would. I was stuck in Clearhaven as Caleb’s proxy for the time being. It was something I was willing to do, especially now. I loved Ivy Spencer and gave up my hopes and dreams to keep her safe.
I had nothing left except the men flanking my side and an archaic organization that we were attempting to remold into something different.
My grandmother had proven that she couldn’t live without my grandfather. She’d chosen to take too many sleeping pills one night before bed, slowly drifting into nothingness rather than face the day without him by her side. I still didn’t know if she truly realized what my grandfather did behind closed doors. Even though everyone denied it, her eyes seemed dark whenever his phone rang. Perhaps her sins weighed heavily on her soul, but that was something that I would never know.
Rhyker stared into the mirror at my reflection, a somber expression on his face, while Angel stared down at his phone. That was another thing that was surreal to me. The Butcher and The Devil . What had started as harmless fun between the three of us had escalated into something more. There was no doubt in my mind that they cared for me in their own unique ways. I wasn’t sure if it was love, but maybe I didn’t need love.
I needed loyalty, which they both willingly gave.
Without them by my side, I would never be able to rule over the Order, Caleb’s proxy or not. Women weren’t exactly welcomed in the world I grew up in. They were there to look pretty and marry off for power. They were there to usher in each new generation, their body and souls battered while slowly sinking into the shadows as they grew old. Men reaped the rewards while women were discarded.
Even if Angel or Rhyker did love me, would I return the emotion freely?
They still ran the Forsaken while helping me. The corner of my lips lifted as I applied mascara. Cam had warned me about them when he noticed who I was hanging around. You can’t imagine the things they’ve done. Are you sure? It’s funny that then and now the answer was the same.
No. I’d never be sure. I’d seen individuals place their trust in the wrong people too many times. I’d seen them underestimate those they considered weaker.
In the end, it bit them in the ass.
At night, my heart ached for the loss that we’d all experienced. I hadn’t meant to, but my move back to Clearhaven had given me the perfect excuse to distance myself from Ivy. It hurt too much to see her or the child she’d brought into the world. One day, Phoenix would inherit the Order. If I had read all of the rules right, he would become the Princeps. After Ross and Wells and virtually everyone else died, Caleb took over. Technically, Phoenix would be declared Caleb’s heir.
That was a heavy burden to bear, and I couldn’t look at the small child without thinking about it or seeing Cam’s eyes.
I smeared on lipstick before pushing my shoulders back. That was the other thing I wanted to ask but didn’t. Had Ivy read the entire book? Did she know what exactly was on the pages? As the future wife of the Princeps, it had been her responsibility, but that didn’t mean anything. She said Ross had given her books to read, but the question was also how far she got.
And did she realize that if Phoenix did take his place, she would still be sacrificed? It was yet another archaic ritual. They spilled the blood of the mother to usher in the reign of the child. It was something ripped straight from a horror movie.
Did Caleb know? Niko? Trey?
It was doubtful. My personal opinion was that we should have slaughtered everyone else associated with the secret society that we knew of. Then we should have run far away. Caleb’s declarations kept Ivy safe for now, but for how long? The Order extended beyond the limits of Clearhaven.
Everyone was hidden away in Strathmore, but would they be able to stay concealed?
None of that mattered this morning, though. One day at a time. It had become my mantra. All that I had to do was inhale, exhale, and put my best face forward. I didn’t even need to get my hands dirty. Not with Rhyker and Angel standing at my side. They were more than willing to enact violence on my behalf.
I took a shuddering breath and tilted my chin, plastering on a look of indifference. It was time to deal with whatever was on the agenda. I could fantasize about running away when I fell asleep alone in bed later, just like I did nearly every night.
Rhyker grabbed my hand, pressing a kiss against my palm. “Ready, doll?” My heart sang whenever he called me that, as if I was the girlfriend of some old-fashioned gangster who looked like a pin-up model. I was anything but.
Angel watched the two of us carefully. He was more concerned about everything than Rhyker, more guarded. That was one of the reasons he was still alive. He held out his arm, and I looped my hand through it. “Ready for whatever they throw at us today.”