Feelings and Falling (Hearts in Bloom #3)

Chapter 1

Lisa

I can’t live like this anymore.

The thought comes quietly, but it lands hard enough to make my hands shake. The coffee mug slips from my fingers as I try to place it in the dishwasher. It hits the floor and shatters, pieces scattering across the kitchen tile.

I stare at it for a second too long before the first tear rolls down my cheek.

Then I sink into the brown chair by the dining table and let myself cry.

How did I get here?

My hands are shaking when I pick up my phone and scroll for Anna’s number. I hate myself for what I’m going to do to her, to my brother, to my life. I just can’t take it anymore.

With the tears still in my eyes, I can barely see what is on my screen. Anna is in my favorites, so I call her without looking.

“Hello, hello,” she says happily as she picks up the phone.

“Hey,” I say, my voice rougher than I want it to be.

“Are you ok?” Anna asks right away with concern in her tone.

“I think I need to leave,” I say softly. “I am done. I can’t do this anymore.”

“I’m there in five,” Anna says, and before I can say anything, she hangs up. I smile through the tears while pieces of the broken coffee cup still surround me.

I haven’t moved since I called Anna when there’s a soft knock on the door.

“About time,” is all Anna says as she steps into the house and holds me tight.

“Why did it take me so long?” I laugh through the tears.

“I think you, Millers, are stubborn,” Anna laughs with me. Anna’s been my friend for about a year now. We met a week after I moved here and hit it off right away. Anna moved from New Jersey, and we bonded over feeling homesick.

“I could argue that, but that only proves your point,” I chuckle.

“So what did he do this time?” Anna asks as she walks to the kitchen. I can see her look at the coffee cup, discarded all over the floor. She doesn’t even say anything and starts picking up the pieces.

“Thanks,” I say softly as embarrassment forms on my cheek in a bright shade of red.

“Talk to me,” she says while she looks up and smiles.

“He left for the game this morning. I looked at his suitcase and saw a thong that wasn’t mine,” I say, picturing the bright red fabric like it’s burned into my brain.

“Did you say something?” Anna asks as she throws the cup's remains in the trash.

“I confronted him. I asked him why he had another girl’s underwear in his suitcase,” I go on as tears form in my eyes again. I try to fight them by swallowing hard. “He said I overreacted.”

“Excuse me?” Anna says sassily as she pours us both a coffee.

“Right? He said he needed to relax, and since I didn’t want to travel with him, he didn’t have a choice,” I explain further.

“You are joking? This is his response after everything you told him last time?” Anna’s voice rises from disbelief.

“And then he had the guts to tell me it doesn’t matter anyway.

The house is in his name, I don’t have a job, and according to him, I have nowhere to go.

” I look up at Anna. “Can you believe that?” Saying the words out loud makes me feel sick.

To be treated like that by someone who is supposed to love you feels sickening.

“I want to freaking punch him,” Anna says angrily, and I smile. She has always looked out for me. Last time James cheated on me, she already told me to get out. I should’ve listened.

“Basically, he expects me to be this housewife type of trophy girlfriend at home while he goes on and gets with any girl he likes when he’s away from home,” I explain.

“Sounds like boyfriend of the year to me,” Anna sighs. “So what are you going to do?”

“I can’t be with him anymore. I am going to break up with him. He is back on Thursday, and I’ll be gone by Friday,” I tell Anna.

“Gone where?” she asks, and I can tell the question scares her. I don’t want to leave her. I think it’s part of why I felt like I needed to stay to begin with.

“I think I need to move to Chicago,” I say softly as a tear rolls down my cheek.

“Are you going to your brother?” Anna asks, and I nod.

“I haven’t talked to him yet, but that seems like the best option for now,” I tell her.

Anna is nervously tapping her foot on the floor. She always gets like this when she’s emotional, and I feel bad. She runs her fingers through her blonde hair, and I can tell her eyes are watery.

“I understand. I’ve been thinking of moving too. The West life isn’t all I hoped it would be,” she laughs.

“Move with me to Chicago,” I suggest hopefully, but Anna shakes her head.

“I never really got over feeling homesick,” she shrugs. “With you gone, it’s going to be a lot easier. I’m going back to New Jersey,” she says as a tear rolls down her cheek.

“Look at us,” I laugh as tears fall down my face as well. “I’m going to miss you.”

“You won’t have to. We’ll stay in touch,” Anna says confidently, and I nod in agreement.

“I should’ve listened to you last time he cheated. I can’t believe I was such an idiot,” I sigh.

“You are far from an idiot. He is the idiot in this story. You are smart, funny, strong, beautiful, and incredibly sweet. He is throwing all that away for what?” Anna says, and I feel my cheeks blush.

“I wonder if the girls know about me. We’ve been pretty private for a bunch of reasons, of course, but sometimes I wonder if they knew about me,” I contemplate out loud.

“Do you think he’s going to take the breakup well?” Anna asks, and I immediately shake my head.

“Definitely not,” I tell her.

“Do you want me to be there?” she asks, and I smile. I feel lucky to have someone like her in my life.

“I’ll be ok. My limits go pretty far, but once you cross them, it’s done,” I explain as I take another sip of coffee.

“My plan is to have my bags packed and in the car. I’ll tell him I’m leaving and then head straight to the airport.

All that is left to do is the actual packing and calling my brother,” I explain, and Anna nods along.

“Why don’t we start now?” she suggests as she gets up and looks around the place. “What do you want to bring?”

“Honestly,” I sigh as I look around the apartment. “This place was never really mine.” The walls of the apartment are white and don’t have any frames. The furniture is black, and the one time I brought home a scented candle, James threw it out.

“It looks staged,” Anna says, glancing around. “Like no one actually lives here.”

“All I need is the pictures we took at the beach and the memories I have of our friendship,” I tell her.

“And clothes,” Anna adds, making me laugh.

“Clothes might be handy,” I chuckle.

Without saying another word, Anna walks toward me and gives me a tight hug. It’s a hug that says more than anyone will ever know. It’s a way of saying goodbye to this era in our lives. Our way of thanking each other for the friendship and support. Our way of saying the support will always be there.

I make sure I squeeze Anna extra tight before we both let go.