Chapter 2
Lisa
My finger has hovered over my brother’s name four times before I actually find the courage to press it. I take a deep breath and let my head fall back onto the couch. I stare at the ceiling while I wait for Zane to pick up.
“Hey sis,” I hear Zane say, and immediately I have to swallow away the emotions that are building in my throat. It’s like a lump that won’t move. I can’t show him how I’m feeling. Not now. It will make him worry, and I can’t distract him.
“How is my favorite brother doing?” I ask, trying to sound positive and cheery.
“I am your only brother,” Zane sarcastically responds, and I laugh.
“So? I still like you,” I counter in an attempt to warm him up.
“I’m good, how are you? How are things in the West?” Zane’s question pushes the emotions back up, and I mute the phone for a second. I take a deep breath, but it’s shaky.
“It’s not what I expected,” I admit honestly as I unmute the phone again.
“Are you ok?” Zane asks, concerned. I wish I could tell him I’m not, but I can’t ruin his life. Not like this.
“I’m alright,” I say while wearing a fake smile in the hope that it sounds more positive. “I don’t think things are working out here. I miss you, I miss my old job, and I even miss freaking Chicago. Can you believe that?”
“Well then, why don’t you move back?” Zane suggests like it’s the right thing to do. Like it’s the thing that makes the most sense. In a way, Anna is a lot like him. Maybe that’s why we got along so well.
“So that’s why I am calling you, my favorite brother,” I say while I try to still sound positive. My voice fails me, and it cracks a bit.
“What do you need?” Zane asks in his polite tone. It’s the tone he uses for restaurant staff and fans asking if he can sign a shirt. Something in me tells me he is already onto me.
“I need a place to stay, only for a little bit. I have my flight booked, but I don’t want to stay in a hotel. I don’t have a big budget at the moment,” I confess.
“So this is why I am your favorite brother?” Zane laughs.
“Among other things,” I tell him sassily.
“Let me know when you arrive. I’ll make sure your room is cleaned out,” Zane tells me, and it feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.
“Thanks, Zane,” I say with a shaky voice. My eyes are tearing up, and I know I need to hang up soon or I’ll break.
“You sure you’re ok?” Zane asks like he can read my mind.
“I will be,” I say, and I don’t know if I’m telling him or myself.
“Just text me when you arrive at the airport. If I can’t get you myself, I’ll have someone come get you,” he explains, and I nod.
“I will. I’ll be there on Friday, but I’ll send you the details later. Bye, Zane.”
“Bye, sis.”
As soon as we hang up, I drop my phone onto the couch and run my fingers through my hair. It’s really happening. I’m leaving. I’m getting out of this, I think to myself, and a smile forms on my face.
I walk through the apartment one last time to make sure I haven’t missed anything. I haven’t touched any of James’ things, though I doubt it matters. He’ll say I have anyway.
When I’m done with my round, I carry the last suitcase to the car. It has all my shoes and weighs way too much. A person shouldn’t own this many shoes.
I am almost out of breath by the time I am back at the apartment when I hear footsteps in the hallway.
James is only supposed to be back in an hour. I wonder if it’s Anna. I open the door to greet her, and when I do, I’m met with James.
“Hey,” he says with a look on his face I recognize all too well. “I need you so bad, babe,” James says as he drops his luggage in the hallway and puts his arms around my waist. I try to pull away, but his grip is tight, and James doesn’t even notice it.
“We need to talk,” I say softly, and James rolls his eyes. According to him, I am always dramatic. I wonder if that’s what he’s thinking right now.
“Let’s talk after,” James says as he tries to guide me toward the bedroom, but I don’t move. He tries again, and when I still don’t move, I finally have his attention. “What now?” he asks, annoyed, and I close my eyes.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I say. My voice shakes, and I hate that it does. “I’m done with you and your games. I don’t want to be with someone who cheats on me. I deserve better.”
“Oh, really?” James asks, and I don’t like his tone. It’s his patronizing ‘I’m better than you are’ tone that managed to make me feel small. I need to rise back up.
“Yes,” I say as I raise my shoulders and try to stand tall. James notices and lets out a huff.
“You won’t make it a single day without me. You have nothing to your name. No house. No job. Nothing,” James says. And the worst part is that a small, broken part of me still wants to believe him.
“I have everything I need,” I say.
James laughs, mean and disbelieving.
“Do you? So this is your way of thanking me? I have given you a roof over your head, food, taken you out countless times, and this is what I get?”
“I’m sorry it had to end like this,” I sigh. “I think I should leave.”
“Where are you even going to go? You’re homeless. You have nothing,” James tells me again, and I feel anger rise inside of me. In a way, I feel relieved by the anger. Last time I tried to break up with James, he made me feel smaller and smaller until I believed I needed him.
“I am not homeless. And not that it is any of your business, but I am moving to Chicago,” I say as I put a hand on my hip. The hallway is starting to feel too small for the both of us, and I look at the distance between me and the door.
“You’re going to cry on your brother’s shoulder? Is that what this is?” James asks angrily, and I shake my head.
“He doesn’t even know about you,” I tell him, and James tilts his head. He grabs my wrist tight, tight enough for it to hurt. “Let go,” I grunt.
“You are going to regret this,” James tells me in a deep tone, making sure I know it’s a threat. He steps closer, making me back into the wall.
“You did this to yourself,” I say as I rip loose from his grip and rub my thumb over my wrist.
“Tell your brother one thing about me,” James threatens as he steps closer. “One thing, and I’ll make you regret it. You know I can.”
Only when James is this close to me can I smell the whisky on his breath. I regret telling Anna not to come by and feel uneasy about it. Tears well up in my eyes, and I try to swallow them away.
“You know I will always be connected to your life,” James chuckles as he takes a step back.
“Goodbye, James,” I say softly as I take the keys I had in my back pocket and drop them on the dresser.
“You weren’t even good in bed. I screwed a redhead on the plane,” James laughs manically before he walks away and heads to the kitchen.
I quickly make my way to the front door and get out of the apartment. Tears are rolling down my face by the time I get to the car, and once I get in, I quickly close the door.
My heart is still pounding, and my hands are shaking. I manage to use the CarPlay to call Anna.
“Are you ok?” she asks in a panicked voice. She knows James too well.
“I’m ok,” I say as I cry softly. “It’s over,” I continue, though James’s words keep ringing in my ear. I will always be connected to your life. I feel scared, relieved, everything at once.
“I am so proud of you, Lisa,” Anna tells me, and I can tell she’s crying too.
“Promise me you’ll come over in August,” I beg of her, and Anna agrees right away.
“Of course. It’ll only be a couple of months before we see each other again,” she comforts me, and I smile.
When I look up at the apartment, I see the curtain move a little, and it sends a shiver down my spine. I quickly turn on the car and drive away without looking back.
“I’ll call you when I’m in Chicago,” I tell Anna before we both hang up the phone.
Lainey Wilson plays on the radio, and I sing along to try to calm my nerves. Being on a different side of the country should feel a lot safer than it does right now, but at least I got out of the apartment.
Slowly, I’m starting to dream of the opportunities Chicago can bring me as I make my way to the airport.