Chapter 44 Never Said It
NEVER SAID IT
Jocelyn opened the door when she heard the knock.
Part of her wanted to ignore the text from Chance. The other part said they needed to figure this out.
She’d blurted out her love for him and he stood there as if she had kicked him between the legs and he was too afraid to even bend over and clutch his junk.
“I didn’t think I’d see you today,” she said.
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to.”
He looked as if he was a little lost and it broke her heart some.
The big tough boy in school had this look in his eyes too that she saw and no one else did.
As if no one cared about him, and he wished they had.
Now he had someone in his life who did and she was damn well going to make sure he saw it, even if she had to bean him on the head with it.
She was who she was and take her that way or not. If it was not, she’d find a way to mend her broken heart.
“I was tempted to let you stew some,” she said. “I can’t believe you’ve been able to think it through so quickly.” Not the guy who second-guessed things so much.
“It’s amazing what a person can do when they are feeling sorry for themselves and think they threw the best thing in their life away.”
She spun from where she was walking away from him to get to the couch and sit. “What?” she squeaked out.
“You heard me. You’ve got to know how I feel.”
“I don’t have to know anything,” she said. “Because you’ve never said it.”
“Neither have you.”
“But I just did,” she said. “And you looked shocked.”
“You ran away before I could say more,” he argued.
She sighed and put her hand up. “I don’t want to fight again. If you came here to hammer your point across, you’re just wasting your breath.”
“I didn’t. I came to say I love you too. To at least start with that.”
Her mouth opened and then closed. “You do?”
“Yeah. I’ve been struggling with it for several reasons.”
“Don’t you dare say anything about being worried you wouldn’t measure up.” She was close to growling at him. She was sick and tired of going down that road.
“I won’t,” he said. “I promise. I’ve had my ass handed to me by my grandmother.
She said more of the same you did. Sometimes I can’t get out of my own way.
Then there’s you who had it all planned out and the clean path you’re going to follow and are showing me how to do it with you.
I struggle to keep up and it makes me think of everything else we’ve got that is different between us. ”
She laughed. “I’m not nearly the planner that I used to be.
If I was, I wouldn’t have shown you that land until I had the house laid out and color choices picked because I’d want to make sure it was perfect.
But I don’t want to make it perfect for me.
I want to make it for us. You just choose to gloss over that part and it was wrong of me to just hit you with it like I had that way.
I got excited and happy, and I didn’t think. ”
“Really?”
“Yes. My mother would say I’m the best version of myself right now.
I’m more open and free with how I feel, what I say, and what I want to do.
I’m not hiding who I am because I’m afraid I’m too much for someone anymore.
No one should have to do that. Be you and I’ll be me.
Some might say I’ve shown more growth than you. ”
“Very funny,” he said. “Put your chin back down, Princess.”
She smiled over the endearment he rarely called her. They’d get through this. They had to.
“I’m not trying to be funny. Or maybe I was a little.
It was more about pointing out the facts.
Honestly, Chance. I don’t want to be tiptoeing over everything I want to do for fear you’re going to think it’s a shot against you.
Or something you can’t provide or afford.
That’s not good for either of us. You’ve never let me know you felt that way until now and that’s why I didn’t think you’d react the way you had. You have to open up too.”
“No, it’s not good to tiptoe around.”
“It’s exactly as I said. I’m building this house for us.
I want you there with me, but if you’re not ready, I get it.
I’ll be upset, but I’ll understand that maybe you need to warm up to it some.
I know what love feels like. What real love feels like.
I worried I’d never find it and that was getting in my way.
Making me not just be me and being someone I’m not makes me unhappy, which in turn hurts relationships.
Like today. But you need to just open your mind more.
None of this was meant as an insult and you took it that way.
Maybe I’m more hurt over the fact you thought I was proving I was better than you when I’ve never felt that way. ”
“All things my grandmother pointed out. I overreacted. I’m stressed about Baylee being out of jail.”
“I know you are,” she said. “But there are always going to be things in our lives that will stress us. We can’t wait around hoping for the perfect time to do anything.”
He nodded his head. “Agreed. I’m sorry if I hurt you with my words earlier. You were excited and I took that away from you. No one should do that.”
“You did take it away. I wanted you to be excited with me. I didn’t think it’d cause you to get angry. I guess I thought you were past the way you thought about yourself. It looked it to me, but I wasn’t seeing clearly either. Love could have been clouding that.”
He sighed. “I should be past it and I’m getting there. I really am. Mainly because of you and your family.”
“Awww, that’s nice of you to say. But I think you’ve done most of the work on your own. I had no part in where you are in life.”
“But you have a part in me falling in love. I don’t know that I ever thought I would. I wasn’t looking for it, that much I know.”
“I have been looking for it and couldn’t find it. When I stopped looking I found you.”
“The Fierces would like to say they had a part in it.”
“You know?” she asked, her jaw dropping.
She’d thought he would have caught on two weeks ago and hadn’t. Then she lost her nerve to tell him.
He’d been so excited over Maverick’s first Christmas and everything he bought and set up, the last thing she wanted to do was take his mind off that and put it on their relationship.
“I didn’t until about thirty minutes ago.”
She frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Do your parents know about today? The house, our fight, anything?”
“No. I haven’t told them. I was going to call my mother tonight because I’m sure Elise will say something to Gabe. But I wanted to wait until I saw the land and decided myself. Why?”
“Because your parents and the four Fierces showed up for lunch.”
“And you thought I sent them there?” This wasn’t good.
“No. I didn’t. They were being too nice. If they knew about our fight, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t have come or she would have given me shit. I know you learned it all from her.”
“That’s right,” she said, nodding.
And she was going to find out from her mother exactly what happened.
Talk about horrible timing when she wanted Chance to figure out his feelings for her on his own.
“I went over to talk to them before they left and Grant made a comment about knowing we’d be perfect together just by watching us that one day.”
“They wanted to set me up and I said no.”
“Your mother said that. We didn’t talk much more about it. I promise, but you can check with her. My grandmother knows about our fight.”
“She guessed something was wrong by looking at you, didn’t she?”
For a man who thought he didn’t have anyone in his life, he had the right person at the right times.
“Yeah. That led to the verbal beating. After your parents and the Fierces left, she commented on me getting the stamp of approval from your parents.”
“And it triggered what was said at the party on Christmas Eve?”
“Yes. It made me realize they don’t know my past. They were making their judgments on who I am today.”
“Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.”
He laughed. “I’m slow. Or as my grandmother said, I’m an idiot. I didn’t see you loved me when she said everyone else could see it.”
“I guess I’m an idiot too because I didn’t see that you loved me either. Which is nuts because I see how you look at Mav and it’s the same way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention.”
What a fool she’d been.
If she’d noticed before today she could have said something and saved them both this fight.
But sometimes you need to have a breakdown in communication to repair it for the future.
He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. “Can we move past this? I don’t want to fight.
I just want to go back to how we were. I like what we’ve got.
I want more of it. I want to learn from you.
I want my son to see what a normal family looks like.
Not who is the provider, who has more, who works harder at a job, but how we work as a unit. ”
“Are you doing it for Maverick, you, or us?”
“All the above. It can be that way, right? But I wouldn’t stay with someone just for my son. Because if I’m not happy, he won’t be. Just like if you aren’t happy, we won’t be either.”
Exactly the answer she wanted.
“It can be that way,” she said. “Because I want to be happy too. Happy with you!”