Chapter 15 #3
Padraig stood dumbfounded. Cairren was ready to spit nails, but she looked magnificent.
Her silver-gray eyes glowed in the firelight that drew out the red and gold in her hair.
She spoke calmly and with conviction, and she spoke the truth.
Even as his body reacted as it always did, he saw the sense in what she said.
He wondered if she had spoken to Innes and learned what he’d said that afternoon.
Her words were so close to her father’s.
He found himself nodding, but he didn’t know what to say in response.
He wasn’t ready to leave. They had resolved nothing, and they needed to find a way to coexist. While he didn’t want their intimacy to end after one night, he accepted that it might.
But he still needed to get Cairren to learn to live alongside Myrna because the latter once again refused to consider leaving.
She’d brought up the topic of staying in front of his mother and father, and even though he’d argued it would be best for her to return to Balnagown, his parents overruled him.
A blind man could see what they were doing, but he was powerless to change their edict, and he needed Cairren to know that.
Padraig walked to one of the two chairs before the fireplace and sat.
He looked back at Cairren to see if she would join him, but she shook her head.
Instead, she went to stand by the door. He sighed but stretched his long legs out before him.
He thought to wait her out, thinking she would eventually give up and join him, but the minutes drew out.
He glanced back at Cairren, and she still stood with her arms crossed.
He thought she might have given in to leaning against the wall, but she stood like a statue. He shook his head and sighed once more.
“I told Myrna she needed to leave when she brought up staying longer. She did it in front of my parents, and they disagreed with me. They said she is to stay. I would have taken her home, and I would have gone to visit her every day that my duties allowed.”
“And then returned every night to tup me.”
“Isn’t that what you said you want? You want her gone, but you also want me.”
“It’s the best I could hope for. But that’s all it is. Hope. And hope is often wasted.”
“Then how do we move forward? The three of us shall live under this roof until who knows when.”
“Why are you asking me? I’m not the problem in this little love triangle.
I’ve accepted my role. It’s Myrna who can’t accept me.
Bed me if you want, if you dare defy her.
Don’t bed me if you can’t live with the consequences.
One way or another, my parents leave at dawn, and I’m stuck here.
Your clan loathes me, so whether we share a bed or not isn’t my most pressing concern. ”
Padraig stood and walked toward Cairren.
When she didn’t shy away, he cupped her jaw, tilting her head back to look into her eyes.
“You’re being flippant and distant to cover how much you’re hurting.
And I’m the cause of that hurt, directly and indirectly.
I wish there was more that I could do to fix this, but the more I try to please everyone, the more displeased everyone is. ”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” Cairren glared at him.
“No. That’s not what I meant. I meant that while I’ve made a mess of everything, I am trying. I told you last night, that I know I’m making mistakes, but I can at least make you feel good when it’s just the two of us.”
Cairren closed her eyes and prayed for patience.
“But it’s never just the two of us. You don’t think she’ll know?
” She blew out a breath in exasperation.
“You do not understand women in the least. If she’s not doing it this very minute, I guarantee you she will at some point tonight and every night coming.
Myrna will check your chamber. She will look to see if I’m there or if you’ve left.
You will not be able to hide this from her. ”
“She’s not like that.”
“Oh, and you’re not a fool,” Cairren mocked.
“Court is filled with jealous lovers and mistresses who spy upon one another. This Greek tragedy is no different than what is played out every night in Stirling Castle. You may desire me, but you don’t want me any more tonight than you did before we met.
You’ll bed me because now that you’ve pledged yourself before God, your honor demands you remain faithful.
I’m the only option besides celibacy. Besides, you’d never besmirch Myrna’s honor by treating her as your mistress.
You wouldn’t dare steal her maidenhead, even though I’m certain she’s offered.
Let me guess. She’s even said she’ll find someone else to do the dishonorable deed, so she’ll no longer be a maiden, and you won’t have to feel guilty.
” Cairren watched as surprise and recognition flared in Padraig’s eyes.
“I’m right, aren’t I? Do you know why I guessed the truth?
Because she isn’t doing aught I haven’t seen other women do to manipulate men.
But she’s too perfect in your eyes to sin, so leave.
This is the last time I will say it before I scream. My father will butcher you.”
“I’ll go, but this isn’t over yet, Cairren.”
“You, me, and a bed is. Goodnight.” Cairren opened the door, and Padraig passed through. She pushed it closed before he could say anything else, and he heard the bar drop into place. He sighed and trudged to his chamber, where another night of restlessness awaited.