Chapter 42
Cairren swept her eyes over every surface in the chamber she’d shared with Laurel Ross for three years.
The familiarity was comforting after the heated conversation she had with Padraig.
He’d argued against her returning to a ladies-in-waiting chamber; he’d wanted her to share a suite with him.
She choked out that it would be harder than ever for her to part with him if they shared a chamber.
Then she played her trump card: she needed time with her sister.
They’d assigned Caitlyn to Laurel’s chamber when Cairren left.
She looked at the bed and smiled. It would be barely large enough for the two of them, but it reminded her of when they were children.
Padraig had thrown his hands in the air and given in.
He swore he wouldn’t do anything to keep the sisters apart, even if he grew lonely in his chamber by himself.
Cairren had embraced him out of habit. It was their first affection since she shared a bedroll with him two nights earlier.
They’d both been unsure what to do once they were in each other’s arms. They pulled apart and looked in different directions.
She’d tried to convince him to leave as soon as he knew she was settled, but a vein pulsed in his temple so hard that she feared it would rupture.
She kept her thoughts to herself after that.
Cairren sat on the end of the bed and waited for Caitlyn and Laurel to return. She knew they would venture back to their chamber soon to dress for the evening meal. She didn’t have long to wait before the women entered and stopped short. Caitlyn recovered first.
“Cairren!” The sisters flew into one another’s arms and nearly knocked each other off their feet. “What’re you doing here? I never expected to—” Caitlyn broke off, neither wanting to state the truth: that they had expected they would never see one another again.
“It was Myrna, wasn’t it?” Laurel whispered.
“She contributed to it, but she wasn’t the only reason I’ve returned,” Cairren admitted.
“Were they hateful and dreadful to you?” Caitlyn demanded with righteous indignation.
Cairren drew in a breath and nodded. “How are they to you here, Caity?”
“Better than they were when you arrived. I suppose I’m light enough that I pass inspection. What happened, Cairren?”
Cairren looked at Laurel, who looked miserable and embarrassed.
“Laurel, I must thank you for warning me aboot Padraig and Myrna. It still hurt to see them together when I arrived, but at least it didn’t shock me.
Nay, that came soon after.” Cairren walked over to Laurel, who’d moved out of the sisters’ way.
She took the other lady’s hands in hers.
“You are not your sister. I don’t hold her actions against you. ”
“Thank you,” Laurel whispered. “But I am sorry for what she did. I already know much of it. She sent me missives boasting.”
Cairren took a seat on the bed again and patted the space beside her. Caitlyn joined her, and Laurel took a seat on her bed.
“What did she do?” Caitlyn asked.
“She wasn’t willing to give up Padraig. And he wasn’t willing to give her up either.
We married the day after I arrived, and naught good happened after that.
” Cairren shrugged. “Padraig is a handsome mon, and he finds me appealing. We got along in private, but every morning, he went in search of Myrna. He refused to send her home, and when he suggested it, she found ways to stay. I made friends with my sister-by-marriage, Wynda, but Duncan, my brother-by-marriage, caused her death. It only grew more miserable after that. Even when Myrna eventually left, the clan was still hostile to me. My mother-by-marriage and the clan’s priest fueled rumors aboot me.
” Cairren avoided giving more details, in part because it hurt to rehash the past when she would have to do it before the king and queen, and also in part because she didn’t want to frighten her sister.
“What did they say?” Caitlyn asked, her eyes wide.
“Naught that I want to repeat, but they accused me of heresy. I sought shelter with the Sutherlands. I must see Blair soon and thank her. I suspect Lachlan is already with her. He and several Sutherland men travelled with us when my plan was to come here.” Cairren didn’t want to share what happened with Duncan and the caves, but she couldn’t keep something so dire from her sister.
She suspected King Robert would force her to give a full recitation, so she saw little point in holding back from Caitlyn and Laurel.
“There was an incident before I left Foulis for the last time. Duncan took me to some caves where the Cromarty and Moray firths meet. He intended to leave me there as the tide rose. I was able to get free, and Padraig and Lachlan, with their men, pulled me from the water. We returned to Foulis, and my reception was far warmer than ever before. But I still believe it’s for best that I returned to court. ”
Laurel and Caitlyn sat in stunned silence as Cairren shared the abridged story of the past months. Caitlyn’s mouth was agape while Laurel’s eyes were as round as saucers. Laurel recovered first. With much hesitation, she asked, “Do you ken aboot Duncan and Myrna?”
“Yes. You obviously do. Have you always known?” Cairren asked.
Laurel nodded sheepishly. “I caught them once several years ago. It was what made Myrna push my father into sending me here. It had naught to do with finding a husband who’d accept my small dowry.
She wanted me away so I couldn’t tell anyone.
” Tears welled in her eyes. “I knew Myrna would make your life difficult, but I never imagined the things she boasted in her letters. And I never imagined Duncan would kill Wynda or try to kill you. I swear I would have warned you away. I would have told your parents everything and saved you the suffering. I knew Wynda. She was kind, and she never deserved what Duncan did to her.”
“How did she die?” Caitlyn whispered.
“He strangled her.” Cairren bit her lip to keep from crying.
“I found her on her bed. I’d convinced her that morn to return to her clan.
I don’t ken if Duncan learned of it or something else made him do it.
But she was with child. Naught happened to him.
Lady Mary was aware of the affair the entire time.
While Duncan was married to Wynda, he could only have Myrna as his mistress.
They concocted the plan to have Padraig fall in love with Myrna and marry her, so she would be closer to Duncan.
She would have passed off Duncan’s bairns as Padraig’s.
She was carrying when I arrived, but her attempts to seduce Padraig failed.
I can only imagine what she did, but I ken it wasn’t the first time. ”
“My sister has a black soul. I don’t know why.
She’s naught like the rest of us. She’s always found pleasure in hurting other people, and she found a kindred spirit with Duncan.
They make one another worse. Cairren, I’m sure there’s more you don’t want to speak of, but I really am so very sorry. I swear I would have spoken up.”
“I know, Laurel. They will see the difference between you and your sister all the way in Heaven. St. Peter won’t blame you for the sins of your sister. I don’t blame you. It sounds like you’ve suffered enough from her,” Cairren sympathized.
“What will you do?” Caitlyn asked.
“I suppose I shall have to seek an audience with the queen or more likely the king. It was King Robert’s order that Padraig and I marry.
He won’t be happy to learn of all that happened.
I won’t lie, but neither will I tell more than I must. I realized as I was leaving, that just as there is naught inherently evil aboot my skin, there’s naught inherently evil within most of the Munros.
They haven’t met people from foreign lands like we do at court.
They aren’t educated like many of us. And they are at the mercy of their laird.
If their laird denounces someone, accuses them of being unworthy, then they take their guidance from him.
When their priest threatens damnation, and they’ve been raised to believe he’s God’s voice on Earth, they believe what they hear.
What choice do they have? I’m not excusing those who were cruel to me, those who wanted harm to befall me.
But I understand how they were sheep who blindly followed their shepherd.
Many accepted me, even seemed to want me to stay.
But Laird and Lady Munro and Duncan pose too great a threat to me.
And if Duncan marries Myrna, I will never return while they are at Foulis.
My life would be forfeit the moment I arrived.
Their hate is too complex, borne of too many things, to ever overcome.
And I don’t want to try. The effort will never be worth the risk. ”
“What will happen with you and Padraig?” Caitlyn wondered.
“I don’t ken. He’s offered to go to Dunure with me, but he has duties at Foulis. And until Duncan has a son, Padraig is his heir, second in line to the lairdship. He can’t abandon his clan.”
“But he wants to leave? He’s willing to?” Laurel was incredulous. “He must love you far more than he ever imagined he loved Myrna.”
“Imagined?” Cairren’s brow furrowed.
“That wasn’t love.” Laurel shook her head.
“She did and said everything she thought would make him trail after her. She became the person he wanted to fall in love with, but that was never, ever her. It can’t be love when it’s based entirely on a falsehood.
Infatuation, certainly. Love, never. I suspect Padraig clung to what he knew, what he believed in and didn’t want to accept was false.
It would be hard to admit he’d been so greatly fooled. ”
“It was his pride, and he admitted as much,” Cairren sighed.