31. Changes In My Life
31
CHANGES IN MY LIFE
“ W hy are you nervous about this?” Hyde asked her a month later. “It’s only turkey and mashed potatoes. You’ve met my parents already too.”
Tori looked at Hyde in his car as they drove to his childhood home. “Because I’ve never had a family holiday before.”
“What?” he asked, twisting his head. “You’re joking, right?”
“Ah, no,” she said. “I wouldn’t joke about that. I told you my father left when I was ten. It was just my mother and me.”
“But before that, you had no family holidays? Not with grandparents or anything?”
She thought for a minute. “I guess so. I don’t remember. I was young. My mother didn’t have much of a relationship with her parents and they didn’t live close to us. I don’t remember them and they’ve passed at this point. My father’s parents were around and we might have seen them for holidays but not much more. My mother is an only child, my father has a brother who didn’t live near us either.”
“I can’t imagine that,” he said. “Not that my family is big, but we always had grandparents or aunts or uncles over for holidays. Or we went to their houses. As we’ve gotten older, people have passed and some moved away, so it’s just the five of us this year.”
“Did you used to come home before you moved back? For holidays?”
“Sometimes,” he said. “Or I went to Shana’s. It depended on what was going on. We had a few Thanksgivings with just friends too.”
“I’ve had that,” she said. “In Florida. It was fun.”
“You mean you have had no holidays with Raina since you’ve lived here? I find that hard to believe.”
She sighed. “I’ve been invited but never accepted. Before Duke was born, they were going to Greenville with Ryder and his family either for Thanksgiving or Christmas. They tried to plan it out so they all went to one and Cody and Marissa’s parents came here for the other. Ryder still goes to his parents’ house in the morning on Christmas when he’s here and Marissa’s parents stay back with Raina and Cody or by themselves. Raina has a big family too.”
When she heard all about the juggling over the years, she’d told herself she was glad she never had to worry about that.
But then being alone wasn’t always that much fun either.
“It can get stressful I’m sure, but I’ve never worried much. And it’s just us today so not even a big family holiday. I don’t know why you are thinking it is.”
“Maybe because the last time it was at a restaurant and only an hour long. This is most of the day.”
“Relax,” he said. “My sister will be fine. My mother too. They like you. I told you that.”
“I know,” she said. “One more of those changes in my life.”
He looked over at her. “What happened with your mother this morning on the phone?”
She’d stayed at Hyde’s last night and would again tonight. She knew he wanted her to stay most of the weekend, but they were playing it by ear.
In her mind it was still early to be spending that many nights together in a row.
But if they were on vacation together, they’d do it too.
There she was over analyzing everything to death.
“Not much,” she said.
“But she called you,” he said. “And then you were in a mood after. Is she upset that you didn’t go home or something? Do you normally do that?”
“No,” she said. “I haven’t in a few years. I figured I’d get the guilt piled on me over it, but she ended up saying she was going to dinner with Dan.”
“The guy that blew her off a month ago?” he asked.
“That’s him. I guess a few weeks ago he reached out and asked if he could have a second chance after he hadn’t talked to her since the day he said he needed space.”
“And she agreed?” he asked.
“Sounds it. I didn’t bother to tell her it was a bad idea. I’ve done that before. She’s an adult and makes her own decisions.”
She’d gone to the other room to talk to her mother because she didn’t want Hyde to witness the call. Not that she thought she’d yell because she never did with her mother, but she was more embarrassed than anything else.
“How come you don’t feel that way about everything else with her?” he asked.
She squinted one eye when she looked at him. “I’m trying to. I thought it was odd her whining emails and texts haven’t been as frequent the past few weeks. Guess I should have realized there was a guy back in her life. I didn’t think it’d be Dan again, but it’s her problem, not mine.”
“Until it happens again and she calls you crying,” he said.
She didn’t know if Hyde was purposely baiting her or not. “What’s this all about?”
“Nothing,” he said.
“It’s something. I know you’re not trying to work me up, but I’m getting there. So something is bothering you. What is it?”
He didn’t answer right away and then said, “How come you didn’t tell your mother about me or spending the holiday with my family?”
“Were you listening at the door?” she asked, frowning.
“No,” he said. “But you left the door open and I could hear some of your words. Not once did my name come up or anything close to it. Unless I’m wrong and then I’ll say I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t tell her,” she said.
“Why?”
“Does it bother you?” she asked.
“Obviously,” he said. “We are in a relationship. We love each other even if we are taking it slow. You are going to my parents’ house for the holiday and yet your mother doesn’t even know I exist. So yeah, I’m bothered.”
Not the best way to start her day, but she had this coming. She was glad he could be honest, even if it was something she didn’t want to hear because she knew she was wrong.
“I couldn’t get a word in edge-wise with her,” she said. “I really wanted to tell her and tried, but she kept cutting me off talking about Dan and how great he was. When she finally stopped, I heard him in the background and she said she had to leave, that he’d just gotten there.”
Her mother didn’t even say bye, just hung up on her.
Nothing she hadn’t had done to her before.
Did she feel her mother used her? Yeah, she did.
But she had her own defense mechanisms and didn’t want to be criticized for them either.
“So you wanted to tell her?” he asked.
“I planned on it. I figured today would be a good day to say it by mentioning I was going to your house.”
“You had to go into my bedroom to say it?” he asked. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how she’d react. I didn’t want you to read more into things if I was getting frustrated over my conversation. Chances are it wouldn’t have been about you and I was right. There was nothing about you on that call. Most of the calls are never about me and you are with me.”
“I’m sorry if I’m coming off strong on this,” he said.
“Don’t worry. We said we’d talk things through and we are. Might not be the best time for it, but it is what it is. I’ll try to tell my mother soon. But she made it sound like she was spending the entire weekend with Dan and that they might go away.”
Which meant her mother wouldn’t even answer her calls most likely unless it was an emergency. Even then, that was up for debate.
“We’ll put it from our minds,” he said. “Sorry if I put you in a mood now.”
“You didn’t,” she said. “Not really. My mother did and you saw it. I’ve got to figure this out. I don’t normally let her affect me quite this much.”
“Why are you now?” he asked.
“The only answer I can come up with sounds silly.”
“Then humor me,” he said.
She laughed. “Sure. Why not? I think seeing what we’ve got and how you are with your family and wanting me to be a part of it made me realize everything I’ve really missed out on growing up. I’ve always known it but never let it get to me too much.”
His hand reached over and rubbed on her thigh. “But it is now?”
“Slightly. Not in a bad way. More like a reflection on my life. And it has me thinking about how to handle anything with my mother going forward if she is upsetting me this much.”
“Upsetting is a strong word,” he said. “Earlier it was bothered.”
She forced out a laugh. “How about it’s in between upset and bothered? Some things won’t ever change. You can’t completely forget your past.”
“I know that just as much as you,” he said. “But I’m trying my hardest not to let it drag me down.”
She told herself not to get offended he used those words. She couldn’t jump on everything that came out of his mouth.
“Yours isn’t ongoing like mine though,” she said.
He had no response to that and it was for the best.