32. Out In The Open
32
OUT IN THE OPEN
“ H ow come you didn’t tell me you talked to Jax this week?” Hyde asked the next day at his apartment.
They were both off and had no plans.
There was no way he was stepping foot in a mall on Black Friday and Tori didn’t seem to want to shop either.
“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” she said. “You told me weeks ago that it was my decision what I did about my job.”
“It is,” he said. “But I thought you’d at least talk to me about it. I talk to you about my job. You know I’m working on the space that Jax’s agency is going to be moving into.”
“I don’t want to fight,” she said.
“I’m not trying to fight,” he said. “You just started talking like I knew what you were saying about your interview, but you didn’t even tell me you had it. So I asked you why?”
Could he be so wrong about everything with Tori or was she so used to doing everything herself that it didn’t occur to her to share her life with him?
In the past, he never cared all that much if he knew every detail about a woman he was with. But with Tori, he wanted to know more about what was going on with her and couldn’t seem to get her to understand that.
And when they tried to talk about things it always came off wrong on both their parts.
“Sorry,” she said. “Maybe I thought I told you, but it was Raina. It’s not a big deal. It was more like an informal thing. We met for lunch rather than me going to his office. I wasn’t sure what I wanted and felt if I walked in there people would know and it could get back to my boss.”
“So you went to lunch with another man?” he asked.
She spun, her jaw dropping. “Are you jealous or just don’t trust me?”
“Shit,” he said. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t be and don’t know why that came out of my mouth.”
He was running his hands through his hair.
What the fuck was wrong with the two of them always doing this?
Was it caring too much that they jumped when they didn’t need to?
She grabbed his arm and pulled him to the couch. “Sit. We are going to talk. You’re the one that is always the calm one and it should be me this time. Let’s use some time today to get things out in the open when we aren’t rushing to be somewhere.”
He knew the conversation they had in the car on the way to his parents’ wasn’t the best timing.
Thankfully by the time they got there, Tori was fine. Or she acted it at least.
He felt like shit that he even said what he had. Or more like when he had.
“We can do that,” he said. “I’m sorry I said what I did. I feel like the two of us are always saying we are sorry.”
She laughed. “Glad to know it’s not just me. I never thought I’d be in a relationship like this.”
“Like what?”
“The hot and cold.”
“I don’t think I’m hot and cold. At least what I feel for you? Do you think that about me?”
She rolled her eyes. “No,” she said. “I don’t. It’s the wrong choice of words. Maybe I should say we love as strongly as we hate, but I don’t like using that word either. It’s just way too negative.”
“I get it,” he said. “How about we are passionate about things? Good and bad.”
“That’s better,” she said. “See. I like that. We are both passionate people. And you should know, I’ve never felt that with anyone. We already know my actions with you are different than with others and I think it comes down to what you said. It’s passion. Passion can be in more forms than just a sexual nature.”
“It can,” he said. “But we know we both love passionately too. Maybe that is why we react so fast.”
“We do,” she said. “And we can do some of that later. In terms of love. But let me explain a few things to you and maybe you can understand better. I feel like we are still clearing the weeds. It’s not a bad thing, but something happens and we react rather than talk. Right?”
“We are both guilty of that,” he said.
“I’m very independent.”
“No shit,” he said.
She laughed. “You know why I am. I’m not used to explaining myself to anyone. Not in my personal life. Raina is the only person who I share that much with, and even then, it’s not a ton.”
“I’m understanding that more about you,” he said. “In the past, I never cared about those things with other women. I mean we’d talk and if someone went in depth I might have just ignored them or pretended to be listening.”
“Oh, really?” she said. “Makes me not want to tell you things now.”
“See,” he said. “I was trying to be honest so you could understand that I want to know you.”
“Then that is how you should have said it,” she said, poking at his arm.
“I’d like to know what is going on in your life,” he said. “Not for any other reason than we are in a relationship and I’d hope you’d tell me. Doesn’t mean I need every detail of a pair of pants that don’t fit you right or shoes that are your favorite and now they are scuffed.”
She laughed. “Don’t worry about that ,” she said. “I don’t pay too much attention to those things myself. Or if I notice them, I don’t care. As for Jax…I was interested in what he had to say. His employee in my position is retiring at the end of the year. He hasn’t gotten any good applicants and he was thrilled when I reached out. I thought for sure when I did it’d be too late and the job would be filled.”
“Is that why you waited so long?” he asked. “So if it was filled you’d be like, guess it wasn’t meant, rather than being put into a position of having to decide?”
He didn’t want to use the words self-sabotage again, but he was thinking that avoidance might be an appropriate term to describe Tori in some areas of her life.
Like not telling her mother about him.
But he wasn’t going to push.
From what he knew about Emily Miller, it might be best to just let Tori handle things the way she was used to.
“You could be right,” she said. “I honestly put little thought into it. When he first told me, I thought it was nice to hear but brushed it off. I like my job a lot. Then I got thinking it’s always nice to have options. I don’t want to settle in my career. Or anything in my life.”
“Good for you,” he said. “I feel the same way. I hated I pretty much got a demotion when I came here, but I didn’t take that huge of a pay cut.”
“Which means when you reach the same title as before you’ll be making more,” she said.
“I will. And I know I’ll get there. Not because of who I am to the family but because I’m damn good at my job.”
“The same with me,” she said. “I’m good at what I do. I love it like you love what you do. And I looked at where I was and where I could go. My boss’s job, that is it. She’s only forty, so she isn’t going anywhere any time soon.”
“I know I pick on you for planning things out, but in this case, it’s a good thing.”
“I think so too. I just wanted to meet with him and see what the job was about. I explained I loved what I was doing and where I was. I’ve been here almost two years and have been promoted to this position. I was only in my last position about eight months when they promoted me.”
“And you worry they will be upset if you leave?” he asked.
“Kind of. I know I have to make these decisions for me and not the guilt factor.”
“Put that all aside. Are you interested in the job with Jax?”
She frowned. “Very.”
“Why that face?”
“Because it wasn’t an official interview. I mean it kind of was. But he said if I was interested, he’d like me to come in and meet with the person I’d be replacing and a few others.”
“And then you are worried it’s going to get back to Molly and if you don’t get it, it could be awkward?”
“That is a big part of it,” she said. “The other part is change.”
“Oh,” he said. “Trust me, I know change is hard, but it’s not all bad either. I’m looking at something good right now.”
She smiled at him. “I’m doing the same. I worry this thing with us might fizzle.”
“Or it’s going to spark,” he said. “Don’t think those things. Passionate. Remember that.”
“I’m trying,” she said. “I really am. I don’t want you to think that you’ve put more work in than me. I worry about that. Or did in the beginning.”
“Can I confess that I did too? Not just that CeeCee brought it up, but it made me wonder if I was setting myself up.”
When she frowned again, he worried she’d get ticked that he might compare her to Shana.
“And I wondered if it was healthy for you to do it and not me. I felt bad about it too, but when your mother sided with me, she explained it in a way that I never thought of, and it made sense. I’m glad you worked harder than me and came back again. If you hadn’t, I’m not sure we’d be here now.”
He snorted. “I’m pretty sure we would be.”
“Why is that?” she asked.
He debated mentioning the Fierces again, but it wasn’t a secret either. “I don’t know that Ryder’s parents would have let it go. I think they would have been still trying to push us toward the other.”
She laughed. “I’ve heard they are stubborn that way. But I don’t care what anyone says, you can’t force people to feel something that they might not.”
“No,” he said. “You can’t. What I feel for you is what drives me to put my foot in my mouth all the time.”
“Glad to know I’m just as flexible as you now.”