42. Did This All The Time
42
DID THIS ALL THE TIME
“ H yde. Is that you?”
Two weeks later, she and Hyde went to the mall and just get out of the house.
He turned to look at the woman that called his name.
“Hilary,” he said, looking confused, then looking at Tori. “How are you?”
“I’d be better if it wasn’t for you,” Hilary said.
Oh boy, Tori wasn’t sure she wanted to stand here and witness this. It was probably an ex, but since Hyde just moved back to this area and she knew he had dated no one but her, it couldn’t be recent.
“I’m not sure what you want from me,” he said. “I had no control over anything.”
She didn’t like the way he was looking back and forth between the two of them.
“Yeah, well I’m damaged goods now. No one wants me.”
“What?” he asked.
“I can’t have kids now,” Hilary said, her eyes filling. “Your child ruined me for life.”
Tori’s jaw dropped.
No freaking way this was happening.
“Excuse me,” Tori said and turned to walk away. No way she was listening to this and found the restroom to clear her head.
She came out ten minutes later and saw Hyde standing where she’d left him, this time he was alone.
“Thanks for walking away from me,” he said. “Leaving me standing there having to take her shit.”
“Me?” she asked in a hushed whisper. “We need to leave because I don’t want to scream at you in the mall.”
“Let’s go,” he said. “Because I’ve got a lot to say to you too over that.”
They both marched out to his car. She wasn’t sure why he was so pissed at her.
She wasn’t the one that just dropped a bomb like that on him.
“You’ve got a kid?” she asked.
How the hell had she not known that? There was no way it could have been kept a secret.
“No,” he said. “I don’t. Are you going to let me explain anything to you?”
“Oh, I expect it,” she said, crossing her arms.
They drove to her apartment in silence. It was fine for her because she didn’t want to fight in the car.
But the minute they were in her place, he slammed the door and turned to her. “I dated Hilary in high school. Our senior year. We dated for a few months. That’s it.”
“And she got pregnant?” she asked.
“She did,” he said. “But I had no idea. She didn’t either. She was late, but we didn’t think anything of it. I wore condoms. I was her first. We’d only had sex a few times. She got her period a few weeks late. She was in a lot of pain and it wasn’t normal for her. Her mother brought her to the hospital.”
“She lost the baby?”
“Yes. It was one of those things where the fetus was outside the uterus or something. I don’t remember. I was barely eighteen. She was seventeen. She had to have surgery, but they’d told her they didn’t think there’d be any long-term damage. No one knew but our parents. Unless she told someone. I sure the hell didn’t.”
“What happened then?”
“We split up shortly after. I ended things with her and went to college. She hated me. I knew that. I get it. She was going through something hard and part of me felt like shit and the other part was relieved. I don’t know what I would have done if she was pregnant and had the child.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. If lasers could come out of her eyes, he’d be incinerated.
Considering everything she’d gone through with her father, she didn’t want to think she’d be with any man who would do that.
“It means I saw my life changing. My plans on going to college are gone. Everything. I never thought I’d marry or be with Hilary, but I sure the hell wouldn’t abandon my child and I can see it in your eyes. That you’re judging me I’d do that like your father.”
She couldn’t argue that because it popped into her mind.
Back to jumping to assumptions again.
It’s like the two of them did this all the time.
“I don’t know why you couldn’t have told me this,” she argued. “You know everything about my life.”
“I doubt I know everything,” he said sarcastically. “I just told you no one knew but us and our parents. I’m not sure what caused her to do what she just did.”
“Obviously she’s bitter that what happened caused her to not have kids. I might feel the same way.”
“You know what, Tori? That’s not helping me any. I had no control over any of that. We were protected. She got pregnant and didn’t even know herself. She had complications. Don’t make me feel even more like shit about the things in my past. It feels like I’m never going to be enough for you. Are we always going to come back to this?”
“Don’t put this on me,” she shouted. “Don’t blame me because you didn’t keep it in your pants and had consequences.”
“There is no talking to you,” he said. “I thought for sure that after everything you’ve gone through in the past month, that you’d understand.”
“Meaning what?”
“That people make mistakes, but this wasn’t one I made. Again, no control. You know what it’s like to have no control in life.”
“That’s right,” she said. “But I would have told you something like that if it were me.”
“Because it might affect us having kids,” he said. “But what happened to Hilary doesn’t affect us .”
“The fact you think that makes it worse,” she said.
He turned and walked out of her apartment and she let him go.
She went to the couch and flopped down and burst into tears.
Why did it feel as if they never got away from fighting like this?
When her phone rang thirty minutes later, she was hoping it was Hyde so she could say she was sorry and ask if they could talk.
That she overreacted again.
It was Raina.
She was going to ignore it but knew she might need someone to talk sense into her.
“Hi,” she said. “What’s going on?”
“I’m checking on you,” Raina said. “I got this terrible feeling that something was going on. I’m not sure and can’t explain it. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t get into an accident or something.”
She started to cry hard. “I think I just caused a horrendous one.”
“Oh boy,” Raina said. “Tell me what is going on. I’ve missed you being out of the building and our lunches but didn’t want to bug you your first few weeks at the new job.”
She told Raina what just happened and swore her friend to secrecy.
“I messed up again. I know it.”
“Sorry,” Raina said. “But you did. I understand being upset over the news, but you can’t blame him for something that no one knew. A very personal thing. And him saying it doesn’t affect you guys the same as if you were in Hilary’s position, is true. It doesn’t change him being able to have kids or not.”
“I know,” she said. “I want to call and apologize, but I don’t think he’ll talk to me.”
“I’d give him time,” Raina said. “You’d need it if it was you. You guys seem to have this issue where you both jump the gun. I’m not sure if it’s something you can fix or not, but if you can’t you might have to work on how to get through these conflicts.”
“I thought I was better than this,” she said.
“It has nothing to do with being better,” Raina said. “It’s what it is with you guys. Work with it, not against it.”
“Best advice ever,” she said. “I just have to do it.”