43. Going Down That Road
43
GOING DOWN THAT ROAD
“ T ori, what are you doing here?”
Hyde turned when he heard Grant Fierce ask that question.
He’d just walked into the office and hung his jacket up.
“I was hoping Hyde was available to talk.”
“I just saw him come in,” Grant said. “Everything okay? You look a little down.”
“It’s good,” she said. “Thanks.”
Hyde had been watching the door after hearing her voice, waiting for his girlfriend to show up.
“Hi,” he said. “I wasn’t sure when I’d talk to you again.”
“I figured we both needed some time,” she said, shutting his door.
“We did,” he said. “I don’t think I deserved your reaction.”
“No,” she said. “You didn’t.”
“You can rush to see the guy that wasn’t part of your life like it was nothing, but the man who loves you, you don’t give him much of a chance to explain.”
“I didn’t,” she said. “And when you did, I didn’t want to listen. I got caught up in my head over what happened to me or what I’ve been going through and it’s wrong.”
“At least you can admit it,” he said.
“I’m going to apologize...again.”
“Why do we still do this?” he asked. She was standing there wringing her hands. Her eyes were red and Grant was right—she looked down.
She also looked like she’d slept about as much as he did.
“I don’t know,” she said, throwing her arms in the air. “I’m starting to think that thin line is hard for me to balance and it sucks. I have no excuse and won’t make any.”
“I’m glad you’re admitting that. I’ve worked hard to get rid of my past.”
“You can’t get rid of it,” she said, shaking her head. “I know that. You know it.”
“To move on from it,” he corrected. “I’ve accepted what has happened. I’ve been very honest with you about everything. But Hilary and I had promised we wouldn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want anyone to know she’d gotten pregnant. I didn’t either. I honored that. Why she said it in front of people is beyond me.”
“She was hurting,” she said. “She saw you and me and saw something she might not get. That’s my guess.”
“Could be,” he said. “She didn’t say anything else to me after you walked away other than she was going to always hate me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “You didn’t tell me any of that.”
“Because you didn’t want to listen. I have to live with this now. As if it’s not bad enough that I had one girlfriend die on me that I’m blaming myself for, now I’ve got another that is blaming me for never being able to have a child.”
He’d turned to the whiskey this weekend.
Got one drink down and told himself no more.
He wasn’t going down that road again.
He couldn’t.
He’d come too far.
With the help of Tori.
Tori started to cry when he said that. “I didn’t think of that. I’m even more ashamed of myself. You were there when I needed you and I wasn’t for you. That is wrong of me every day of the week.”
“I don’t need any more guilt on my shoulders that you’re crying either,” he said.
“Stop it,” she said. “You can’t always shoulder it, Hyde. You had no control over what happened to Shana and you know it. The same with Hilary. But she can have a child other ways. She can adopt or foster. It’s her choice to place the blame on you. Just like I had no control over what my parents did and how they reacted to each other.”
“No,” he said. “But it’s hard to convince yourself of that, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “It is. What do we do about this?”
Her hand was waving back and forth between them.
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“I want to fix this. I want us to know that when this happens again—because I’m not naive enough to think it might not—how do we deal with it?”
He moved closer to her and pulled her into her arms. “We deal with it the same way we are. We talk it out. But maybe we don’t walk away first. If we need time, we go to opposite ends of our place and take a breather. I don’t like not having you around to talk things through. It festers and it’s not good.”
“It’s not,” she said. “I thought of calling you yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you?” he asked.
“Because Shelly called and we talked. Then I talked to my father. He’s struggling with his treatments. I knew it and expected it. She was upset and I let her talk. Then I was drained. I didn’t want to unload that on you or mix it in. I didn’t want to bring it up and have it be like an excuse for my actions because it’s not.”
“No,” he said. “It’s not. But you’ve got a lot going on in your life too and I understand that.”
“No excuses,” she said. “I’m wrong. I can admit it. I want this to work between us more than anything in my life. I feel like I’ve found someone I can lean on. To depend on me and also be there for me. I don’t want to worry that it’s too much for him now either.”
He squeezed her harder in a hug. “No,” he said. “Never. I had to do everything for Shana and I couldn’t handle it. I think that is why I still carry the guilt of what happened. But you, I have to fight you to take any help. I don’t feel the burden when you do. I feel loved. I feel you trust me. I need that in my life. I need someone that accepts me and all my flaws.”
She laughed. “You know something? I need someone like that too.”
“We are perfect when it comes to that,” he said.
“There is nothing about us that is perfect,” she said. “Other than we both know how to apologize.”
He grinned. “Some people might say that is an important part to a relationship.”
“It is,” she said, kissing him on the lips. “Are we good for now? I mean we need to talk more, but I just don’t want to leave here and go to work all messed up again.”
“We’re good,” he said. “I promise.”
“And I know you keep those promises.”
“Always,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said.
“Now get to work and I’ll see you later.”
She gave him one more hug and he opened the door and saw Grant all but jump back from the side of his door.
Hyde rolled his eyes, and Tori started to laugh.
Grant walked into his office.
“As a second father to you, I’m going to ask if everything is okay. I don’t want to see you in pain any more than my own kids.”
“I’m good,” he said.
“Anything you want to talk about?” Grant asked.
“Nope,” he said. “I’m sure you heard it all. We know the important things and we’ll work on them. And if we don’t, I’m sure you and Garrett will make sure we do.”
Grant laughed. “You can bet on it!”
“What’s going on?” Garrett asked twenty minutes later when Grant marched into his office. “You were blowing my phone up on the drive in. I’m not late. You’re early.”
“There was an incident with Hyde and Tori.”
“What?” Garrett asked, shutting the door. “Everything okay?”
“It is now. I was trying to listen through the door but didn’t get much. They caught me.”
“You were always horrible like that,” his brother said. “You didn’t find out anything?”
“Just that whatever happened, they have recognized that it’s part of their dynamic and that they have to learn to work it out more, but they’ve got the important things down.”
“That’s good,” Garrett said.
“It is. Afterward I asked Hyde if he needed any help. That he’s like a son to me. I don’t want to see him hurt.”
“Nope,” Garrett said. “Nor do we want our wives on our case that we are messing this one up.”
He laughed. “That too. But Hyde took it in stride and said that if he and Tori can’t work something out, he’s positive we’d make sure they do.”
“Damn straight,” Garrett said. “Glad to know our reputation got us this one in the end!”