Chapter 40 Actions Differed #2
“There was no cheating,” he said. “Nothing. She never stepped foot into my room, I’ve never been alone with her, nothing. I was working. I was interacting with people at the time she knocked and two hours after. No one believed her, even if I didn’t have proof.”
“But you needed the proof?”
“No,” he said, standing up. “I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t want to get caught up in that shit. I showed Henry, my boss, everything. He never believed her story. A week went by and it quieted down. I thought it was over.”
“But it wasn’t?” she asked.
“No. That’s when I saw Levi in the building and when he’d pulled his shit. I’d never fight with a player, I knew my place.”
“Your place?”
“Farrah. The players are more important than anyone else. They bring the money in. I took his shit and walked away. But the truth is, that was the last straw. I was teetering as it was. I was ready to throw in the towel and he pushed it.”
“Let’s back up,” she said. “You’ve lied to me.”
“What? No,” he said. “Never.”
“Withheld information. I believe the reason you said why you left. That it’d been building, but there has been part of me that knew something had to have been a trigger for you to pull the lever and walk away.
Not even wait until the season ended in a month.
To give two weeks and be done. Then to hear them say they were all shocked, it’s like no one had a clue and they all assumed it had to do with Levi, didn’t they? ”
“I don’t care what people think of me.”
“I think you do,” she said louder. “That’s why you weren’t honest with the real reason you left. I told you everything. I opened up every part of my life to you and you didn’t do the same.”
Why did it feel as if her heart was drained all over again?
As if for a second time in her life someone didn’t trust her or give her everything that she was giving to them. To leave out one important part.
“I have been extremely open with you. Even from the beginning. Did I tell you I was accused of something that never happened? No, I didn’t. Maybe I should have.”
“There is no maybe about it,” she snarled.
“And don’t give me any excuses that you couldn’t figure out how to say it or when.
You had plenty of chances. You could have told me after I dropped Archer off with Tucker.
We talked about my marriage and his cheating and you could have brought it up then. ”
“And have you think I was just like your ex? You’re crazy to think that would have gone over well.”
Which meant he thought of it enough to know not to speak.
“What about when Noah and Simon brought up your job and why you left? Another time it could have happened.”
“Farrah, there was no good time to do it. You’ve been insecure about me to begin with. That you thought I’d leave and go back to that life. I know how you feel about cheating and you know how I feel. It’s pissing me off you think I’m lying to you.”
“You’re mad?” she asked, her eyebrows rising.
“You have no idea how betrayed I feel. What it’s like to lose your heart to someone else who isn’t honest about everything.
Who might be putting on some show or front and then is going to change a year from now, two years from now.
I’ve been there and gone through it already.
You know those things and yet you weren’t completely truthful about everything. It’s more about that!”
“No one is truthful about it all,” he shouted.
“You’re condemning me for not giving you one small fact about my past that wasn’t true.
You’re harping on a lie someone else said.
Do you know how many times people are backstabbed or lied about in that industry?
Do you know how cutthroat it is? You don’t and I wouldn’t tell you. ”
“Why did you bring me around your old life? Why subject me to those things then?”
“Because I wanted you to see what it was like so you could finally realize it’s behind me. You heard them all tonight. You heard the women and their sides of it, didn’t you?”
They were all tired of only having half a relationship. Never seeing the men in their life and doing it on their own.
Watching the men in their lives come home exhausted and stressed.
That it wasn’t all that it looked like on the outside.
Yes, she’d heard that side of it and there was a part of her that actually felt for Jayce and what he might have gone through silently, but that was his choice to do it.
“That’s not the point here,” she said.
“What is?” he asked, throwing his hands up.
“I just told you. But fine—I’ll spell it out.
You didn’t explain everything to me. You let me believe things that weren’t true.
You put on this big front for everyone, like everything was fine, when it wasn’t.
To your family, to your friends. No one close to you ever saw this coming, because you hide things too well.
What was it someone called you? An ass kisser?
That fits, doesn’t it? And now you expect me not to believe you’re only telling me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear?
Or vice versa. You’re delusional if you think I wouldn’t question it.
Not after everything I’ve gone through with my ex, not while I’m still living through it.
Did you really think I’d just sit here, nod my head, and swallow every word you said tonight without asking questions when I’ve been seeing other sides of you? ”
“I would have never agreed to this dinner tonight if I thought this was the result,” he said, running his hands through his hair.
“And that says everything I hoped it hadn’t. It tells me you knew I’d question things and I’d be upset and you didn’t want me to know. See, not truthful.” She picked up her purse and went toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To see if I can get another room tonight. If I didn’t come here in your car, I’d leave now.”
“Don’t,” he said, walking toward her. “Don’t leave and walk out of here like this. I’ll sleep on the fucking couch if you want, but we’ll leave together tomorrow.”
She stared at the anger on his face. The tenseness of his body, his fist clenched, his shoulders rigid. She didn’t worry he’d hurt her, not physically, but her heart was already shattered.
“Your back can take it, but I’ve got the bed.” Then she shut herself in the bathroom and sobbed until it felt as if her heart was breaking again.