Chapter 18 To Be His Lover
TO BE HIS LOVER
“What are you cooking for me tonight?” Anya asked when she stepped into Matt’s condo. He’d had to come down and get her because the guy working the front desk couldn’t find a release for her to go up on her own.
She found that silly when she’d been here before, but it was a nice security feature, and something she’d boast about to potential buyers if they were her client.
“Grilled lobster tails,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “And I’ve got some strip steaks. If we go to the roof early enough, we can get a grill, I’m sure. There are tables up there to eat or we can bring it back. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds like a fabulous idea.” Her eyes roamed over his attire. Fitted black T-shirt, gray athletic shorts, ankle socks on his feet. He’d kicked off his sneakers when they came in.
She did the same, leaving her barefoot since she’d only put sandals on her feet with her shorts and T-shirt.
They were staying in to eat, no reason to dress up.
She was nervous enough as it was tonight and didn’t want to be too obvious about what was in her mind.
How had they gone from friends, to enemies, to no communication for a decade, to back to friends, and now she was dying to be his lover?
They’d spent an enormous amount of time kissing when they were together. Hands moved around over clothing, but both were afraid to take the skin-to-skin contact step.
She believed wholeheartedly he was waiting for her to do it.
He might not have kissed her if she hadn’t insulted him for being so boring.
“Perfect,” he said. “Do you want a drink? I’ve got beer and wine.”
“You know what? I’ll have a beer if you’ve got one of the light ones.”
“I do,” he said. “I remember what you told me you liked.”
He was a damn good boyfriend. If he could be considered that.
Yeah, he could. If she wanted to take it to the next level, he had to be.
She didn’t sleep with men for the hell of it.
They had to mean something to her.
Matt had meant a lot of things for a long time in her life.
He was going to mean something else after tonight.
“I appreciate that. I can’t tell you the number of men I’ve been with that can barely remember how to spell or pronounce my name let alone a drink I enjoy.”
He turned from pouring her beer. “How many has it been?”
“Not that many,” she said, laughing.
She accepted the beer and took a sip of the light fruity concoction. She had to know what they all tasted like in order to let the customers know.
“Then why bring it up? I hate to think you were trying to make me jealous.”
“I don’t think you get jealous,” she said. “But I could be wrong.”
“Oh, you’re wrong. I could be very jealous if I hear too many stories about the men you’ve been with. Unless of course they are all dicks.”
“There were enough of them,” she said drily.
“Want to talk about them? We can entertain each other with funny stories of the bad dates and relationships we’ve had.”
She wasn’t so sure she wanted to, but he might, and it’s not like she could hide things forever.
She had little to hide. It was more about the fact that all those relationships shaped her into what she wanted out of them now.
“We can for a bit. I bet there are women out there talking about you being the bad one on the date.” She closed one eye at him when he’d done it to her. Whenever she mimicked his facial expressions, he’d laugh.
“I’m sure there are. We already know my history of pranks and joking around.”
“And pushing it too far,” she said. “But you’re a changed man. I’ve seen it and I want you to know that. I see the effort you’re putting in with me. I want to make sure you’re not doing it for me though. Or only me.”
He sighed and moved next to her, threaded their fingers together, and tugged her to his couch. “I’m doing it for you but for me at the same time. I learned my lesson and burned myself. Looking back, I tell myself those women wouldn’t have gotten this side of me because I only viewed them as fun.”
“Yikes,” she said. “No one wants to be thought of that way.”
“True,” he said. “No one wants to be thought of as a stepping stone to a better life either.”
She pursed her lips. “I’ve never had that problem, but I can see where it’s highly insulting.”
“I like to believe my past partners got what they put into it. We both got what we deserved. Right or wrong, it’s what it was.”
She put it on his shoulders. “It’s a good way to think about it. My past relationships weren’t good or fun. I had no backbone and got walked all over. Was told I was silly or stupid and if I got upset, they said I made too much of it. I never felt I was good enough for most of them.”
She had to add the last part.
Not every guy she dated made her feel like crap. Some didn’t have jobs or weren’t serious either, but they were nice enough.
His hand released her fingers and cupped her cheek. “You’re good enough for me. Better than me at times. I like the new you. I hate what you felt like or went through, but enjoy spending time with someone who tells it like it is.”
“Sure?”
“Positive. Few have put me in my place in the past.”
“Because they were too afraid to tip the boat over and get wet, all your money and your name drowning with them?”
He forced out a laugh. “Yep. Everyone has to be put in their place in life. Some more than others.”
“What do we have?” she asked. “Not to put pressure on us, but we should have this talk.”
“We have friendship,” he said. “Companionship. Fun together. There’s attraction, desire. Arousal. Laughter. I can put a lot of words on it.”
“Exclusive?” she asked.
“It goes without saying. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear about that.”
“I assumed it, but I’ve learned that in the past too. If you don’t say it, you sure the heck can’t assume it.”
“You’ve been cheated on?”
“Cheated on. Money borrowed and never paid back. I had one guy I was falling for stupidly say if I really loved him, I’d let him put a lit match on my arm. That we could have matching burn marks to show our love to each other.”
Matt reared back, the horrified look on his face said it all. “Did you do it?”
“No. He was the last relationship I had over a year ago. He borrowed close to two thousand dollars from me total and hadn’t paid it back.
When he brought up the matching burn scars, I was done.
I walked out of his apartment, never so thankful that we didn’t live together, and told him not to contact me again.
He still owes me the money and I don’t care.
I consider it payment for being an idiot. ”
“Jesus, Anya. I’m sorry. That had to be horrible.”
“It was, but I grew from it. I told myself I deserved better and I would not date anyone else until I felt as if I was worthy of them and vice versa.”
Her confession produced the grin she was hoping for. “Oh, you’re worthy of me. Am I of you?”
She’d been holding her beer glass like a prop and set it down on the end table, then turned and straddled his lap.
“You’re very worthy of me. So worthy that I’ve been thinking of this moment for weeks.”
“Weeks?” he asked, his hand wrapping in her hair and pulling her close to his lips. Just a whisper away. “It’s taken you a long time to move on it.”
“I was waiting for you.”
“And I was letting you do it.”
“Which is exactly what I figured after I pranced around half-naked in my bikini last week.”
“I knew you were teasing me. Testing me,” he said, his mouth crushing hers.
His tongue invaded her mouth, them dueling back and forth to see if one could be the victor.
She realized she didn’t want a winner. They’d both be able to claim the same prize if they finally let their guards down.
“Not on purpose,” she said. “Not fully. Could be I was testing myself.”
“Why?”
“To see how worked up I could get.”
He smiled. Her breath caught.
His eyes were so dark they were almost black.
His dick was growing under her ass and her coochie was getting damp.
There was no reason for them to keep up this charade.
She’d known him most of her life.
The crush from years ago had been hidden under misplaced anger because she hadn’t been strong enough to tell him to cut the crap, and he wasn’t smart enough to know he’d pushed her too far.
They wouldn’t be that coward and idiot any more.
She slid off his lap and held her hand out.
“What do you want?” he asked, not moving from the couch, nor taking her hand.
“For you to take me to bed. I know you want it spelled out. S-E-X.”
He closed his eyes. “Now who is being the joker?”
“Made you laugh,” she said, her smile wider than she’d felt it in ages.
He slapped his hand on hers and stood up, then swung her up and over his shoulder. She hadn’t expected the move and rather than get annoyed he was goofing off, she realized she was craving parts of the old him.
Only this person had more control over it.
He carried her into his room, slapped her ass, then dropped her on the bed, him coming down on top of her.
“I think we need to bring back some of the playfulness we’ve had before. We both need it.”
“We do,” she said, her arms opening, him moving into them, his mouth crushing hers.
There was a fire she needed put out.
A pressure between her legs that only he could relieve.
A craving she needed him to fill.
Her hips bucked up into his, her feet on the bed, her knees bent and squeezing him to stay in place while she ground against him.
He groaned and eased back.
“I don’t mean grinding for a release like teens playing it safe and still getting off,” he said. “Unless that is what you want?”
“You’d do that if I did?” she asked. He had no smile on his face now.
He held her stare. “If it’s all I can get, yes.”
“Now I know you’re the best,” she said, giving him a tight squeeze. “I’m joking. I can’t believe I held a straight face when I asked it.”
“Thank God, because I don’t know how I didn’t cry when you did.”
Anya laughed and shook her head, then sat up and lifted her shirt off, her hand moving behind her to release the clasp on her bra.
Her breasts popped out of their confines. They weren’t large by any means, but they were present and naked, and extremely sensitive, puckering at the cool air in the room.
“I’ve been dreaming of this for years,” he said.
“Years?” she asked, halting the movement of her hands on the button of her shorts. He’d stepped to a dresser and pulled out a condom.
“Yes,” he said. “You know I was crushing on you back then. I would have loved nothing more than to have been your first. It wasn’t in the cards for us.”
“It wasn’t meant,” she said. “And we don’t need to think of that.”
“No,” he said. “We won’t. Let’s only think of us and the here and now.”
His shirt was lifted, her eyes landing on his body that she’d dreamed about the past few days since she’d seen him in his swimsuit again.
It was as if a flip was switched and they both stripped in seconds, him all but diving onto her on the bed.
She rolled so that she was on top, then reached for the condom out of his hand.
He released it to her, she opened it, and covered him.
“Do you mind if I’m on top?” He shook his head with a colossal grin on his face.
She straddled his hips, lined herself up and sank down.
It was tight, but she pushed through that to impale herself completely.
He let out a groan that she matched, then tested it some to lift and lower.
“That feels way too good.”
“Nothing can feel too good,” she said doing it again.
“Fuck. Yes, it can if I don’t know if I can last.”
She smirked. “I think you’ve got more control that you let on.”
“You’re evil.”
“You like me like this,” she said. “You told me so.”
“If you’re going to taunt me, do it while you ride me.”
Anya never in a million years thought she’d have the boldness to be talking like this during sex.
It was a serious turn-on she’d been missing from her life.
“If you want,” she said.
“Oh, I want.”
She put her hands on his chest for leverage, then rose and sank at a steady pace.
One she wasn’t going to be able to maintain, but it was so worth it to see him squirm and think she was the stronger one of the two of them.
“Tell me what you want?”
“I want you to come,” he said. “On me. Over me. Together with me.”
She moved her mouth right over his. “That’s what I want too.” She kissed him on the lips, then pulled away before he could deepen it. “Make me.”
His hands went to her hips, him lifting and slamming into her hard enough she might have slid off of him if he wasn’t holding on.
There were no teasing words.
No playful banter.
Not even a sexy glance.
There were grunts and groans and skin slapping against the other.
“Anya,” he said. “Tell me you’re there.”
He sounded as if he was in pain. “So there,” she said. “Right there.”
She screeched, her body let go, spasms took over mixed in with the ones that Matt had also.
After their bodies relaxed, he pulled her close to him, hugging her to his chest and holding her tight for minutes.
“I could have never imagined it’d be like this.”
“Neither could I,” she whispered and kissed his shoulder tenderly. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been tender with a guy in her life. Not seductive either.
Funny how it was the one she hated for so long that brought it out of her.