13. Silas
CHAPTER 13
SILAS
“ H ow are things going with you and your favorite student?” Gavin asks, smirking.
“You must mean me,” Caleb says, grabbing a slice of pizza from our friend’s plate.
“Hey, get your own fucking piece,” Gaving says, pulling his plate closer.
Caleb takes a giant bite from the slice and hums. “I just did.”
Gavin holds up his middle finger.
Hanging out with these two is like being around teenage boys. Anything and everything is an excuse for them to fuck with each other or me.
“You never answered my question about your favorite student,” Gavin reminds me.
“I don’t have one.”
“Are you sure about that?” he presses.
“Yep. I treat all my students the same.”
Gavin laughs. “Well, I hope you don’t pop a boner when you’re training me.”
“I’m fucking fantastic looking, so I wouldn’t blame you if you did when we’re working out,” Caleb says.
“You guys are fucked. You’ve taken too many shots to the head,” I say, shoving a piece of crust in my mouth.
“Are you trying to tell me that when you work with Gwen you don’t get turned on at all?” Gavin asks.
I finish chewing and swallow. “No, I don’t.”
Caleb shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”
“I’m not an animal who can’t control himself. She’s a student, not a romantic interest.”
But I wish she were.
Gavin points at me, wiggling his finger. “But you’d like her to be one, wouldn’t you?” He’s hitting a little too close to home for my comfort. Like he can read my thoughts.
“No. I’m helping her learn to defend herself. End of story.”
Gavin smirks. “Whenever you say that, it usually means you don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Yeah, and it’s usually not really the end at all,” Caleb adds.
“Don’t you two have anything better to do than stick your noses in my business?”
They both shake their heads and simultaneously say, “No.”
I scowl. “Maybe you both need to work on that. Go find some hobbies.”
Gavin looks between Caleb and me. “That’s ironic. Aren’t you the one who always tells us to stay focused on our training and to not let anything interfere?”
“Yeah, but a hobby isn’t going to be an issue. You can even pick yoga or something that would complement your training,” I say.
“That’s not a bad idea. Women contorting themselves into sexy positions sounds right up my alley,” Caleb says.
“Don’t be a sexist pig,” Gavin scolds him, then laughs.
Caleb shrugs. “You can’t fault me for saying the things no one else will.”
“There’s a reason why other people don’t say those things. As Gavin mentioned, you sound like a sexist pig.”
“But I’m only saying it to you guys. There are no women here,” he defends.
Gavin points toward the ceiling. “In the words of my dearly departed grammy, ‘bless your heart.’ I can’t wait for you to meet a woman you actually want to impress. It’ll be a shitshow but entertaining as hell.”
“You think you’ll fare better than me in that department?” Caleb asks.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Jesus. My head hurts from listening to them.
Gavin puffs his chest out. “Most definitely. You’re a mannerless barbarian. You couldn’t woo the fairer sex if your life depended on it.”
“Fuck you. I’m a wooing wizard when I want to be.” Caleb pokes his own chest.
“I don’t mean getting someone to screw you. That’s not hard to do. I’m talking about catching and keeping a woman’s interest,” Gavin says.
“Like you have any experience in that department. You can’t even get them to screw you,” Caleb states.
Gavin makes a choking sound. “Now you’re making shit up. Don’t be a sore loser.”
“Shut the fuck up!” I shout. “My head hurts from listening to you both. If you want to create chaos, go upstairs and do it.”
“Sorry,” Gavin says, looking somewhat ashamed.
“Yeah, me too,” Caleb adds.
Dove walks over and nudges my hand, looking for a piece of crust. I tear a small chunk off for her and she lies down at my feet with a long sigh. Even she’s sick of listening to these two.
“So how are things going with Gwen? Is she a good student?” Gavin asks.
I glance at him, trying to figure out where he’s going with his question. Is he serious or screwing with me again?
“It’s a serious question,” he says.
“She works hard and is focused.”
“Are you going to turn her into a competitive fighter?” Caleb asks.
“No. That’s not what she wants, and I’m not going to push her into anything.”
“If you need anyone to spar with her, I’m happy to help out,” Gavin adds.
My eyes narrow and I shake my head. “I can spar with her.”
“Yeah, but you might want to observe her technique,” he explains.
“I’ll take care of it,” I say, shutting him down.
Caleb chuckles to himself.
“What’s so funny?” Gavin asks.
He tips his head toward me. “Silas practically has steam coming out of his ears at the thought of you anywhere near Gwen.”
Gavin laughs. “You’re right, he does.”
I don’t even waste my time disagreeing. I know damn well, they’re right. The thought of Gavin with his hands on Gwen in any capacity has me seeing red.
My phone’s text alert pulls my attention from the email I’m writing. When I see Gwen’s name on the screen, I can’t pick it up fast enough.
Hey, can we reschedule for another time?
Sure. Is everything okay?
Yes, I’m still sore from the other night.
Have you eaten dinner yet?
She’s probably wondering why I’m asking.
No.
What about lunch? Did you eat anything then?
No.
Before I can reply, she sends another text through.
You don’t need to lecture me. I know I need to eat.
I smile as I type my reply.
Are you sure about that?
Yep.
Instead of training, let’s grab a bite to eat.
I hold my breath as I wait for her to reply.
You want to have dinner with me?
Yes. You need to eat. I need to eat. Why not eat together?
I stare at my phone’s screen, willing her name to appear. What’s the hold up? Is she trying to come up with a kind way to refuse my offer?
I’m about to tell her to forget about my invitation when her text comes through.
Okay. Where do you want to meet?
I hurry to come up with a suggestion. I was so sure she’d refuse my invitation, I forgot to think of a restaurant to go to.
What are you in the mood for?
Tacos.
Great idea. Meet me at Taco Time at seven?
That works. See you there.
I set my phone on my desk and smile. Holy shit. She’s having dinner with me.
I’m a few minutes early when I enter the restaurant. I don’t see Gwen anywhere, so I request a table for two while I wait. Just as the hostess is grabbing menus, Gwen comes through the door. She smiles when she sees me.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”
“Not at all.”
We follow the hostess to our booth. “Enjoy your meal,” she tells us, setting menus on the table before walking away.
Gwen slides onto the red vinyl bench and I settle on the one across the table from her. With her long, tousled brown waves and large gray eyes, she sure makes for a beautiful view.
“I hope you’re not in too much pain from our last training session,” I say.
“Most of me feels fine, but my ribs are sore, so I figured I better take it easy.”
“That’s absolutely the right choice. You don’t want to have a setback.”
She scrunches her nose. “I was annoyed to take today off. I really want to get to learning the good stuff.”
“You’ll get there in time. There’s a progression we need to follow so you grasp all the steps on the way. It’s like learning the alphabet and what each letter sounds like before you can read. Each part is a critical cog in the entire machine.”
“I understand that, but it doesn’t make me any more patient. I feel a sense of urgency, like I need to know everything right now.”
“You’ll get there.”
Placing her forearms on the table, she leans forward. “But what if I need to defend myself and I don’t know how?”
“You can’t live with that worry.”
She rolls her eyes. “Easy for you to say. You’re a giant with big muscles. No one’s going to mess with you.”
“You already have weapons to use, you just need to make the most of them.”
She makes a scoffing sound. “What weapons?”
“Your eyes, for one. We already spoke about being aware of your surroundings at all times. Tell me how many points of egress you noticed on the way in.”
“One. The main entrance.”
“Look around and tell me how many you see.”
Her head swivels from side to side and then she twists in the booth, peering behind her. “Two for sure. The front entrance and the exit at the back of the room. But there’s a possibility for a third off the kitchen area.”
“Good job. Another thing you can do to protect yourself is to park in well-lit areas and try not to be out alone at night. Your voice can also be a weapon. You can shout for help or to get someone away from you. One of the most important steps to guarding your own safety comes from trusting your instincts and listening to what they’re telling you. If something feels off, remove yourself from the situation immediately.”
The waitress comes over, bringing water for us each, and takes our order. When she leaves, we fall silent. Gwen’s eyes are focused on the table and she looks lost in thought. Her fingers repeatedly comb the left side of her hair forward over her scar. I don’t even think she’s aware she’s doing it.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask.
Her gaze jumps from the wooden surface to meet mine. “All the weapons you mentioned me having didn’t help me before, so why would they now?”
“There’s no perfect plan for what to do in a dangerous situation. There are variables that’ll dictate what you can and cannot do. Sometimes you can’t run away and you have to think on your feet and fight back. Other times, you can sense danger before it happens and you can remove yourself before anything bad breaks off.”
“I hate how whenever I’m out in public I’m suspicious of everyone I don’t know. I never used to be like that.”
“It’s understandable you’d have that reaction since you’ve experienced trauma firsthand.”
“I know. I keep telling myself it’s to be expected, but it’s exhausting to think the worst of everyone. It makes me not want to leave my house.”
“It’s great that you’re not letting it stop you from getting out, though. The best way to move past our fears is to confront them head on. Try to remember there are more good people in the world than there are people with ill intentions.”
“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been trying to get out and about as much as I can. Well, that and living back at home. I’m used to having my own apartment and not being around others all the time. I love my family but I love my space too. It’s difficult to find a balance between the two right now.”
“I don’t know the details of what happened to you, but I bet they’re also having a tough time dealing with what you went through.”
She nods but doesn’t reply, so I don’t press her for more.
“You didn’t have a roommate at school?”
“Not this year. I had an apartment off campus.”
Our waitress returns, placing a platter of tacos in the middle of the table.
“Oh damn, that’s a lot of food,” she says, laughing.
“I bet every bit of it will be gone before we leave.”
Her gray irises appraise me. “I hope that means you’re starving, because I won’t even put a dent in that pile.”
I lean forward over the table. “Little Miss Dangerous, are you challenging me?”
She raises her upturned palms. “Maybe.”
“Challenge accepted. Better grab your tacos. I’ve got a doubting soul across from me that I need to make a believer.”
She laughs, plucking two tacos from the platter.
“Take another one. You can eat three of them.”
She grimaces, as if that’s asking a lot of her. “I’ll do my best.”
“Back up,” I joke, rolling my neck from side to side before I slide half of the tacos from the platter to my plate.
She flashes me a genuine grin. “Wow, dinner and a show.”
A warmth fills my chest and I echo her grin. I like seeing her enjoying herself. It’s easy to focus on the past, but that often brings on feelings of regret. It’s much too easy to get caught up in a loop of thoughts about things you wish you’d done differently. And thinking about what might happen in the future can cause anxiety—especially if you’ve dealt with past trauma. And both of those could make you more apt to fear the unknown.
We get down to the serious business of eating our tacos. They’re crunchy and messy and perfect.
“Ugh.” Gwen swipes ground beef from her black shirt before wiping at the spot with her napkin.
“It’s inevitable. At least you got it out of the way early,” I say.
She taps the side of her head with a fingertip. “Why do you think I wore black?”
“Smart and beautiful,” I say, winking.
Look at you flirting.
I hear the words in Gavin’s voice and take a sip of water. In actuality, I probably shouldn’t be encouraging anything between us, but try telling that to my stubborn heart.
You’re out doing something different. Can’t you just enjoy the moment and not overthink it?
This time I hear my sister’s voice, and it pulls me back to the present. Here I am getting stressed about the future when I’m in the company of such a stunning woman.
Gwen slowly and meticulously works her way through her tacos while I plow through the ones on my plate.
I point to the platter. “Do you want any more?”
She shakes her head. “God, no. Finishing this last one will be a stretch.” She raises the hand holding her final taco.
I sweep the remainder onto my plate and take a bite of one with a satisfied grunt.
She giggles, drawing my gaze. “Your stomach must be hollow.”
“It takes a lot of calories to fuel a body this large.”
“Your groceries must cost you a small fortune every week.”
I nod. “They do, and I’m not eating half as much as I used to when I was fighting.”
“I can’t even imagine. Do you do your own cooking?”
“Only as much as I have to.”
“I didn’t know if your girlfriend prepared your meals.” She tugs the side of her hair forward and avoids looking at me. I can tell she’s uncomfortable.
My lips curve. “Gwen.” I don’t speak again until she locks her eyes with mine. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Oh… good. I mean, that’s too bad.”
“No, it’s all good. I haven’t had time for a relationship, nor have I wanted one. For the past three years, getting the gym to be successful has taken all my time and energy.”
“So, you’re an anti-relationship guy?”
“No, I’m not saying that. It just hasn’t been my priority. What about you? No boyfriend?”
She takes a sip of water and shakes her head. “Not for the past couple of years. School has been my priority. I let myself get distracted by a guy during my freshman year and wasted months with him.”
“What happened?”
“He neglected to tell me he had another girlfriend back home in California.”
“What an asshole.” I’m angry for her.
“Yeah, he was. But I like to think I learned some hard lessons from that time.”
“That’s how life is. Some lessons really fucking suck to learn, though,” I say, and we both laugh.
She tips her chin toward my plate, where four tacos still remain. “Looks like you might’ve taken on more than you can handle.”
I wave my hand, dismissing her statement. “No way. I was just taking a breather.” As if to prove my point, I eat one of them in two bites.
She smiles mischievously. “Oh good. I was worried you wouldn’t have room for dessert.”
Not only do I finish the rest of the tacos but I down an order of churros. I even get her to take a few bites of one.
When the waitress places the bill on the table, Gwen tries to grab it before I can but she misses.
“Silas, please let me pay for dinner.”
“Not happening. I invited you, remember?”
“That doesn’t matter. I’m asking you to let me take care of it.”
“Did you hear something?” I joke.
“Why are you being so stubborn?”
“I don’t want you buying my dinner. End of story.” I pass the bill and cash off to the server as she passes by.
“We need to discuss how you want to invoice me for our training sessions. You haven’t mentioned anything yet, and I’ve been remiss in not asking,” she says. “Can I pay with cash at the end of each week? Or do you prefer monthly payments?”
“I don't want any of your money,” I say.
“Silas! Don’t be silly. Of course I’m going to pay you for your time.”
I shake my head. “I’m happy to help you out, and that’s enough of a reward for me.”
“I can’t accept that. What can I do for you in exchange? Do you need an errand runner? A cook?”
For a second, I indulge myself in a fantasy of coming home to Gwen in my kitchen, cooking me dinner.
“How are you with dogs?”
“I love them.”
“Would you like to walk Dove a couple of times a week while I’m at work?”
Excitement lights her eyes and she nods emphatically. “I’d love to. I could use the fresh air and exercise.”
“It’s settled then. No more talking about owing me. This will make us even.” I hold out my hand and she shakes it.