17. Gwen
CHAPTER 17
GWEN
W hen I arrive at the gym, Silas is still working with Gavin. He holds up his finger to let me know he needs more time. I give him a thumbs up and take a seat on a bench.
Since we shared that kiss, a little more than a week has passed. He and I have settled back into a sense of normalcy. At first, I felt awkward, but it didn’t take long for Silas to get me to move past it. He’s just so easy to be around and it’s impossible for me to stay angry at him. And it doesn’t hurt that I have feelings for him. How could I not?
I move closer and settle in beside the mats to watch Silas and Gavin doing what I’ve heard him call the gorilla challenge. Both of them are facing each other on all fours, with their knees raised up off the mats.
From what I’ve seen, the point seems to be to grab at your opponent’s arms, pull them off balance, and gain the advantage.
Both of them are in fantastic shape, and if I didn’t already know they were such good friends, after watching them, I’d never believe it.
The slapping sound of their hands grabbing, ripping, and pulling at each other’s arms echoes through the otherwise quiet gym. The two of them are going at it so intensely they’re actually leaving red hand and finger marks on each other’s forearms.
After a couple of minutes of their back and forth, Silas gains the advantage and ends up on top of Gavin, in what’s called the mount position. Then he immediately spins around Gavin’s arm and kicks it into a painful-looking submission hold.
Apparently, it’s as painful as it looks because Gavin immediately taps the mat repeatedly in surrender.
“Good work today, bud.” They both smile as Silas helps his friend up.
“I’ll get you one of these days.” Gavin laughs as he walks back toward the locker room. “Hey, Gwen, do me a favor and tap him out today.” He winks at me as he passes.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Silas grabs a towel and starts wiping the sweat from his arms and face. “Sorry we made you wait. Gavin’s lesson ran a little late.”
“That’s okay. I enjoyed watching.”
“Did you?” I see the hint of a smirk on his face.
I smile. “I did. It looked like fun.”
“You think so?” He seems surprised at my answer. “Would you like to give it a try?”
“Oh, I don’t know…”
“You’ll be fine. We’ll go nice and slow.”
Seconds later, I find myself on all fours, knees raised off the floor, and face-to-face with Silas on the mats.
“Ready?” he asks with a grin.
I don’t feel ready. The position is actually tough to maintain. It’s like a plank with your legs spread for stability. I can barely lift a hand off the floor, much less grab Silas with it.
“It’s all right, try to get comfortable,” he encourages. “Keep a good solid base and try to feel your connection to the mats. Take your time and work out the shifting of balance from one side of your body to the other.” I listen and do as he says. “Watch out now,” Silas warns as he reaches a hand over and grabs at my forearm.
“That’s it. You’re doing great.” He smiles as I start to get a rhythm going.
At first, I lose my balance and drop my knees each time he reaches for me. But then I begin to understand, and I shift weight from one arm to the other, like playing a game of cat and mouse, as Silas continues to slowly reach in and pull one hand at a time off the floor.
He really is an excellent teacher.
His expression suddenly turns serious. “Are you ready?”
“I am.” At least I think I am.
This time when he reaches for my arm, it’s faster. Much faster. And this time he isn’t as gentle. I’m caught off guard by his increased aggression. Before I know what’s happening, he pulls on one of my arms and doesn’t stop until I lose my balance completely.
I’m face down on the mat when he quickly mounts my back. He wraps an arm around my neck and a leg around my waist. And with an abrupt twist, we flip onto our backs together. He slithers back on top of me and pins me to the floor.
I stop struggling right away, giving up, but he doesn’t make a move to get off of me. I wait. Nothing happens. I attempt to push him off but he doesn’t budge.
“You’re gonna have to try harder than that.” He isn’t smiling anymore.
“Are you going to get off of me?”
“Make me.”
My eyebrows lower. “What do you mean?”
“You heard me.”
“Get off me.” I’m feeling smothered, and not in a good way, at all.
“Get me off you.” He doesn’t even flinch.
I lie still, feeling completely powerless and unable to protect myself. My body feels frozen in place just like it did during Jerry’s assault on me.
“Let’s go!” he shouts down at me. “Do something.”
“I can’t!” I shout back.
“Yes, you can.” He lowers his voice and speaks calmly. “Gwen, plant your heels, push with your hips, and throw me off.”
“I’m trying.” I give a halfhearted attempt and immediately go limp once he resists.
“Not hard enough,” he barks at me. “Plant those heels and push!”
Rage suddenly fills me. I don’t know if I’m angry at him right now or if this is a complication of all the chaotic emotions I’ve been dealing with. Everything has been welling up inside of me, and like a cracked dam, I finally break.
I plant my heels and push with my hips, throwing my hands up under his chin at the same time. My hands connect with his throat and he falls backward off me onto the mats.
“That was perfect.” Silas beams at me, holding his throat. His chest rapidly rises and falls as he tries to catch his breath. “Amazing.” He pushes up from the mats and stands.
I’m overcome with turbulent emotions as he pulls me to my feet. I don’t know what to do with them, so I strike out, shoving my palms against his chest. Before he can react, I shove him again. He doesn’t budge.
“Hey,” he says.
I push against his rock-hard chest once more. This time he catches hold of my hands and pulls me into his arms. At first, I struggle to get free, but he only holds me tighter. A lump fills my throat and my jaw tenses from the pressure of trying to hold back this onslaught of emotions.
But it’s futile to even try. Some things are too powerful to be contained. Bursting into tears, I bury my face in Silas’s chest. His arms draw me closer and his hand cups the back of my head. His gentleness only makes me sob harder.
“Shh, settle down,” he whispers soothingly.
“I’m… trying… to,” I say amidst a string of shaky breaths.
He holds me until the sobbing fades out and then his hands frame my tear-streaked face. He stares earnestly down into my eyes. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know exactly. I think something inside me knit back together when I finally fought back against you.”
“You were amazing.”
His arms wrap around me once more. “There’s something I never told you that I should’ve. When I was attacked in North Carolina, it was a male classmate of mine. He walked into my apartment when Demi was on the phone with me. She heard me yelling at him and called the police. If she hadn’t been on the phone with me, I wouldn’t be here now.”
“Thank God you were talking with her.”
“There’s more I need to say. When Jerry attacked me, I froze in place and didn’t fight back.”
“Did he have a weapon?” he asks.
“Yes, a knife. He held it to my throat.”
“Gwen, that’s enough to make anyone freeze up.”
“I know, but it happened again when you saved Demi and me from the mugger. My legs got stiff and felt as though I couldn’t move them.”
“You’re not the same girl you were then. You grow mentally and physically stronger every day. You just proved to yourself that you know how to fight back. No more worrying about freezing up. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Did you apologize for kissing me because of my scar? I know it’s horrible to look at.”
He tilts my face upward and traces his fingertips over the red slash on my cheek.“No, Little Miss Dangerous, your face is perfect, just like the rest of you.”
“Then what was the reason?”
“You’re on the right track and making so much progress in your healing. I don’t want to be the reason that stops. I won’t be the distraction holding you back.”
Gripping his shoulders, I stare up into his dark eyes. “You’re not distracting me. You’re helping me heal. Every minute I spend with you makes me stronger. You make me feel beautiful and not damaged. I like the woman I’m becoming with you. She’s someone I can be proud of.”
His mouth lowers, capturing my lips in a brief kiss full of yearning and promise. “Why don’t you go clean up so I can take you out for pizza?”
“I love the idea of pizza, but I don’t relish the thought of being out in public looking like this.” I draw an air circle around my face.
“We could go back to my place,” he suggests. “With tomorrow being the Fourth of July, I’m off.”
I smile. “Perfect. Then I can see Dove too.”
I made a quick stop at home to change my clothes, so I arrive at Silas’s later than him. He opens the front door and Dove comes running down the stairs toward me. I bend down and wrap my arms around her neck. “Hey, pretty girl.”
“Looks like she’s got a new favorite person,” Silas calls out as he approaches.
“Maybe. Looks like you’ve got some competition,” I say.
He hooks her leash and smiles at me. “Like her dad, she couldn’t help but fall for you.”
Swoon. He makes my heart pound. He better go easy on me, or I might pass out on him.
“You’re sweet to say that.”
“I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Now, let’s go. I already ordered the pizza. If we hurry, we’ll make it home before it’s delivered.”
The three of us start down the sidewalk, and this moment is perfect. There’s a breeze, the humidity is low, and I’m with the hottest man in the world. And he just took hold of my hand.
Whose life is this?
“How was the rest of your day?” I ask.
“It was busy. A new fighter switched to my gym and he needs a lot of my attention.”
“Why would he need more attention from you than others?”
“Because he’s still a young fighter, and his parents are willing to pay for all the time I can spare.”
“I guess that’s great financially but don’t spread yourself too thin.”
“Right, it’s a balancing act. How was your day?” he asks.
“It was good. I looked into a couple of nearby schools.”
“You didn’t tell me you were thinking of making a change.”
“Returning to the scene of the worst day of my life isn’t my idea of a fun time. I think a fresh start would be best for me. Especially where I’m doing so well. I haven’t had a panic attack since the day you and I met.”
“That long?” he teases.
I squeeze his hand. “Hey, it’s not like it’s only been a couple of days.”
“I shouldn’t joke about that. I’ve been through panic attacks, and they’re hell. I remember living in fear, wondering when the next one would happen.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what happened to me. How did you get over them?”
“Time takes care of some things, but my sister is a therapist, so she helped me a lot.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister. Older or younger?”
“She’s five years older than me.”
“Do you have any other siblings?”
“Nope. It’s just the two of us. Our parents both passed within months of each other five years ago.”
“How horrible. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, it was a rough time for us.”
“Is your sister married?”
“Yes.”
“Any nieces or nephews?”
“Not yet. I’m not sure if they want kids. They’re both career-oriented people.”
“Do you want kids?” I ask, and immediately want to retract the question. “Forget I asked,” I add.
“I don’t mind answering questions. Someday, I definitely want a kid or two. But I’m not in a rush. What about you?”
“I always imagined someday I’d be a mom, but I’ll have to see how I feel when I get to that point in my life. Getting a degree in art isn’t the best choice as far as employment opportunities.”
“What’s your dream job?” he asks.
“Being a world-renowned painter.”
“You must be really talented if that’s your plan.”
I shrug. “I’ve sold some paintings.”
“Don’t be modest. Give me the details. Who bought them?”
“I’m not going to say.”
“Really? You’re gonna leave me hanging?”
“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone else.”
“I promise I won’t tell a single soul.”
“Do you know the professional wrestler Jesse Gunn?”
“Of course. Who doesn’t?”
“His wife, Lilah, bought two of my paintings.”
“How did she find your artwork?”
“I was part of a program for artistically gifted teenagers and it afforded my paintings some unexpected exposure.”
“That’s amazing. I can’t wait for you to share your art with me. Do you paint every day?”
My teeth rake over my bottom lip. This isn’t easy for me to talk about. It’s a giant chunk of my life that’s still being impacted from my assault. “I used to, but since I left North Carolina, I haven’t painted at all.”
“That’s gotta be difficult when it’s something you’re so passionate about.”
“I’d imagine it’s the same as you not being able to fight anymore.”
He nods. “I hope you find your way back to painting.”
“Thanks. I’m hoping inspiration will strike again one of these days.”
“How does it work for you? Do you envision something and then paint it? Or do you get inspired by something you see?”
“It varies. Sometimes, I’ll think of something and have to get it from my brain to the canvas as soon as possible. Other times, I could be inspired by a flower, a rock, or anything, really.”
“Do you paint landscapes?”
“Not exclusively.”
At this point we’ve made it around the block to Silas’s home. When we go inside, Gavin and Caleb are in the kitchen, eating pizza.
“What the fuck, guys? You have your own apartment. Why are you eating the pizza I ordered?”
“Because you bought it,” Caleb explains around a mouthful of cheese. “And we were here when it was delivered.”
“You two are predictable assholes, which is why I ordered extra.” Silas grabs two of the pizza boxes from the stack and tips his head toward the table in the dining area. Following him over, I sit down adjacent to him.
He hands me some napkins and then opens one of the pizza boxes. “We’re pretty informal when we eat our pizza. If you really want a plate, I’ll get one for you.”
“Napkins work fine. Less waste too.”
Caleb slides into the open chair next to me. “Hey there. I don’t know if you remember me from the gym or not.”
“Hi. I do remember you. Caleb, right?”
He gives me an appreciative look. “Great memory. Or am I just that memorable?” He winks.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” Silas asks.
Caleb flashes a grin. “No, I don’t.”
Gavin moseys on over. “I guess I might as well join you too.”
Silas shakes his head. “No, you shouldn’t.”
I laugh. “It’s fine. They seem harmless enough.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Silas drolls.
“What are you doing with grumpy pants here?” Caleb asks.
I laugh. “I don’t find him to be grumpy at all.”
“He’s famous for it.”
“Really?”
“Seriously. His fighting nickname was ‘the meanest mug known to mankind.’”
“I can’t imagine it. I’ll have to watch some videos sometime.”
“His fighting skills are a lot better than his personality is,” Caleb says.
“He must be an awesome fighter, then,” I say.
“Don’t make me use my skills on you, Caleb,” Silas threatens.
“Shh, you two,” Gavin says. “We have a lady at the table.”
“Has that ever happened before?” Caleb asks.
Silas squeezes my thigh under the table. When I glance at him, our eyes meet and I wink, letting him know I’m not taking his friends too seriously.
“Not that I can remember,” Gavin says.
“Then I’m honored to be the first,” I say.
“If Silas doesn’t smile, you might be the first and last.”
“I’m waiting for you and Gavin to leave and then I’ll smile for the rest of the night,” Silas says.
“So, Gwen, do you have any single girlfriends?” Caleb asks.
“Hey, I was going to ask her that,” Gavin complains.
“I can answer you both. Yes, I have a beautiful best friend, Demi, who’s single. I think you two would be right up her alley.”
“I’d like to be up her alley all right. Ba dum tss,” Caleb quips, air drumming.
I burst out laughing. “You and Demi might be too much alike to hit it off.”
“What about me?” Gavin asks, wiggling his eyebrows.
“I think you’d be a better fit for her. But I’m not going to introduce you to her.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know you well enough. I can’t be sure you’re good enough for her.”
Gavin’s head swings toward Silas. “You can vouch for me.”
“I can only speak on your fighting skills.” Silas smirks. “And need I remind you, you’re supposed to be staying focused on your training.”
“I am, but there’s no reason I can’t have some female companionship too.”
“Get out of here and I’ll reconsider being your personal reference,” Silas says.
Gavin shoots to his feet. “Come on, Caleb. Let’s go.”
Caleb takes his time leaving his seat. “So you know, I’m taking some pizza with me.”
Silas gives a sharp nod. “Nice of you to warn me. You usually just take it without a heads-up.”
“Right? I must be maturing.” Caleb smiles. “It was lovely to see you again, Gwen.”
“You as well, Caleb.”
Gavin waves at me. “Bye, Gwen. Tell Demi I said hi.”
“Bye, Gavin. No promises.”
They disappear from sight and I hear the sound of a door closing. Silas places his hand over mine on the table. “I’m sorry for all that chaos.”
“I didn’t mind. They’re highly entertaining.”
He laughs. “They’re exhausting.”
He’s not wrong. It’s a little like a hurricane blew through here, and now that it’s gone, it’s eerily still.
“I think it’s awesome that you’re all such great friends. You seem more like brothers.”
“They like to gang up on me like little brothers do, that’s for sure. But now that they’re gone, we can finish eating in peace. And then I want to curl up on the couch with you and relax.”
Is that code for making out?
If it is, I’m in.