Chapter 21 #2
‘We made cookiez shaped like starz ’n’ snowmen ’n’ bellz!’
She grabs our hands and drags us towards the kitchen.
The sound of the men talking grows louder, blending with festive music and the scent of mulled wine and roast dinner – yum!
But not as yum as the man sitting at the island in a black polo neck and jeans.
He runs a hand through his beard, eyes locking on mine as we walk in, and I close the distance in a loved-up, slightly breathless trance.
‘Miss me, Baby Girl?’ he murmurs, arms wrapping around me as I step between his legs.
‘Always,’ I brush against his lips, slanting my mouth to kiss him deeper, and—
‘Ewwww!’ Lottie shrieks, her head poking up beside us.
We choke back laughter, mouths barely separating, bodies tightly locked.
‘Never mind eating each other,’ Theo says, his specs fogging up with the steam rising off the roasties clutched in his oven mitts. ‘Dinner is ready and you two need to wash your hands. You two as in Tay and Sadie, not you two with your hands— Oh God, never mind.’
We’re all laughing as we branch off. The men and Lottie take the dishes to the table. Sadie heads to the loo, which she can’t seem to go without for more than five minutes lately – all that festive excitement, I guess. And I take myself to the kitchen sink.
I sense Axel a second before he comes up behind me, hands on my hips, lips to my neck. ‘How soon is too soon to nick off to the spare room?’
I giggle like the love-struck fool I am. ‘Maybe when they put Lottie to bed, we could sneak off for five?’
‘Five? You’re kidding, right? I’m gonna need at least—’
‘Unless you’re planning on serving your missus up as a side,’ Theo says, striding back into the room for more dishes, ‘put her down, and make yourself useful.’
Axel chuckles but does as he’s told.
‘How quickly you forget that last year, you were the one who burnt Lottie’s Christmas cookies, because you couldn’t put your own woman down.’
‘If we’re going to start on burnt dinners, you’re going to lose this battle,’ I tell Ax with a knowing smile. I’m well aware of how many meals we’ve ruined these past few months burning the candle at both ends. Sex and work. Work and sex. Sometimes, both together.
‘Who’s burning what?’ Sadie says, coming into the room.
‘Hopefully, no one and nothing,’ Theo quips back, blowing hair off his face as he lifts two gravy boats off the side. ‘Though it will get cold if you don’t get a move on.’
‘Always so bossy,’ Sadie teases, hurrying up to him with a smile and kissing his cheek. ‘Two jugs of gravy? And you say I’ve let Christmas get out of hand.’
‘Two types,’ he says defensively, ‘to try.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ Ax says, taking the jugs out of Theo’s hands as Sadie steps into them. ‘You can never have too much gravy.’
What comes next can only be described as chaos. Everyone dishing up a food mountain while the conversation bubbles around the table. Most of it driven by Lottie, who has the most amazing ability to talk, laugh, eat, and breathe all in the same motion.
It’s dizzying and delightful and exhausting. But a happy kind of exhausting.
Even Ax looks to be enjoying himself. His grin coming easier and wider than I’ve ever known it. Then he catches my eye and it softens into something else.
Six months ago, that smile didn’t exist.
Six weeks ago, neither did we – not like this.
And tonight, surrounded by family and chaos and laughter… I wonder if Sadie’s right; maybe it’s time I put my fears aside and told him the words I never thought I’d say.
Because if I can put my heart on the line after all these years, maybe he can too.
Axel
Helping Theo cook was a decent distraction while waiting for Taylor.
I knew shopping could take hours – they’re women, after all – but I hadn’t anticipated the eternity it would take to eat, clean, and wrestle a sugar-high child into something resembling bedtime readiness.
Especially when that child wants to play Twister. And I’m recruited as her extension aid. Yeah, that’s me. Bending like some contortionist to ensure Trouble hits the colour she needs while everyone else cracks up around me.
We win. I ain’t sure whether it’s down to their giggles or our skills; either way, Lottie’s lauding it about and loving it. High-fiving me in victory.
‘We did it, Uncle G!’
‘Yeah, we did, kid.’
‘And on that joyous note…’ Sadie grabs Lottie’s soaring hand. ‘It’s time for bed, honey.’
She immediately pouts. ‘But I don’t wanna goa bed.’
‘It’s long past your bedtime, kiddo,’ Theo says, lifting her into his arms. ‘And you don’t want to be too tired for the Santa train tomorrow, do you?’
I leave them to their negotiations and reach for Taylor, more than ready for our not-so quick private reunion, when Lottie says, ‘Can Uncle G wead me a stawy?’
I freeze. Tay’s eyes dance, reading my every thought.
‘If Uncle G’s up for it?’ Sadie says as I turn back.
I am so screwed. I can’t say no to that face. Turns out there’s something equally addictive about a small person thinking the sun shines out of your backside.
‘Sure thing, Trouble.’
‘Why don’t you guys put your feet up?’ Tay says, coming up behind me, her hand soft on my shoulder. ‘And we’ll get Lottie ready for bed too?’
‘You’re sure?’ Sadie says.
‘Absolutely.’
So up we go. Teeth, face, pyjamas: we slip into the whole routine as easy as breathing, and my mind wanders like it did that night at her place, when I put Lottie to bed.
Is she thinking about it too? Thinking about the future? Of us doing the same with our kid?
‘What?’ she says, catching my eye as she tucks Lottie in.
‘Nothing.’
‘That’s the face you make when you’re thinking nothing?’
‘This is…’ I shrug. ‘Just nice. You know. Makes you think.’
A smile curves her lips, her eyes warming all the more. ‘Yeah, I know what you mean.’
‘You lie here, Uncle G,’ Lottie orders, patting one side of the bed. ‘And you here, Aunt Tay-Tay, then you can bof wead.’
‘I reckon I’ll break the bed if I get on there too.’
‘The bed won’t bweak, silly. Mummy and Daddy wy on it all the time.’
Tay laughs and climbs in, wrapping an arm around Lottie.
‘Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
The mattress dips as I get in beside them and they roll towards me, much to Lottie’s giggly delight. My arm lifts, drawing them in, as Taylor reaches for the book and spreads it open across our laps.
‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas…’ she begins and Lottie slaps her finger down on the page.
‘Look! It’s you, Uncle G!’
Wait—
What?
Tay gives me a sheepish wince.
She can’t be serious.
‘Are you saying…?’
‘You looked so put out last Christmas, I had to come up with something else for the G.’
‘So not the BFG…?’
She shakes her head.
‘You’re the Gwinch!’ Lottie declares, smiling up at me, blue eyes sparkling as she plants her pudgy little hands on either side of my cheeks. ‘You’re my Gwinch.’
Yeah. That does something weird to my chest.
‘That’s me, Trouble…’
Tay bites her lip, the look in her eyes worth every squirm of discomfort.
Though is it discomfort, really?
Lottie settles back down, Dino clutched to her chest as she waits for Tay to start again and I softly squeeze her shoulder with a shake of my head.
‘Okay, Mrs Gwinch,’ I murmur, ‘you better get on with it. Little Ears is waiting.’
I don’t realise what I’ve said until I see her eyes widen, her mouth too. Mrs? Okay so maybe it was a bit suggestive, marrying us off like that, but I’m still wrestling with the news that I’m the big green thing. And not the Hulk either.
‘Wead it, Aunt Tay-Tay, wead it…’
Slowly, Taylor tears her gaze from mine and starts to read. ‘Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch – who lived just north of Whoville – did not…’
I lean back into the pillow and let Tay’s voice wash over me.
I ain’t mad. Or sad. Not even close. Lottie’s little fingers play with my top while I trace circles over Tay’s shoulder, and a sense of peace settles over me.
Something I haven’t felt since we parted four days ago.
Something I could’ve gone a lifetime without knowing, before her… before this.
Lottie’s hand soon stills against my chest, her head turning heavy with sleep, and I smile. I’m not the only one who’s content…
‘And what happened, then?’ Tay reads softly, sparkling eyes lifting to mine as Lottie’s gentle snore fills the air, ‘Well, in Whoville they say, the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day…’
I see it in her face. I feel it in my chest.
The emotion swelling, stretching, breaking open.
I’m back in Theo’s beach house a year ago, Taylor leaning into me, teasing me, talking about hope – me shutting it down.
And now?
Fuck. I am the Grinch.
She knows it. Lottie knows it. And I…
‘I love you.’
The words slip out before I realise I’ve said them. And she quits breathing. Her eyes fill. And—
‘Wuv you too, Uncle G,’ comes the sleepy declaration between us.
I huff a laugh, kiss Lottie’s hair, but my gaze never leaves Tay’s.
I pour every truth I’ve buried into that look as she closes the book.
Then I slip it from her fingers and we ease out from around Lottie.
She kisses her forehead, whispers goodnight, but I sense she’s running on autopilot now; her head’s still living in that moment with me.
Silently, she takes my hand, pulling me out of the room, towards the next flight of stairs up.
I look back the other way. ‘Shouldn’t we be heading down to—’
She shakes her head.
‘Won’t they wonder—’
What the hell is wrong with me? She’s leading me upstairs. That never means talking. Unless I’ve gone too far. Misread everything. Smashed through her boundaries and ruined the contract entirely and now it’s over and—
‘Ax…?’
She steps into the bedroom, the only light coming from a gold-trimmed Christmas tree that spills its warmth across her skin while I remain on the darkened threshold. Scared. Frozen. Panicked to the bone.
‘Yes?’
‘Close the door.’
Taylor
‘Look Tay, forget what I said. I was caught up in the story. Saying what felt right when—’
‘You were so caught up in a kid’s story you accidentally told me you loved me?’
He looks wrecked.
Big, unshakeable Ax, looking like the Grinch when he realises Christmas isn’t all he thought it was.
And my heart… God, it just melts, emotion spilling from every pore as I reach up and cup his cheek.
‘So you don’t love me?’ I ask, even though I already know the answer. I heard it in every whispered syllable, saw it in every etched line of his face, and I see it now in his panic.
‘I…’ His body tightens, dark eyes glittering into mine, then he shakes his head, his sigh weary and done for. ‘I do. I’m in love with you, Tay. And if you end this right now, it won’t change a damn thing. I’ll still love you.’
A soft, broken sound escapes: half-laugh, half-sob.
‘Is it really so awful?’ he rasps, wiping away a tear I didn’t know I’d shed. ‘We’re still friends. We’ll always be friends.’
I shake my head, smiling through more tears. ‘I don’t want to be your friend.’
His breath stutters. ‘Tay…’
‘I want to be your everything, Ax. Your partner. Your future. The mother of your child – our child.’
His entire body goes still. ‘Are you saying…?’
‘That I’m in love with you too – Yes.’
It bursts out of me, and he pulls me in, hands trembling as they frame my face, cradling me like I’m something precious.
‘You do?’
‘Yes! I loved you before. Of course I did. But crossing that line showed me what more there was to love… what more there was to feel. And now I can’t unsee it. I can’t go back to how it was. I don’t want to.’
He swallows hard.
‘You just— God, Tay. You’ve just handed me everything I ever wanted… and everything I thought I’d never have.’
Then he kisses me.
Not with the hunger I’m used to. Not with urgency or need.
This is slow. Tender. Almost sweet.
His hands glide over me – my waist, my back, my hips – steady and sure as he walks me back to the bed.
‘Tell me again,’ he whispers.
‘I love you.’
‘Again?’
He sweeps me up and lowers me onto the mattress.
‘I love you.’
He lies down beside me, fingers gentle as he brushes my hair from my face.
‘Again?’ he says, voice rough.
I cradle his jaw and hold his searing gaze. ‘I. Love. You.’
He kisses me again, soft and savouring, eyes still locked on mine. A kiss full of rediscovery. Of newfound feeling. Of the shared love Sadie spoke of, now overflowing.
He strips my clothes as I strip his. Mouths breaking apart and coming back together. Again and again.
‘I love you too,’ he murmurs, his mouth trailing over my lips, my neck, my collarbone, my breast… His fingers slide between my thighs as his tongue gently laves my nipple, and I arch back, a soft cry escaping.
‘That’s my girl.’
He smiles against my skin, his tenderness undoing me as completely as his gruffness ever did.
I pull him back to me, kiss him deep, and whisper, ‘I want you with me.’
I don’t wait. I roll him onto his back and straddle his hips, my gaze hooked in his as I take him.
He’s mine.
All mine.
We move together, our rhythm building in perfect harmony. He grips my hips, filling me completely, but it’s the love in his eyes that finally tips me over.
Warmth floods every vein, every muscle drawing tight until—
‘You’re mine,’ I cry as I shatter, wave after wave tearing through me.
‘And you’re mine,’ he grits out, head thrown back. His release hot and deep and fierce – and my God, it feels different.
Everything feels different.
The words land harder now. Our bond feels more certain.
And hope flares, reckless and bright, that this might be it.
Our baby’s beginning.
A family neither of us ever dared imagine, starting right here.
He gathers me into his arms as I collapse against his chest.
‘Tell me again…’
I lift my head and look at him – at the man who’s always been there for me, and the man I love more than life itself – and I see it. Not just the need for the words, but the need to believe them.
That someone could love him.
That I could.
‘I love you, Axel Black. Always and forever. You’re stuck with me now.’
He smiles as he breathes deep. ‘Guess it’s lucky I love you too.’
It really, really is. Maybe wish cakes are allowed icing after all.
Because being loved by him feels like the greatest wish of all.