Chapter 26 – Eden
EDEN
Maura’s post-baby gathering is the smallest party I’ve ever planned. With only the ten of us—plus Hazel—attending, all I had to do was send out an Evite, arrange food with Beau, and rearrange some chairs in the living room. A relaxed, low-key celebration for the new baby.
“It’s really less work than someone of your abilities should even waste their time on. I would have done it myself, but James wants to make sure I don’t overextend myself,” Maura said.
I didn’t mind. Work is work, and though I would have done it for free, it’s stupid to turn down a paycheck from a literal billionaire. Besides, even if I had worked hours and hours on the party, it would've been worth it to see Hazel spit up all over Ryan.
“Am I crazy, or did she do that on purpose?” he grumbles.
“She’s a baby. She spits up, it’s what they do,” Pippa says.
“She smiled afterward, though. Like she was happy that she ruined my shirt.”
“It’s not ruined,” Maura says. “It’s a custom graphic dye job from a new up-and-coming artist.”
“Exactly,” Luke says. “Your shirt is now a one-of-a-kind, mixed media art piece. I wouldn't wash that if I were you. It could be worth money someday.”
I giggle at the joke, then immediately check myself. Was I laughing too loud? Did anyone notice my reaction?
When I survey the room, absolutely no one is looking at me.
Why would they be? I’m being paranoid, but I also know that I haven’t acted like myself since Luke walked into the room.
I’m far too aware of his presence. I drift off during conversations, watching him pour himself a glass of whiskey on the other side of the room.
When we’re standing in the same group, I find myself drifting physically closer to him, like my body is magnetized to his.
It’s distracting, but it also feels natural, like our recent physical contact made pieces slide into place.
I purposefully put an end date on us because of that closeness. When I let Luke into my apartment, let him tie my wrists and play dominant, I caught a glimpse of what it would be like to be his girlfriend. I wanted it too much.
But I can’t have it. “Luke’s girlfriend” is a position that doesn’t exist. He has sexual partners, end of story.
The real love of his life is his business.
Right now, he’s able to let me in because I can help him bring Twisted Devil to a new level.
Now, I’m not only helping him repair his reputation, I’m connecting him with my family as grain suppliers.
My wants go along with his business’s, and he doesn’t have to make any compromises.
It won’t be like that forever. Soon enough, I’ll want more than he can give, and our relationship will be over. I protected myself with my June 5 end date.
Even if my body melts into goo when I see Luke take baby Hazel from Ryan. The way he cradles her in his arms, smiling down at her precious face, makes my ovaries grow heart eyes.
“Wow, Luke, you’re a natural,” Brinley says.
James snorts. “He wasn’t two weeks ago.”
“So what? I’ve been practicing.” Luke props Hazel up against his shoulder and gently pats her back. “If a baby screams whenever you pick her up, you just have to keep picking her up until she figures out you’re not going to leave her alone.”
“The same technique you used with women,” Nate says.
“Not true!” Luke says, then tilts his head at me. “I get women by offering fake relationships to fend off their territorial brothers.”
“More like you get woman,” Ryan clarifies. “I don’t see that working for you twice.”
Luke shrugs. “We’ll see. There are a lot of territorial brothers out there. I bet I can use that technique on at least three, maybe four ladies.”
Something sour twists in my stomach. I know he’s joking, but the idea of Luke hitting on other women still makes me want to hide in a bush, Homer Simpson style.
“Looks like Hazel has some spit-up on her shirt,” Maura says. “Can you come back to her room and help get her changed, Eden?”
I blink, surprised at the invitation. “Yeah, of course.”
Maura takes her daughter from Luke and I follow them back to the nursery.
The soft green walls make it feel cool and cozy, especially with the cloudlike painting Maura hung over the crib.
A comfy-looking forest green rocking chair sits by a window, inviting you to sit down and read one of the children’s books on the shelves next to it.
“Hold her for me while I find her a new outfit?” Maura asks.
I happily take the wide-eyed baby, who stares at me like I'm the most fascinating person she's ever seen. My heart might just grow one or two sizes.
“How do you get anything done with this cutie around?” I ask. “If I were you, all I'd want to do is stare at her.”
“I admit, that's what I spent most of the past month doing,” Maura laughs. “Every once in a while, I let James stare at her while I take a shower, but I haven't been to the studio once. It just feels like everything else can wait.”
“So you're liking parenthood so far? You're not overwhelmed?”
“Oh, I'm definitely overwhelmed. I probably ask myself ten dozen times a day if I'm changing her diaper right or feeding her enough or rocking her the right way. It helps to have James, plus Cat comes down all the time for practice.”
I hand Hazel back to Maura so she can dress the baby in a new footed onesie patterned with little giraffes.
“So,” she says casually as she sets the baby on the changing table. “I had a feeling things between you and Luke weren’t going to stay fake for long. It looks like I was right.”
Her words practically knocked the wind out of me. I was sure that Luke and I were the only ones who knew we’d gone beyond our original agreement. Maybe he mentioned something to James, or maybe Maura spotted us kissing at some point? Did she see Luke touching my lower back?
Maura’s still looking at me, waiting for an answer. I open my mouth, only for complete gibberish to spill out. “We’re not—I mean, who—I don’t—”
“Nobody told me anything,” she says, smiling gently. “I could just tell from the way you were looking at him. You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here if talking about it would help.”
I swallow. Part of me would love to spill everything to Maura—the early kisses, the secret tryst after the Christmas party, the intense almost-sex we had after leaving the hospital. The way they made me want something I can never have.
At the same time, talking about it would make it real. That would mean acknowledging to another person that I let things go way too far. My pride stops me from admitting it.
“Thanks,” I tell her. “It’s a nice offer, even though there’s nothing to say.”
“Okay.” Maura inclines her head, a silent confirmation that she’ll drop it. “We should get this little girl back to her party, huh?”
She lets me carry baby Hazel back to the living room, where we’re descended on immediately. Ryan wants to make silly faces at the baby, James wants to give her a bottle, and Beau wants to take pictures of every single move she makes.
When I hand Hazel off to her father, Luke appears beside me. He hands me the seltzer I was sipping before I left with Maura.
“Hazel is pretty incredible, isn’t she?” he asks.
I nod eagerly. “I’m not even sure that I want kids, but I definitely want that exact kid. Do you think James and Maura would forgive me if I kidnapped her?”
He lowers his voice. “I think James has anyone who even looks at her twice on a list. He’s probably got a sniper watching you right now.”
“If that’s true, there’s definitely a second sniper right next to him aiming at you, Mr. I-Practiced-Holding-The-Baby,” I tease.
“That’s probably true. Do you think our snipers are also fake dating?”
“Definitely. They’re probably making out right now, so if we want to make a play for Hazel now’s our chance.”
Luke laughs, and his hand finds the small of my back. My heart thuds. There’s no audience here, no brothers, no good reason. He’s touching me because he wants to.
I don’t want him to stop, which scares me even more than being caught by my brothers.