Chapter 5 #2
“My parents do, not me,” I corrected, taking another sip. “I won’t depend on anyone else, P. If there was one thing I learned in everything I went through, it’s not to depend on anyone except myself. But I have a son. I can’t be that selfish and proud. Exceptions had to be made.”
“I understand, and I can’t say I disagree.”
“Papà offered me the job that same day. He said I could have my own money to support myself and have my financial independence. The salary is a little higher than I think an intern really earns, but I wasn’t going to fight over that and I’m still not. I’m doing honest work and giving my best.”
“Uncle Rocco doesn’t do anything without a purpose. I bet he already had everything planned.”
I laughed in agreement.
“That’s one of the things that won me over with him, you know? He really was paying attention to me when we started talking again. It wasn’t like before, but…”
“As a daughter.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m really happy for you two.”
“He’s truly trying, and I have to as well. We’re not one hundred percent yet, you know? But we’re building something new here.”
“Oh, Ella, it’s so good to hear that! Uncle Rocco has his bad days and can be a tough nut to crack sometimes, but he’s your father. It’s really good to hear that you’re trying to rebuild your relationship. There is always a chance when there is love and both people are willing.”
I thought there was a subliminal message there.
“Yes, there is.”
“And classes?”
“I’m doing them online.”
“Why?”
“Try having a child, an apartment to take care of, and a job. It’s almost a luxury to be able to study remotely. I only have to go to the university once a week. Another thing from Dad. Rocco says it’s from the company, but I know he was the one who did it.”
“Damn! Work, home, child, and college. How do you manage?”
I laughed again. I think it was the first time I had laughed so much in one day without my son being directly involved in the situation.
“It was what I needed, what I need. It doesn’t have to be easy, and far be it from me to complain…
There are days that are ugh! I like it here.
I’m home… I won’t deny that Mom’s option of going to live with them, enjoying the good life they can give Lucca and me, isn’t tempting.
However, the autonomy and independence the job gives me do me more good than harm, so. ” I shrugged.
“Who is Lucca staying with while you’re working?”
“Giulia, my former nanny’s daughter.”
“I remember her.”
“She’s a lifesaver.”
“Aunt Selena didn’t want to do that?”
“Then you don’t know her? I can’t keep depending on her or on others. I have my own life and need to do this for me and for Lucca. Besides, mamma has her own things to take care of, like the store, for example.”
“I don’t know if I envy you or thank God it’s not me.”
“I love Lucca, Pietra.” I sighed, allowing myself to relax a little more.
“I love every little thing about him. Every moment we share. But there are moments when, yes, it’s very, very hard, when I wish it were just me, when there are no cries, diapers full of pee and poop, and shirts stinking of vomit to deal with.
Just come here and sleep without worrying about anything other than the alarm being off. ”
“That doesn’t make you a terrible mother.”
“I know, but I can’t help feeling guilty,” I confessed.
“You’re doing your best, amada. And look”—she waved around—“you’ve done great things here. Lucca couldn’t have a better mother.”
Emotion choked my throat.
“Thank you.”
I lowered the nearly empty glass to the coffee table.
“Do they know?” she asked carefully.
“Know what?”
“Why you came back?”
“They know what they need to know.”
“That surprises me.”
“Why? There was no reason to tell my parents the shit your brother did to me and incite a war between our families. My problems are mine, and I’ll solve them however I can. Heithor, as much of a son of a bitch as he was to me, is Lucca’s father.”
“What does that mean?”
“Lucca doesn’t have to be affected by our problems,” I clarified calmly.
“It isn’t his fault I gave him such a bastard for a father.
I’m not a shrew. Well, at least I know I’m not a scoundrel like your brother was, to deprive him of being with his son, but mainly to deprive my son of a right that is his. ”
Suddenly all that hatred burned inside me, so I breathed to appease it. I couldn’t take out on the innocent what belonged to one single asshole.
Pietra moved to my side and held my hand.
“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner that we were here.”
The change of subject dispersed my anger.
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I murmured in a low tone.
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t.” I breathed deeply. “I imagine Heithor asked you not to tell me, or there were other reasons that don’t make any difference whether I know them or not…
No. I’m not blaming you. I understand, I really do.
I could get pissed, but what’s the point, Pietra?
You’re here. That’s all that matters. I’m not interested in bringing up problems I don’t need to have.
I had enough of them. Now I avoid them.”
P raised her glass, and I picked up mine, imitating her.
“To uncomplicated things,” she said.
“To uncomplicated things,” I repeated.
I drank the last little sip and lowered the glass to the coffee table again.
“But tell me, what about you? Martha?”
“Mamma is overwhelmed with the move and buying new furniture. Thor wanted to hire an interior designer, but she refused, saying she wasn’t useless. So I’ve spent a good part of these three days walking from store to store.”
“What neighborhood?”
“Brera.”
Very close.
“Are you okay leaving everything there?”
“It worked for you.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m taking a short pause, actually, to decide whether I’ll move or stay in the States until I graduate and then return. You know I never intended to make a career there. But while I don’t decide, I’m helping mamma.”
“So it’s definitive.”
It wasn’t a question, and still, she answered.
“Yes.”
“And Nathan?”
“Well, here or there, we agreed he’ll stay with me between his jobs, and then when I move here… Well, we’ll figure it out later.”
“That’s a big leap in your relationship, huh?”
“It’s not very different from how we were handling things in Malibu, except that by staying there, we’ll be living without all the family around.”
“Why did you come?” I asked softly.
“Um, I thought you invited me to dinner…”
“Not that.” I looked into her eyes. “Why are you here?”
Pietra took a breath. “Thor asked. I mean, not exactly.” She huffed, then stood and went to the window, then came back around.
“With the sale of the mansion, we would return, and when I say we, that includes you too. Thor wanted Lucca to be raised here in Italy. I don’t think he thought only of himself. ”
Indignation passed through me.
“Don’t speak for him,” I said in a neutral tone.
“Sorry, but that’s what I think.”
“Fine.”
“I don’t know if it makes much sense to stay there when mamma, Thor, you and Lucca, well, my whole family is here.
There are universities here as good as the ones there, and besides, I can continue the course online.
I don’t really lose anything.” She paused, narrowing her eyes.
“And if you’re thinking I’m here to spy on you, get that shit out of your head right now.
I’m here because I want to be. Because I wanted to see my lifelong best friend and my nephew. ”
“It’s all right if you don’t want to talk. It’s not like I have anything to hide. I’m proud of what I’m doing here and what I’ve achieved, and no one will take that from me. Just don’t lie to me.”
After my life almost collapsed completely because of the lies created around me, my tolerance for them was nonexistent. Pietra didn’t need to admit in so many words that she was here to test the ground, but no lying.
Pietra slid to my side and gave me a look.
“I know there’s a lot of hurt between you two, and I don’t know if you can overcome it.
I hope you can. I like having you as a sister-in-law.
But if you can’t, that’s okay, Ella. Still, even if you and my brother don’t work things out, you’ll need to talk, at least try to have a good relationship for Lucca’s sake. ”
Funny how everyone told me that.
“We are not getting back together, Pietra. Never.”
Stubbornness crossed her gaze. She wanted to fight about it, but instead, she said:
“So be it, then!”
I laughed. Really laughed.
“I missed you, pest,” I said, smiling, pulling her into a tight hug.
“We need to plan something,” she said excitedly, pushing back, her eyes shining the way I remembered. “Go out, just us two, and party.”
“I’d love to, but I can’t.”
Her expression fell.
“Why?”
“Lucca.”
“He can stay with the nanny or mamma. She’ll love staying with her little grandson while we wander around. We’re in Milan, baby. We need to go shopping.”
“I don’t have time to wander anymore, Pietra,” I explained. “When I say things have changed, they really have.”
“You’re still alive, aren’t you?”
“Fine,” I surrendered, because she wouldn’t give in, and I also wanted to go out with her. “But keep in mind I can’t afford to spend like before. Now I’m on a budget.”
“Oh, poor little thing, living in Bosco Verticale!”
“It’s Lucca’s. My parents gave the apartment, my uncles gave the furniture, and my grandparents took care of paying the monthly condo fees until I can afford to do it myself.
Which I don’t think will happen anytime soon, unfortunately…
I wouldn’t be here if it were any other way.
I can’t afford all this. The most I can do is grocery shopping, pay the nanny, buy Lucca’s things, and with sacrifice, save some money. ”
“Thor can help.”
“I don’t want his money,” I snapped dryly.
“You don’t, but Lucca has the right to a fat child support payment.”
I looked at her, not knowing what to say.
Just thinking about having anything from that bastard filled me with hatred.