Chapter 5 #3
“Fine!” she said, exasperated. “We can buy a slice of pizza with your little pennies. You can afford that, right? Fine, fine. The things we do for a friend. Even poor, I love you.”
I laughed loudly. “Bitch.”
We talked for a while longer, going into the safe field of superficiality, deliberately avoiding the deep waters.
I loved Pietra. Our friendship had been tested since I met Heithor, but we remained sisters of the heart.
Everyone made mistakes or faltered sometime in life, a handful of times.
We were no different. We were once again walking on eggshells around each other, but I thought that was normal after what we went through.
Funny that none of it had erased our intimacy or our ability to understand each other even without spoken words.
She looked at her phone.
“It’s time for me to go.”
“Are you sure? Don’t you want to stay a little longer?”
“We can schedule another round next week. I still have a few days left before I make my decision. Besides, now you’re a mother, a homemaker, and a responsible woman with schedules and everything,” she teased.
“You can sleep here,” I offered, needy. “There’s no extra bed, but there’s this beautiful, comfortable sofa and my bed. I don’t mind sharing.”
“No, it’s okay. Besides, Thor is coming to pick me up…” Her phone chose that moment to beep. “…and he’s already waiting for me.”
I didn’t know what to think or say, so I stayed silent.
I shouldn’t be shocked that Thor knew where I lived when he knew my number. And I knew very well that wasn’t because Pietra had a big mouth.
“I don’t think you want him to come up, right?”
I didn’t answer.
“Can I say goodbye to Lucca?”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to ask that, Pietra.”
After she said goodbye to Lucca, I walked her to the door.
“You can see him whenever you want. Tell Martha she’s welcome too.”
“Not Thor.”
I looked at her in silence, then breathed deeply, locking away my irritation.
“I won’t deprive him of seeing Lucca, Pietra. But we will talk first.”
Her thin arms went around me tightly, and she spoke in my ear.
“I really am sorry, Ella. Forgive me if at any point I was a bitch to you. And I know I failed in many ways. I don’t have enough excuses for that. I love you forever. I’m sorry if you needed me and I wasn’t there. All of this… was…”
“I know, Pietra.” I pulled back, smiling with restraint. “Truly.”
“That makes me feel even guiltier,” she said tearfully.
I swallowed the knot in my throat.
“You did what you believed was right.”
“Yes, but… It’s just that… I don’t know.”
“I don’t need to like it to understand. We all make mistakes.
It’s all right. And what isn’t, will be.
You’re my best friend in life, and I’m not giving that up.
Not you, not Josie. Things are different now, but that doesn’t mean our relationship has weakened.
We can change too. Do better. And I know what you and Josie did for me. Thank you so much.”
She hugged me tightly again.
I was wary of everyone, but who could blame me?
“You’re my person, you know that, right?”
“And you’re mine, P.”
I bravely resisted the urge to run to the balcony and steal a glimpse of the street below when she left. I wouldn’t look. There was nothing to look at.
And I really didn’t want to look, right?
It didn’t matter if he was down there.
I rested my head on the pillow, still not knowing how I felt with the information that the Castellammares were so close… He was here.
There were no grievances on my part toward Pietra and Martha.
I wished they could have done more than they did.
I won’t lie. But I understood why they couldn’t do more.
And besides, Pietra and Josie hadn’t sat with their arms crossed.
It wasn’t as if the two of them hadn’t wanted to do anything to help me.
Today, I could see that and understand. I was tired of negativity, and if I could avoid it, I would.
The Castellammares would always be part of my family.
Lucca was our unbreakable link.
That made me think of Thor and his call the other day.
Our breaths were the only sound breaking through the silent line.
Seconds stretched like months and years, but neither of us hung up.
Suddenly, all that fury roared to life and burned. I was furious with him, with his shitty behavior. For calling me, for not having called before.
“What do you want, Heithor?” I broke the silence, because the longer I stayed on the line hearing his breathing on the other end, the more I hated him.
“I know you’re pissed at me, and with every reason, but we need to talk, Ella.”
“I don’t think so,” I bit out angrily.
Why did his voice still affect me? The sound of it shouldn’t make my heart beat faster, or tangle the words in my mouth, or make me hurt.
I heard his heavy sigh, the same one he gave when he was getting irritated.
“Ella, I want to see my son, and the two of us, you and I, need to talk.”
“I can’t talk now, Heithor. I’m very busy.”
“And when can you?”
Never.
“I’m very busy these days.”
“All right, Ella.” And there was the sigh again. “When can I see Lucca? I can go to your apartment, or we can meet somewhere neutral.”
“I’ll call.”
I didn’t call and had been busy to this day.
The truth was, I would always be too busy for Thor. He kept calling, and I kept oscillating between giving him flimsy excuses and letting the calls fall into voicemail oblivion. I successfully refused his messages.
I was about to schedule a meeting with Dad’s lawyer. I didn’t want to talk to Thor before having a legal opinion. I had to be precise and objective.
I just hadn’t had time for that yet.
Fine, fine.
Maybe I was stalling a little.
It was like being in a countdown to the real thing. And yet, I didn’t know if I wanted to hear anything or if I was ready to be in front of him.
Every time I thought about that encounter, my heart swelled only to shrink a little more. Pain, anger, and… things I refused to feel. I focused on the second.
What did he want now?
Ask me to be his whore again?
I discarded the thought as quickly as it had arrived.
I wouldn’t think about any other perspective that led us to a path different from the father-and-mother connection, because there wasn’t the slightest chance it existed.
And honestly, I didn’t believe in anything other than that.
It was such a far-fetched idea that Thor was here for me, even if it was for an affair.
Well, on some level, I appreciated a cold and calculating revenge.
It was good that he wasn’t here for me.
In any way!
I lowered my gaze to the phone screen, rejecting the countless calls and messages from the number that was no longer unknown, and frowned at Giulia’s number.
“Giulia, it’s me. What’s the problem?” I asked as soon as she answered.
“Oh, hi, Ella! There’s no problem. We’re fine, aren’t we, little guy? We’re going down to the playground. I called so you wouldn’t worry if you got home and didn’t find us.”
“Of course, all right,” I said, calmer. “Stay as long as you need. I’ll make it up to you with extra. Today was hectic here and we had some unforeseen issues with one of the campaigns. Anyway… I’m leaving VCG in five minutes.”
At my building, I thought about going to the playground, but decided to give myself that little bit of time as a gift. My feet were killing me. I’d have time for a nice shower and a few minutes of peace before my personal earthquake demanded my attention.
Yeah, being an adult was shit.
I was doing well with my routine, but sometimes I got fed up.
I left VCG, but that didn’t mean rest. At home, there were a thousand and one things to do that couldn’t be postponed. I was very lucky to have such a good baby.
Lucca was an angel most of the time, but when he got it into his head to be a little troublemaker, he could be terrible and give me a few gray hairs.
I looked at the enormous, very gigantic staircase I usually used to exercise on the way down and up, and my muscles screamed for mercy.
I checked the elevators and wanted to cry…
None free.
My recent plans going down the drain.
Oops!
… One was closing its doors. It could still be conquered, so I ran, shouting. I didn’t care about the receptionist looking at me as if I were insane.
Thank you, God!
I jumped inside, breathless and euphoric, my feet throbbing in my heels. Tomorrow, I’m wearing flats. I looked back, smiling, to thank the charitable soul for holding it for me.
“Thank you… Heithor.”
He nodded, his gaze nailed inside mine.
My smile died.
My mouth dried.
I froze.
All air was sucked from my lungs.
It swelled my eyes.
Completely in shock at the sight of him in front of me.
I swallowed my racing heart back into my chest.
The sound of the doors closing tore me from my trance. I jerked my head around, looking ahead in absolute silence.
Thor stood behind me. He didn’t move closer. Didn’t speak. Still, he made me weak, affecting my senses, my reactions. I was stiff as a board.
I wanted to shrink. I was shrinking mentally.
I wished the floor would open and swallow me.
It didn’t happen.
Never had an elevator taken so long to reach the fifteenth floor.
My back burned, the hairs on my nape bristling.
I didn’t look, but I knew his gaze was scanning me, and I felt the exact moment his eyes stopped on my ass wrapped in jeans that, in that moment, I thought were too tight, and lingered there.
I almost contracted my butt muscles. It took a lifetime to force myself to relax, but I managed.
The fact that he didn’t speak made me even more anxious.
My nerves felt plugged into an electrical socket.
There was something there, something wanting to make me boil from the inside out.
Inconvenient, wrong time, wrong occasion, wrong everything…
pulsing between my legs… As disconcerted as I was, I reached for that anger, hot and raw, and focused on it.
I tucked my fallen hair behind my ear. I wasn’t hiding from him.
Heithor was being indifferent, and I could be just as indifferent or more.