Chapter 28
Where was I?
What was happening?
I tried to move, but stopped when pain spread. I hurt in too many places, the severe discomfort transformed into terrible, maddening pain.
Then I remembered.
Oh, Dio mio.
Norah had kidnapped me.
I forced my eyes open. They were still blurred with exhaustion. I wanted to scream in frustration when I realized I was still at Norah’s mercy and her madness.
Fear came fast and thick.
I wanted to speak, but it hurt.
And it wasn’t as if it would make any difference.
Norah got irritated no matter what I said.
Norah always used my words against me and hit me.
She took care of me only as much as she had to, and I was grateful for that minimum care.
Maybe because I had lost a piece of my sanity.
I had no more baths. Norah had only let me have that one with the little cup.
She had also loosened the rope so I could use the little bucket to do my business, which she took forever to empty.
No paper. No dignity. Only a damp piece of cloth that was also dirty.
Filthy. Wild-haired. Reeking.
At some point, I stopped thinking about my life when the short contractions returned, and focused only on my Valentina. My life didn’t matter, only hers. I had to hold her in, give her a chance, even if I couldn’t hold on.
I chose my daughter.
I put my strength into the good memories I had collected with my beloved husband, with my son, with my family. In the faithful belief that Thor was coming to save me. If I concentrated hard enough, I could clearly hear his voice saying everything would be all right.
Please, my love. Hurry. Please.
I began to cry… cry… cry…
Ah, Dio, why was he taking so long?
One afternoon, when Norah came back to the cabin, she didn’t speak. She was holding some bags. Something in me shuddered, an alarm bell, chills of fear running through me. She left the bags on the table, and from one, Norah took out a thermos cup. She gave it to me.
Soup. I drank.
A cold shiver froze my spine out of nowhere.
She was looking at me, but it wasn’t the Norah from before that I saw. Her eyes were glassy, as if she were too far away to be reached. It made me uneasy.
“What day is it?” I asked, wanting to gauge her mood.
Norah blinked, and madness burned in her gaze.
She smiled, and somehow that made her look even more frightening.
Norah rose to her full height, looking down at me.
“It’s the day to take back what’s mine.”
Then Norah left.
And I panicked.
It’s the day to take back what’s mine.
What did that mea—
Oh, Dio Santo!
Only then did I notice that the rope she had kept loose for days was now too tight. I fucking panicked. The threat turning my brain to mush. It wasn’t the physical torture that was killing me, but the psychological.
The hour passed so fast…
… Norah returned deranged.
Insane determination in her expression as she paced back and forth.
“They’re going to find me… I can’t let them… not yet…”
Norah looked at me for so long that my fear shot into the stratosphere.
Beside herself, she began to mutter to herself.
“Norah?”
She didn’t listen to me and kept muttering under her breath.
I tried to understand the words, but it was her actions that told me what I needed to know. Norah picked up a bottle of alcohol and soaked the pocketknife in it. Terror struck hard and vibrated through me when she turned, looking directly into my eyes.
“It’s time.”
“Please, Norah, don’t do this. Per favore. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t do this, for God’s sake. You’re going to hurt her.”
“I would never hurt my baby, but I need to get her out of there.”
She’s mine. My baby, you crazy bitch!
I wanted to scream it in her face, but that would make her even more deranged.
“Please, Norah, you don’t have to do this. Don’t. I’m begging you.” She didn’t stop. “Think of Thor. If you hurt the baby, his daughter, he’ll never forgive you.”
That didn’t stop her, but it made her hesitate.
Norah seemed to think, her eyebrows lifting as she grimaced, before putting her crazy eyes level with mine, and the hard slap hit me.
I ignored the pain, the sting… terror was in control.
“Thor knows I’m good, that I would never deliberately hurt our children. You’re the bad one here, not me. He knows I’m good,” she snarled and spat on me.
Norah tried to crouch between my legs, but I fought it as best I could. The rope bit into my wrists. I felt warm liquid run down, tearing the wounded skin. I didn’t care. I was dominated by adrenaline, throwing my body into survival mode.
Norah forced herself between my legs and pointed the tip of the pocketknife at my belly. I froze… Not breathing… Not even blinking as I felt the cold steel…
“Move and it will be worse. I’m going to get her out of there, the easy way or the hard way. You can make this easier or not. Your choice. But I’m doing it. I need my little girl.”
I stayed as still as possible.
The tremors of horror were involuntary and shook me.
My heart felt as if it would burst in my chest. I choked on my own saliva while tears mixed with the discharge from my stuffy nose, running down.
Norah got up and came back bringing the bag of horrors, and dumped its contents beside me on the mattress. She picked up a bottle of something and cotton.
“I’m begging you, Norah,” I shouted loudly. “We can wait, va bene?”
She pushed my shirt up.
“You don’t deserve it, but I’ll be kinder than you were to me. If you’re good, I can stitch you up afterward. I might even keep the name you gave my girl. You have a name, don’t you? What is it?”
“Norah, no!”
“What’s the fucking name?”
“Per favore, Norah. I’ll do whatever you want, but don’t hurt her… Please. Don’t do this… We can wait… I’m begging you… Dio, per favore, don’t…”
“The name?”
“Valentina,” I whispered, crying desperately.
She smiled like a madwoman.
“Valentina. I like it. That’s how it’ll be, then. Now…”
Oh, Dio.
Terror paralyzed me.
I had to choose between trying to fight, where I couldn’t win and could hurt my baby. Or staying still and letting her kill me, praying she wouldn’t hurt Valentina.
No option was safe for my daughter.
Norah could still hurt or kill her.
I was terrified. The feeling impossible to describe in words. Fear locked me in place. My lungs hurt. My horrified gaze followed her movements as she poured a brown liquid over my belly.
“Oh, look, here it is.” She smiled at me with madness. “I watched a lot of videos on how to do this, and I read some books too. Besides, you still have the C-section scar from my boy. I’m going to follow the cut. See? It won’t be so bad.”
My fingers curled tightly around the rope.
My heart was going to explode at any moment, my eyes wide and blurred by tears.
I couldn’t tell anymore whether what I felt were pregnancy contractions or the anticipated pain of the horror waiting for me.
I might have peed, too. But I was far from ashamed of that.
I felt the cold of the knife, and then I screamed so loud and so long that my throat must have bled.
But it didn’t matter. The excruciating pain mixed with the terror of feeling her cutting me, the knife tearing my skin, was too much…
I screamed louder and louder… Almost out of air…
And then there was a loud crack and something splattered on me.
Everything stopped except the pain. I was overtaken by it.
I felt wet, the warm liquid running down…
Blood and urine.
I screamed again, again and again, blind to the world.
I only wanted to curl into a ball and make it all stop.
Someone knelt beside me.
In my periphery, I saw Norah’s lifeless body on the floor.
I didn’t understand… This…
Horror clawed its way inside me, tearing at my sanity at the same time large hands held my face, pulling me away from Norah’s body.
“Look at me, baby. I’m here. I’m here.”
I turned my terrified gaze.
“T-Thor?” I cried, sobbing, barely able to see him through the tears. Praying his touch on my face was real. “Oh, Dio mio, Thor… is it really you?”
“Get the fucking doctor inside. Fast, fuck,” he shouted, then wiped my tears and kissed me. “Everything’s going to be all right, my love. I found you. I love you.”
I was disoriented, knocked off my axis.
I felt someone touching me… I looked… the doctor. There were more people moving. I recognized Eric, there were two others or maybe three… Thor was untying me.
“She was… Our daughter… s-she wanted…”
“That bitch can’t hurt you anymore, baby. You’re safe now. I swear to you, my love, no one is ever going to hurt you again. You’ll never be out of my sight again.”
“I knew you’d come,” I murmured in a broken voice.
“I will always come for you, Ella… For you and our children… I’m going to take you to the hospital and then we’re going home. Lucca is going crazy missing you.” His gaze captured mine. “I’m going to take care of my girls. I love you, baby.”
Thor cursed when he took my wrists and I flinched, moaning in pain.
“Can we go?”
It was Thor asking.
He slid one arm around my back and the other under my knees. I barely had the strength to anchor my arm around his neck. Thor was ready to stand.
A scream exploded in the air.
I was going to ask who was making that noise, until I realized the sounds were coming from me. I did it again, half a hard cry, half a scream.
With the adrenaline dropping, the intense pains overtook me.
I held my belly tight, trying to make it pass.
Valentina wasn’t ready yet. Neither of us was.
It didn’t happen.
Strong contractions made me tighten, sinking my nails into Thor’s skin while I breathed in gasps. I was leaking. I lost my breath.
“Ella, my love, what is it?”
“Valentina,” I moaned, through clenched teeth.
I saw the shock in my eyes reflected in his.
“It’s still early.”
One contraction and then another hit me hard, tearing me apart.
“Her water broke. We need to deliver the baby,” someone said, the doctor.
Thor cursed.
“Here? We need to go to the hospital. My wife needs care. Neither she nor my daughter is ready for a birth right now, fuck.”
“She’s in labor… There’s no time…”
My pants were pulled down. Thor sat behind me, supporting me.
I barely had the strength to breathe, but the moment the doctor told me to push, I pulled strength from my soul.
Valentina had to be born. I hadn’t held on this long to give up now.
It wasn’t the right place, but now she was safe.
Each push left me weaker and weaker. I heard curses and raised voices around me.
Thor spoke softly to me, his gentle voice in my ear, encouraging me, though at some point his voice grew stronger, shouting…
I gathered all my strength for one last, painful push, and then it was as if part of my life had been expelled from me.
Still, I smiled… smiled, breathing with difficulty when I heard my daughter’s sharp cry.
“She’s born, my love. Our girl is born.”
My daughter was placed on me.
Tears fell, mixing with my sweat and the dirt on my skin. A pure feeling of love spread through my body. Wholeness. Peace.
“Valentina… She’s beautiful,” I said breathlessly.
I touched my precious baby’s little body and kissed her little head, dirty with blood, the feeling of relief for her safety nearly killing me. My beloved was all right.
“…love you, baby girl… Be good.” I aimed my gaze at Thor. “Grazie, vita mia.”
I exhaled hard, closing my eyes.
I was exhausted.
Thor was shouting at me and I didn’t understand why.
“Eyes on me, Antonella. Come on, my love… Show me those beautiful eyes I love so much. I’m here. We’re going home… you’ll be all right. We’re…”
I wanted to go home, but I liked it here, liked closing my eyes.
Valentina was taken from me. I wanted her little weight on me, the good warmth of her tiny body, but I didn’t have the strength to demand that they give her back.
Suddenly, I was lifted, then I was floating.
Someone was shouting in the back of my head. I only wanted the noise to stop so I could sleep. I hadn’t truly slept in a long time.
I didn’t register what was happening around me.
With my eyes half-open, I tried to focus as much of my attention as I could on Thor… on his handsome face that I loved and those deep, hypnotizing eyes…
“Don’t do this, Antonella. Don’t you fucking dare.”
I smiled at him, an almost nonexistent curve of my lips.
“Just a little longer, my love! You held on this far, you’ll hold on a little longer for me, for our children, for our family. Please, my love, don’t do this!”
I breathed deep, blinking, feeling his tears fall on my face. I wanted to have enough strength to wipe his face, kiss his mouth, and tell him everything was all right.
“You’ll kill me, do you hear me, fuck? If you dare…”
My eyes were leaking too, but there was no sadness in me.
He… We were moving fast. Where to didn’t matter. I liked the feel of him, of his heart beating hard in my ears. It was real.
“…Stay with me, fuck… You can’t do this to me, to us. I love you… Damn it, Antonella, I’m going to spank your ass if you dare leave me… I swe—”
I loved him beyond what he could understand, what I myself could understand. I infinitely loved the family we had built together, and now I was safe.
I loved beyond measure.
I hated beyond measure.
Thor gave me more than love. He gave me extremes. He gave me life. Real life. A life of living each moment, appreciating every second as if it were the last.
Thor taught me to live and delight in small pleasures.
With our imperfect love, he helped me discover who I truly am.
Thor was there for every step of the making of the woman I became, whether in joy or in sorrow, just as in the sacred vows we once exchanged.
I built, broke, and rebuilt.
I shaped myself into a thousand forms.
I lived fully.
“I love you,” I mouthed, but the sound didn’t reach my ears.
Spots appeared, filling my vision. I was so damn tired, but strangely satisfied with the feeling of a duty fulfilled. And I had done it.
My babies were all right.
My man, my life’s love, was all right.
At last, I could rest.