Chapter 20 #2
‘That’s not true. I know I like you. Edith wasn’t the only one thinking about us kissing in your hallway.
Only, the idea definitely didn’t make me want to vomit.
I like being with you, and talking to you, and being with you but not talking, and I haven’t liked someone like this since Amir broke my heart in year eleven, so I’m completely freaking out about it. ’
Still no reply. He wasn’t even smiling. If I’d dumped my juice over his head, I don’t think he’d have been more staggered.
But seriously, after the sledging, the sleepover, gazing goofily at each other in his doorway – it couldn’t be that much of a surprise, could it?
‘I know you’re not interested in dating or anything.
You have kids, you’re busy and tired and have a million more important things to think about.
I’d have no idea how to date someone with children, anyway.
Look at the state of me. I’m finding learning to be a friend challenging enough, how do I be friends with someone who makes me feel like this? ’
I caught myself, shocked at the words tumbling out of my mouth.
I wanted to bang my head against the table until I shook loose the old, sensible, safe Alex. I’d finally found a great person to hang out with, someone patient and warm-hearted and unphased by my fumbling and mistakes, and now I’d ruined it.
‘I… think I’ll go and… go away.’
Pushing back my chair with a violent squeak, causing Ernest to jump up in alarm, I bolted to the toilets.
Will found me there about three minutes later.
‘This is the ladies’,’ I said, spinning around to face the sink so I could pretend to wash my hands.
‘I don’t think anyone will mind.’ He ran a hand through his hair, already dramatically dishevelled compared to a few minutes ago.
I said nothing, simply turned on the tap and then hastily pushed it off again when a spurt of cold water bounced off the porcelain and splashed my chest.
‘Probably easier to talk in here, anyway,’ he said, taking another step inside so the door could close properly.
‘Please don’t,’ I said, scrunching my face up in agony as I forced myself to turn back towards him.
‘It was completely out of order for me to blurt all that. Especially when you’ve been clear you only want to be friends.
I would really appreciate it if we didn’t talk about it. Now, or ever. Please.’
‘You don’t want to talk about it?’ Will asked, with a grave nod. ‘Okay. How about this, instead?’
Then he stepped closer – literally one step, given the tiny space – decisively placed both hands either side of my face, stooped down and kissed me.
Oh!
Oh.
It wasn’t the longest or most passionate kiss ever, but it was more than enough to necessitate clenching onto his lumberjack shirt to stop myself from melting to the floor.
I hadn’t kissed many people apart from Nico, but when Will gently broke away, forehead resting against mine as we each released a shaky breath, it felt…
not comfortable – that was too mundane, too meh a word considering how my entire bloodstream was fizzing and whizzing through my veins. It was right.
Right and heart-soaring and exquisitely lovely.
‘Permission to talk about it, now?’ Will asked, softly.
I nodded, a tiny smile forming at the edges of my mouth.
‘I like you, too.’
‘Phew,’ I whispered.
‘Not kissing you at my front door took every ounce of fatherly restraint. I have thought about kissing you pretty much non-stop ever since. I’m fighting the urge to hunt down Amir from year eleven and break his heart, with my chisel.’
‘You could have told me this a few minutes ago, instead of leaving me hanging.’
‘Except that you rendered me temporarily incapable of speech.’ He smiled.
‘I can’t believe our first kiss was in this manky toilet.’
He laughed. ‘First kiss? So, there’ll be more?’
‘Well, after baring my soul out there, I’d hope so. Why wouldn’t there be?’
Will sighed. ‘It has been a very long time since I kissed a woman like that. I was worried I’d be horribly rusty.’
I pulled on his shirt until his body pressed right up against mine, trapping my bent arms. He moved his hands from the side of my face and wrapped them around me instead.
‘I have never kissed a man like that,’ I mumbled into his solid chest.
‘Like what?’ I could hear the puzzlement and amusement in Will’s voice. Understandable, given it was hardly an epic snog.
‘Like I didn’t have to try.’ Hearing those words out loud, I immediately tensed up. ‘That came out wrong.’
‘No, it didn’t.’ Will held me even tighter.
Despite the vague reek of disinfectant, there was nowhere else in the universe I would have chosen to be than tucked inside his hug.
‘After days of wittering about if or when I ever dared kiss you, when it came to it, I felt exactly the same.’ He paused.
‘Even if that kiss had been a disaster, it would have been okay.’
‘We’d have tried again.’
‘Good idea,’ Will said, deliberately misinterpreting what I said.
So, we did. In the manky toilets. In the storeroom when we both pretended to be looking for something. In the kitchen, once Samira had cleared up the lunch mess and finished for the day.