CHAPTER 1 FINN THOMPSON
FINN THOMPSON
“Why the hell are we coming to campus on the day the freshers move in?”
I glance at JJ, my best friend, and shake my head. “Come on. You know Silas is working at the SU bar and can get us some good deals. Might as well get out of the house, right?”
And the fact I had to spend the entire summer at home without my sister because she can’t face the nightmare of what happened there last year. I’ll drown in my thoughts if I stay at home; I need to keep my brain active.
I don’t blame her, but I definitely blame myself.
What happened to her is my fault, and she doesn’t even know it.
My fingers itch for a drink. Anything to take away the sudden rush of guilt and shame, knowing I put her in that position because I couldn’t handle her being with one of my friends who didn’t deserve her.
I should never have let that rumour spread. I should have admitted that I lied. And yet I still don’t have the courage to tell her the truth, so I let it eat me alive instead.
“Yeah, I guess,” JJ says from beside me.
We silently weave in and out of the new students moving into their accommodation with suitcases, boxes, and trolleys.
My first year of university was a blur. All I remember is getting shitfaced and attempting to turn up to lectures.
It’s the culture, but I wasn’t drinking for fun, I was drinking to forget.
And forgetting is my favourite thing to do.
My mind falls quiet, I never dream, and for those few hours, I feel nothing. It’s bliss to feel nothing when all I ever feel is pain.
“How was your summer?” JJ asks. “You’ve not really said much about it.”
I internally wince. “It was fine. Same old, same old. You know?”
JJ’s blue eyes flick between mine slowly, as if he’s trying to unravel something in my head.
We might have bonded like no other in first year and quickly became good friends, but I cannot bring myself to tell him what happened to Ivy.
Not because I don’t trust him, but because I deserve to feel this way.
“How was yours?” I ask, swallowing back the lump in my throat.
JJ nods once. “Yeah, got lots of work done and went to visit my family members.”
“Work?”
“Filming stuff.”
“Ah,” I exhale. “How’s that going?”
“Good. Dad hates it, obviously. But I don’t care anymore, I—”
As JJ continues to talk, my gaze snags on a girl in front of us with long, black-brown hair that’s swung up into a high ponytail. She has three large boxes in her arms, all stacked on top of each other, but she can’t see over the top of them.
She wobbles from side to side, then accidentally hooks her ankle with her other foot and tumbles to the ground. All the boxes go flying, and she hits the pavement with a thud.
Without thinking, I immediately rush towards her as she pushes herself up into a sitting position. JJ is right behind me. I bend down to her level, and she glances at me. For a moment, I freeze as I take in her pretty face, with an arched cupid’s bow and catlike brown eyes.
“Are you okay?” I ask, unable to look away from her.
She laughs it off awkwardly, heat flooding her cheeks as she dusts off her jeans. “Yeah, just peachy.”
I reach for a few items that fell out of the first box and place them back inside. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“No,” she sighs and raises her hands to find them a little gritty, but the skin hasn’t split. “Just bruised my dignity.”
“Na, I think you fell with style,” I say with confidence, attempting to lighten the mood.
“I don’t think I could do anything with style,” she chuckles.
“Do you need some help?”
She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “I thought I could carry them by myself, and my dad literally just left. I clearly overestimated my abilities.”
“Let me take them,” I offer as I stand up and hold out my hand for her to take.
Her eyes flick to my fingers before she looks up at me. She places her hand in mine, and I gently pull her to her feet. She adjusts her cropped T-shirt, flashing her toned stomach, tanned skin, and a belly piercing.
My chest quivers when she smiles at me with a glint of gratitude in her eyes. We both glance down at our hands to find we’re still holding onto one another before finally pulling away.
“Thank you.” She brushes a few wispy pieces of hair from her face.
“Hey.” JJ claps a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”
I glance at my friend and frown, but he shoots me a subtle wink. I exhale a silent sigh as he walks off, and I turn my attention back to the girl who is rubbing dirt off her jeans again.
“I’m Finn, by the way.”
“Maya,” she says. “Honestly, don’t worry. I’ve got it.”
I shake my head adamantly. “No, please. Let me help.”
Maya props a hand on her hip and blows out a breath. “They’re heavy.”
“I lift heavier in the gym.” The comment sounds cocky, but I didn’t intend for it to. I want to help so she doesn’t actually hurt herself.
The corner of her lip curls as she looks back up at me before dragging her eyes across my chest, over my arms, and down my legs. The back of my neck begins to heat because never in my life has a girl checked me out without an ounce of shame.
“Yeah, well, I can’t argue with you there.” She folds her arms over her chest as she focuses solely on my biceps. “You’ve got muscles for sure.”
My face burns. I hate to admit it, but I’m blushing. Ah fuck.
“You a fresher too?” Maya finally manages to look back at my face.
I’m grateful because those wandering eyes might kill me, and I’ve only just met the girl.
“No, second year, but I’m on a four-year course. We were just going to pay our friend a visit at the SU bar.”
“Oh, I don’t want to keep you.” She waves a hand. “Go.”
My brows knit together. “I said I’ll help you, so I am.”
Maya sighs and glances down at her belongings. “If you’re sure.”
“Yeah,” I say before bending to collect the boxes in my arms with ease. “I’ve got them.”
She runs her teeth over her bottom lip as she studies me for a moment, and I try not to notice how glossy her lips are. “Very kind of you to help a silly little fresher.”
I snort. “We’re all freshers once, and I think the dean would be pleased to know I’m carrying good ethos for the university by helping out when someone needs it.”
This time, she fully beams at me, teeth and all. She might as well have knocked me on my feet because she’s that beautiful. My heart twitches inside my chest, rattling against my ribcage like the first time I’ve ever had a crush, and I’m not sure I like it.
“Are we having a meet-cute right now?”
I blink at her confidence and the way she’s undeniably attractive.
“I’m joking,” she laughs softly, and the sound is so melodic it makes me shudder. “You probably have a girlfriend.”
My brows raise. “Trust me, I’m as single as they come.”
“Oh?”
“Oh.”
Maya smiles as we start to walk, and she points to her accommodation block. “Well, join the club. Never had a boyfriend.”
Now I’m the one to be surprised.
“How?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “What do you mean how?”
I shrug slowly. “Just that you’re—”
“I’m what?”
“You know…you seem dateable.”
Maya releases a half-laugh, half-snort. “Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
I internally grimace at my choice of words. I can’t remember the last time I’ve even tried to chat to a girl. This last year, I was distracted with getting blackout drunk and trying not to fail—not that I cared in the end.
Sure, I had a few one-night stands here and there, but that didn’t require much talking. I’ve not been seeking a relationship because I’m a hot mess, and I don’t want anyone to see me for who I truly am. To realise that I’m not worth loving—I most certainly don’t deserve it.
How can I expect someone to love me when I hate myself?
And whatever’s happening here isn’t going to go any further than this. I’m helping her out. Being a good person. Not that it’ll make up for everything else I’ve done.
We make it up to Maya’s flat, and I place the boxes down onto the kitchen table.
“Thank you so much,” she says sincerely. “You’re a life saver.”
“It’s all good.”
For a moment, we stand there looking at one another, and I’m mesmerised as if light is shining behind her. I suck in a sharp breath because it’s the first time in over a year I’ve seen something so bright and positive that’s made me feel anything other than pure dread.
It’s…alarming.
“Well, uh.” I drag a hand down the back of my head. “I’ll leave you to get settled in.”
Maya nods. “Sure. Thanks again.”
“You don’t need to keep thanking me.”
Her eyes glisten, and I push down the waves of attraction that hit me. Yeah, she deserves way better than an asshole like me. So walk away.
“I guess I’ll see you around?” she says hopefully.
“Uh, yeah. Probably.”
“Cool.” She grins.
My hand raises, and I salute her. It’s pathetic, and I regret it as soon as I do it.
What the hell am I doing?
Maya releases a low chuckle and offers me a small wave in return. “Bye.”
I turn from her kitchen and head back downstairs until the outside air hits me in the face like a truck. My fingers press to my cheeks to find my skin is literally on fire.
“Get it together,” I mutter to myself.
Once I head to the SU bar, I spot JJ leaning against the counter top, where Silas is serving him.
“Hey,” I say as I approach.
JJ turns to face me with a smug look. “Already hitting on the freshers, huh?”
I roll my eyes. “No. She needed help, so I helped her.”
“I see that blush on your cheeks, Thompson.” JJ leans up to pat my face, and I swat him away with a deep scowl. “I think someone has a crush.”
“Fuck off,” I bite.
Silas raises his eyebrows at the pair of us. “Something tells me this year is going to be messier than the last.”
“Not if he gets himself a girlfriend.” JJ laughs.
“I’m not getting a girlfriend.”
He hums with a knowing glint in his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”
I slump on the stool beside JJ, and I’m blessed with an ice-cold beer sliding over the counter. My hand wraps around the bottle, and I draw it to my lips within seconds, letting the taste of the cool liquid slip down my throat far easier than expected.
My body hums in response, and I immediately feel at peace.