MAYA BROOKE
Finn’s eyes fall on Skye as she kicks her legs and watches the dial above her move. His eyes haven’t stopped watering, and I resist the urge to rub my chest at the ache that starts to grow.
The boy who told me he didn’t want us is completely different from the man before me now. Even if I don’t want to believe it, it’s obvious in his eyes how much this is affecting him. He wants to make a difference for our baby, but it wasn’t enough to fight for me.
That thought lingers in the back of my mind, and I attempt to push it away because this isn’t about me anymore. It’s about our little girl, who we brought into this world, and how we’re going to make sure she has the best life possible.
“When you told me you were pregnant that night…” he trails off. “How many months had it already been?”
“Almost three.” I toy with my necklace for comfort.
Finn’s face pales a little. “Three months?”
“I didn’t know for two months because I didn’t always get regular periods with my IUD, and I didn’t think anything of it. But then I started feeling sick, so I took a test and it was positive.” My eyes droop.
He rests his head against his hand, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry you didn’t feel safe to tell me as soon as it happened. I should never have got angry at you, or blamed you. It makes me sick to my stomach to even imagine it.”
“I sprung something on you, and I told you I was keeping her,” I exhale, not knowing why I’m suddenly defending him. “You didn’t have the same amount of time to digest it as I did.”
His face scrunches up. “That doesn’t excuse it, Maya. I should have done so many things differently, and it’s my fault.”
I purse my lips as silence washes over us for a few minutes.
Finn rolls a hand down his face. “What about finishing your degree?”
“I’m meant to be going back in the new year and do my final year part-time, but I don’t think it’s feasible right now.” I clear my throat.
He frowns at me. “Because you have no one to look after Skye?”
I lower my eyes, the words stuck in my throat.
“Then I’ll help,” he says without hesitation. “I’ll be here whenever you need me. You deserve to finish your degree, Maya. You can’t give that up.”
A small laugh escapes me. “I don’t have a choice. There is a nursery on campus, but I’m too scared to leave her there. Not until she can at least walk and talk. I don’t trust anyone.”
I had no idea how protective I could be until I had Skye, and she’s changed my perception of everything.
All I want is to keep her safe, and the thought of dropping her off with a stranger makes my stomach sour.
I’ll be worrying non-stop, and I definitely won’t get any work done. I’m not ready for that yet.
Finn shuffles closer, our legs almost brushing. “But I am willing to put in the work and look after Skye. Not just because you want to finish your degree, but because I want to.”
My throat clenches at his words. “But you need to finish your last year of university, too.”
He shrugs. “Then we work something out. This is the most important thing to me right now, and I don’t care how I do it, I will. I won’t let you down. Not again.”
I flick my eyes between his slowly as I search for the honesty in his expression and immediately find it. Nothing on his face is reserved; it’s out in the open for me to see.
“Maybe,” I say after a few moments.
“Whenever you need me. You can call me at whatever time, even if it’s in the middle of the night, I don’t care. I will be there, and that’s a promise,” he says with deep sincerity.
My lips part. “Okay.”
“What day was she born?”
“August 1st.”
“What time?”
“Three minutes past four in the afternoon.”
“What’s her full name?”
“Skye Hazel Brooke.”
Finn’s eyes strain as he swipes a hand over his jaw—if he was there, it would have been his surname on the birth certificate. “I wish I was there. I should have been there with you.”
I wrap my arms tighter around myself because I don’t know what to say.
Those last few months of pregnancy were hell.
I didn’t know how to be a mother, let alone do it by myself.
I barely slept, I fretted and stressed over things I physically couldn’t change, as well as dealing with a broken heart and wondering why we weren’t enough.
“I wish I was sober when you told me,” he murmurs before throwing his head into his hands. “I wish I had my shit together.”
“I shouldn’t have told you when you were drunk.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “But I was struggling for weeks to voice it to you. That night you came to me, I had to do it because I couldn’t keep it to myself for a second longer. But finding you in a sober spell was hard.”
Finn visibly winces and scrunches up his face. “God, that makes me feel fucking sick.”
I press my lips together as I listen to his heavy breathing.
“You didn’t deserve that.” His throat sounds dry.
The weight of the conversation starts to take a toll on me, and only now do I realise how mentally drained I really am.
“If you want to see her, I can’t keep her from you.” I adjust my position and move my legs away from Finn’s. “But the second I know you’ve been drinking again, I won’t let you see her.”
He nods solemnly. “And I understand that, but I’m dedicated to staying sober.”
“Okay, good,” I whisper.
My phone chimes and I glance at it, seeing a text from my sister saying she’s on the way home from work. I sigh and lock it.
“I don’t mean to cut this short, but Nina will be home from work in twenty minutes, and I really don’t want her to see you here. Not yet anyway. It’ll open up a can of worms I’m not prepared to face yet.” I drag my hair from its messy bun before throwing it up again.
Finn’s jaw tightens, eyes hollower than before. “Because she thinks I’m an asshole.”
“Because she saw me at my lowest.”
He blinks through my words, and the pain that slashes across his face is numbing. “Right. She didn’t say anything about me being at the door the other day?”
“She didn’t see you,” I murmur. “She’s so work-focused at the moment, and when she works from home, she hates it when Skye cries or makes a fuss. She definitely would have said something if she saw you, and if anything, be glad she didn’t.”
Finn sucks in a breath. “Right. Well, I’ll go.”
I watch as he stands before looking down at Skye on her mat. He kneels beside her, and he looks so incredibly large compared to how small she is. My heartstrings tug as he raises his finger and gently drags it down her cheek.
“Bye, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Skye’s head moves, and she releases a slow whine. I give Finn a moment as he stares as if his entire world is in front of him. Time stands still for minutes on end.
After a while, I have to look away because the sight is too painful. I didn’t think we’d ever be in this situation, but now I’m looking at the pair of them, wondering what we could be.
I shake my head, trying to remove these thoughts. I’m jumping the gun. Massively. There’s no point praying we can play happy families, we’ve barely even started trying to fit the pieces back together again.
The last thing I need is to get my hopes up. My heart is on its last legs. I barely survived him walking out once, how would I be able to cope with it happening twice?
Finn bows his head and stands. I walk him to the door, and he lingers on the front porch. When he looks at me, I want to wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his neck, feel his strong arms around me. For old times’ sake.
But I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’ll only fuck with my head more. And what we’re doing is for Skye, not to get back together. I can’t risk anything when it comes to her, and maintaining a co-parenting environment is the priority. Nothing else.
“Maya, please just text me if you need me,” he says softly. “I promise you I’ll be here.”
I purse my lips. “Okay.”
Finn lingers for a few moments as if he’s about to say something, but changes his mind at the last moment. “Okay,” he murmurs back. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Sure.” I force a smile.
He stares at me for a moment that feels all too intimate, and I squirm under his gaze. When he turns to walk to his car, I quickly shut the door and press my back into it, catching my breath. I don’t know why, but I sob and sink down to the floor until my lungs feel like they’re about to burst.
I clutch onto my T-shirt and lower my head onto my knees as tears stream down my face. I’ve been trying to stay strong, but…this feels like another heartbreak waiting to happen.
And it scares the living daylights out of me.
Once I brush myself off and get back on my feet, I take Skye and place her in her cot as my eyes start to grow heavy. My shoulders droop, and I barely make it to the bed before my eyelids close and I pass out from exhaustion.
“Maya.” The sound of my name has me jerking upright, my eyes nearly crusted together with a headache brewing.
I blink through my blurry vision to find Nina standing at the foot of the bed with a hand on her hip. Oh god.
“I asked you to tidy up the house while I was gone,” she snaps. “So, please explain to me why it looks like a pigsty in there?”
My hand raises to rub my face. “I-I lost track of time, Nina. I’m sorry.”
She throws her hands up in frustration. “I swear you do nothing all day.”
“Nothing?” I nearly choke. “I’ve been looking after Skye. I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do it now.”
Nina releases a breath through her nose. “Mum was right, there’s no way you could do this by yourself.”
Her words are a low blow, aimed straight for my heart.
“I’m doing everything I can.” I stand up to face her despite the sting in my soul. “It’s not my fault it ended up like this.”
She snorts. “Not your fault you got knocked up by an alcoholic?”
I flinch as if I’ve been slapped. “You know nothing about him.”
I’m stunned that I immediately jump to his defence—maybe because my hard exterior might have softened after seeing him turn up today and cry at the sight of our daughter. He might have a lot to prove, but I know that show of emotion cannot be faked because it’s exactly how I feel about her.
“I know that he messed up your life,” she shoots back.
“Skye is the best thing that’s happened to me.”
“Be real, Maya. You’re miserable.”
“And what if Finn wanted to come back into her life?”
Nina blinks at me. “You can’t be serious.”
“He says he’s sober.”
“How can you be sure of that?” Nina narrows her eyes. “Alcoholics know how to hide their problems.”
My fists tighten. “Because I saw him nearly drink himself to death on multiple occasions. You think I wouldn’t know if he’s been drinking? I’ve seen nearly every side of him, Nina.”
Her brow raises. “So not every side then?”
I press a hand to my forehead at the state of this conversation.
“Did you forget what he said to you when you told him you were pregnant?”
My chest aches. “No. Of course I haven’t, but Skye deserves a father, especially if he’s willing to change. I can’t keep that from either of them.”
Nina turns her nose up at me. “So you’ve already spoken to him?”
I close my eyes and take a needed breath. “I saw him today.”
“Well, don’t come crying to me or Mum when you get your heart broken again. We all told you what would happen, and you didn’t listen.”
When she leaves, I slump on the edge of my bed. I know she’s only trying to look out for me, but I can’t help but feel like my family is against me, no matter what choice I make. And god, the isolation increases because nothing I do is ever good enough.