MAYA BROOKE
When I get to my final class of the day, I frown at the extra students walking in who aren’t usually in this class.
The professor arrives and explains that our classes will be merging as there is a new project they want us to start working on before the Christmas break, and to continue on into the new year.
My eyes flick to a latecomer to find Alfie strolling through the door casually. I freeze for a moment as his eyes lock on mine and he walks around the tables before taking a seat beside me, his arm brushing mine.
“Hey, Maya,” he whispers as he leans in, and his breath tickles my ear.
I tense before looking at him. “Hi.”
Alfie continues to smile at me before leaning back in his chair and stretching out as if he owns the place. Two years ago, I probably would have found it hot, but it does absolutely nothing for me.
When the professor talks again, I snap my attention away from Alfie, who smirks when I realise I was staring for a moment too long. Damn it.
“This will require working in groups of two,” the professor says. “So pick who you want to work with. There will be no changing or doing it alone, so choose wisely.”
I glance around the room as people start choosing their partners. Then I feel a light nudge to my arm. I twist my head towards Alfie as he flashes me a small grin with soft eyes. “Wanna be my partner? I heard I’m great at projects.”
“Uh…” I trail off as I realise almost everyone already has a partner, and I don’t want to be left doing this on my own. “Sure.”
“Sweet.” He nods before twirling his pen between his fingers. “We’re gonna make a great team.”
I don’t miss the way he gives me a subtle wink, and I release a hesitant laugh before looking away.
We listen to the professor as he explains the project, and that it will count for a big part of our grade, as it’s taking our journalism skills out into the world.
We’ve got to pick a topic, do a shitload of research, and then create a presentation with our findings.
It doesn’t sound so bad, but working with Alfie? That wasn’t something I was expecting.
As the class comes to an end, I stand up, shoving my notebook into my bag. “Hey.” Alfie catches my attention. “Wanna hang out tonight and start thinking about what topic we wanna pick? Get a head start.”
My eyebrows dip. Hanging out doesn’t really sound like studying to me. I’d rather meet in the library than head over to his football-filled house, which will probably give me fight-or-flight vibes.
“I can’t. I need to look after Skye.” I sling my bag over my shoulder.
And I need to see if Finn is okay.
Alfie’s face twists with recognition. “Right, shit. I totally forgot. Isn’t the dad in the picture?”
I blink at the forward question, completely taken aback. “Yeah, he’s with her right now.”
He raises his head an inch. “So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is I’ve been at university all day, and we’re co-parenting.”
“Co-parenting,” he repeats, and I hate the way his face lights up. “So you’re not together?”
I flick my eyes between his for a long moment. “It doesn’t matter if we’re together. I need to be home.”
“Okay,” he says, and I’m relieved he’s not pressing. “How about you take my number, and we can figure something out?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
After swapping numbers and saying our goodbyes, I head home. Finn has been texting me throughout the day, but that doesn’t mean he’s okay. I feel awful about earlier, and I should never have let my needs get in the way of our current relationship.
I did this. I’m the only one to blame.
The second I walk through the door, I find Finn lying on his back with Skye sleeping peacefully on his chest. Finn’s green eyes flick to mine as he flashes a small but empty smile.
“Hey,” I whisper as I drop my bag onto the floor. “Everything okay?”
Finn nods silently.
My body tenses at his coldness. “Want me to take her?”
“She’s been asleep for like an hour,” he murmurs. “She might continue to sleep if you put her in her cot.”
As I step towards them, I scoop Skye up into my arms and try my hardest not to wake her up. When I return, Finn is sitting upright and has turned the TV off. There is strained tension in the air, and it’s agonising.
“Can we talk?” I whisper.
Finn sighs and lowers his head. “About what?”
“About earlier.”
“I’d rather not,” he strains as he rolls a hand down the back of his head. “I’d rather not hear all of it again. It was enough once.”
My heart stammers. “Oh—” I tremble before wrapping my arms around myself. “Yeah, okay.”
“Will you be okay for an hour or two?” he asks, finally meeting my eyes.
“Yeah. Why?”
Finn clears his throat. “I’m—” He pauses. “I’m gonna go to a meeting. I just…I really need it right now.”
My eyes burn, and my nose stings at his words. He might go to meetings regularly, but I know this is different. He’s actively going to seek one out because of me, because of what I caused.
“Okay.” I attempt not to let any tears fall.
“I’ll be back,” he says softly. “I wouldn’t leave you guys after the attempted break-in.”
I sniffle. “Take as much time as you need.”
Finn’s expression is near blank, and it terrifies me. “I’ll see you later.”
When he leaves, the apartment is deathly silent, and it makes the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I stand there for a long moment and try to wrap my head around what happened and how I can fix it. I start to pace as my stomach flips over and over.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself.
Without hesitation, I reach for my phone and call JJ. I don’t know what else to do.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” I murmur and start to toy with my necklace anxiously. “It’s Maya.”
“Oh.” He sounds surprised. “Hey, Maya. Everything okay?”
I purse my lips. “I’m really worried about Finn.
He’s gone to a meeting tonight and feels a little distant.
I was wondering if you could just check up on him and make sure that everything is okay.
He’s upset with me, and he has every right to be, but I’m just terrified he’s going to do something.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I think he’s really vulnerable right now. ”
JJ inhales a sharp breath. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll give him a call.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I need him. We need him. And he needs to stay sober because I can’t bear to see him destroy himself again.
An hour ticks by, and Finn is nowhere to be seen. Another hour and I can taste bile in my throat. I pace the living room over and over until I’ve worn into the wooden floors.
When Skye starts to cry for her feed, it gives me something to do, but it doesn’t take my mind off what Finn is up to.
What if he never went to the meeting and ended up down at the off-licence?
No. No. No. You can’t think like that. I scold myself.
I told him to take his time, which he has every right to do, but now I’m panicking.
What if he’s in a ditch somewhere?
What if he was involved in an accident?
What if he’s hurt?
My stomach tightens, and I push down the sickness invading my chest. “Oh god,” I heave.
I grab my phone to call him. I want to give him some space, but now I’m sick with worry. I listen as it dials and then calls with no answer.
“Shit,” I curse to myself as I rest my phone against my lips.
When I try again, I get the same result. My eyes start to ache from the pressure that has built behind them. I shouldn’t have let him go alone. I should have gone with him.
“Where are you?” I whisper to myself as I close my eyes.
The second I hear something at the front door, I freeze, and then I hear the lock turn. I take two shaky steps towards it as it swings open, and Finn emerges. My eyes sweep over his face. He looks tired, but he doesn’t look drunk.
“Oh god,” I whisper as I approach him. “Are you okay? I was so worried about you.”
Before I know what I’m doing, I push up on my toes and wrap my arms around him without hesitation. He stands still before placing his arms around my lower back and pressing his face into the curve of my neck.
“I just needed a little more time,” he murmurs. “To myself. To think.”
I sniffle. “I’m sorry. I know I said take your time, but I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”
Finn squeezes me tighter, and it reminds me that he’s here, he’s okay, and he’s sober.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I’m sorry about everything. I never want to make you spiral.”
“It’s my fault.”
“No,” I say as I pull back and hold his face between my hands. “It’s not your fault.”
“I promised you that it wouldn’t change anything,” he sighs as he pulls my palms away from his face, and I’m filled with coldness. “And then I acted out. So yes, it’s my fault. I knew what I was getting myself into.”
My fingers tingle to reach out for him again, but then I remind myself of the mixed signals I’ve been giving him, and it hurts. “Are you going to stay tonight?”
“Yeah.” He gives me a hollow look. “But I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
“You can sleep in Nina’s old room,” I murmur, despite not wanting him to sleep there. When he’s been sleeping in my bed, I’ve been having some of the best nights’ sleep of my life. “It’ll be more comfortable than the sofa.”
Finn nods glumly. “Sure.”
Silence washes over us, and it feels like we’re back to square one.
“Uh—” I clear my throat. “I didn’t make dinner, I forgot.”
The corner of Finn’s lip twitches, but he doesn’t show a full smile. “It’s okay. Maybe we order something in, and then I’m going to have an early night.”
I manage to clear my throat. “Yeah, sure.”
My eyes follow him as he removes his coat, and I’ve never felt colder.