Chapter 15 #2
“I’m sorry I reacted the way I did yesterday. Just being here brings up a lot of good and bad memories,” he tells me.
“You have no reason to apologize. My family owns this house,” I say quickly, motioning my hand toward the house. “My family decided to see what would need to be done in order for it to be a pleasant summer home.”
His shoulders sag a little as he looks over the house again. I remember what this place meant to me, but what did it mean to him? Did he think of me, the roof, our talks about running away?
“Might just tear the whole place down.”
His eyes shoot to mine as they burn with some sort of passion.
I can’t get a read on it. “I hope you’re kidding.
” His jaw clenches. “That doesn’t explain why you were crying, though.
” He changes the subject, whether for my sake or his, I don’t know.
“And don’t try to deny it, either. I can see your puffy cheeks from a mile away.
That pale skin of yours is redder than an apple. ”
“Last I checked, not all apples are red.”
“Sally.” He pins me with a look.
“Just family drama, okay? My family isn’t perfect.”
Ma and Mama come to the front of my mind, but that fades as my childhood stomps in.
I start to feel lightheaded when a pair of hands grips my shoulders. Oliver stands right in front of me, pinning me down with his stormy eyes. When did he get in front of me? A minute ago, he was still in my front yard.
“You’re panicking again, Sally. What do you need?”
My breath labors as I force myself to take in any sort of air I can get. I want to rip off my hoodie because my skin is melting, but Oliver is right in front of me, and I’m not even wearing a bra right now.
I feel trapped on all sides. “I need to leave.”
“Roof?” He points up to the sky, and without thinking, I nod my head. He takes my hand and leads me around the house. “I know the best way up there.”
We reach the backyard where the stepladder we used as kids is still present and, surprisingly, not broken. He steps up onto the roof, pulling me up without effort as we ascend to our old escape route.
We sit on the edge with out feet dangling. Oliver digs into his pocket and pulls out a pair of wireless earbuds, nothing like the old CD player we used before. He hands one to me as I place it in, and some calming instrumental sounds through the earpiece.
My nerves that are still firing through my body start to cool, and my pumping heart slows down, no longer threatening to break through my ribs.
“Music was the best way to calm my best friend down when we came up here.” I stare at him as he looks over the trees, that same forlorn expression playing on his features.
I take the earbud out now, calmed and able to breathe. I hand him the bud, muttering a thank you as we sit there for a moment.
“You talk about them a lot.” I might not be above fishing for his thoughts of my old self, but I am, at the very least, above misgendering. “What were they like?”
If Oliver notices my use of different pronouns, he doesn’t correct me. “He was my best friend. We didn’t have the best parents.”
That is an understatement.
“Anytime something went wrong, we would find each other.” His voice quivers a bit, but I don’t look at him.
I don’t think I could see his face and not break.
“Oddly enough, I think there were days when I would sneak over and hope that he wanted to run away with me. I liked that I brought a smile to his crying face. Made me feel wanted. Needed.”
I needed him. I needed him more than anything. I break, throwing a glance his way. Big mistake. My stomach flips as my eyes fill with his, glassy and distant, staring out into the night.
I have to tell him now.
“Oliver—”
“Then he was taken away from me!” Oliver chews on his lip for a second.
“His parents didn’t even put up a fight.
They just let him get taken like it was nothing.
Guess what? I went to the park that same weekend, and they were walking through it like nothing had happened.
They were holding hands and smiling like they didn’t send their child away. ”
I already knew my birth parents were happier without me, but the idea still stings. Part of me wanted them to be miserable. The letter rings in my ear.
I saw my husband smile again, and he felt like my husband again.
I can’t blame myself for also being happier when I got adopted.
“Maybe he’s”—I cringe at the fact that I misgendered myself—“happier now.”
I was happier.
I am happier.
“Yeah.”
I need to do this. Maybe knowing that I’m here and fine will make all the hurt in his voice disperse. I’m here with him again.
“I don’t even think that makes me feel better,” he says coolly.
“If he’s in a better place, why haven’t I heard from him in six years?
” he chokes on his own voice. “If he’s so happy, maybe he forgot about me.
Abandoned me to live a life we wanted to get away from.
It wasn’t his choice to leave, but it was his choice to stay away. ”
My eyes sting, hot from his words. They strike me like fists that hammer into both my heart and head.
I won’t apologize for being adopted into the Reed family.
I hate that he might be right, though. I never reached out, and in my attempt to push Alliance out of my mind, he went along with those memories.
Will it be the same when I leave? Will I leave him again? I don’t know what’s worse, him rejecting my existence or the fact that I’ll never come back. This city will always be hell.
“Sally…” His hands cup my face, dragging me out of my thoughts. We stare into each other’s eyes. His sea-green eyes are still glistening but with a different emotion from before. “Why are you crying again?”
I am crying again because I might ruin him, just like our parents.
My tears stream down his hands. Please stop. I can’t do this in front of him. I can’t give him what he wants and then take it away again.
What hurts the most is the swell of passion swirling like a hurricane, replacing the green with desire.
I know what people look like when they want to kiss me.
I know what lust looks like. Every time I escape from my world into the arms of someone temporary, they have that same lust. What hurts is I want him to kiss me, but I can’t do that to him.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper, and his concern turns into confusion.
“What do you mean?” His thumb wipes away the last remnants of my tears. “I’m sorry I yelled earlier.”
“No.” I pull away from his hold. “I can’t do whatever this is.” I need to leave before I lose the little strength I have.
I stand up, but Oliver grabs hold of my hand as he stays seated on the roof. “You’re not making any sense, princess.”
“This makes no sense,” I say, motioning between us.
His jaw ticks. “Why not?”
“Because I’m leaving the minute this house is taken care of, and I don’t plan on coming back.”
Oliver is quick to his feet, standing only a few inches above, but it might as well feel like a tower in difference with his gaze peering down at me.
“You don’t even want to try?”
“There’s nothing to try,” I say with a fake smile. I need him to hurt just enough to stop pursuing me.
“You’re lying,” he growls.
“I’m going to college, and you are going to stay here, doing whatever you want.” Before he can reach for me again, I descend into the house. I hear him call after me, but I don’t stop. If I look back at him or I’ll hurt him even more.
I make my way into my room and lock my door. Not even a second later, a knock sounds through the room. I feel the vibrations of the wood as my body presses against the frame.
“Sally, please,” he mutters through the wood. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I stay silent, pressing my hand to my mouth to bite back the sobs that want to break free. His voice quivers again, but this time, there is a bob of his throat, like he’s swallowing his pain.
I need to stop this now before I get too deep.
I came here with a plan. We figure out what to do with this shit house, and then I wash my hands of Alliance.
If I keep this up, I won’t be able to wash my hands fully.
Oliver loves this town. Even with all the hurt, he found things to love.
I’m not that optimistic. If Alliance burned to the ground, I wouldn’t blink.
I can’t make him walk away, but I also can’t stay.
“I can hear you crying.” My body stiffens as the house creaks from down the hall.
“Oliver, what’s happening?” Mimi’s voice comes through, and I hope my dormant ability to project my thoughts into my sister head awakens.
He ignores her as another soft knock comes through, vibrating into my head. An image of Oliver with his forehead again the wooden door fills my thoughts.
“I think you need to head home.” Mimi’s stern voice surprises me. Mia has always been the most sympathetic sibling.
“I’m not leaving until she actually tells me to leave,” he barks at her.
I swallow my sob before taking my body away from the door. “Ollie…”
I hardly recognize my own voice. My sobs might as well be taking over because everything that comes out feels like it’s filled with tears.
“Please leave.”
I don’t hear a response, but the floor in front of my door creaks and then slowly fades away until nothing enters my ears. I’m not even sure when Mimi came back because her steps are like feathers against the hard old wood.
“Sally,” Mimi’s soft voice filled with sympathy floods through the door. “He left.”
A feeling washes over me, but I don’t think what I’m feeling is relief. I’m not glad he’s gone, but maybe I just knew it had to happen.
I open the door, and I’m met with Mimi’s arms around me. I let out every tear I fought back.