Chapter 15 Gemma
GEMMA
Aweek later, Gemma was standing in front of the upmarket shop where she and Rory had decided to go shopping.
Summer was firmly in place now, and Gemma was feeling very light and breezy in short denim cutoffs and a vest top.
Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she peered at the tube exit through her sunglasses.
After a week in a stuffy office, being outside with the sun on her skin was lovely.
After their evening together last week, they had texted every night since and spoken on the phone twice.
Teagan had raised an eyebrow at how often Gemma’s phone pinged around the flat and accused Gemma of having a ‘goofy look’ every time Rory texted her.
Gemma knew she was feeling more than friendship for Rory but was determined to keep her feelings under wraps.
When Rory had cried on her shoulder last Friday, it would have been very easy to cup her face in her hands and kiss the stuffing out of her, but Gemma knew that wasn’t what Rory wanted or needed right now.
She needed a friend, and Gemma was determined to be the best friend she could be.
They had decided to start shopping at a big department store as there would hopefully be enough people wandering around so they could look at clothes in the men’s section without raising too many eyebrows and without putting any pressure on Rory to talk to salespeople.
Tomorrow they were going to check out a gym.
It was very exciting but also scary. She wondered how far Rory wanted to change.
Gemma knew she was attracted to Rory as she was now, and the thought of Rory with even more defined muscles, like Jak, made her mouth dry, her clit throb, and her brain fill with deliciously naughty images of them together.
But if Rory wanted to have surgery and transition, Gemma didn’t know how she felt about that.
Not that it was her place to have an opinion about it, but still it was in her mind.
Would male Rory want her as a friend? Would Rory’s personality change if she were on testosterone?
Would male Rory want her as a girlfriend?
Would she want to be the girlfriend of male Rory?
Was this the correct way to think about her in the future?
Would Rory identify as male or female or would she be non-binary?
These thoughts had kept her awake more often than she cared to admit over the past week.
Gender was such a nuanced thing, and it was entirely possible that Rory might never fully decide on who she was.
She bit her bottom lip at that thought. Rory was putting off getting involved with someone until she was sure of who she was, but what if she was never sure?
Was Rory shutting out the idea of a relationship unnecessarily, and was she therefore destined to be alone?
That thought made Gemma sad. The thought of Rory being alone on this journey was unthinkable.
Gemma wondered what it would be like if they had followed their instincts over the weekend with their families and slept together.
Would they now be dating? The warmth that sped over her at that thought heated her more than the sun that was steadily climbing in the sky.
But it was not on the cards. Rory had been adamant during their talk that she didn’t need a girlfriend but wanted a friend.
Would they stay friends if Rory changed?
Was she helping her friend to move away from her?
The thought made her stomach drop, and a wave of nausea washed over her.
She was determined not to let that happen.
She had found her friend again and was enjoying having Rory back in her life.
When they had spoken during the week, Gemma had shared her frustrations with her job, how the commute was getting harder as the days got hotter, and generally sharing her day with her friend, and it was lovely.
Teagan had been a good friend, and she was always there for Gemma, but Teagan had Brad whereas Gemma was always alone, sometimes even when she was in a relationship.
But now, she had Rory to talk to, and it was wonderful.
She pulled herself out of her musing by looking around to see if Rory had arrived and felt her mouth go dry for the second time.
Rory was striding up the street in jeans and a polo shirt, and Gemma took in the long lines and lean figure.
As usual, she had pulled her hair into an untidy top knot, and she wore sunglasses, hiding her eyes from the world.
Gemma smoothed her own t-shirt over her tummy and raised her hand in greeting.
“Hey.” Rory pulled her into a hug, and Gemma smelt her intoxicating scent. She took a deep breath to fill her nostrils with it before pulling away.
“Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Rory pulled a face. “I hate shopping.”
Several minutes later, and Rory was grumpy.
For some inexplicable reason, they had started in the women’s section to see if anything suited her, but there was nothing, and Rory’s scowl was entrenched on her forehead.
Realising that this was pointless, Gemma pulled Rory to the men’s section and almost immediately Rory relaxed.
“Do you want to start with trousers, tops or suits?” Gemma looked at Rory.
“Ummm.” Rory looked lost. “I really don’t know. I mean, if I’m going to work out, wouldn’t it be better to wait and see how my body looks?”
“Uh-uh, you are not getting out of this.” Gemma pulled a shirt off the rack, held it up to Rory and immediately discarded it.
“Besides, you could be working out for months before you see an appreciable difference. This is a simple change we can make now.” Gemma gave Rory’s hand a comforting squeeze and waited until Rory’s eyes met with hers.
“Let’s see what trousers we can find and then go from there.” Gemma pulled Rory towards the jeans. “You wear jeans on the weekend, how about starting with those?”
Rory reluctantly followed her, and Gemma let out a quiet huff of exasperation. This was what Rory wanted, but now she was dragging her feet.
“Do you want something that is a slim fit or baggy?”
Rory shrugged, and Gemma took a breath before turning away and rolling her eyes.
“Do you at least know what size you are?”
“26 waist, 32 leg,” Rory replied quickly.
“Ugh.” Gemma grinned. “You are impossibly slim. I’m a size 12 now, and if I don’t watch it, I’ll be up to 14 before too long.” Gemma expected a witty comment back from Rory, but when she turned back, she saw a softness in Rory’s face.
“You are perfect as you are.” Rory reached a hand out to Gemma and trailed a finger over her hip. “Just perfect.”
The moment stretched between them for longer than it should between friends.
Desperate to move on from the genuine possibility of dragging Rory into a changing room and snogging the stuffing out of her, she grabbed a couple of pairs of jeans and pushed Rory towards the changing rooms. For a moment they stood gazing at each other as men walked past them into the male changing area.
“Um where do I go?” Rory’s brows were furrowed, and she looked pale. “I’m not sure I can use this changing room, but the women’s is on a different floor.”
Gemma poked her head around the divider and looked at the space before her.
“They are individual cubicles. You should be okay.”
Rory took the jeans from Gemma’s arms and held them like a shield as she walked into the changing room.
Gemma pulled her phone out to check Instagram as she thought Rory would be some time getting changed, but almost as soon as she’d opened the app, Rory came flying back out of the changing room, grabbed Gemma’s hand and marched her across the department.
With a quick look behind her, Rory shoved the jeans, which were still folded, onto a shelf and dragged Gemma from the shop.
Gemma wanted to ask what was wrong but was too winded from walking fast to catch up with Rory.
Eventually, they were back outside the department store, and Rory finally slowed down.
For several minutes they stood near a bench in silence. Gemma finally captured Rory’s chin with her fingers and pulled her face around to hers. “What happened?”
Rory’s face hardened for a moment before she slumped forward. Her eyes filled with tears, and she blinked several times as if to clear her vision.
“They told me… the woman in the changing room said they’re for ‘Men only’ and told me I was a woman and needed to use the female changing rooms.” Pain radiated from Rory, and Gemma’s heart clenched before anger took over her.
She was all for marching into the shop and telling the woman just what she thought of her.
Her intentions must have crossed her face because Rory gripped her arms.
“No.” Her voice held a warning. “Gemma, no, you are not going to march in there and cause a scene.”
Gemma vibrated with anger for a few seconds more before taking a deep breath and letting the anger subside out of her.
“But that’s not right.” Gemma wanted to stamp her foot but then realised she probably looked like a toddler having a tantrum. “If the cubicles are individual, I don’t see the issue.”
“Look, I just want to go home, is that okay?” Rory’s voice was pained.
Gemma was about to argue but then thought better of it. They would accomplish nothing if Rory was grumpy and feeling out of sorts.
“Look, why don’t we get coffee and take a breather and then look again.”
Gemma pulled Rory into a coffee shop and waited until they both had a coffee in front of them before trying the conversation again.
“Perhaps we chose the wrong shop?” Gemma suggested.
“Or perhaps this is all a waste of time and it’s the universe giving me a signal.”
Rory slumped in her chair and fiddled with a sugar packet. Gemma shuffled her chair around to sit next to her friend. She hated seeing Rory so defeated.
“Hey.” She took Rory’s hand and linked their fingers. “Don’t let one person upset you. That was one woman in one shop. I’m sure that we will find somewhere to help us.”
“Us?” Rory’s eyes darted up from the sugar packet she was fiddling with.
For a moment, she looked like the teenager Gemma had once known.
But instead of being the annoying younger friend, Gemma felt like she was the mature, grown up one.
Seeing Rory like this, so unsure of herself, was heartbreaking.
“Yes, us.” She squeezed Rory’s fingers again. “I said I’d support you and help you, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
For a moment she held Rory’s hand with one hand and held her coffee with the other. Her friend at work had said that Rory might experience mood swings, that the frustration with who she was would leach out into the world. Gemma was determined not to let her push her away.
“So, we’re looking at the gym tomorrow. Do you need anything for that, or have you got workout clothes?”
Rory scrunched her brow in thought for a moment. “I have leggings and Lycra shorts,” she grimaced. “I don’t really like wearing them. Maybe that’s why I’ve not been in the gym for a while.”
“Well, let’s go to a sports shop and grab you some workout gear. Also, I think I need some new trainers if I’m going to join you for some sessions.”
“You really don’t need to do that,” Rory bumped Gemma with her shoulder. “Like I said, you’re pretty perfect as you are.”
Gemma squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you think so.
” She grinned and resisted the temptation to say that Rory’s actions at the hotel had been more than ample evidence of what Rory felt for her.
They were settling into a rhythm as friends, and she didn’t want to mention anything that would upset that.
Even though she sometimes caught Rory’s gaze on her and it was more than friendly.
“Right.” Gemma slapped the table in the universally British way that showed she was ready to go.
“Finish your coffee and let’s hit the sports shop.
Their staff are young and bored and won’t give a toss which changing room you use. ”
In fact, as they found out a few minutes later, there were only two changing rooms in the entire shop with no staff members anywhere close by and a ‘unisex’ sign precariously Blu-Tacked to the door.
Gemma selected a new pair of trainers and a new crop top and then walked with Rory around the men’s section.
She noted that everything Rory selected was baggy, and Gemma wondered if that was because she was unhappy with her appearance or if she was unsure about the prospect of working out in a public gym.
Gemma surreptitiously grabbed a few vest tops in Rory’s size and threw them in her basket as they wandered round.
“Do you think I should get some weightlifting stuff?” Rory paused in front of the display and pointed at some gloves and straps.
“Why don’t we see what they have at the gym?” Gemma suggested.
“I’m still not sure about the gym, you know,” Rory added in a quiet voice. “I wonder if the ‘at-home’ workout program might be better.”
Gemma put a hand on her arm. “Well, let’s look at the gym, and if you’re unsure, then we can come back and get the equipment you need for home.” Gemma tapped her lip with her finger. “You know, the room off the kitchen could be a good workout space.”
“The one that’s meant to be a dining room?”
“Yeah. If you don’t like the gym, you could easily set something up there.”
“What is it about you organising and re-decorating my house?” Rory winked at Gemma, and she felt the now familiar butterflies flutter in her stomach.
The problem with settling back into their friendship was that they were so natural with each other, Rory didn’t seem to notice when she was flirting with Gemma.
“Well, I can’t do much with my flat, so I have to live vicariously through you and your mini-mansion.”
Gemma’s voice was light, but there was an element of truth to her words.
Since she had left university, she had bounced from flatmate to flatmate as her job changed.
Being with Teagan was the longest she had shared with someone.
Recently, as with her love life, she had felt something missing from not having her own home to do with as she pleased.
They renewed their lease every six months, and there was no permanence in her life.
She envied how put-together Rory’s life was.
Despite everything else that was changing for her friend, she had a settled job and home to call her own.
Ever since she had seen Rory’s house, visions of them making changes to it together danced through her head, and she rigorously pushed them away.
That was not on the cards for them. They were friends.
She just needed her heart and libido to realise that.