Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Itried.
I really did.
Several times.
On the drive back, I was going to tell Tolliver. I was. But with Viola and Charlotte in the car, I thought it might be awkward. So, I waited, and apparently, all the waiting got to me. After we dropped them off at college, Tolliver and I were alone.
Every time I opened my mouth, the words got stuck in my throat.
That 40 minutes went by so fast.
The next thing I knew, I was saying goodbye to him, watching him wave at me before walking into his house.
I lost my chance.
But there would be others, I assured myself.
And I'd be ready.
Only...it wasn't that simple.
"So, have you talked to him since you got back?" Stacia asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"And?"
I shrugged. "It didn't come up."
Stacia paused in the midst of putting together party favors. "You mean, you didn't bring it up," she said.
"Same thing," I said.
"No, one puts the responsibility in fate's hands. The other puts you firmly in the driver's seat."
Frowning, I stopped too and crossed my arms.
My party favors looked far less appealing than Stacia's anyway.
She didn't think I noticed, but for every one I finished, she quietly and discreetly went back and fixed my mistakes.
This was probably a good thing. My favors looked more like a seven-year-old made them, whereas Stacia's were perfect. Of course.
But I didn't need her lecturing me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
"You already know." Stacia sniffed. "We've been talking about this for a while. And you still haven't said anything."
"I've said things," I retorted.
She raised a brow.
"Well, I tried. And I did text and call him."
"Oh, how did that go?"
Terrible.
"It could've been worse," I said.
Since I got back, I'd been grounded. Dad made good on his promise—though I was glad he'd cooled off enough to think sensibly.
He only gave me three days versus however many years.
Neither one of us was completely sure what "grounding" meant.
Dad had to do an internet search for ideas.
Anyway, what he came up with was this: no TV (which was fine since I loved reading), no driving (again not a hardship since I didn't have anywhere to go), and no visitors (except Stacia, who he said got special privileges since Mom's wedding was coming up).
That last one was actually a blessing too because, although I was in a weird place with Tolliver, at least I got to talk to someone.
"Details," Stacia said, gesturing for more.
I pulled out my phone. "You can see for yourself."
After a moment, she grinned.
"Hi Tolliver, I miss you turning pages for me," she read aloud.
I shrugged as her amused eyes moved to mine.
"Well, if that isn't a declaration of love, I don't know what is." Her gaze strayed back to the phone, and she smiled. "And he replied with, 'Hey Freya, I miss turning your pages.' Oh my gosh! The sweetness is giving me cavities."
"I think my sarcasm is starting to rub off on you," I said, snatching my phone back.
"Why, thank you."
"Not a compliment, Stass."
She gasped.
"What?" I asked.
"You called me Stass!"
"Yeah, and?"
"It's the first time you haven't used my full name." Stacia's eyes grew glossy. "We really are friends."
"Mmm."
"Best friends."
"I wouldn't go that far," I said.
"Sisters by choice if not by blood."
"Stacia, please contain yourself." She grinned at me, and I lifted a brow. "Do you have any useful advice, regarding your other friend?"
"We're talking about Toll now?"
I nodded in confirmation as Stacia's whole demeanor switched from playful to contemplative.
"He's a good guy," she said. "Carefree on the outside, but Toll's deeper, more thoughtful than most people realize—which is likely part of the reason you fell for him."
She was right on that. Tolliver showed me, on more than one occasion, that there was much more to him than what was on the surface. Although, his crazy good looks didn't hurt either.
"He's also gorgeous."
"Stacia!"
"That's Stass to you," she said, throwing me a wink. "And I only said it because, like many pretty people, I'm sure Tolliver gets stereotyped."
My brows furrowed.
"He's not your typical jock."
"I know."
"He has real feelings."
"I know that too," I said.
"But he's also still a guy. And sometimes, guys have to be hit over the head with the truth."
Stacia went back to assembling the favors, and I stared at her.
Catching my gaze, she rolled her eyes. "Just tell him what's in your heart."
"I will," I said.
"You can do it, Freya. Be brave—because you are."
"Thanks for the pep talk."
Stacia patted my shoulder. "Any time. Now, hand me those party favors you just made. They are atrocious."
We laughed our way through the rest of our time.
All the while I was thinking...tomorrow.
I would do it tomorrow.
My grounding would officially end. Tolliver would come back to read with me. And I didn’t care what it took or how embarrassing it might turn out; I was going to tell him.
Tomorrow.
* * *
"Freya?"
"Hmmm?"
"Is something wrong?" Tolliver asked.
Blinking, I looked away from the book in front of me and back over my shoulder, meeting his gaze. "No, everything's good. Why?"
"I don't know," Tolliver said. "You seem jumpy today."
Because I was.
"Is it me? Do you want me to back up or something?"
"No, you're fine," I said.
"You sure?"
I nodded, and we went back to reading.
"Also," he said a minute later, "either you're reading much slower, or you keep forgetting to tell me to turn the page."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Tolliver's voice lowered to a whisper. "Is it your dad? I know he keeps checking on us, but we're not doing anything. And I honestly don't mind."
"It's not him," I said.
"Then what—"
Like clockwork, my father appeared, stepping from the hall into the living room. "How are things going in here?" he asked.
I sighed. "Fine—just like I told you five minutes ago."
"Glad to hear it. I'm getting some water."
Dad held up his empty mug for emphasis, but I'd long since realized it was merely a prop. There was no way he was drinking that much H2O. If so, he'd be going to the bathroom non-stop.
"Alright there, Tolliver?" he said.
"Yes, Mr. Kent. Thanks again for letting me come back."
My father nodded. "Freya calls me a cool dad."
"Not so much recently," I muttered.
"I'm trying to live up to that. Also I wanted to make sure you two aren't planning any other road trips I should know about."
"Even if we were," I said sweetly, "I wouldn't have the money for gas anyway."
"Too soon, kid."
"We're reading. Just reading. Not plotting or planning anything, I promise."
He threw me a smile. "Let's keep it that way. I'll leave you to your book."
After he was gone, Tolliver turned to me and raised a brow. "Ten bucks says he's back out here in 20 minutes."
I scoffed. "I'll take that bet. I give him 15."
As we shook on it, I swallowed.
"Um, Tolliver?"
"Yeah?" he said.
"I just wanted to say..."
I love you.
I'm glad you're here.
I wish you could stay.
I want to keep you forever.
"Too much," I mumbled, shaking my head.
Tolliver looked totally confused.
"Too much reading without a break can damage your eyes," I added, trying to cover up my blunder. I wasn't entirely sure I succeeded. But Tolliver, bless him, rolled with it.
"Yeah, I've heard that too," he said. "You want to take a quick 60-second nap."
"Sounds good."
So, we closed our eyes.
Or at least, I pretended to before squinting one eye and opening both to look at him.
Tolliver's head was resting back against the couch.
He looked so peaceful.
I wondered what he would look like when I confessed my love. Would that peace fade away? Would he even be surprised? I thought I'd made it fairly obvious. But I'd had trouble admitting my feelings to myself, and now, I was having that same issue conveying them.
And he was right.
I was jumpy.
Every time Tolliver came close or his hand brushed mine, I startled. Each of his breaths that ghosted against my cheek made me visibly shiver. I couldn't say it, but my body was doing a brilliant job of telling Tolliver how I felt.
Why didn't anyone ever tell you how hard this was?
Once you figured out you'd fallen for someone, they always made it seem so easy.
But it wasn't.
Tolliver was still sitting there, looking too beautiful for words.
Slowly, his lips pulled up in a smile.
"I can feel you watching me," he murmured.
"You can?" I asked. "What's that like?"
"Feels good."
"I guess I'll just keep staring then."
"Ah, but then I might get the wrong idea."
"Which would be?"
Tolliver opened his eyes, capturing me effortlessly, making my breath catch too.
As his hand lifted to cup my cheek, caressing the skin there with a sweep of his thumb, I forgot to breathe altogether.
"Freya, I think I know why you're acting weird."
"Do you?" I said.
He nodded. "And it's okay. I don't mind."
It took me several seconds to process that.
"Wait, what do you mean?" I asked.
"Your feelings for him."
I blinked.
"I know my opinion doesn't really matter," Tolliver said with a smile, "especially when it comes to this. But you don't have to protect me. I want you to be happy—even if it's with him."
"Who are we talking about?" I said, completely at a loss.
"The drummer."
When I continued to stare, he lifted a brow.
"Ryker Cordova," he added, and I thought I saw his lips slightly curl on the name.
But when I blinked, he was back to being Tolliver again.
Nice, happy, carefree, yet those eyes were intense.
"You told me you had a secret crush. Now that you've met, I assume those feelings are even stronger. And I'm cool with it."
"You are?" I said.
"Yeah, of course."
Tolliver's eye twitched, and I tilted my head. "You don't look totally okay with it."
"Well, I am," he said smoothly.
"You know what?" I sat back and crossed my arms. "I think you're the one acting weird."
Tolliver's gaze narrowed.
"You hinted that you liked me, and now, you say you're good with me having feelings for another guy?"
I shook my head as he started to open his mouth.
"I call B.S."