Chapter 21 #2
"I don't care what you call it, Kent."
"That twitch proves you're a liar."
"You want honesty?" Tolliver said, leaning forward. "Okay, here it is."
I waited.
"First, I didn't hint that I like you—"
"But—"
"I told you point-blank."
My lips snapped shut.
"Second," he said, "I think I made it clear, several times, I wanted to be your boyfriend. Not fake, like you wanted, but real."
My breath hitched as he leaned closer.
"And third, I think you're very aware of how attracted I am to you."
Unconsciously, I licked my lips, and his eyes followed the movement.
"You are?" I breathed, feeling like the hopeful note in my voice, the way my body leaned toward his, revealed everything. Absolutely every emotion.
But when Tolliver met my eyes again, they were resigned.
"I'm trying to be the good guy here," he said roughly.
"I have no idea what that means."
"Well, you're not making it easy."
"Then be the bad guy." I stole a quick kiss, and he groaned quietly. "Come on, Tolliver. You're not making any sense."
"You should be free to follow your heart."
Isn't that what I'm doing?
He stood from the couch, leaving me to stare up at him. "I saw you with Ryker in the hall. Before that, you kept calling me your friend, so many times. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it. I knew from the beginning that you were into him, so as your friend, your true friend, I'm stepping aside."
"No, I—"
"I'll see you around, Freya."
And then he was gone.
* * *
"So, you just let him leave?" Hazel asked.
The rest of the writing group sat forward, waiting for my answer.
We were currently hanging out at The Fiery Heart, a coffee shop only minutes away from my house.
This was where the group usually met up to write.
Hazel liked it because of the atmosphere, but I loved it because the staff mostly left you alone.
I didn't want anyone else hearing our conversation.
"I mean, I didn't let him leave per se," I said.
She wasn't convinced.
"Okay, yes, I did. But I was in shock."
"It's days later. Have you seen him since?"
"No."
Lola hit me with a sympathetic look. "Is Tolliver ghosting you? Because that would suck."
"I don't think so," I said. "I got a text."
"Ooh," Ana leaned forward, "what did it say?"
"He told me he couldn't come over to read because he's sick."
"Huh. And you buy that?"
I glanced at the others.
"Sounds a little sketchy," Scotlyn said.
"More than a little," Hazel added, and I glared her way. "What? I'm just saying it's the middle of summer. Not a lot of people are getting sick right now."
"Plus, you had that awkward conversation. The timing is convenient."
The four of them nodded.
"Did he tell you what he has?" Lola asked, and when I shook my head, she shook hers too. "Sorry, Freya. But that sounds like ghosting to me."
"Or," Ana said, "he could actually be sick."
"Or"—Hazel raised a brow—"he could be avoiding her."
Scotlyn gestured to my phone. "Ask him if you can come see him, and see what he says."
I did and got a reply less than a minute later.
"It says," I read, "don't come. I don't want you to get sick."
"Well, that's pretty sweet," Lola said.
Ana nodded. "It is, and honestly, even if he is avoiding you, can you blame the guy? You basically broke his heart without saying a word."
The protest died on my lips. "Do you really think so?"
Their silence was deafening.
"Well, what should I do?"
Hazel hit me with a hard, no-nonsense stare. "Do you love that Ryker guy?"
I shrugged. "I guess. But it's like how you feel about one of your book characters."
"So the deepest kind of love."
I gaped as she gave a nod.
"Best to cut Tolliver loose then. There's no help for it."
"No, that's not what I meant." My lips twitched. "I used to think of Ryker as someone I could magically fall for, a fantasy kind of love. But now that we've met, I understand it was just that. A story I made up in my mind."
"Nothing wrong with those," Ana said.
"Agreed," Scotlyn said. "I would live in books if I could."
I shook my head at her. "You remind me so much of Lottie it's crazy."
"Anyway." Lola raised her brows then said, "Where does that leave Tolliver?"
"Here," I said, placing a hand on my chest, right over where my heart was beating. "I know it sounds cheesy. But he's so deeply embedded in here that I can't remember how it felt before he was there."
"You're right," Hazel said. "Totally cheesy."
Lola elbowed her, but she was smiling.
"I think I love him," I said. Then took another deep breath. "I love Tolliver."
"Well, then what are you doing here, talking about it with us?" Ana said.
"You should go tell him that," Scotlyn said. "Also, mind if I use some of this in my book?"
"Okay," I said, and she began typing on her laptop.
"Thanks. Oh, and good luck."
Lola gave me an encouraging smile. "Say it like you did just now. Don't overthink it."
"Yeah, no point in adding frills and fireworks," Hazel said. "Get straight to the point."
I lifted my chin. "And what if it turns out he is ghosting me?"
"Then at least you said it. You always regret the things you don't say more than the things you do."
Scotlyn glanced up again. "That's brilliant, Haze. Can I use it?"
As we laughed, I breathed deep and got my mind set.
Tolliver and I weren't done yet.
Not by a long shot.
And I was going to make sure he knew it.