37. Beau
37
Beau
C hristmas passed quietly this year and that’s A-okay by me, but damn if Peyton didn’t wear us down. Shep and I decided to ride together, thinking maybe the long drive would give us a chance to talk it out. But we’re mostly silent on the two-hour drive. I don’t think either of us knows where to start and I don’t really care to hear his side. I’m only going to the cabin so I can find out once and for all what he and Tess are. I knew how he felt about her after the fair but when he said he wasn’t going to pursue her, I took him at his word. They expect me to believe they’re just friends now? No way. I know intimately how alluring Tessa is and after having had a taste, I can’t see Shep giving her up that easily.
Peyton wanted to give us space, so she drove separately. Sure. More like she needs a getaway car. She’s always trying to fix everyone and I wouldn’t be surprised if we get up here only to find out she never left home. She’ll have some scheme, you can bet your ass.
We arrive before she does and immediately the familiarity of the place puts my nerves at ease. In a clearing, the house is situated with no neighbors for miles, except for the entrance road, hiking trails, and a lake a few hundred yards away. During the summers when we were kids, Mom and Dad brought us up here almost every weekend. We celebrated birthdays, championship wins, everything here. This place means a lot to us and when the long, gravel driveway comes into view, I trade my simmering anger for nostalgia. For once, I’m not struggling under a flood of jealousy whenever I glance at Shep. I have to give it to Peyton, she knew what she was doing. If any place can heal what’s going on between us, it’s the cabin.
I unload the bags and Shep and I settle in, going about our own separate agendas. Peyton said she’d be here before nightfall so after we’ve gotten the cabin in order, I get started making dinner. Pretty soon, honking lets us know she’s arrived.
When we head out the front door, I hear voices. Plural voices and one of them sounds an awful lot like a girl I’d rather not see. Sure enough, when I look down the stairs, I see Tessa’s dark hair blowing in the wind as she gets her bags out of the trunk. She continues her conversation with Peyton as I stand there, hands braced on the porch railing. Shep comes out of the house behind me and stops short when he sees her. Peyton shuts the trunk after Tessa gets her bags, but I don’t fail to notice that she doesn’t take anything from it herself. I smirk ruefully and that’s exactly when Tessa looks up and sees us standing stiffly on the porch in front of her.
“Dammit, Peyton,” Shep says under his breath beside me.
Tessa looks between us a few times. Finally, she looks at the cold, gray sky, as if there might be an escape plan there. “You said it was just going to be you and me, Pey.”
Our sister pops a hand on her hip. “It was. In the car.”
Letting some of my temper show, I tell her, “It’s not going to work.”
Shep, ever the mediator, reaches out and pats my shoulder. “Might not be such a bad thing to get us all under one roof.” He trots down the steps, taking Tessa’s bags from her like a perfect gentleman. This show of affection makes me grind my teeth, but I stay rooted in my spot.
Tessa points at Peyton with murder in her eyes. “I swear to God, you better sleep with one eye open.” She follows Shep towards the house.
“Actually…” And there it is. Peyton doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. Tessa’s head whips around and Peyton walks quickly towards the driver’s side door.
Tessa runs back down the steps, but the car’s engine purrs to life and there’s the distinct sound of the doors locking. Tessa yanks on the door handle, slams her hand against the window and shouts, “Pey! Stop!”
My sister turns the car around and rolls down a window as she drives away. “Figure your shit out,” she calls with a careless wave.
Tessa stands in the driveway looking after Peyton, defeated. When she turns to me, the green gaze that assesses me cooly is the same color as the pines around us. She gives me a brief glance, as if this is somehow my fault and she’s annoyed at me for even being here. Her eyes flit away and she addresses Shep. “Your sister’s a real bitch.” Then she’s striding towards me, up the stairs and into the house.
He slowly trudges after her and doesn’t spare me a glance.
What the actual fuck are we going to do now?
I should leave. It’s the smarter thing to do, I think while I hike towards the lake. While Shep showed Tessa to her room, I slipped away unnoticed. Frigid weather be damned, I’ve got to clear my head.
While Tessa has been looking for me, I doubt she wants to be cooped up in the same cabin for God knows how long with nowhere to go. Peyton dropping her off and forcing us to face up to our feelings was a horrible idea. At best, she’ll never forgive Peyton for manipulating her and at worst, I’ll never get the chance to see what she has to say anyway because I doubt she’ll talk to me under these conditions. I wouldn’t put it past her to dig in her heels and insist Shep take her home.
What’s even more uncomfortable is that I’m chafing at the fact that I don’t want to go. Now that she’s here, I want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with her. To just be near her again. Even after all this time apart, the hold she has over me is still just as strong. Seeing her standing in the driveway, close enough to touch, I suddenly wanted to be the one to take her bags. For her to be happy to see me. Fuck, just to have her sitting in my passenger seat again would be enough. Even though I know it’s going to be emotional torture, I’m ready.
I ignored her attempts to speak to me because it hurt too damn much to see the easy way she is with Shep and wish we still had that. Staying is idiotic, but maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe I always have been for wanting a girl that didn’t want me. Shep makes it glaringly obvious how little I know about Tessa anymore. I hate that he’s gotten so much more time with her. I hate that he’s had so many more Friday nights and lazy mornings. Thinking about how he’s probably gotten to know her body further stabs me like a knife to the ribs. Every advantage he has over me has me spiraling.
When I finally make it back, cranky and shivering with cold, the sun has gone down. At my entrance, Shep and Tessa’s heads pop up from where they’re sitting at the table in the kitchen, talking in low voices. Remains of the spaghetti I forgot about finishing when I made my hasty exit are in the sink. I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m not used to not knowing what to say so I take off my jacket and get to work washing dishes. They’re undoubtedly exchanging looks behind my back.
Shep clears his throat and says hesitantly, “If you’re hungry, there’s plenty left in the fridge.”
I nod my thanks without turning, not trusting myself with more.
There’s the scrape of a chair and Tessa’s soft voice comes to me next. “I take it this means you’re staying?”
I shrug. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“Beau, you always have a choice.”
She’s not reproachful, but it irritates me all the same. “Sounds like something I said to you once.” I turn around, leaning back against the sink and drying my soapy hands on a towel. I mean for the bite in my voice to make her at least uncomfortable, but if she is, she doesn’t show it. She just stares at me from across the small room, willing me to read her. Stubborn little thing. I focus on Shep instead. “What about you, you staying?”
They exchange a glance, which only pisses me off more. “Yes,” he says firmly.
“Why? You can’t bear to leave your girl or are you afraid of leaving her alone with me?”
My brother’s eyes have gone steely, more gunmetal than his normal navy. “She’s not my girl,” he says, but I detect a hint of regret.
“I can hold my own, thank you. Besides, you’re not going to hurt me.” Tessa leans back in her chair and crosses her arms, mirroring my closed-off stance.
“You’re right.” My gaze slides slowly over her. “You’re much better at hurting people than I am.” She flinches but doesn’t back down.
“That’s unfair,” Shep says, rising from his chair and bracing his hands on the table. “I’m not going to sit here and let you speak to her that way.”
Tessa reaches out and strokes the back of Shep’s arm with her thumb, setting my teeth on edge. I can see the beginnings of a fight simmering in her eyes and a jolt of electricity runs under my skin. A spark of excitement that promises what I’ve been waiting for.
“No, it’s okay. He has every right to be angry.” She stands beside him and levels me with a gentle, understanding look. “When you’re ready to talk, come find me. I’ll be here as long as it takes.”
And with that, she walks out of the kitchen and leaves us alone. Shep’s eyes trail her out of the room and he doesn’t look my way until we hear the sound of her bedroom door shutting.
“She wants to be here, okay? At least cut her some slack and hear what she has to say.”
“What’s your role here? You really didn’t know she was coming?”
He shakes his head wearily. “I’m just as clueless as you, little brother.”
I search his face, trying to spot the lie. I would never have second guessed him before Tessa. It used to be that he could tell me anything and I’d believe it. Now, all I feel is a twinge of bitterness that our relationship has changed so drastically.
He turns and walks into the living room. All the unused adrenaline I had ready for our argument, everything I had stored up to hurl at her drains away just as quickly as it came. I have to brace my hands against the sink to keep from being pulled under by the lonely, hollow feeling that’s left.
The next two days follow the same pattern. Tessa and I haven’t spoken more than a few words. A thank you when I handed her a cup of coffee in the morning, a goodnight as she’s walking up the stairs for bed. We can only be in the same room for short periods of time before I’m on edge and itchy with anticipation. A talk is coming, I know it, but I’m not looking forward to it. She insists on being amenable and I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know what she wants from me.
We all go about our business separately. Though it’s below freezing, we spend as much time outside as possible. She and Shep attempted to go fishing and have walked the trails around the house. While they’ve been gone, I’ve been busying myself with a list of repairs. Our use of the cabin tapered off as we got older and I don’t know the last time Mom and Dad were here. There’s so much to be done. I get the feeling the house is a little like me. Neglected and in need of some work. It needs life breathed back into it and so do I.
After dinner, Shep and I are watching a football game when Tessa comes to sit on the other end of the couch. While we have a conversation, she reads an old paperback from my mom’s stash. There’s a bookshelf in the corner full of books our moms left here at one time or another. Most have torn edges and some long-haired dude in a kilt on the cover, like the one in Tess’s hands. She’s probably read all of them a hundred times.
I want to ask her about it, just to have something to say. I have to do something. I can’t sit here any longer and not touch her. I’m barely hanging on. Even in this awkward state of indecision, the need to wrap my arms around her is so strong. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this go on. Even if it leads to a fight, I want her fire and there’s only one way I know to get it.
I reach across the couch and take her foot in my hand. She tenses and I stroke the top with my thumb, like I’m trying to calm a scared animal. She eyes me, but relaxes her leg, and lets me pull it into my lap. I don’t intend to give her a foot massage, just to touch her in some small way, but when she looks at me over the top of her book and smiles gently, the beauty of it breaks my heart. She looks so small, huddled up in the corner of the couch with a big t-shirt on and I want to draw her out. I want her sitting with me, on me, like old times.
As I continue to rub, she relaxes little by little and goes back to reading. When I get to the arch of her foot, I press my thumb hard against it because I remember how ticklish she is. Though I’d love to hear her laugh again, I think it might pop the bubble of this tentative truce we have. I look up to find her staring at me and I know she knows I remember. Even when I hated recalling all her tiny details, when the breakup was fresh and I was going out of my mind with longing, they’d come back. I knew things about her the same way I know things about myself. I’m glad I didn’t forget and I let her see it in my eyes.
When I motion for her other foot, she stretches all the way out. Her eyes go back to Romancing the Scotsman and I don’t even try to hide my smirk at the ridiculous picture on the cover. My hands make innocent passes around her ankles, up her smooth calves and back down, until Shep tells one of the players on TV how to run the ball.
He’s been lost in the game until now and I watch him note her feet in my lap. He stiffens slightly, but because it’s Shep, he doesn’t say anything. He chooses to ignore whatever this image makes him feel. He turns back to the game and Tessa allows me to continue rubbing and stroking. I get a little lost in the movements, her skin warming under my hands. I massage until I reach the sensitive underside of her knee and her eyes flick to my hands.
I hold her gaze and note how she breathes in slowly. Grasping the back of both knees, I pull her down on the couch until she’s lying back, head resting on the pillows. There’s apprehension in her eyes, but something else too. She turns to look at Shep hesitantly. He’s facing us again with a granite jaw and eyes full of warning. I wonder absently if he’ll tell me to stop, but even if he does, I won’t. Tess herself is going to have to tell me no. She’s going to have to use more than a few words to tell me she doesn’t want me. If she doesn’t want this, she’s going to have to tell me she doesn’t feel what I still feel for her. What I never stopped feeling for her.
I crawl up her body, letting my clothes push hers up as I go. Her baggy t-shirt gets caught around her breasts and I can tell she’s braless. The thought of such thin material separating my chest from all her heat makes my body flush with need. I don’t spare a glance for Shep, though I can feel the weight of his stare on the side of my face. When I lean down and take her lips, she gasps but lets me kiss her. Tess doesn’t join in at first, like she’s unsure of what she could get away with in this position, but she opens for me little by little. Wider each second.
Kissing her is like coming home. I’ve missed her so much it hurts to get reacquainted. We kiss and breathe and tease and make up. She’s panting when I pull back. We both look at Shep, sitting so still in the chair beside us. There’s a definite bulge in his pants and he’s got his hand resting across it. I couldn’t tell you if we caught him stroking himself over his sweats or if he’s trying to hide the evidence of watching Tess and I together. He’s staring at her with such possession that it makes me equally as guilty as it does jealous.
The thought of his possessing her used to eat at me, but I wonder if she's how we find our way back to each other. She was mine before she was ever his, but I can’t deny his feelings for her. They’re written all over his face. I have to concede that she’s his too, in everything but my heart. I nip at the corner of her mouth, stealing her attention back. I want as much of her as I can get and I’m not going to waste it on her staring at someone else.
Her boy shorts are bunched in the crease of her thighs and she squirms ever so slightly. I recognize that movement. I remember. She’s wet and needy and right about now, she wants them off. I decide to push my luck and grab hold of the waistband. I tug them down and she shifts to allow me to pull them just below the curve of her ass.
Shep is definitely moving his hand over himself now and I can’t blame him. His eyes on what I’m doing to her, what he’s letting me do to her, is more than arousing. I want to know his limits as much as I want to know hers. A better man would stop right now, wouldn’t go any further, but I have an idea and I have to know how far they’re willing to go to fix us. Will it be too much?
I stare down at Tess’s lower belly and hip bones where she holds onto the fabric of her shorts. She’s wary, but she wants this. I don’t fail to notice the way she’s breathing, the way her eyes have darkened. But just like I knew she would, she weighs it in her head, trying to decide if it’s the right choice for her. But I’m going to force her to decide this time. To wake up and start telling me what she wants.
My tongue finds the back of her hand and I kiss my way over it. Licking and biting her skin until she releases her hold and I’m able to slide her underwear down her legs. With my chest, I trap her legs and stare down at the view I’ve thought about so many times since she went away. The picture I’ve fucked my hand to too many times, desperate and dejected because it wasn’t really her around my cock.
Her breath stalls when my head lowers to the bare skin of her pussy. Another change. Her clit barely peeks out the way I’m holding her legs down and I love that she’s shielded from Shep’s view. He can’t see a thing at this angle and the savageness of that joy warms me. I kiss around it, licking the crease of her leg, her hips, anywhere but where she wants me. God, I forgot how much I love teasing Tess.
Shep’s breathing harder, I can hear him. I watch his face pale when I pull one of her legs from underneath me, bending and hooking it over my shoulder. I spread her a little wider. She squirms as I lick now, like she can’t decide if she wants to get away or move closer. The sounds she makes are fucking killing me. I’ve missed the sound of her as much as I’ve missed everything else.
I hear it behind me when Shep stands, but before he can decide whether or not to leave the room, I tilt my head. A silent invitation for him to come and watch. He looks left and right, always trying to make himself do the right thing , so I go back to the breathtaking view between Tessa’s legs. If he wants in, he’s going to have to be all in.
He looms over my shoulder and watches as I make a meal of his best friend. I lick her gorgeous, pink pussy faster, sucking on her clit harder just so she’ll make those dirty, needy noises some more. When I release her other leg, she immediately puts both feet on my shoulders, lost to sensation and spreading herself wide for both of us to admire.
Tess moves herself over my mouth, panting and sighing, and I lock my hands around her hips, keeping her from getting too far away from my tongue. Shep walks up to her head, where it rests on the arm of the couch. He caresses her cheek and she looks up at him while I feast on the sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted. When he presses his thumb into her mouth, I have to look away. I can't watch as she sucks greedily or I’ll come before I’ve ever even been inside her. And I intend to be inside her.
Shep drops to his knees beside her and kisses her hungrily. He’s got his hand in her hair and the other on her jaw, moving her where he wants her. Is this how it was with them? He commands and she follows? The thought enrages me and arouses me simultaneously. The image of her obeying, of my Tess, who never listens, doing what she’s told, lights my senses on fire. Filthy images of what I want to do to her fill my mind. I want to punish her as much as I want to love her. Leaving me behind was her most reckless move.
Tessa’s close. I can feel it in the way she rides my face. Shep stops kissing her and leans down until he’s watching from the pillow beside her. “Do you trust me?” he asks and I’m not sure who he’s speaking to. I stop and Tessa whimpers with need at the loss of contact. Her hesitation is clear, but something unspoken runs between them and after a few seconds, she nods her head. “Words, baby.”
“Yes,” she hisses softly. He stands and her eyes stray to his zipper where his cock strains. I put my lips back to hers, excited, but unsure how to handle this.
He pulls his shirt off and tosses it to the ground. They stare at each other as he unzips his pants, their connection palpable. When Shep pulls his dick out, I can’t watch. There’s no way I’m bowing out now, not after I started this, but I can’t help but feel a twinge of discomfort at seeing my brother want her as much as I do.
We’ve never shared a woman. Never had a reason to even like the same one at the same time. Before Tessa, Peyton was about as close as we’ve come to caring about the same girl. The problem is, we love this one. I’m man enough to admit I still love her. After she wrecked me, after she made me hate her, I still love her. And I’m willing to bet Shep loves her just as hard. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for him and sharing her now is the only way I can show him how much they both mean to me. Neither of us will stop this. Not being able to be inside her far outweighs the discomfort of having the other one of us here.
Her throat bobs as she swallows and she sits up on her elbows to be at a better height for him. Her shirt catches on her tight nipples and I can only see the kissably round underside of her breasts from my position between her legs.
Shep taps her cheek with the head of his cock and I’m not sure which emotion is worst, the insane jealousy knowing he’s about to put his hands on her or the sinful pleasure of seeing him do it. She opens her mouth and sticks her tongue out slightly. I almost come undone. And just like that, I’m back at a county fair and she’s sucking ice cream from a spoon. He sets it on the pillow of her tongue and she wraps her lips around it. She teases and strokes, taking a little more of it in her mouth each time she bobs her head. I’m done teasing. I lick her furiously. She’s warm and wet on my tongue and I’m going to get her there. I need to see her come more than I need air.
When I look up, there are so many things I see at once. Shep’s fingers toying with her nipple. Her eyes locked on me. His dick in her mouth. I think that’s it for me. I’ll never get over that image. It’s beautiful and raw and so fucking dirty I know we’re all going to hell for it, but it won’t ever be topped. The fire in her eyes is back and it sears itself into me like a brand.
Tess’s orgasm rips through her as Shep hits the back of her throat. I enjoy seeing him using her more than I probably should, but I can’t look away as she comes. Shep doesn’t give her much room as she shakes on my tongue and she gags as he hits her throat again. The sound is a straight shot to my dick. It’s aching with the need to feel her.
I run my lips back and forth along the line of her inner thigh as she comes down. Shep’s hands slide into her hair as he holds her to him.
“Tessa, baby,” he grits out. She bobs and he whispers, “Please,” begging her to let him come.
She moves her mouth hungrily up and down his shaft, her answer wordless. After a few more deep thrusts, he groans out his release, spilling down her throat. I’m so hard my cock is throbbing painfully underneath me. As soon as she swallows the last drop from his tip, I whip off my shirt and shove my pants down my legs. I scoop her up and pull her onto my lap. She’s mine and I won’t waste one more minute not inside her.