Wade
I knew that ignoring Ray for the last week made me a coward, but I needed the space and time to think about my next moves.
If I was going to get help, I needed to do it right, and I couldn’t just up and leave the ranch in the middle of training season.
Riders relied on me to help get them ready for some of the biggest events of their careers, and I couldn’t be dicking off into a treatment center, no matter how badly I needed to.
Ray refused to meet my eyes as she continued stroking Oakley’s forehead. It was clear that I’d hurt her in my sudden absence, but given the circumstances, I knew she’d forgive me.
“Looks like you’re mad at me, Sunshine,” I crooned, taking a step closer, my body only a couple of inches from pressing against hers.
I didn’t need to press my fingers to her pulse to know it was racing; I could see the thrumming of her heartbeat in the tender slope of her neck.
“What makes you think that?” she huffed.
I took a chance of catching her wrath and laid my hand on the dip of her waist. As if struck with a live wire, all the nerve endings of my body sang when I grazed my fingers over the little sliver of skin that peeked out between her crop top and jean shorts.
There was no doubt that this woman was made for me as she softened her resolve and melted into my touch. She responded so well to every little brush of my skin on hers, and after seeing how her body reacted to mine under the cover of darkness, I wanted to claim her in the afternoon light.
“Well, let’s see,” I whispered, inching my body closer to hers so that the lush roundness of her ass fit against my front. She didn’t hesitate to shift on her feet, brushing herself against my quickly hardening cock.
Stifling a groan, I splayed my hand on her belly, inching my index finger toward the hem of her tee and teasing it under the fabric, caressing the edge of her bra.
“You won’t look at me, but I don’t need your eyes to tell me how much you want me. Do I, Sunshine?” Coasting my lips across the shell of her ear, she let out a little whimper as she leaned more of her weight back, our bodies now flush.
“You might think you’re mad, but I bet if I stuck my hand down these sweet little shorts and ran my fingers through that pretty pussy, she’d be dripping for me.”
Her sharp intake of breath was all the confirmation I needed. She may have wanted to be mad at me for not being available, but she wouldn’t ever stay mad at me for long.
At the end of the day, even if we’d crossed the line into whatever weird territory this was, she was my best friend, and I knew every single facet of her like the back of my hand.
I brushed one of my hands up the front of her chest, using the other to hold her against me by her hip. I settled my fingers across her throat as I tipped her head back onto my shoulder.
I hoped to God that all the ranch hands kept themselves busy for another couple of minutes because if one of them walked in and saw the sight I was looking at right now, I’d carve out their eyes and feed them to the horses for looking at what was mine.
I ran my nose down the column of her throat, halting my lips right over her fluttering pulse. I placed a soft kiss on the sensitive spot, and she rewarded me with a soft moan.
My cock was aching behind my zipper, but it was broad daylight, and I wasn’t risking someone walking in while I was balls deep inside of her, no matter how hard I wanted to be.
“Sorry, Sunshine. You’ll just have to wait until later,” I said, releasing her quickly and taking a step back. With a sharp gasp, she turned around and pushed my chest with both of her hands.
“You—”
With a hearty chuckle, I stepped forward, pulling her body flush to mine. Her mouth was still primed to speak as I lowered my lips to hers, teasing her bottom lip for entrance.
She softened in my arms and matched me stroke for stroke as she wound her arms around my neck.
I backed her up against one of the pillars and nestled myself between her thighs. She moaned into my mouth as she ground against me, seeking friction to quell the ache I’d built, but I didn’t give her the satisfaction.
She’d have to wait until later, and how sweet it would be when I finally got my hands on her.
Breaking the kiss, I trailed soft kisses down her throat as she panted and writhed beneath me.
I was so close to giving in and bending her over in one of the empty horse stalls, but I had work that needed to get done by the end of the week, and I couldn’t let myself get distracted by the beautiful Latina currently grinding herself on my thigh.
“Later, baby. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
She huffed in annoyance as she toyed with the hair at the nape of my neck. She rested her head in the center of my chest, fighting to regain a normal breathing pattern, and I kissed her crown with tenderness.
“I hate you, Wade Daniels.”
“Sure, you do, Sunshine. Remember that later when my head’s between those pretty thighs making you scream my—”
A throat clearing behind us had our attention shooting toward the barn doors. We had been so lost in each other that we hadn’t heard them slide open.
Clearly, Pops was the world’s biggest cockblock as he stood, arms crossed, with a huge shit-eating grin plastered across his face. I’m sure he loved the sight of me and Ray together.
Our entire family had been rooting for the two of us to finally shit or get off the pot for as long as I can remember.
“As much as I’m sure Miss Cortez would love to hear you finish that sentence, your last trainee of the day just got here, and Sterling called,” he announced gruffly.
Pops sounded and acted like the weathered cowboy who couldn’t give a damn, but I’d never seen anyone with a bigger heart, except for Ma.
“Thanks, Pops, I’ll be out in a second.”
“If it only takes a second, son, you ain’t doin’ it right,” he called over his shoulder as he retreated from the barn. I groaned and rested my head on Ray’s as she chuckled. She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed the side of my neck gently.
“I’m sorry, baby. This week has been a lot, and I’ve been running myself ragged trying to get things lined up,” I said as I peered down at her. She smiled gently and cupped my cheek, her thumb coasting across my lips.
I nipped at the pad of her finger, and she yelped lightly and then laughed.
Making Ray smile and laugh was the best medicine for a tough week.
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
I didn’t want to jinx anything or talk myself out of my plan, but since it affected her just as much, I figured I needed to fill her in. I looked down at my watch, checking to make sure I had a little bit of time before my next session.
I had about twenty minutes to spare, and I could call Sterling back later, so I took a step back and reached out my hand to take hers.
“Walk with me?” I asked, a small smile kicking up one edge of my mouth.
“Anywhere,” she responded.
If there was ever a second of doubt between us, she could wash it away with a single word. I knew that no matter what happened, where I went, or what I did, Ray would selflessly put herself second to my happiness. Which is why I needed to put her first and do this for the both of us.
Walking past the stables and out to the far reaches of the main section of the ranch only took a couple of minutes.
We weren’t far enough away to avoid all the hustle and bustle of ranch activity, but there was a small outcropping of trees that could provide a little shade and a quiet place to talk.
Once we were under the shade of the large oak trees, I sat down, leaning my back against the time-weathered trunk. I spread my legs and patted the dirt in front of me for Ray to sit with her back against my chest.
Once she was settled, I wrapped my arms around her and nestled my chin on her shoulder.
“I’m going to be leaving for a little bit,” I said, choosing to just cut to the chase.
Neither Ray nor I ever minced words when it came to tough news, but we especially didn’t pussyfoot around when it came to each other’s feelings.
We were always open and honest with each other, even if we were closed off to everyone else.
“Okay…” she remarked hesitantly, waiting for me to continue.
There was something so calming about the way she didn’t press me for more information. She didn’t jump to conclusions or expect me to say something; she just gave me the space I needed to process the thoughts and emotions swirling around in my fucked-up mind.
“There’s a treatment facility in Ember Ridge that I’ve been looking into.” I pulled out the now barely decipherable business card from my back pocket and placed it in her palm.
She turned it over, squinting to read the information.
I didn’t need the card to recite every word that had once been printed there.
I’d turned it over time and time again, willing myself to reach out a hand like I so desperately wanted to, needing to grab hold of something to pull me from the depths of this darkness.
Ray threaded her fingers with mine as I continued. “It’s an inpatient treatment facility that specializes in trauma, addiction, and rehab. They have a dedicated treatment course that focuses on PTSD. It’s a thirty-day program, and they’re holding a spot for me.”
A heavy sigh crested my lips as I felt the weight of sharing this float off my shoulders.
Needing help and accepting it were two completely different beasts.
I knew I needed help but reaching out to ask for it had been excruciating.
It had taken me three hours, four hang-ups, and a shot of whiskey just to call and inquire about a space.
Originally, they hadn’t had an opening and were going to email me some other resources for places to look into, but they called back a couple of hours later and said if I could get there by week’s end, they’d hold a slot open for me. Hence why my week had already been so busy.
Pops was the first person I had let in on my plan of going to the treatment facility. He had clapped me on the shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you, son,” with a softness to his words I hadn’t heard before. That was as sentimental as I’d seen the man get in the years since Ma’s passing.
The second call I made was to Sterling Morgen, the buddy we had run into down at Jack’s the night Ray and I had stopped fighting our feelings.
Sterling was still circling the rodeo circuit but was slowing down to take on some more stable responsibilities at his own family’s ranch. He actually lived on the outskirts of Ember Ridge and was more than happy to help out after I’d explained the situation.
He’d grown up learning to rope and ride; his dad had been a big rodeo star back in his day. He knew what my training seminars entailed, how important they were to me, and how I ran them. After all, his dad had been the one to train me when I first expressed interest in roping.
Sterling was going to come and stay in one of the smaller empty bunkhouses and run my training sessions in my absence.
Pops said he would make all the calls to let the trainees know they would be having a substitute for a little bit, and if they wanted to reschedule their sessions until my return, he would take care of it.
The fact that everyone had pitched in to help filled me with warmth, but a niggling tendril of dread kept tugging at the back of my mind.
I hated putting them in a position of needing to step up.
Everyone had their own lives to attend to.
They didn’t need to be taking over mine, but I knew if I didn’t do this, I’d lose everything—more than I already had.
“I’m proud of you,” Ray whispered, bringing our still intertwined hands to her lips and pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles.
“I’m just trying to be the best man for you, and I can’t do that when I’m so broken.” The pain behind my words was evident, and Ray twisted around so that she straddled my thighs.
She took my face in her hands, and I could see my reflection in her hazel eyes. I looked worn down. If this was the man she saw daily, I don’t know why she stuck around at all.
“Do this for you, not for me. Get better for you because you deserve the best version of yourself. I’ll love you in any version, but will you love yourself if you don’t do this?”
I turned my head, pressing a kiss to her palm as I rested my head in her hands. Her touch was soft, but strong as she poured the strength and faith she held for the both of us into my body.
“I don’t deserve you,” I remarked softly.
“You do. I promise you, Wade Daniels, we deserve each other.”