Chapter Thirty-One
Lochlan
S he flits around in her sundress like a fairy through the grass, winning over the people I’ve grown up around my entire life.
All of the people who abandoned me after I was falsely accused.
She insisted that the Rollins County Fair was a good place to practice being a couple, but she doesn’t understand how easy it is to be infatuated with her.
She still thinks my reluctance to this engagement has anything to do with me when it’s entirely because of her.
She’s beautiful and brilliant.
She has a bright future ahead of her, and I’m terrified to ruin it for her.
My heart was screaming at me to kiss her, but my head knew how selfish it is to claim her lips when they aren’t truly mine to claim.
She deserves all of her firsts to be as special as she wants them to be.
I am in no way deserving of any of them.
“I heard some frat bros over there thirsting over your girl,” Hayes says as he plops down on the picnic bench next to me.
He’s eating a giant cheeseburger.
It’s the fourth thing I’ve seen him with since we got here .
“Yeah, well, I don’t blame them.” I don’t bother correcting him for calling her mine.
I know she isn’t mine, but I’ll damn sure protect her like she is.
“Who knew Lochlan Dane would get engaged? I hope I’m your best man.”
“Shut the fuck up, Jensen.” I only use his first name when he’s annoying me.
“This indifferent attitude is going to blow up in your face when she leaves.”
“I know.”
“Ah, there they go.” He nods his head toward the two guys wearing khaki shorts and V-neck T-shirts snaking through the crowd to get to Jo.
She’s standing with Curtis and Jordy, but unfortunately neither of them look like much competition to cocky college kids.
“Should I go over there?”
“Let’s see what happens,” he murmurs in amusement.
The two guys approach, easily earning a few smiles from the woman who has an endless supply.
It only takes a moment for me to see the corners droop slightly.
She’ll keep the appearance up because that’s what she’s been taught, but I can tell a real smile from a fake one.
I’ve studied them closely.
“Oh, look at that good fiancé,” he remarks when she lifts her left hand to show her engagement ring.
One of them nods his head at Curtis and Jordy, but she shakes her head no and turns to point at me.
They all look in my direction, and I meet their stares head-on.
Hayes waves with his fingers like the cheeky fucker he is.
Jo smiles.
That beautiful, beaming smile has me up and out of my seat in one second flat like a magnet pulling me in.
If she honors me with a look like that, then I’m taking full advantage.
By the time I get to her, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb have disappeared.
“They wanted to dance with me,” she explains.
There is a live band and an open grassy dance floor in front of the stage.
“And, you told them that the boogeyman was watching.”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“No, I told them my fiancé was right over there and I’d be dancing with him.”
“I don’t dance.”
“Oh, right.” She blinks away her disappointment quickly, but not quickly enough.
“But, I also don’t share, darlin’.” I grab her delicate wrist, pinning it to my chest.
“If you want to dance, it’ll be with me.”
“Okay,” she responds breathlessly, her blushed cheeks begging to be caressed.
Kissed.
I’m not much of a dancer, but I can get by without stepping on her feet.
A simple sway and one or two steps here and there are the extent of it.
It doesn’t matter, though, because all I care about is having her in my arms.
Getting to hold her on purpose without a definite time limit is a privilege.
“Thank you for humoring me,” she whispers sweetly, tilting her face up to look at me.
I can’t stop looking at her lips.
“I didn’t want any other fuckers trying to dance with you.”
“It was one guy and his friend. There’s not exactly a line of people waiting to cut in.”
“You’re right, they all dispersed the moment I claimed you.”
“You’re so funny,” she giggles in amusement, but I wasn’t joking in the slightest.
I tip her chin up to look at me again, and her breath catches in her throat.
“Darlin’, you’re sin in a sundress. Every man wants a piece of you, and I’m not exaggerating.”
She looks startled by my statement as if she has no idea of her effect on men.
“But, not you?” She asks suddenly, forcing me to spin her so I have a second to formulate my answer.
“Especially me,” I whisper into her ear after she spins back into my chest.
I shouldn’t, but I let my mouth linger, dragging my lips along her cheek.
We stop swaying, stop moving entirely, while she digests my answer.
Admitting how much I want her isn’t a part of our deal, but I can’t lie to her either, not with how unwanted she’s felt her entire life.
“Then why wouldn’t you kiss me?”
“Because your first kiss should mean something. It should be special, and I am not anything special.”
“I think you’re special.” The world moves around us, but we’re in our own bubble, her soft eyes gleaming at me with tenderness that I don’t want.
Because it makes me want it too much.
I don’t always get the chance to stand this close to her, to really see the intricate details of her face that I’ve appreciated from afar many times.
The exact curve of her cheek and jaw, her supple lips painted red.
There’s something special about seeing your infatuation right in front of your eyes.
“Lochlan Dane?” A voice speaks from behind me, and I want to punch whoever it is for interrupting this moment.
“Ah, yes. I thought that was you,” he says when I turn around.
Randall Porter .
“What can I do for you, Mayor?” I ask gruffly as Jo saddles up next to me.
I take full advantage of our scheme and pull her closer to my side.
“I was hoping to speak to you again regarding your property. I’ve heard that you’re entering a new stage in your life.” He gestures to Jo, which is odd since the news of our “engagement” is still mostly under wraps.
“I’m not interested in selling my property now or ever. No amount of discussion will change that.”
“Well, I’m sure your new bride will want a say. She is from an affluent family after all, and she’s used to a certain lifestyle.”
“Excuse me–” I’m about to add a colorful name to my sentence when Jo interrupts.
“I’ve never been happier than I am now, with Lochlan and at the sanctuary. Whoever your source is, let them know that bribing us with money is not going to solve anyone’s problem. Have a good day.” She dismisses him by turning away and walking back toward the table where the guys are sitting without a second glance.
That’s my girl.
Mayor Porter starts to say something else to me, but I silence him with a look, following Jo’s lead through the dense crowd.
We end up piling around our single picnic table listening to the band.
A couple of the guys keep taking turns going to the beer stand, and despite Jo’s refusal any time someone offers her a cup, she keeps stealing sips from mine.
I don’t mind.
Fake or not, I’m a selfish bastard, and I want her all to myself.
I like it when she brushes against me when she’s standing too close, and how she smiles at me first when she hears a song that she likes.
She leans into me where I’m standing against the wooden tabletop, lingering to avoid being bumped as someone walks by, and I drink it in.
When it happens again, I notice her tense, and it isn’t until I tip her chin to look at me that she relaxes.
“That guy brushed his fingers down my thigh,” she admits.
Now, I’m fucking agitated.
“Who?”
She hesitates, searching my eyes for my intentions, but when I cock my head, urging her to tell me, she relents.
“That guy in the white cut off.”
A few minutes later, the guy returns our way with a cup of beer in his teeth and one in his left hand, leaving his right hand free, using the crowd as a distraction to cop a feel on countless innocent women.
Just before he passes Jo again, I snatch his hand away before he can let it brush across her hip.
“Touch her again, or anyone else, and I’ll rip your fucking hand off.” The beer drops from his mouth and splatters all over the ground, but I don’t flinch, squeezing his wrist until I near his bones’ breaking points.
He nods frantically trying to get away so fast that he falls to his ass in the dirt as I let him go.
I fake a step forward like I might snatch him up again, and he scurries off.
“Scumbag,” I mumble to myself as I turn back toward our table.
Jo looks at me like she’s about to scold me.
Instead, I scoop her up under her arms and set her gently on the tabletop so she’s out of the way.
“Don’t,” I warn her, before she tells me I was being over the top.
“He deserved to get his ass whooped but there are children around. ”
Her eyes soften.
“Thank you,” she says gently, kissing my cheek.
Feeling her lips against my skin steals the breath from my lungs, but I’d choose another touch from her over oxygen.
I would jump off a cliff and swim through shark-infested waters for the opportunity to feel her lips against mine without repercussions.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I left a lipstick mark.” She moves to wipe it off, but I catch her wrist before she can.
“Don’t.”
She looks at me curiously, trying to read my face.
All it will tell her is how starved I am for her.
“Lochlan,” she utters as I watch my name form on her lips.
My desperation for her is clawing up my throat.
I could kiss her right now, and not a flicker of it would be fake.
I could take her first real kiss from her, and she might not regret it, not right away, but if there is even a seed of doubt, then I’d never forgive myself.
She tilts her head, leaning towards me, and giving me the consent that I’m dying for, but I hesitate, letting the buzz of the crowd around us filter in and force me to my senses.
I can’t kiss her.
Not here, in front of all of these people, not for the first time.
Not ever.
My head dips, cutting off the connection between us, and I watch the rejection sweep over her face.
“I’m ready to go home,” she utters flatly.
“I can take you,” I start, but she holds up a hand to stop me.
“Can someone take me home?” She asks the table.
The poor guys look caught in a trap, blinking back and forth between us.
I should argue and insist that I take her home, but I don’t.
Hayes looks at me with pity in his eyes because he knows all about the torture in my head.
I nod at him and step out of her bubble, letting her hop down off the table.
“Don’t worry, my birthday is in a month, so this charade won’t be a burden much longer.” She turns and walks away as I throw my keys to Hayes, letting her go.
* * *
I knock on Jo’s door for the third time, but she doesn’t answer.
I should leave her alone, but I can’t go to sleep knowing that she’s upset with me.
She feels rejected, and I don’t know how to make her understand that I’d choose her in every lifetime if I could.
It’s just not possible for her to choose me in this one.
I sink down onto the porch steps when I see Hayes leave the garage.
He usually stays up working on his bike even though it’s in impeccable condition.
He sees me and comes my way despite my lack of desire for company.
“What are you doing?”
“I wanted to talk to Jo, but she’s ignoring me.”
“I dropped her off an hour or so ago, she’s probably asleep.”
“I knocked.”
“You could just tell her the truth, you know? How you really feel…”
“Not happening.”
“It’s like the blind leading the blind,” he huffs, shaking his head .
“Yeah, and where’s your woman, Hayes? Take your own advice or leave me alone.” His eyes go cold, and I know I hit a nerve, but we’re good at kicking each other’s sore spots.
“This is ridiculous.” He storms over to Jo’s door and slams his palm against it.
“Jo, open the door or I’m coming in. Lochlan wants to tell you that he’s an idiot as if we don’t already know!” He yells as I stomp up behind him, but he flings the unlocked door open before I can stop him.
It’s dark, but she’s not inside.
Her bed is empty.
“Where the hell is she? Hayes, where is she?” I panic, running up my front steps and flinging my front door open, hoping that she’s on my couch.
It’s empty, too.
“Where is she?” I yell again, flood lights illuminate as some of the guys come out of the bunkhouse to investigate the commotion.
“Everybody split up, go look around the barns, maybe she’s wandering around,” Hayes orders.
“She’s not supposed to walk around the property without me. What if someone took her?”
My best friend, the man I’ve known for a decade, doesn’t have to say a word to answer my question.
His eyes tell me that he knows what will happen…
If someone took her, I’ll destroy lives to get her back.
Including my own.