First Impressions

Chapter Thirty-One

‘I think we’ll call it a day now. You’ve done enough,’ the physiotherapist told Eva.

‘But I want to carry on. I’m fine.’

‘No.’ The physio was firm. ‘If you overdo it on day one, you’ll chafe the skin too much, then you won’t be able to do anything for a while. A little bit each day will get you where you want to be.’

‘Okay,’ Eva said reluctantly. ‘If you say so.’

‘I do.’

Anna chipped in. ‘The footage is great and, besides, you want to give your readers something to look forward to. Little and often works for me.’

‘All right!’ Eva held her hands up in mock surrender. ‘I get the message.’

The sound of Anna’s phone ringing cut into their conversation. Anna looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. She still hadn’t returned any of Daniel’s calls — briefly she wondered if it was him ringing on someone else’s phone. She hesitated, wondering whether to answer, but decided to be brave. She’d have to face him sometime.

‘Hello, is that Miss Anna Wright?’ an unknown voice asked her.

‘Yes, that’s me,’ Anna said, frowning. ‘Who is this, please?’

‘I’m phoning from British Transport Police.’

‘British Transport Police?’ she repeated, even more confused. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand.’

Eva looked over, a surprised expression on her face.

‘I’m here with a Master Benjamin Redfern.’

‘Ben?’

‘Yes. He’s run away from home and he was coming to see you.’

‘What? Is he okay?’ she asked, horrified.

‘Yes, he’s fine. One of our train conductors spotted him on the London train alone, and flagged it up with us. We were there to meet him from the train.’

‘Oh, thank God! Does his dad know he’s safe?’

‘No. That’s the problem. He only wants to speak to you. Can you come to meet him?’

‘Of course. If you give me an address I’ll be there as soon as I can. And I’ll let his dad know.’

‘Thank you.’

‘What’s the matter?’ Eva asked when Anna ended the call.

‘It’s Ben, Daniel’s son. He’s run away from home and he’s at Euston with the transport police.’

‘Why would he do that?’

‘Daniel and I have split up.’

‘What?’

Anna sighed. ‘It’s a long story. I’ll tell you all about it, but right now I need to phone Daniel, then I need to get to Euston and speak to Ben.’

‘Of course. You get on.’

* * *

Daniel snatched up his phone as it started to ring, hoping it was Ben. His heart flipped a little when he saw it was Anna. He’d been longing for her to phone, but now he needed to concentrate on finding his son.

‘Anna, hi, I’m glad you called. But I’m sorry, now’s not a good time.’

‘I know. It’s Ben.’

‘Yes, we can’t find him. How did you know? Did he call you?’ He felt as though he was holding his breath. All he wanted was to be able to reach out and hug his son, to know that he was okay.

‘Not as such, no. But, first of all, he’s safe. He somehow managed to get on a train to London, but he was spotted by himself and the transport police picked him up at Euston. He’s refusing to speak to anyone but me.’

‘Oh, thank God!’ He smiled at Lucinda, who was frowning at him from across the kitchen table. He moved the phone away from his ear and told her, ‘Ben’s in London. He’s safe.’

For a moment her face lit up, then she frowned again. ‘What’s he doing in London?’

Daniel waved her question away and turned his attention back to Anna. ‘So have you spoken to him?’

‘Not yet. I’m on my way over now, but I thought I’d better let you know straight away that he’s safe.’

‘Thank you, Anna. Thank you so much.’ Daniel didn’t know how he felt about Ben not wanting to contact him, but the main thing was that he was safe, and soon he’d be with someone who loved him. ‘I’m on my way.’ He ended the call.

‘What’s Ben doing in London?’ Lucinda repeated.

‘I don’t know, but the only person he wants to speak to is Anna.’

‘Anna! That bloody woman!’

‘No!’ Daniel almost shouted at her. ‘I won’t have you bad-mouthing her. She knew nothing about this. And I think we’ve both underestimated how much Anna means to Ben.’

‘Because of you!’ Her voice rose. ‘Because you let her into your life.’

‘Yes, I did,’ Daniel said. ‘Because she is a good and kind woman, who I love very much. And because I was misguided enough to let you drive her away. If we want to apportion blame here, Lucinda, then we need to look at ourselves before we start blaming anyone else.’

‘I don’t think—’

‘I don’t care what you think. All I care about right now is Ben. So I’m driving down to London. You can either come with me and keep your opinions to yourself, or you can find your own way there, or even wait here until we come back.’

‘No, I’m coming. I’ll just get my coat.’

* * *

The train journey seemed to take ages, lumbering slowly towards each station. Sitting in an almost empty carriage, Anna willed it to go faster. All she wanted to do was get to Ben. To make sure he really was all right. She’d thought she was doing okay, that she’d be able to cut both Daniel and Ben out of her life. That she’d be able to take one day at a time and gradually become stronger. But at the news that Ben might have been in danger, and wondering what kind of hell Daniel was going through, had brought that house of cards crashing down. She desperately wanted to be with them, with both of them, and that would never change. The fact that Ben had run to her filled her with both horror — that she might be the cause of him running away — and a huge rush of love — that he’d turned to her for help. But most of all, she realised, this should never have happened in the first place. She should never have allowed Lucinda and her nasty friends to drive her away. What she felt for Daniel, and his son, was too strong. She had been a fool not to fight for it. Daniel hadn’t helped by the way he dealt with Lucinda, but she understood he had to tread carefully because of Ben. She still thought he should have backed her up more, but she did at least understand his motives. She wondered if now things could be different. Could a nine-year-old boy show them all the error of their ways? She certainly hoped so.

* * *

After what seemed like an interminable journey, Anna finally reached Euston Square and headed out towards the police station. She hurried as fast as she could, out of breath by the time she entered the station and headed for the desk.

‘Hi, I’m Anna Wright. I’m here for Ben Redfern — he’s nine years old and was on a train to Euston on his own.’

‘Yes, of course, just take a seat and I’ll phone through for someone to take you to him.’

She sat nervously, her legs shaking as she waited for what seemed like for ever. Eventually a middle-aged woman came through.

‘Anna Wright?’

‘Yes, that’s me.’ She stood up quickly. ‘How’s Ben?’

The woman smiled. ‘He’s fine. But, before I take you to him, I need to go through a few things first.’

‘Okay.’ Anna followed her to the desk, wishing they could get this bit over and done with as quickly as possible.

Anna showed her identification as requested, giving her personal details as the woman filled in a form.

‘So you’re Ben’s stepmother, are you?’ the woman asked, putting the form to one side.

‘Ah, no, I’m afraid Ben’s been a bit stretchy with the truth there. I was in a relationship with his father, but we’re not married.’

‘Was?’

‘Yes, we split up yesterday.’ The words stuck in her throat as she said them. It was still hard to believe that they weren’t together anymore. ‘Ben lives with his mother in Cheshire. Daniel, his dad, splits his time between London and Cheshire, and I live mainly here.’

‘Sounds complicated.’

Anna sighed. ‘Yes, it is.’

‘Well, unfortunately, that changes things. If you’re not his next of kin, or even his guardian, then I’m afraid I can’t release him to your care.’

‘No, I don’t expect you to. His dad’s on his way, but it’s going to take him several hours before he gets here. I just want to sit with Ben until he gets here. Ben did ask for me. By name.’

‘Yes, he did. But he said you were his stepmother and that’s clearly not the case.’

‘That is correct, but he’s a nine-year old boy, he must be very distressed to have tried to make this journey in the first place.’

The woman’s face softened slightly. ‘Why don’t you take a seat? I’ll have a word with my superiors and see what we can do.’

Anna sat down, her body feeling as though it was jittering with tension. All she wanted to do was to be with Ben. To hold him in her arms and tell him everything would be alright.

Finally the woman returned. ‘Well, I’ve spoken to my superiors, and although this is not normal protocol, in the absence of his next of kin, because of the time it will take for his father to get here, and because Benjamin asked for you specifically, we will allow you to sit with him until his father gets here. However, one of our officers will be present with you in the room at all times. Do you agree to that?’

‘Yes, of course I do,’ Anna said, relieved that she was finally going to be allowed to be with Ben.

* * *

‘Anna!’ Before she was even through the door, Ben jumped up from the chair he was sitting on and hurtled into her arms.

‘Oh, Ben!’ She clutched him to her. ‘Thank goodness you’re safe.’

‘I’m glad you’re here.’

‘I’m glad I am too. But, Ben, what were you thinking?’

He shook his head and she could see tears welling in his eyes. She realised she was being too heavy-handed.

‘I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. Take your time.’

‘Can I get any of you a drink?’ the woman from the desk asked as Ben pulled away from Anna.

‘I’d love a coffee,’ Anna said gratefully.

‘And perhaps some squash and biscuits for Ben?’ The woman looked to the officer who was already sitting with Ben. ‘Coffee? it might be a long wait.’

‘That would be good thanks.’ The officer took out his phone — an attempt to give some privacy while still being in the room.

‘I’m sorry,’ Ben said, hugging Anna once more, his words muffled by her jumper. ‘I’ve caused a lot of trouble.’

‘Come and sit down,’ she said, guiding him back to the sofa. ‘I’m sure you had your reasons.’

‘I did, but they seem a bit silly now.’

‘Never mind about that. The main thing is that you’re safe. I spoke to your dad and he was worried sick. I bet your mum was too.’

He nodded. ‘I know, but they were arguing. I hate it when they argue.’

‘That must be hard for you. But what made you get on a train here? It can’t just be because of an argument?’

‘They were arguing over you. Dad said it was all Mum’s fault, that she’d pushed you away. I heard them so I came downstairs. I asked Dad if you were coming back and he said no. I didn’t want to never see you again and I was cross with them for you not being there, so I thought I’d come and see you myself.’

‘Oh, Ben!’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘No, I’m sorry. I should have realised. I shouldn’t have gone without speaking to you myself. That was bad of me. I was upset and I didn’t think things through. See, we all make mistakes when we’re not thinking properly. You could have phoned me, though. You’ve got my number in your phone, haven’t you?’

He nodded. ‘Yes, but I didn’t know if you’d speak to me. I thought that if you were angry with Dad then you might be angry with me too.’

‘Oh, Ben!’ She reached out and hugged him. ‘It wasn’t about you, although I should have been more careful with your feelings.’

‘Did Mum really push you away? Did she hurt you?’

‘No, she didn’t push me like that! I . . .’ Anna paused, knowing she needed to phrase her words very carefully. ‘This might sound like a grown-up trying to brush things under the carpet, but sometimes relationships can get very complicated. Sometimes people do strange things because they’re afraid.’

‘Was Mum afraid I’d love you more than her?’

‘I don’t know about that,’ Anna said, shocked at how perceptive he was. ‘And that would never happen, because you’ll always love your mum the most.’

‘I do, but sometimes she can be a bit . . . I don’t know, I can’t talk to her like I can to you.’

‘That’s because I’m not your mum, so it might be easier to talk to me about some things. But I know that your mum loves you very much. And she does things because she wants it to be right for you and to keep you safe.’

‘Okay.’ He nodded. ‘I understand. I think.’

‘Good. Well, when I spoke to your dad, he was relieved to know that you were safe and sound. He said he was coming straight down here.’

Ben nodded. ‘Was he really mad at me?’

‘Not mad, no. I think he was just relieved. He might have a few words to say to you when he’s got over the shock, though. Because what you did was very dangerous. You should never do something like that without speaking to your parents.’

‘I know. I’m sorry about that. It’s just that things are very complicated with Mum and Dad and you.’

‘Oh, tell me about it. And if we find it complicated, you must find it even harder. It doesn’t help with us all living in separate places.’

‘Do you think you and Dad will get back together?’

‘I don’t know,’ Anna said, wishing she could wave a magic wand and make it all right for all of them. But in the absence of a magic wand, she added, ‘Whatever happens between me and your dad, I’ll always be there for you and you can ring me if ever you need someone to talk to.’

‘Okay.’

‘Now, you tell me something. How did you manage to get all the way to London with no one knowing?’

Ben smiled. ‘Well, I knew where the train station was, so I packed my bag and snuck out of the house before anyone else was up. And I walked to the station. It was a long way, but I was determined to get there.’

‘Wow, you certainly were determined. And what did you do for a train ticket?’

He blushed. ‘Mum has a train app on her phone. I know the code to her phone — she told me what it was before I had my own and I used to play games on it. And I . . .’ He faltered. ‘I booked a ticket on her app.’

‘Oh, Ben! You shouldn’t have done that.’

‘I know, and I know she’ll be angry. She’ll probably take my PlayStation off me for at least a month.’

‘And the rest!’ Anna laughed. ‘But honestly, that was not a good thing.’

‘I know and I’ll never do it again.’

‘Well, that’s something you need to talk to your mum and dad about. But I’m still curious — a young boy on a train alone is going to look odd. How did you even get on the train in the first place?’

‘I waited until there were people around and I tagged along with them, so it didn’t look like I was on my own.’

‘Mmm, very clever. But will you promise me one thing?’

‘What?’

‘In future, will you only use your cleverness for good things, not for bad?’

Ben grinned. ‘I promise.’

* * *

Daniel drove as fast as he could, his need to be with his son paramount. He couldn’t believe Ben had actually taken it on himself to travel to London. Alone. Without telling either of them. He was nine years old. Nine years. Anything could have happened to him! Daniel silently thanked the person who’d spotted him and delivered him safely to the transport police, rather than leaving him exposed to the dangers of the capital city. Daniel shuddered at the horror of the alternative. He had to stop thinking like this — Ben was safe and that was all that mattered. And he was with Anna. He almost gasped at that thought. Not only would he be seeing Ben soon, he would be seeing Anna too.

‘Are you okay?’ Lucinda asked. It was the first time she’d spoken since they’d got into the car.

‘I’m fine.’ He didn’t want to speak to her. She was just a passenger as far as he was concerned, and not a particularly welcome one. How would Anna feel when they arrived together? he wondered. Would she think that nothing had changed? He hoped he’d have a chance to speak to her alone, to explain to her how he felt, how he was desperate to make things work between them. He was even prepared to spend more time in London, maybe employ someone else to oversee the opening and running of the photography school. It would mean seeing less of Ben, of course, but somehow he’d just have to make it work. One thing the last few days had taught him was that he definitely didn’t want to live without her.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lucinda said into the silence.

‘What are you sorry for exactly?’ He wished he’d insisted she find her own way to London, or better yet stayed at home until he returned with Ben. But they’d only been focused on Ben when they’d left and he’d understood she would be as desperate to see their son as he was.

‘For everything really.’ Her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t catch her words.

‘What do you mean?’ He hoped this wasn’t another one of her games. Pretending to be contrite so that she could get back into his good books.

‘I’m sorry for being so nasty to Anna. I’m sorry for causing you two to break up. I didn’t realise how much she meant to you, or to Ben.’

She sounded genuine enough, as though she meant her words, but he didn’t know how to answer her. What could he say? That’s okay? Because it wasn’t okay. Her saying she was sorry wouldn’t bring Anna back. The damage had been done.

‘I was jealous,’ she said.

‘Of me?’

‘Of your relationship.’

‘You’ve got Axel. Why couldn’t you let me move on too?’

She sighed. ‘It’s different. Axel and I, well . . . it’s not really working. He’s like you, married to his job. He’s either on tour or recording, he’s not cut out for a ready-made family. Not yet anyway.’

‘Is that why you said you wanted us to try again?’

‘Yes. I was scared. I’m no good on my own.’

‘It would never work between us, you know?’

‘I do know. I suppose I always knew it. I was just clutching at straws really. I was jealous of what you and Anna had together. You seem so perfect, so much in love, and I wanted that too.’

‘And if you couldn’t have it, you decided that I couldn’t have it either.’ He clenched the steering wheel, trying to contain his anger towards her. Why couldn’t she have been happy for him?

‘Yes, but it wasn’t just that.’ She paused. ‘I was also jealous of her and Ben. I thought she might take him away from me.’

‘That would never happen! You’re Ben’s mum.’

‘But they got on so well together. And who was it he ran to?’

‘Because we were at loggerheads with each other. He ran to the only other person he felt he could trust. It’s not a competition. You’ve got to get over this, Lucinda. Start to have a bit of faith in yourself. So it didn’t work out between us, but you’re a brilliant mum and you need to trust in that.’

‘I haven’t always been a great mum, though, have I? Not at the start anyway.’

Daniel sighed. He’d lost count of the number of times they’d been through this before. ‘That wasn’t your fault. You were ill. You’ve got to stop beating yourself up about it.’

‘It’s not that easy.’

‘Then do something about it. Get some therapy.’

‘See a shrink, you mean?’

‘See a counsellor. If you’d broken your leg you’d go and see a doctor, wouldn’t you?’

‘Yes, but that’s different.’

‘It’s not different at all. There’s nothing wrong in reaching out for professional help. Not if it heals you.’

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘Good.’ He knew he was being tough with her, but treating her with kid gloves hadn’t done any good before. She needed to face facts. They all did. ‘Look, I’m sorry if that seems harsh, but I think it will help. You’re a good person — you just need to allow yourself to be that person. And while we’re talking about Anna, I can’t let you take all the blame. It was my fault too.’

‘How do you figure that?’

‘Because I didn’t stick up for her enough.’

‘From what I can see she did a pretty good job at sticking up for herself.’

‘But she shouldn’t have had to. It wasn’t working with us being so far apart, so she offered to move up to Cheshire to help me with the photography school. She was actually prepared to put her own dreams on hold so that I could fulfil mine. But then, after the way she was treated, she felt she couldn’t give up her life, her family and her friends to be in a place where she was made to feel so unwelcome. And in hindsight I wouldn’t have asked her to. It would have been too much of a sacrifice.’

‘Oh, God. Daniel, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to speak to her? Tell her I was wrong and I won’t behave like that again?’

‘Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think that will help. It’s probably too late now. And I’ll forever blame myself for that.’