Chapter Twenty-Three
Liv
All I really thought about was the man I imagined standing at the altar. The man who promised to be there for me.
That was the goal, and all I had to do was stick to the plan.
I loop the hanger over my head, letting the satin hang down the front of my body, and the pearl straps lay against my skin. The dress is light and drapes my curves when it’s on, leaving my back exposed nearly down to my tailbone.
It’s stunning. The pearl work is beautiful.
“That’s not your dress,” Thea says from my doorway.
She’s right, this is a dress you’d wear at an outdoor wedding, so the sun could kiss every inch of skin as you marry the person you love.
It isn’t the dress that I’m wearing to marry Elliot.
“I couldn’t help it. It was so perfect when I tried it on… I knew it didn’t match the wedding aesthetic, though.” I shrug. “I forgot it was in my dress bag.”
Thea scrunches her eyebrows but doesn’t question me. “It is beautiful. Her fingers glide down the silky satin. It looks like you.”
Her words nearly force a sob from my throat, but I choke it back as I take the dress off and hang it back in the closet. The correct hanger hangs heavy in my hand as I carry it over to the mirror.
Someone help me.
“Here she is,” I announce, pulling the dress from the hanger. It’s corseted at the top with long lace sleeves, and the billowing satin skirt starts at my hips and flows out to the ground. Perfect for an indoor wedding at the tail end of winter.
I hate the cold.
“It’s beautiful, too,” Thea voices, interrupting my thoughts. “Liv, are you sure…”
I don’t know exactly what she’s about to suggest, but I cut her off anyway. “How much time do we have?” I ask, fluffing the skirt absently.
“Does it matter?” Thea asks sternly. I look at her reflection in the mirror, and she’s looking at me with furrowed brows.
We’re in a fancy hotel with a small number of guests arriving any time now. My friends are sitting in the living room of this fancy penthouse, and my best friend is looking at me like she’s about to tell me I have cancer.
“What do you mean?” I ask breathlessly. Please, save me.
She tilts her head in that way that always convinces me that she can read my thoughts. “Do you even love him?”
My mind goes blank. None of the normal responses to that type of question even attempt to roll off my tongue.
“Liv,” she utters, seeing the battle warring on my face.
“I’m supposed to get married, Thea. This is ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous. I hardly recognize you right now, and I’m worried.” Thea knows me better than anyone, and I know I can’t look her in the eye and lie to her. Not only would she know right away, but I’d be a terrible friend for it.
“Things have been hard, lately,” I admit through a frog in my throat, and she nods in agreement.
“You can say that you don’t want this.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” She wraps her hand around my arm delicately, and the first tear rolls down my cheek.
My makeup is already done. I shouldn’t cry.
“If you want to marry Elliot and stand by his side for the rest of your life, then I’ll support you because I will always be here and I love you, but I think you know this doesn’t feel right.”
Another tear rolls down the other cheek, leaving a streak in its wake.
“Everyone is expecting me.”
“Your mom isn’t even here. Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
My mom was invited, but she disappeared on one of her retreats, and I haven’t heard from her in about two months. It isn’t odd for her, but it still stings regardless.
“Elliot is a good man.”
“He might be, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one for you.”
The one for me…
“This isn’t about Hayes.”
A small smile quirks her lips. “I never said it was.”
I drop the dress, letting it gather at my feet. “I don’t have to do this?”
“You don’t have to do this,” she confirms, squeezing my arm tenderly.
“But what do I do? What do I say?”
“Don’t worry about that.” She jogs over to the door in her heels and peeks out. “I need you both, now.”
Callie and Natalie rush through the door in their matching bridesmaids’ dresses that complement Thea’s maid-of-honor dress, expecting to see me in my wedding dress. Both of their faces fall when they see me standing in nothing but my bra, lace thong, and thigh-highs.
“What’s wrong?” Callie asks first, scanning my face.
“I can’t do this.” The words leave my mouth, and the weight of them finally crashes into me. My knees hit the carpet as I fall to the floor. “I can’t do this,” I cry, feeling multiple sets of arms wrap around me all at once.
“I’ll tell Nathan to get the cars.”
Their voices converse above my head, but I let go and let them take over as my body and mind fall apart in a pool of satin.
“Jackson and I will stay here and talk to the vendors.”
“I’ll pack her things.” Thea starts scurrying around the room.
“We need to tell the guests,” Callie’s statement stops Thea in her tracks.
“I’ll do it. I’ve always dreamed of having a chance to do something like this,” Natalie volunteers with a glint of mischief in her eyes. It eases some of the guilt burdening me and I exhale roughly, letting it out.
“Elliot,” I murmur his name. “I need to talk to Elliot.”
“I can tell him,” Thea offers. The woman who avoids men like the plague would tell my fiancé the wedding is off. I’m such a coward.
“No, I’ll do it.” I pull myself to my feet, and someone drapes a robe over my shoulders, helping me shrug it on. “Ask him to come to my room and make yourselves scarce. I can do it.”
Sympathetic looks blanket me for a moment before I shake them off. “I swear, I’m fine. Go get him.”
Thea nods, and they exit quietly, their support dissipating along with them, and my knees go weak again. I’m slumped on the floor, staring into the mirror that was supposed to reflect a beautiful bride today.
Instead, it shows a train wreck. Someone who wasted years of her life on a relationship that she knew wasn’t the right fit.
“You’re such an idiot,” I mutter to myself. “IDIOT!” I scream, ripping my pearl earrings out and beaming them at the mirror.
Streaks of tears stream down my face, and I stare at them until I see a monster.
A horrible person.
I am a monster.
A sob racks my body, and I double over onto my knees. So stupid…
I wish…
I wish Jensen was here.
Another sob heaves from my lungs.
I’m an evil person for wanting him here after I’ve been so cold towards him, but I know that a hug like the one from last weekend is the only thing that would make me feel better right now.
It could keep me together when my world is falling apart.
A knock raps at the door, and a startled huff escapes me. I scrub my palms across my cheeks, swiping at my tears, and stand up on shaky legs.
“Come in.”
Elliot enters the room wearing a dashing tux. I haven’t even seen what he’d be wearing until now. The final wedding details were tossed together by our wedding planner.
“What’s going on, Livvy?”
I shudder at the nickname. “I’m sorry, Elliot.”
His posture stiffens, and he sighs as he loosens his bow tie. “What is this?”
“What?”
“I gave you a luxurious life. Connections. My name means something. And you’re willing to throw it away?”
“I didn’t need those things. I made my own money. I’ve worked hard to get where I am.” I definitely never gave a shit about your name.
“Where? Some prosecutor in Hicksville? Renting some shack?”
My jaw goes slack at his callousness. “I told you why I wanted to be there.”
“Right, for your little friend. She has her own family, you know? She doesn’t need you like you think she does. You’re pathetic.”
“That’s enough,” Thea’s voice demands from across the room. “Liv, we’re going home.” She stares at Elliot with all of the strength in her sunshine-filled body, reminding me that I can be brave, too.
“For the record, I stomp past him, joining my best friend. I bought that shack months ago. That little cottage is more my home than your condo ever was. And, maybe if you learned how to please a woman, she’d actually want to come home to you.”
His jaw works back and forth as we get the hell out of that hotel room, but as soon as my feet hit the hallway, I hear him coming back for more.
“You’re a joke. You’d better hope that hole in the wall town still wants you because I’ll make sure your career is over. No one will hire you,” he spits his words, coming to a stop once he reaches the hallway.
I’m standing beside Thea with an army behind us. Natalie is on my left side with Jackson towering behind her.
Callie is beside Thea, holding baby Kate as Nathan and Jesse step forward, putting a wall between Elliot and me.
This might be a shitty day, but at least I’m not alone.
“I’m leaving now. Good luck, Elliot. I really do wish you the best.” I turn my back on him, strutting down this hallway as if I don’t have a care in the world, as my flimsy robe flutters around my thighs.
I might be losing a fiancé, but relief fills my body as every step takes me further away.
I’ve experienced loss. This feels like freedom.
“I’ve been fucking the wedding planner,” he yells pathetically down the hallway as I enter the elevators.
A puff of laughter escapes me. “Fuck you.”