36. Penny #2
Because of that, I knew I owed it to Kit to deny it. But I lacked all conviction as I mumbled, “I don’t?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Penwell.” Merrick remained large and overwhelming, bearing down on me with determination I couldn’t hope to match.
“I’ve known you too long.” He turned away, his cloak fanning around his legs.
“Honestly, I’m relieved. I couldn’t fathom why you stayed here, but it’s simple.
You think you’ve found someone who’ll have you. ”
He turned up his nose at Kit and me as a weight plummeted into my gut.
“He doesn’t fancy you, foolish boy,” Merrick sneered.
“He’s using you. Gods knew he needed something to convince Levitt to see past what an utter failure he was the last time he was here.
” He shook his head and chuckled darkly.
“As your brother, though, I feel I should say you needn’t be quite so desperate.
Even you could find a better match than him. ”
Anger surged anew, so prickly it made me itch.
When we were younger and he taunted me, I would tackle him, grab his knees and drag him to the ground.
I even bit him once. But I came away from those scuffles worse than I entered them, with a bloodied nose or a busted lip, or my insides bruised like they were now.
I wasn’t a child anymore, despite how determined Merrick seemed to be to treat me like one. I didn’t want Kit to see me as weak or in want of a savior. Or as lovelorn and hopelessly pining, but it may have been too late for that.
I flexed my muscles and fought off the memory of Tessa calling me scrawny as I shouted, “Kit’s a good man!”
Merrick once more pointed an accusatory finger at Kit.
“He’s a coward and a traitor, and he’s taking advantage of your ignorance and your”—his lip curled in disgust—“ desires to better his own standing. That farm you care so little about is all that matters to him. He has no use for you without it.”
Doubts piled up so high I thought they might bury me.
About my desires.
About being man enough to be here, to face down my brother, to care for my mother and sister.
About why Kit agreed to shoulder the burden of me into this dangerous place.
I swallowed them down along with a touch of nausea. “I already told you. I asked Kit to bring me here. It was my idea?—”
“Did he know about the farm before he agreed?” Merrick cut in.
“I…” A lump stuck in my throat, choking me. I glanced over and found Kit stricken.
When he saw me watching, he swallowed hard.
“I would have agreed regardless,” he said, splitting his focus between Merrick and me.
He turned fully toward me, almost pleading.
“You said you’d give me no peace otherwise, remember?
” A wistful look warred with the panic pulling at his features. “You had me suffering for a week.”
Of course I remembered. Questioning the townspeople in Forstford, spending all my money on a foolish errand, sleeping under eaves and on Kit’s porch to stay out of the rain. And I remembered when that all changed.
“You said no,” I recounted aloud. “Until the tavern. When I was drunk. And I told you…”
Kit shook his head. “Penny, he’s trying to turn us against each other. We discussed this. I promised—” He stopped himself so abruptly I thought he’d choked.
“Empty words,” Merrick declared. “You said whatever it took to get him here. A simple task since he’s so clearly taken with you. I imagine he’d follow you anywhere for the mere hope of your attention.”
The two of them exchanged narrow looks. Kit ground his teeth, always thinking more than he said. But I wished this once he would speak sharply. Tell Merrick he was wrong. About everything.
Instead, he spoke through gritted teeth. “If you’re quite finished, we have yet to begin our work for the day, and I would like to avoid further interruptions.” He spun toward me and reached for my arm. “Come on, Penny.”
I jerked away, fully flushed and hurt more deeply than I would let myself feel. Not here. Not now.
“He may be finished, but I’m not,” I snarled, surging toward my brother again.
“Since you were so ready to shut me up before, you didn’t hear what I chased you down to say.
If you want to spread lies, invade my privacy, insult me, go ahead.
Do your worst. You ran away from me, but I’m not running from you. You don’t scare me anymore.”
Despite my statement, tendrils of fear pulled on me as I turned and walked toward the city square.
I didn’t wait for Kit to catch up, or for Merrick to shout reply, or for my heart to stop thundering until I’d made it all the way back to the smithy.
Only there did my chest start heaving, supplying fresh air to replace the breath I’d held too long.
Kit was right behind me, windblown from his hurry. “Penny,” he said, shades of his earlier concern returning. “Penny, you know your brother is just trying to start trouble.”
I glanced across the shop’s interior, still in shambles after the rigorous search.
They’d mentioned the cottage as well, and the thought of the mess left there spurred me into motion once more.
I couldn’t face Kit right now, and I took the excuse to get out of there the moment the thought occurred to me.
“I’m going home to clean up. I’ll see you tonight.”
Again, I didn’t wait for him, and I didn’t look back to see if he showed even a shade of the pain I felt. Whether he did or didn’t, I couldn’t bear it either way.