Chapter 32
Vulcan
The wooden floorboards protest beneath the weight of my restless steps.
I can’t stand still. I fucked up. It’s not supposed to be like this.
I, Vulcan Montgomery, the man who prides himself on being able to handle explosive situations, is now scorched by the flame of regret.
I’m supposed to protect, to serve, to save.
Not inflict pain. Especially not to her.
I can hear her sobbing through the walls, and it’s breaking my fucking heart.
I never should have given her mother money—at least not without speaking to her first. I should have never butted into her family business in the first place, but at the time, all I could think was She’s going to be my wife.
And isn’t that what husbands are supposed to do?
Make sure their wives are taken care of?
A shuddering breath escapes me as I turn from the window and lean back against the wall, sliding down until I’m seated, knees drawn up.
I bury my face in my hands, trying to block out the sounds of her crying, but it’s futile.
It seeps into my very bones, a constant reminder of how I fucked it all up.
But she asked for space, and damn if I can’t at least give her that, even if it feels like I’m tearing my own heart out by staying away.
I can handle pain.
I just can’t handle her in pain.
The minutes seem to bleed into what feels like hours as I sit here. Every now and then, her whimpers and sniffles reach me. I need to do something, anything, to fix this. To make her pain go away.
I rise and make my way back to the bedroom.
My hand hovers over the door handle, trembling slightly.
The battle between respecting her wishes and my desperate need to make things right wages within me.
With a deep, steady breath, I rap my knuckle against the wood.
It’s been hours since I left her looking so small on the bed.
I need to know she’s okay… if we are okay.
“Karina?” Silence answers back. I lean my forehead against the cool wood. “I know you asked for space, and I’m trying. God, I’m trying. But if you need me, even just to sit with you, I’m here.”
Still no reply, but this time it feels different, like she’s right there on the other side contemplating whether to let me in or shut me out completely.
Minutes pass that feel like eternities until, finally, the sound of shuffling feet approaches from within.
The door opens a crack. There she stands, eyes red and swollen from crying.
Without thinking, I reach through to cup her cheek, but she flinches away.
I let my hand drop, feeling the weight of her rejection. This is not good.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you yet,” she says, her voice hoarse. “But I’m willing to listen.”
“That’s all I ask. Can I come in?”
She hesitates before stepping back, and as I cross the threshold, I feel like I’m entering a different world. One where everything we are hangs by a thread. She sits on the edge of our bed. I cautiously sit next to her, as if one wrong move might scare her away.
Her next words come out slowly. “I’m hurt because you didn’t trust me enough to discuss this with me. That you would go behind my back.”
I move from the bed to kneel in front of her, making sure not to touch her. Not until she touches me first. “I know. And I’m so sorry, Karina. It was stupid and insensitive of me. I thought I was protecting you. I thought…”
“You thought you were being my hero. My protector. I know.”
“Yes.”
Karina sighs deeply and leans forward, her elbows resting on her knees. Her eyes meet mine. “I don’t need a hero. I need a husband. My husband. Someone who stands beside me, not in front of me. And I don’t know…”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I’ve been so caught up in trying to protect her that I’ve forgotten to respect her resilience. Would she want to draw the line between us? Go back to what we were when it was all legal documents and signatures in ink?
“Do you want to take a step back? Do you want to end things?”
Karina’s eyes widen, a flicker of panic crossing her face. “No, no. That’s not what I want at all.”
Relief floods through me, but I hold my breath, waiting for her to continue. It seems like a but is going to follow.
She reaches out, her fingers lightly brushing my cheek. “I love you. That hasn’t changed, Vulcan. I don’t want to end what we have. I’m just asking for… transparency. For us to be equals.”
I lean into her touch, craving her warmth after hours of distance. “I want that too. More than anything.”
Karina slides off the bed, joining me on the floor. We’re face-to-face now, our knees touching. “I’m going to meet with my mother when we get back to the city.”
“Do you need me to go with you?” I ask, then mentally cringe. The last thing she probably wants is for me to go with her.
“I think you’ve done enough. I can handle it from here.
” She smiles, and I can already sense the shift between us.
She probably doesn’t know she’s doing it, but she’s pulling away from me.
It’s subtle, but it’s there. A cold realization washes over me.
My actions have truly hurt her, perhaps more deeply than I had feared.
I am always trying to be the fixer, yet here I am now, potentially breaking the most precious thing in my life.
“Karina,” I start. “I’m going to go—”
“You don’t have to leave.” She places a hand on my forearm, stopping me from standing up.
“I’m going to go for a walk.”
“In this weather?”
“I’m only going to walk around the cabin. If you need me, shout out the window. I won’t be too far.” I pat her hand as I stand up.
She nods, but it’s clear from the furrow in her brow that she’s overthinking.
“I just need to reflect. I don’t want you to think that you are to blame for anything. My actions are what caused you pain, and I need to—”
“Vulcan, you don’t need to be hard on yourself. I don’t want you to do that. Will you always be this way when we get into an argument or have a disagreement?” she questions.
“I won’t make the same mistake twice. You can believe me on that, if nothing else.”
“You don’t have to be perfect. Just be my husband.” Her gaze softens. “When it comes to my family, I want us to discuss it openly. But in the end, I will have the final say.”
I take a deep breath. “I know,” I admit. “I’ll be back soon.”
“All right,” she allows. “Just don’t go too far. It’s getting dark.”
I’ve been walking for nearly an hour and still feel like shit.
Will I ever do something behind Karina’s back again?
Hell fucking no. Just the thought of her leaving me for what I did has me fucked up.
I shove my hands deep into my pockets; I should have brought my gloves.
The crunch of snow beneath my boots is the only sound breaking the stillness of the forest. My breath comes out in puffs of white vapor, dissipating into the darkening sky.
I come to a small clearing and pause, looking up at the stars starting to peek through the twilight.
“I won’t lose her,” I mutter to myself. “I can’t.”
The thought of life without her is unbearable.
She’s my anchor, my home. Now I have to prove to her that our love is stronger than my mistakes.
I know she told me not to be hard on myself, but I fear I’m going to lose her.
She doesn’t like confrontation, so what if she’s just telling me what she thinks I want to hear, then turns around and asks for a divorce?
No, don’t think that way. Have faith and trust your wife.
I head back to the cabin once I can no longer feel my fingers. As I approach, I see Karina standing by the window, looking for me. I push open the door, my boots leaving prints on the wooden floor. She turns, and our eyes lock in a silent conversation. “Cold enough out there?” she murmurs.
“Just a bit,” I manage, my teeth chattering. I pull my layers off before moving closer to her, gauging her reaction with each step. Will she let me touch her?
She steps closer, her hand reaching out to touch my arm, instantly thawing my skin. “You’re freezing.”
She leads me toward the fireplace, and I go willingly.
As we sit, I let out a sigh, watching the flames dance and flicker. It eases the chill but not the unease that knots in my stomach.
Karina seems to read my mind, or perhaps she feels it too, because she shifts to face me. “Talk to me,” she whispers. “Whatever conclusion you reached out there, I want to hear it.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Are you going to shut me out now?”
“Never,” I say. “I’m terrified of losing you, Karina. That’s what I realized out there. The thought of you not being in my life… It’s unthinkable.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she says. “I’ve never doubted your intentions. But you lied to me, and you need to know that is something I don’t want for our marriage. Lying is one thing I won’t tolerate.”
“I know I’ve messed up.” I take her hands in mine. “But I want to fix it.”
“You have done so much for me over the last year. Things you didn’t have to do.
I don’t want you to change who you are,” she continues.
“In a way, you helped me see that my mother never truly cared for me. It’s still just a bitter pill to swallow, especially since you’ve been holding this in for over a year now.
But believe me when I tell you: I love you, Vulcan, and nothing can change that. ”
And it’s everything I needed to hear. I just hope I can make her see I’m worthy.