Noah
IT WAS MUCH the same routine over the next week of the tour. During the day, Nicholas belonged to Valoria. He met with its citizens as we traveled across the country, shaking hands, talking at length with mayors, and giving speeches that encouraged pride in our country.
But late at night, when everyone had gone to sleep, it was me that got the king’s personal, private attention…in his bed.
Every time I slipped out of my room and into his, I felt the fear of our getting caught. Every time his eyes found mine across the crowd and lingered too long, I knew we were risking too much and it couldn’t possibly last.
But I couldn’t stop.
It was too easy to believe the version of us that existed behind locked doors was the real one.
Where I wasn’t a footman and he wasn’t a king.
Where we could call each other by our names and not the titles we were forced to use, where I could make him laugh even after a heavy day, and he would touch me in ways that made my body ache with need for him.
We could be unguarded in that handful of hours, sleeping in each other’s arms until early morning came and I’d have to slip back to my room before everyone else woke up.
Then it was back to “Mr. Bennett” and “Your Majesty,” schedules, and being surrounded by a nonstop stream of people for the rest of the day.
I carried those stolen hours together with me throughout the day, thinking of the peaceful way he looked while he slept, all the tension gone from his face. How he whispered my name and held me like he’d never let go.
It was too much to hope for that no one besides his stone-faced security detail would notice.
As the second week of the tour began, I began to notice small things—like the looks I’d get from Gilbert, his private secretary, when he exited Nicholas’s car after the first leg of a trip only to see me waiting next to Baxter after being summoned.
Then at one of the lavish homes we’d stayed at, two maids whispered in a corner but stopped completely when I passed before starting up again.
I told myself I was imagining it, that those looks didn’t add up to anything, but I wasn’t stupid.
There were only so many times a footman could be invited into a king’s private car before people started wondering why.
Especially when there were others much higher on the list that should be with him.
His equerry, any one of the aides, Gilbert, and probably twenty other people whose job it was to take care of Nicholas’s needs.
Instead, he called for me.
I kept waiting for Baxter to pull me aside and remind me of my position. But so far, the older man had kept silent, a choice I knew had little to do with me, but everything to do with the king’s wants—and right now, he wanted me.
I wasn’t going to complain about that. Even if I knew it couldn’t last.
“Have you ever been to Valoria’s military base?” Nicholas asked with genuine curiosity as he sat across from me staring out the window.
We would be coming up to the main entrance of the kingdom’s first line of defense any minute now, and I had to admit I was excited to see it.
I knew there was a museum just off to the side of the base where the public could go inside and learn all about the first soldiers of Valoria—some probably directly related to Nicholas—but my family had never had the money to leave our village and visit.
“No. I’ve never had the opportunity.”
Nicholas turned to look at me. “Then today is just that.”
“What’s that?”
“The opportunity.”
He said it with such conviction that I hated to deny him.
But there was no way I was about to leave this car today.
This stop was to be quick, but would be broadcast across every news channel available.
The king’s first visit to the military base to meet with his troops.
He was to present medals and greet service members. I was going to stay out of the way.
“I don’t think so. I have some work to catch up on, and—”
“Are you defying me, Mr. Bennett?”
I could tell by his tone he was only half jesting, but when my lips pulled into a serious line and I responded, “Yes, sir. I am,” his smile fell.
“Why?”
If the matter weren’t such a serious one, I might’ve teased him for his almost childlike response. But this was serious, and I needed him to understand why I must stay behind for this visit.
“There are too many eyes on me. The rest of the staff are wondering why I’m in this car, they’re no doubt talking about it behind closed doors—”
“I’ll order them not to.”
My lips twitched, because I could see him doing just that.
“It’s not that simple. And visits to the local market and university are completely different to today’s stop.
I don’t belong there.” Nicholas opened his mouth, and I held up a hand.
“At least not by your side. Valoria needs to see you greeting your servicemen and women with strength and pride. They need to see the king, the man I see every time I look at you, and today I need to fall back and let them have you.”
Nicholas’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded and reached for my hand. “Thank you.”
“There’s nothing to thank me for.”
His eyes filled with deep emotion as they searched my face, and my breath got caught in the back of my throat.
“You don’t see it, do you?”
I shook my head.
“Your love of Valoria.” He brought my hand up to cradle his cheek.
“You see the people and land in a way that has completely opened my eyes. For so long I looked at this role, this title, as a burden. But this past week with you, I’ve seen Valoria in a whole new light.
You make me want to be a better person, a better king for them. ”
My eyes welled as I stared at his earnest expression, but just as I was about to reply, the car drew to a stop, and we both looked out the window to see his security checking the surroundings.
“I don’t want the staff talking about you,” he said as he turned back to face me.
“There’s no way to stop it.”
He took in a breath and let it out. “Do you want to end this? Would that be easier?”
The smart thing to do would be to say yes, end whatever this was between us now, before it went any further. Before I fell even harder. But the word wouldn’t come. Instead, I reached for his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.
“Nothing about this is easy. But that would be the hardest thing of all.”
He nodded as I let go of his hand. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know.”
He didn’t assure me that he wouldn’t, or that this situation wouldn’t—he wasn’t a liar, and we both knew the truth. Instead, he sat with a conflicted look on his face, and I could tell he was running our conversation over in his head.
When his security finally came back to the car and stood in place, signaling all was safe, Nicholas took a deep breath and tapped on the window.
“I’ll be back soon.”
I gave a small smile and reached for his hand, not willing to let him leave like this. “Take as long as they need.”
He nodded, the door opened, our hands fell away, and he was gone.
I watched from behind the tinted glass as Nicholas—no, the King of Valoria—walked up the red carpet on the tarmac and headed toward the main hangar. Then I ordered myself to look away.
Let him go, I told myself. You have to let him go.
I wasn’t sure if I was talking about this moment here and now, or the one I knew would eventually come.
But as I dragged my eyes from the broad shoulders and sure stride of the man I was falling for, I reminded myself that that was foolish.
If we were anyone but who we were, and where we were, then yes, we could love one another openly, freely. But we weren’t anyone else.
He was the king, and I was his footman.
And at some point those two facts were going to be our undoing.
Maybe it would be smart to end things now, make a clean break. But every time I tried to imagine going back to the way we were, everything inside me twisted into a dark knot of despair.
The heartache was already a guarantee, a foregone conclusion. But I wasn’t going to be the one to end it. Not here and now. Not when his words were still running through my head.
“You make me want to be a better person, a better king for them.”
I couldn’t do it.
That might make me weak, and it would most definitely make this hurt all the more. But until then, I would enjoy these days with the king and memorize the nights with Nicholas, and to hell with any prying eyes and loose-lipped gossips.
I would deal with the consequences of my actions when the time came.