Nicholas
ALDERMERE ESTATE WAS quieter than Montclair.
That was exactly why my mother had preferred coming here and my father had hated it. He always needed to be surrounded by noise, people, staying busy, while she enjoyed riding horses around the vast property that had been in the royal family for centuries.
It was our summer house, and our stop for the evening before we joined Alejandro for the tour tomorrow on the Solterra side of the Valoria/Solterra border.
I’d be forced to stand beside the man the country expected me to marry, while Noah would be somewhere in the background, carrying trays or my personal items and forced to watch.
I’d managed to put it all out of my mind for as long as possible, but the day was looming now, and I knew it would change things.
Tonight was all I had.
So I ordered enough dinner for two. No one questioned it, because who questioned the king? If I wanted extra bread, two bowls of stew, and an entire pot of tea sent up to my private balcony after claiming exhaustion for the night, then that was what I’d get.
There was a knock on the door just after eight, and I gave myself one last quick look in the mirror before answering.
“Come in.”
Noah stepped inside, my dry cleaning on a hanger in one hand and my tablet under his arm.
“Your Majesty, I have your outfit for tomorrow, and Gilbert asked that this be placed on your desk for the morning.”
“Thank you.”
He was still in full work mode, a switch we’d both been able to flip on and off when we needed to, though I couldn’t stop myself from admiring him as he placed my suit in the closet. He always caught me, though, just like now, and he winked at me as he crossed over to place the tablet on the desk.
Then his eyes went to the open balcony doors and the small table, complete with white candles in the center.
“Eating outside tonight, sir?” he said, smiling at me. “It’s a nice night for it.”
“Yes, it is.” I put my hands in the pockets of my slacks, drawing Noah’s eyes. “And yes, we are.”
His brows knitted together as he took in the casual outfit I wore—well, casual for me, considering I lived in a suit—and then looked back out at the table. “I don’t understand.”
I moved to the table and pulled out one of the chairs. “Join me. Please.”
His lips parted in surprise. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“No one knows I ordered for two, they just think I ordered too much.”
“Ah. So you’re ravenous this evening.”
“Extremely.” I nodded toward the chair. “So please, share this meal with me, Noah.”
The look he gave me told me he wanted to do just that, but he glanced back at the door.
“Tomorrow we won’t get a chance to see each other alone,” I said. “And I would like to spend as much time with you tonight as I can.”
He held my gaze and, after a long moment, exhaled.
“All right.”
My relief was immense, and I held the chair for him as he sat, though it looked like it took everything in him to let me. But I wanted this, for us to be on the same level, just Noah and Nicholas.
I lifted the cloche from his plate, then mine, and set them aside.
When I took the seat across from him, he was still watching me.
“What?” I asked.
“I… I’m not used to being served.” He shook his head. “I feel like I should be placing a serviette in your lap, not mine.”
“Well, if you want to touch my lap, you can,” I teased. “I won’t stop you.”
He gave a small smile as I offered him the bread bowl. He took one off the top and set it beside the warm bowl of mutton stew that was a favorite of my family during our visits, even though it was usually a winter dish.
“Is this all right? It’s lamb,” I said when he dipped his spoon into the bowl and stirred it around.
“Oh, I know.” He took a deep inhale and closed his eyes briefly. “I could smell it being prepared.” Then he brought a spoonful up to his mouth and I watched, waiting to see what he’d think. Noah didn’t disappoint, moaning as he swallowed. “Even better than I imagined.”
That made me smile…even as I felt a flicker of sadness that he was surrounded every day by the incredible food prepared by the best chefs in the country, but never got to partake.
It wasn’t right. Noah deserved so much more, in every aspect of his life, and it was a glaring reminder of how different the worlds we’d been raised in were.
“I’m glad you like it,” I said, tearing off a piece of bread and dipping it in the stew. “It was my parents’ favorite whenever we’d visit.”
“Do you come here a lot?”
“Not as much as I used to. When my mother passed, we just…” I trailed off as I looked out over the acres of land sprawled out around us, the sun setting behind the bounty of trees.
“She loved it here. She said Montclair was where the crown lived, but Aldermere was where she wanted to raise a family.”
“What was she like?”
I’d heard my mother’s name many times on this trip, so many people remembering her as the queen, but no one ever talked about the woman I knew. The mother, the wife, gone far too soon.
Of course Noah would be different.
I reached for the bottle of wine, realizing I’d left our glasses empty, and poured some of the red.
“Oh, I shouldn’t,” he said.
“Why? You don’t like wine?”
“I’m on duty.”
“No.” I shook my head and settled back into my seat. “You’re at dinner, with me.” He inclined his head as I picked my glass up to take a sip, thinking over my words before finally saying, “Mum was the heart of the family.”
Noah remained silent, allowing me the time to remember the way her smile would warm my heart. The way her voice made everything better, and the way a hug from her made me feel safer than anything else.
Losing her at such a young age had been unbearable. The heartbreak was something I never thought I’d recover from, and even now, all these years later, my heart still ached whenever someone told me I resembled her or that she’d be proud of the man I’d become.
I’d like to think that was true. I just wasn’t sure it was.
“My father, he was a cold man. My mother was the warmth. When she died, so did the happiness at Montclair. The palace became a shell of itself, in a way.”
“You weren’t close with your father?”
“I was close to him, but only in proximity.” I took another sip and offered a thin smile. “He was too busy molding me to love me.”
Noah placed his glass on the table and leaned forward, offering his hand. “I’m sorry.”
I slipped mine into his, drawing comfort from his touch. “Don’t be. I’m aware of how lucky our family is. How privileged. A lot of people lose their parents.”
“But most get to grieve for them in private.”
“That’s true. But I can hardly begrudge the kingdom for mourning the loss of their king and queen.”
“Maybe not. But I can begrudge the tradition that says it has to be so soon. The family deserves a moment of peace.”
“Not when the family belongs to the people.” I gave a soft smile. “But thank you. It’s nice to think of her, to be able to talk about her. She would’ve loved you.”
Noah grinned as he moved back to his seat and picked up his spoon. “I have a confession to make.”
I took a bite of stew and raised a brow. “And what might that be?”
“I used to think your mother was the most beautiful person in the world. All that dark, flowing hair and her stunning blue eyes…”
His words weren’t all that shocking—many had written of my mum’s beauty and fashion sense. But the soft emotion that swirled in Noah’s eyes made something in my chest tighten.
“But now I know I was wrong. You’re the most beautiful person, Nicholas Valemont, and she would be extremely proud of the man you are today. The man you have become.”
Noah’s face blurred slightly as my eyes misted over, his words finding their way to my heart and warming it. Not many knew the real me; I didn’t allow them that close. But Noah was chipping away at every single wall I’d ever built.
“I like to think so. She always said that when everything feels hopeless, close your eyes and remember. Remember what makes you the happiest, what makes you smile. Remember that feeling of joy.” I smiled at the thought.
“Memories make you dream again, help you imagine someplace better. So talking about her, remembering the way she used to laugh whenever she got to ride her horse bareback across the fields here… It energizes me. It heals something in me, and so do you.”
I hadn’t meant for things to get so heavy between us. I’d wanted this to be a romantic dinner where we could enjoy one another, and suddenly it felt as though I was laying all my burdens down on him.
“You’ve shown me so much this past week,” Noah said, so softly I almost missed it.
“You said I showed you the people of your kingdom, but you showed me Valoria. I’ve lived my whole life in small spaces, in a house by the sea or a room under some stairs.
But this past week I got to see a side of Valoria that’s vibrant, vast, and full of possibilities. Even for someone like me.”
I opened my mouth to dispute that, but Noah smiled.
“I don’t say that for your pity or sympathy, but as a fact. And if memories that make us smile are what make us dream, then I’m going to dream big. And that’s because of you. Thank you, Nicholas. For everything.”
The sentiment was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking, because the two of us knew that both of our dreams—no matter how hard we fought for them—would never be.
We were destined to be just a memory—but one we’d make sure was so full of joy that we could look back on it and dream of a happier tomorrow.
If that were even possible.