69. Chapter Sixty-Nine
After catching a connecting flight and loading our bags into the hire car that Kit organized for us, I can’t help but feel excited. In just about ten minutes, I will finally get to see Alex.
Throughout the plane ride home, Xander has been unusually quiet. I”ve tried to get him to open up about how he”s feeling, but it feels like he”s locked his emotions away. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with him.
I haven’t informed my mother that I’m coming back today. There is no way I can face another lecture about how I’m making the biggest mistake by letting Xander back into my life. I’ve reached a point where her negativity has become unbearable to me. We are a family, and nothing in this world will ever take that from us.
“What does it feel like to be back in your hometown?” I ask Xander as we turn onto the street where we both spent our childhood years.
“It”s kinda weird, honestly. I never expected to come back, but here I am, returning for the second time in just ten weeks.”
As we pull up to the curb, Xander parks the vehicle out the front of my mother’s house. I can’t help but notice that his eyes are locked on the house two doors down, its lawns overgrown and its windows covered with boards. Without saying a word, he turns off the engine.
”It”s even more run-down than I remember,” he observes.
“Is that the reason you’ve been so quiet? Is it because of coming back here and having to relive everything?”
His eyes meet mine and I see his expression change.
“What if I fuck it up? What if I have no clue how to be a dad to Alex?” he says.
I can see he”s struggling just by the way he swallows, his throat tight and tense.
“You won’t, Xander,” I reassure him.
“Poppy, you don”t know that. I’m fucked up.”
“But I know you. I know you love that little boy with every ounce of your being. I’ve seen it.”
“I’m completely clueless about how to be a dad.”
”I didn”t know how to be a mom either until I became one,” I say, gripping his hand. “I”ve seen how you two hit it off every time you interact. It”s clear how much you love him. That’s all that matters. I understand it”s scary. I was terrified at the idea of having a child as well. But you can do it. You”ll get through it, and each day it gets easier. Xander, there’s no way you could ever mess this up. Trust me.”
“You always have a way of doing that. You always see the best in me,” he says, gently brushing my hair away from my face. “That’s one of the things I adore about you, Princess.” Leaning closer, he presses his lips against mine.
As he reaches for the door handle, he lets out a shaky breath. “Alright, let’s do this,” he says, opening the car door.
The moment I step out of the vehicle, Xander is right by my side, hands tucked in his pockets, gazing at my mother’s house. I can’t help but wonder if he’s reminiscing about all those moments we shared - the meals we enjoyed together while indulging in our favorite show.
He opens the front gate and holds it open for me to walk through. Just as we are about to reach the steps leading up to the front porch, the front door swings open, and there’s my mother. Without uttering a word, she closes the door behind her. The second she turns around, her eyes lock on Xander. Her intense glare means trouble is coming.
“What is he doing here?” she spits, her scornful words cut through the air. She stares defiantly at Xander, her eyes piercing through his soul.
“Well, hello to you too, Mother,” I say, sarcastically.
Standing firmly on the top step, my mother peers down at us, her gaze filled with intimidation, asserting her authority and making it clear that Xander is not welcome here. I wonder if she used the same tactics on the day he returned all those years ago, that morning when he attempted to approach her.
“I want you off this property immediately, or I’ll call the cops,” she says to Xander, still refusing to acknowledge my presence.
“Mom!“ I shout, desperate for her to stop this behavior right now.
Xander is my future, and she needs to accept that we”re a family now. I haven”t had a chance to let her know that Xander didn”t know about Alex, because I want to talk to her first about what she”s done and how it”s impacted my life. If I go into all the specifics, I”ll completely lose it with her, and I don”t wanna risk that, especially if Alex can hear us. That”s why I think we should discuss this in private.
”It”s all good,” Xander says, turning to me and planting a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll wait by the car.”
“But-”
“Don’t worry, Princess. Just come back out when you”re ready to go.” He gives my hand a comforting squeeze, then he walks down the path and exits through the gate.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I can’t believe my mother could treat Xander that way. I move forward up the steps, passing my mother. Her habit of demeaning him, and disregarding his importance, infuriates me more than anything. It wouldn’t kill her to treat him with some respect.
She follows me into the house, complaining all the way.
“Why is he here? Has he pulled the wool over your eyes again? I thought you were smarter than that after what happened last time.“
I stop and face her. She”s so close, I almost hit her. “You’re the reason he left last time?” I spit, my anger making my words loud and forceful. “Why didn”t you tell me he came back that morning?” She stays silent, but the look on her face says it all. “Oh yeah, I know all about that and the nasty things you said to him.”
All of a sudden, the back door screen bangs shut, and tiny footsteps echo through the house.
“Mommy! Mommy!“ Alex sprints ahead and jumps into my embrace, tightly wrapping his small arms around my neck and drawing me near. As his cheek presses against mine, I can feel the coarse texture of sand sticking to his damp skin. Leaning back, a broad smile spreads across his face, and I can’t help but be reminded of Xander by the striking resemblance.
He then looks around the room. “Did Daddy come too?” he asks, his voice filled with hope. It”s baffling how my mother can still have a problem with Xander being here, even after witnessing moments like this.
“He’s out the front,” I tell him.
Alex wriggles free from my arms. As soon as his feet touch the floor, he bolts towards the front door.
“Don’t go onto the road!” I shout before he bolts through the front door. When I hear the screen door slam, I turn back to face my mother. I’m ready now to have the conversation I’ve been longing for ever since I found out Xander had returned that morning.
“I can’t believe you lied to me. All these years, you made me think I didn’t matter to him. But the truth is, he came back here that morning to tell you how he felt about me. He was even planning to ask me to go with him when he left.”
“Oh my god, I can’t believe this. So, if you meant something to him, where has he been all these years?”
I don’t appreciate her harsh tone, so I respond in a similar manner. “He didn’t know about Alex.”
“Oh, don’t be so foolish. I never raised you to be that way.”
“There is no way you could ever understand what we have,” I spit, turning and making my way down the hall to grabAlex’s things so we can get out of here.
My mother follows, but I have no clue where Alex has been sleeping. So I head straight to my room.
“You’re making a huge mistake!” She shouts, behind me.
“No, the biggest mistake I made was listening to you and letting you fuck up my life.”
“And what happens when he leaves you again? I won”t be there this time.”
“You were never there for me, anyway.”
Opening my bedroom door, I see Alex”s bag on my bed. His neatly folded clothes sit on the dresser next to it.
“You”re constantly pointing the finger at me for everything that”s gone wrong.”
I suddenly stop and face her head-on. “That’s because you”re the one to blame for most of the things, especially this. Every time I don’t go along with what you want, you get all mad and start telling me what to do. I thought distance would fix things, but it just made me realize that nothing will ever change between us.”
I make my way over to the dresser, collecting Alex’s clothes and neatly packing them into his bag.
“Just so you know, Alex and I are leaving. Xander invited us to move in with him, and I’ve accepted his offer.” I don’t know why I’m even bothering to tell her that. Maybe to make her believe that she’s mistaken about Xander and he wants both of us.
“You’d be a fool to do that. He’ll only break your heart again, and not just yours, but the heart of that little boy who already idolizes him.”
I pause packing Alex”s clothes and give her a quick look. “You can either be happy for us and accept my decision, or you can choose to stay here and be upset about your life, not knowing your grandson.”
As I quickly grab Alex’s shoes from the floor, I glance back up to find my mother standing there arms crossed tightly over her chest, her lips pressed together in a display of anger.
“I want you in our lives, but it’s difficult hearing you criticize the one I love. Please, just accept my decision and be involved in our lives.” I stand there, desperately hoping she understands my desire for her to be a part of both my and Alex’s life, and how grateful I am for the time she has been spending with him recently. I want us to keep our relationship going, free from judgment, just like a mother and daughter should be. “What do you say? Do you think we can put everything behind us and make a fresh start of it?”
“Are you staying with him?” my mother asks.
“Yes, Mom, I am staying with Xander. I love him. I always have.”
Upon hearing my response, she moves towards the door. Just as she’s about to walk out of the room, she turns to look back at me. “When he breaks your heart again, don’t expect me to be here for you or Alex.”
Her words sliced through my heart, leaving a sharp, lingering ache of rejection from someone who is supposed to love me. Sitting at the edge of the bed, I am left speechless, my mind racing to process her words. It’s hard to believe that she would simply walk away from us like that, especially after forming a close bond with Alex. I could feel her becoming colder and more distant over the years, but I never imagined she would become so heartless.
Rising from the bed, I grab Alex’s bag and exit the room. With a determined effort to hold back tears, I make my way towards the kitchen, hoping to find my mother. To my disappointment, she is nowhere to be found. Feeling a wave of sadness wash over me, I pick up the opal necklace, a heartfelt gift I had purchased for her in Australia, along with a thank-you card where I expressed my deepest gratitude for her kindness in looking after Alex. Placing them on the kitchen counter, I can’t help but feel a tightness in my chest, as if carrying a burden that grows heavier with each step towards the door. The dam finally breaks, and tears cascade down my cheeks.