Chapter 21
“Hey, that’s my girl. The doctor’s coming to talk to us at any moment.” Zee clasped her hand in his and Ella shifted, trying to ignore the flare of pain in her shoulder.
The noise of the hallway and the hum of the lights and the beep of the machines all bombarded her senses.
His touch calmed the racing thoughts in her mind and kept her grounded through the beeping of the machines.
Throughout the night, she tossed and turned, woken by routine checks and the memories that crept into her mind.
Eventually, Zee climbed in next to her in the hospital bed and she settled in his arms, until he spoke.
“I love you. I’m sorry.” And he kept saying that and she knew he meant it but it didn’t ease her pain.
Ella knew how worried he was and hated that she’d done something to cause him pain, even if it wasn’t entirely her own fault.
She tried to straighten up, and he slid an arm under her.
“Ella, I can’t believe Nico…”
“I don’t want to hear his name,” Ella said through clenched teeth.
A quick bolt of anger rolled through her and she pushed it down.
She didn’t get angry.
Not usually.
But now it was like that foreign emotion seeped into her every pore and wanted to get out but she wouldn’t hurt Zee further.
“Okay dear heart.” Zee brushed a soft kiss at her temple. The gesture made her sigh involuntarily, though he was getting on her nerves
That was an irrational thought and she sat up, just to move and reached for her cup of water.
Zee already had it in his hand and brought it to her lips.
But she must have slept, because the light filtering in from the windows had grown brighter.
“I want to get out of here.”
“I know but it might be better to keep you an extra night. We don’t have the results of those drug tests yet.” Zee spun on his heel, pacing the other way.
Ella bit her lip, felt how dry it was and wanted to scoff at herself.
When she was growing up on the farm and working outside with her father, her dry lips never bothered her then. But that was her old, old self.
This self, right here in a hospital bed, was used to being pampered and spoiled.
Even in the daylight, her anxiety wouldn’t ease as her mind replayed the moment Nico yanked from the garden.
The smell of his van floorboards and then when he got her in that house, threw her in that room.
A cry ripped from her throat, but she choked back the sob and she tried to shake it off.
“Ella?” Zee rushed over to her. “Dear heart, I’m here.”
“I should have gotten away.” She choked out the words. “I shouldn’t have let him take me.”
But when he tossed her in that room, she couldn’t move even though she tried to.
Eventually she forced herself up, through the fog that coated her thoughts but she didn’t know how long she had been held there.
Exploring the room, with her hand on the wall, she noticed empty cans of pain and building materials.
Across the room, against a board of plywood, she spotted a large rock.
Pushing herself to move, she grabbed the rock and waited.
While she waited, she forced herself to stretch to move, to push through, even though sleep wanted to claim her, to pull her under.
Awhile later she heard footsteps.
Nico’s voice, shouting at someone.
And finally, she heard footsteps outside the door.
Ella knelt bowed her head, arms locked behind her back, every muscle stretched to its limit.
She wasn’t strong, but she thought of her daughters.
Of Madison getting on a plane on a whim to follow her dream and how Annie got past her fears of performing in public the way her mom never could and chased her dream, both of them like their father.
She wasn’t as strong as them and had long been okay with it, but she channeled their strength, the edge of the rock cutting into her hand. The door creaked open.
She lunged herself across at Nico, the tip of the rock pointed out and she stabbed him, dragged it across his face and kept going.
He tried to push her away, but her first strike landed on his cheek, blood pouring from the cut, making him scream and stumble
Ella unleashed all her pent up angst and fury and past hurts and anger at him and didn’t stop until she heard the commotion outside.
Nico must have heard it because he charged past her but she stood there shouting.
Until she was in Zee’s arms, safe.
“Ella, don’t blame yourself. Ever. Do you hear me?” The command in his tone snapped her back to the present moment.
“Yes, Sir.”
She squeezed his hand and bit her lip, her gaze locking with the hollow look in Zee’s eyes
He blamed himself, she knew that and the weight of that twisted in her gut.
The door opened and the doctor rushed in, scanning the chart.
“Good morning, Ella, how are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been thrown around and shaken up. But I’m okay, I want to get out of here.”
“Your vitals look—“
“She should stay another night for observation,” Zee said.
The doctor raised an eyebrow over the rims of her glasses.
“Mr. Ridell, I was speaking to your wife.”
“Sorry doctor.” Zee rubbed a hand over his face.
“As I was saying, your vitals are stable and your labs are clean. There’s no sign of lingering toxicity.
Your liver and kidney function are all normal.
Physically, you need plenty of fluids and rest. I’d like you to follow up with your physician in a week so we can review the final toxicology report once the full results come in.
I strongly recommend making sure you have emotional support in place, whether that’s family, friends, or even a counselor. ”
“She has all the support she needs,” Zee snapped out the words.
“I do have lots of support,” Ella agreed. “So, I can leave?”
“Yes, you are free to go.”
“I want her to stay. She was thrown in a van,” Zee said stonily.
“I understand your concern but medically there is no reason to keep her. Ella, I think you’ll be most comfortable at home.”
Home.
She didn’t want to go home where her beloved garden was, and the thought of being there made her throat tighten with panic.
“I want to leave.” Her voice shook a little and the heavy look Zee gave her made her shift in bed.
“I’ll put through your discharge orders, and the nurse will be in shortly. Physically you are doing well but don’t underestimate what you’ve been through.”
“Okay, thank you doctor.”
“I’ll take care of her.” Zee strode to her beside and laced his fingers through hers, his touch heavy and familiar.
“I can see that, take care Ella,” The doctor said, as she left the room.
Ella scratched at the tape on her IV line, contemplating ripping it out herself.
“Easy,” Zee pulled her hand away gently. “I can’t wait to get you home where I can keep you safe. But let’s wait for the nurse.”
Her chest felt so heavy, like she had an elephant sitting on it and anger bubbled up, making her skin warm.
“I can’t go home, Zee. Not in that garden. I close my eyes and I’m back on the ground, and I—” She broke off, shame flooding her.
“I should have fought harder. I should have—”
“You stop that right now, Ella,” Zee slid a hand under her hair, cupping the nape of her neck. “This was not your fault. I could never have predicted that my former teammate would do something like this, and I should have listened to you when you said he made you uncomfortable.”
Zee’s eyes grew glassy, and he lifted her hand to his mouth. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”
“But you should have been!” She knew the words were unfair, but she couldn’t hold them back. “I need to get out of here.”
“Ella, you’re going to be okay.”
Her heart raced, her hands were sweaty, she felt like she was going to explode with anger.
A knock came on the door before it opened and a nurse whisked in with a bright smile.
“All right, Mrs. Riddell, the doctor’s put everything through so I just need to go over your instructions with you.” She read from the screen.
“No driving for twenty-four hours. Get lots of rest, keep your fluids up. Don’t hesitate to come back if you have dizziness, or nausea.”
“Thanks,” Ella said.
The nurse moved to the IV line, taping gauze over the tiny puncture once it was out.
“There we go. All finished. Is your husband going to take you home?”
“Yes and I’ll never let her go again.”
“He’s one of those, eh?” The nurse smiled at Ella.
“Yes, lucky me.”
“You can go now,” the nurse said, smiling.
Ella swung her feet to the floor and brushed by Zee, her heart thudding.
She needed out.
“Ella, take it easy. Slow down.” Zee grabbed her shoulder but she shook off his touch.
“I want to go.”
“I know, I’m going to get you home dear heart.”
“I mean now, Zee.” She said over her shoulder, passing an orderly pushing a patient in a wheelchair in the hallway.
The pounding of her heart propelled her to the exit where she found a bench by the entrance and sat and put her head in her hands.
“Ella.” Zee touched her back, and she flinched.
She bit her tongue, not wanting to cry.
“I’m not going home, Zee.”
“Yes, you are.” His tone was firm and low.
“I need space.”
“Space from what? Me?” Zee shot to his feet and spun away from her.
This isn’t what she meant.
She didn’t want to upset him.
Logically she knew that he couldn’t have done anything.
She knew this was out of his control.
“Zee…” When he didn’t turn around, her heart broke.
“Master, please…”
He turned, his eyes filled with sorrow and knelt on the ground, grasping her hands.
“Tell me what you need.”
Oh, how she hated that question.
But not paying attention to what she needed had gone on for far too long.
Ella didn’t consider herself a people pleaser, she stood her ground when she had to but the truth was, she loved taking care of other people and put herself at the bottom of the list in order to do that.
What would have happened if she told him not to take the job?
Or that she needed a change of scenery?
“I don’t know what I want, Zee. Something different.” She squeezed his fingers, hating how his eyes were clouded with hurt.
“I love our life, at least I’m sure I do, but maybe I want something different.”